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PostPosted: Thu Jan 17, 2013 9:48 pm 
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Romeo every time I went to reply to hopesprings thread about chapelle my phone dies before it posts. Oh my god that video was hilarious.

Have you read any of the other things the guy from "missing missy" wrote? I laughed my ass off all day long. The one where he has all the complaints from his co-worker Simon, LMFAO!!!!

Oh my god I'm pretty sure my co workers think I'm nuts sitting there in tears looking at my phone.

Well onto the boring stuff

Day 13, 14, 15 and almost 16! Wow! I've been getting on average 4 hours of consistent sleep. I'm always able to fall back asleep as well for another 2-3 hours. These were actually my last 3 days at my job. I've found another better job inside the company and I'm making the move on Tuesday. I also get a 4 day weekend as a little reward to myself for beating this crap! Well the worst of this crap anyhow, Haha. The days are starting to feel shorter again. Especially when I'm home with the wife. Time flys by again, I'm not living in this evil zombie twilight anymore. I've received 5 inbox messages over these past three days. People in similar situations and a few with addictions not even Suboxone related. Absolutely love the out reach. I love hearing your personal stories and sharing mine as well, motivation can happen anywhere. Capitalizing on it and also helping my own recovery is a blessing. If any of you who've reached out via inbox are reading, thank you. I appreciate everything.

I've noticed lately my ability to become frustrated is much higher than previously. Something I potentially didn't notice suboxone was limiting as well. Something I feel I need to keep an eye on. The counting to 10 and deep breathing seems to help. I'm not digging this, it feels extreme. It's always about stupid shit and I've made my wife feel bad once or twice for it. Blah. Everyday It's some new bullshit with this.

On day 15 my recovery got really tested for the first time. Digging around my car trying to find hand sanitiser because my wifes 14 year old little brother with the flu decided to touch my baby boys hand with his flu invested dirty fingers as I was leaving there house on my way home for work. Well I found the sanitizer I also found a half of a suboxone I had no idea about under my car seat. Good news, absolutely no craving. No urge to take it. I actually smiled and threw it out the window while driving home.

Andrew 1, suboxone 4,500,543 I'm catching up though!

I'm quite excited about the future. Nearly all my depression has lifted, I've got enough time in my company to take medical leave whenever and spend 4 months ( Paidddd, fuck you government! ) with my son. I can't wait. Stay at home dad life for awhile. Probably get back into my original, original doc, video games!

I feel optimistic still. I don't feel I've quite beat everything yet, but the majority of the physical problems are gone. It's still hard to actually fall asleep, but I can stay asleep enough to not feel shitty.

I've found using lotion on my skin before bed has helped with RLS symptoms that still nag. I guess feeling -something- on my arms makes my brain not use its hocus pocus RLS death rays. Idk, I tried it on day 13 & 14 and now I'm addicted. Plus I've got soft arms. Can't lose.

anyhow that's the jist of what's going on. I'll probably drag this thread till I'm not thinking and constantly bringing it up with my wife. I'll know its on the back burner by that point.


My pain has been replaced by something else entirely - Happiness -

I'm so happy I did this. I don't regret anything in that regard.

WTBF

P.S. Romeo! Find moar funnies! I'll try to figure out how to post things from my phone. I guess I can copy and paste!


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 17, 2013 10:10 pm 
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http://www.27bslash6.com/matthewsparty.html

http://www.27bslash6.com/f26a.html ---- one of my favorites!


http://www.27bslash6.com/timesheets.html


http://www.27bslash6.com/halogen.html

Oh my god I can't stop laughing!!

Edit --- Omg its hurting from laughing so hard http://www.27bslash6.com/massanutten.html

Ahahaha


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 17, 2013 10:45 pm 
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Have you ever heard of Hyperbole and a Half? Diary of a Quitter, a moderator on this forum, is the one who turned me onto Hyperbole and a Half and the Engel Humperdinck thing and the Count Censored and Missing Missy. DoaQ is a riot of the first order. Her sense of humor is as warped as yours and mine!! LOL

Here's one story from Hyperbole and a Half that had me peeing in my pants.

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/s ... results=50

Also, in the Laughter is the Best medicine thread, down towards the bottom of the first page (I think?) are some pictures of church signs that are ridiculously funny. I commented in that section about only being able to read the first three then I had to quit cuz I was laughing so damn hard.

About the anger you're experiencing......I almost forgot about that. Early in my recovery it was like I would go from mildly pissed off to RAGE in 0.02 seconds flat. It was actually pretty scary for me and my wife and daughter. I'd be sitting around not doing much at all, something would piss me off and next thing ya know my head is spinning around and I'm chanting "this hour is mine." Thank goodness that RAGE phase passed or they may have had to do an exorcism on me!

I'll check out your links in a bit.

