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PostPosted: Fri Feb 01, 2013 3:55 pm 
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From what I've read of WTBF's posts, he is taking into account the stress his wife is under. He came here and asked for help with it, then he's told to jerk off? All I can do is shake my head on that one. WTBF has many posts on this board. Anyone can see he's a good person and it's my opinion that he did not deserve to be talked to the way he was.

His brain is driving his desire to have sex through the roof. His wife's brain is driving her desire the opposite way. Why were some people only seeing his wife's side of the story? WTBF's side of the story is just as valid as his wife's side of the story.

Even if this has nothing to do with WTBF's recovery, he still deserves to have his needs met, just as his wife does and it's really not that hard of a task to accomplish.

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PostPosted: Fri Feb 01, 2013 4:08 pm 
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Romeo- The jerk off comment was meant in humorous way to lighten the mood, not to insult WTBF. I really like him and his posts and feel bad for each person in this situation. I was responding the way I did to help shed light on the other side of the situation. Obviously WTBF is in tune with how he is feeling but I was hoping that if he heard from other people about the rationale behind why his wife is feeling the way she is, it would help.

The truth is there is no easy fix to this problem. Every single one of my married friends who've had babies have struggled through this very problem. Not even speaking about addicts -just regular ole couples, this was still a very real problem in their relationships. There was never any easy answer. The women just needed time. I guess by answering the way I did, I was hoping that WTBF would open up to the idea of giving her some time to finish healing.

Yes, it's unfortunate that WTBF is also dealing with addiction and the need/ desire for sex. It certainly complicates things but I don't have any other answer other than "give your wife a little more time." From what I've heard from my friend's, any pressure from the dudes can lead to more insecurities and ultimately more of an issue down the road.

Sorry that I gave bad advice. I don't see anyone here offering any other advice except to put himself first. Not sure what that accomplishes.


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 01, 2013 4:21 pm 
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It keeps him clean. Keeps him alive. Keeps recovery in the forefront. Keeps his family together. Thats what it accomplishes. That IS the point of a "recovery" forum. This isnt eharmony or a board of relationshio/sex experts to help with our personal lives. Its about suboxone and the disease of addiction. Or at least that is what is was originally created for....not to give advice on when to have sex with your wife.


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 01, 2013 4:30 pm 
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TinyDancer said, "I understand you have needs but dude.. come on. Are you the one putting pressure on her to get back to normal fast? In this case, you needs to put her first. Go jerk off or something. She's only going to feel worse if she's made to feel bad about not fulfilling your needs on top of the struggles of being anew mom. Give the girl a break."

I copied the whole paragraph to maintain the context of the "go jerk off" statement. If this comment was made in jest, and I believe you when you said it was, it didn't come across that way.

As far as WTBF's problem being easy to fix, I said it wasn't that hard a task. To compromise with someone you love isn't really very hard, that's been my experience, anyway. My wife and I went through something similar to what WTBF is going through, it was not that difficult to get past it. I just told her she better shape up or I'm gonna go see her sister!!!! LOLOLOL!!!!! JOKING!!!!!! :lol:

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PostPosted: Fri Feb 01, 2013 4:45 pm 
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Yes, I can see how it can be read either way but in my head, when I was typing it, I had a funny voice. I realize that doesn't come through. Same with the 'give the girl a break'.. I meant it with a soft tone if that makes any sense.

Yes, compromise is the most logical answer. I agree. But I assumed that WTBF was posting here because that didn't work. It seemed to me from his posts that he has tried many things, no? Going out, reasoning with her, being romantic.. etc. So what does everyone propose if she is just not ready and she is not in a place to give in to his needs at this time despite loving him and wanting things to work? What is he to do? I assumed this is where they are at.

It certainly can be a hard task. No pun intended. It feels awful to have sex (as a woman) if you are not in the right mind space. No matter how much you love your partner.