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PostPosted: Thu Jan 17, 2013 10:58 pm 
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I saw the church signs in that thread and absolutely died laughing. I'm about to check out that link... I'm glad It's not just me with the rage thing, I thought I was going crazy. Maybe I need to get mad and head to the gym. Pull a Romeo and work out super hard all at once....and than feel like death! Ahahaa

Alright checking out that link...now!

WTBF


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 17, 2013 11:07 pm 
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Kenny loggins Ahahahahaha, I'm starting to get a headache from laughing so Damn much!!


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 18, 2013 5:57 am 
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Hi Mate,


Just thought I would say," Jesus, you have done well'

I am still here with ya, sharing most , if not all your symptoms, .

Funny thing, after we were talking about chapell, the other day, Bam, that night, for the first night in 5 years, he was on TV that night........


Stay strong my friend, I Think we are both on day 15 or something.
Your story is really inspiring to me, and makes me battle on....

I have moved into the more sleep, less energy phase, this week, slept all day today, but felt pretty tired, rest of day.

Yeah the aches, are the current nemesis, for me, but one day at a time,

All the love and peace to you, and your family and child.

HS
Clinical experiment #AA2231....lol

(every hard day gone, is a day, that will never come again)


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 19, 2013 1:22 pm 
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Hey Hopespring!

Man were having identical symptoms symptoms. I appreciate it buddy, you're doing just as well! It's really cool were both on basically the same day and we've seen pretty identical success.

I slept an absolute ton last night. I probably could have slept all day as well. Feeling so Damn lazy! As the day has been wearing on its starting to fade a bit and I don't feel tired after 10 steps, which is certainly nice aha.

Your story is the one I've kept up with the most buddy! The fact you've stuck through it as well is absolutely inspiring to me. From all the inboxs I've been getting it seems that the feelings are shared by many!

Keep on keeping on buddy! All the love in the world to you as well, and thank you for being such a stand up individual. This forum has made me realize just how much it can help letting people see our little experiments.

WTBF
Clinical experiment #AA2232 ...Hahaha

I love the quote and it couldn't be more true and relevant for this process!

Much love buddy!


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 19, 2013 1:51 pm 
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I'm not saying this to be an ass, just making an honest observation. If both of you are sharing the same symptoms on the same days - but one taperd for years (?) and one jumped off a high dose cold turkey - I would say that going the cold turkey route would be quicker and easier.


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 19, 2013 2:08 pm 
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I think Hopespring was also on suboxone for a longer period of time and higher initial dose. I have noticed that as well though Lilly. Faster yes, but Hopespring didn't seem to get the initial omfg I want to die symptoms, tapering definitely helped there.


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 19, 2013 7:41 pm 
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What the heck did you jump from? 8mg????


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 20, 2013 11:22 am 
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Hello Karen, I was jumping between 2 - 4 daily. I ended up sitting at 2mg for three days and jumped.


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 20, 2013 8:49 pm 
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Lillyval,


Yes, we are sharing the same symptoms, But, the severity of symptoms, is where you will find the difference.

I did not want to ever say to WTBF, that mine is easier than his, as that would be discouraging,.

I think because, the confusion might be , that my ride, has been very, very easy. I have suffered very little, except for insomnia.

I have had no emotional stress, or hopelessness or despair, Just insomnia, and a few aches and pains.

By days 11, I felt completely normal, and I mean completely normal. I think WTBF has had a much harder time, and I respect him immensely for that. Our symptoms are simmlar, in the insomnia degree, mainly.

I am sorry if this was confusing.
I am back at work today, and feel 100%, no mailaise, I feel just as I did, when I was on .04 mg.

I have to be clear, because this is an important difference.
I beleive the taper, removes the possibilty of paws, as others like me who tapered so long, did not get any real PAWS.

My sleep routine, is almost back to normal, going to be at 12:00 now,
And throughout the whole wd, I never really had any symptons, like diarreahea, malaise, sneezing, depression, etc.

HS
Although, for me, it has been as hard, as I would like it,. I believe if I wanted to stamp out the 3-11 days of insomnia, I should have tapered lower, but, 11 days, to get feeling good again, is fine with me.

I do not think I would be as strong as some of these guys that jumped from 8mg or even 2 mg. That is the personality I have, and i am sticking with it. With my work, I just could not afford to spend 3 months off with paws.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 21, 2013 12:21 am 
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Hopespring I absolutely love reading your replies. Today has been quite depressing reading this forum. From people Ive been trying to help and the overall state of a couple of others. Fuck this is hard. Humm.

Damn I need to laugh. My spirit has been absolutely train wrecked today. Seeing others make it through this and than break is like trauma to the brain.

Decided to get drink tonight. Twice thus far throughout this withdrawal period. Day 18? Or something. Blah. Wife asleep baby asleep and I honestly feel...let down.

I've put too much hope in watching others succeed I feel. I've built my mind around if they can I can. So much positives till today. I'm feeling quite depressed. Atleast its not cravings. Just sadness. I've put a lot of my mind into other people and watching how they progress. It's started to mess with my thought process. Not enjoying this feeling. I went from top of the world to what the fuck in like three hours.

Alcohol magnified these feelings. So much progress just feels like it got train wrecked. I don't know why I feel this way. Absolute drunkin misery. I don't even want to reply to an IM because I feel it'll be a negative reply. I don't feel my recovery is in danger but Fuckkkkkk, do I feel like I've been brought to earth.

Highs and lows they say. I'm hoping - no praying - I don't feel this way in the morning. Today I feel I've learned too much and there was not enough to counteract the feelings. Not enough good. I feel I can only create so many positives before negativity creeps in.

Why do I feel this way! Rjdjfjdjdjdjddmagyskf.

WTBF...and happy.

Edit - I wanted to clarify this isn't one person in particular. A multitude of random things. From learning just how difficult an idol dealt with this to seeing someone you've never met, yet feel close to based on circumstance. Personal struggles from the highs and lows. To learning something horrible about someone you've grown to care about fondly. The fear of what if that happens to me. Let tonight end. Let tomorrow bring a better day. Let tomorrow bring laughs, happiness and personal gains. Please let tomorrow be better.

I thought today was won. Fuck. One step forward and two steps back.

Sorry for the language. It's quite true to the personality behind ot however. Ughh.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 21, 2013 12:37 am 
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WTBF, you asked "why do I feel this way?" You feel the way you do because you get close to people and you want to help them and you want them to be where you are, but they don't quite get there and it's upsetting. I've been there time and time again on the forum. It's completely normal to feel like you do, but it's not completely normal to get drunk because of it. Instead of dealing with your emotions in a healthy way, you went back to old coping skills....trying to numb it out.

This recovery gig ain't easy, man.

I know it's upsetting to hear of others not quite getting where you hoped they would be, but you have to remember that we all have our own path through recovery. Cammie hasn't lost the battle, she just hit a roadblock that she couldn't get around at this point in time and she decided Suboxone (a low dose) was best for her and that's great for her. She's on her path through recovery.

Try not be too hard on yourself. Be kind to yourself.

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 21, 2013 12:48 am 
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Romeo it wasn't only cam. It was a total of five different posts & IM. One of them actually was yours. I think It's the only thing you've ever posted I've been unable to relate too. Something that surprised me. Something I didn't expect and something I fear immensely.

You're right about it being an addicts tendencies. It's wearing off now. The feelings persist however. Absolutely feel unprepared for it. It's like I'm on day 7 all over again. Anxious that this has just begun. Frustrated. I can understand what's right and what's the intelligent thing to do, but I don't always agree with it. It's definitely a negative and me trying to deal with things by disgusing them. Leave it to alcohol to magnify that shit however.

I feel young, stupid and thoroughly unprepared. I'm annoyed my friends can drink without consequence yet ill forever be linked to addiction. It's frustrating.

I understand but don't always agree. I can already see where it leads. It's frustrating I took this route.

Gah. I think ill shut up for the remainder of the night. Romeo you always can put things in perspective where I don't always agree but I know overall you're right. Im not use to that.

Blah.

WTBF


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 21, 2013 1:01 am 
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Hey man, I'll hit ya up tomorrow. It's late and my brain tends to go stupid on me when I'm getting tired....go figure!!! LOL

For now, I want you to know that everything you're going through is par for the course. Now stop drinking, sober up, get your head outta your ass and go to bed!! :D

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 21, 2013 1:03 am 
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Sounds like a plan buddy. I'm going to feed the munchkin and follow suit aha.

To better days!


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 21, 2013 11:12 am 
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Well, how ya feeling this morning?

I'm sorry my post about the 357 upset you (I'm guessing that's what you're talking about), but I'm also glad it upset you. If you let your addiction continue on long enough, it'll push you to places you never thought you'd go. It's the nature of the beast.

I understand you being anxious about this whole process. I did the same thing. I wanted 5 years worth of recovery in 5 minutes, unfortunately shit don't work that way. Recovery is a process. It's a learning process. You have to be patient with it and with yourself.

One of the absolute best things that my addiction counselor drilled into my head was to live my life in balance.....especially emotional balance. When your emotions get out of whack, you now see how hard it is do deal with them.

I'm not saying to stop helping other people, not at all. Just try to keep balance as you're doing it.

As for me putting things into perspective for you, I've had lots of practice and I've had lots of people help me along the way too. I didn't get here on my own.

Be kind to yourself, Bud.

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 21, 2013 4:25 pm 
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I wrote a long reply but I'd honestly prefer to inbox you Romeo.

It'll be there soon.


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 22, 2013 4:26 pm 
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WTBF is everything going ok dude? I saw there were some posts in other threads about some people going back onto subs after 30-40 days off...I can imagine that hit home with you, especially in a fragile state of mind. Everyone's different and we ALL have up and down days....up and down weeks for that matter...regardless of where we stop from, so don't let those posts discourage you. Take the good with the bad. I really hope you're doing all right man, you've come so far!!


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