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 01, 2013 7:06 pm 
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The things I've proposed to WTBF I've done so through PM. It's a "guy" talk kinda thing, not something I'm comfortable sharing on an open forum. I'm confident the ideas will work, my name is ROMEO after all!!!!! LOL

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PostPosted: Fri Feb 01, 2013 11:28 pm 
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Romeo I sent you a reply via IM but they seem to be stuck in my outbox. ( I've got no idea, I sent it twice ).

I'm going to address all the replies tomorrow, wife just got home. I appreciate everything guys. It means alot. Both sides in our little debate.

Idk WTF is up with my inbox.. halppp.

-WTBF


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 01, 2013 11:46 pm 
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Messages stay in your Outbox until the recipient reads it, then it moves to your Sentbox.

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 03, 2013 8:18 am 
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WTBF - You're such an inspiration!


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 1:52 pm 
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xDee_2013x wrote:
WTBF - You're such an inspiration!


Thank-you Dee, I really appreciate that. Their are so many inspirations to be found on these boards. Just being able to relate to people is all it takes sometimes. Reading that made me smile.

It's been a few days. I've read everyones replies, I've implemented ideas through various messages, I owe quite a few replies too hah. Anyhow I wanted to say I've had some major improvements in my previous requests for ideas and input. It's picked back up, quite a bit too. Maybe not like a year ago, but I'm happy. My needs are being met and hers as well. Compromise indeed.

Today is 33 days. Over a month free of opiates. I'm past really all major annoying withdrawals. I'm running into some insomnia still, but nothing major. I normally sleep about 5 hours, wake up for a few minutes and fall back asleep. Still have some IBS problems though.

But overall I'm happy. I'm FREE. I'm myself. I have good days and bad days even at 33 days. It's just way more good than bad. I've dedicated a little more time to family and have been absent for a bit.

Just wanted to say Thank You from the bottom of my heart for all the input guys. For all the support & love. It's made such a huge difference in my life.

Still kickin', don't plan on stopping any time soon.

-WTBF


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 3:18 pm 
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Thanks for the update WTBF!! I'm glad to hear that your wife's and your needs are being met, that's awesome.

Glad to hear the wd is manageable too!

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 8:06 pm 
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Great news, glad you were able to figure out a way to work with her.

I forgot to ask, has she started reading the 50 shades books yet? If not, she should start the series. You'll have to peel her off you.. baby or no baby. :D


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2013 11:32 pm 
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Indeed found a method to work with her. Couple O' Roofies and she's good to go for hours! Literally NO complaints.











(Sarcasm and jokes)

I think she tried Tiny. I caught her skipping to later parts in the book however...I'll suggest she re dedicate her time to that book series when she gets home though...

Romeo - Thanks buddy. You're right about LEARNING......and Brick walls. :lol:


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 06, 2013 4:38 am 
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Hey WTBF,


I am not sure when your partner started zoloft, but it takes around 2-3 to become noticeable.
,
I found it to be simply incredible, without equal on the happiness front, but hey, everyone is different.

When i start taking it, I quite literally wake up laughing, cracking up laughing, when i just start a course.

Initally, in the first week or so, the drug sux, it can even make you feel like you are tripping for a bit, but then after a couple of weeks, bam, your in a special type of la la land. Everything, to me anyway, is roses, on the stuff.

It can slow your sex drive, but not really for me, Trust me, on this.It may take longe for you to finish, but that can work out sometimes........lol?

Anyway little buddy, just wanted to chime in, and see how you are going.

Imagine a hypnotist saying, in a soft voice." trust in zoloft, trust in any acepted SSRI, only short term, and then get off, when you have resolved the anxiety.

HS


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 06, 2013 12:50 pm 
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Yeah, those brick walls SUCK. Going around them is a lot easier than trying to plow through them face first!! LOL

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PostPosted: Thu Feb 07, 2013 9:52 pm 
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hopespring wrote:
Hey WTBF,


I am not sure when your partner started zoloft, but it takes around 2-3 to become noticeable.
,
I found it to be simply incredible, without equal on the happiness front, but hey, everyone is different.

When i start taking it, I quite literally wake up laughing, cracking up laughing, when i just start a course.

Initally, in the first week or so, the drug sux, it can even make you feel like you are tripping for a bit, but then after a couple of weeks, bam, your in a special type of la la land. Everything, to me anyway, is roses, on the stuff.

It can slow your sex drive, but not really for me, Trust me, on this.It may take longe for you to finish, but that can work out sometimes........lol?

Anyway little buddy, just wanted to chime in, and see how you are going.

Imagine a hypnotist saying, in a soft voice." trust in zoloft, trust in any acepted SSRI, only short term, and then get off, when you have resolved the anxiety.

HS


Hey Hopespring! This made me happy to read. She's been taking it for about....a week now. She thinks its already effecting her, I think its placebo and she's crazy ;). I've been doing great man. Some hiccups along the way but that's to be expected I suppose. I really hope it ends up effecting her in the same way its done for you. That would make me quite happy.

Things seem to be getting progressively better. My motivation is finally starting to kick back in. Working my new job and killing it like I use too. Something that I feel has been robbed from me for awhile. I'm actually trying again, which is a beautiful thing.

Hopefully the wife starts to feel human and happy again. That would make my life complete at this point. I feel neglectful that I've not realized how much depression has been effecting her. The past week + has been substantially better though. It makes me feel like the placebo effect is working for her, hopefully the real Zoloft effect really kicks the happy into high gear.

I don't feel like I need anything at this point. I might re-evaluate that at a later time, but right now I'm happy. I'm doing well, I'm getting..."enough" sleep. I'm feeling like a productive member of society again.

I hope everything is well with you friend. I'm about to check up on your thread, its been awhile since I've done so.

Thank you for checking in. A few particular names here always brighten my day on these forums. No matter how shitty life feels I can grab a little boost by checking in.

Much love buddy.


-Romeo, yes my face is starting to feel rather raw...I should probably ask for advice before attempting the WTBF head wall bash technique.... ;). I've gotta catch up with you buddy. Hope life has been butterflies and baby wipes.

Seriously. You better be smilin', or I'm going to have to drive around 2,000.00 miles and change that.

Aha!


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 11, 2013 1:54 pm 
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Wanted to throw a small update out while I've got some time.

If you have sent me a message in the last 3 days I did finally answer you :) I'm sorry for the delayed replies.

Day 39 -

I've realized in the past few days my recovery is still....a recovery. I'm still dealing with some shit-fabulous sleep throughout the night. I'd say most days I'm able to get about 3-5 hours of sustained sleep, and than about 75% of the time I'm able to fall back asleep rather easily. I do still have some rather atrocious nights where that is not the case.

The withdrawal symptom I've not given much credit too, but has become progressively more annoying would have to be IBS. It's not really let up very much even nearly 40 days out. I'm going to try adding fiber pills to my diet to see what happens with things.

I've also noticed malaise has been effecting me lately. I'm quite lazy and don't like to do anything. It's annoying but nothing to write home about. I am patiently waiting for motivation to get back to the correct levels.

Other then those three things and some random anxiety here and there I'm doing quite well. Things are getting progressively better. I'm impatient and would love for everything to be fixed immediately, alas It's never that easy though.

As I sit here and feel my stomach rumbling letting me know I'm about to expell breakfast I still can enjoy the fact I'll be emotionally satisfied with my recovery.

That's 40 days in a nutshell.

Back to work...

Much love

WTBF


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 11, 2013 5:07 pm 
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Hey WTBF, those three symptoms you mentioned are pretty much par for the course. I know they suck, but they should clear up as time goes on.

I don't think too many people know that our stomachs or intestines are lined with opiate receptors and as far as I know, it's those opiate receptors screaming bloody murder that give us the IBS. They're used to being all full and happy, but now they're empty and mad as hell.....and they make you pay.....oh how they make you pay!! :wink:

I'm glad you understand this whole thing is a process. Keep being patient with yourself and keep doing the next right thing, man!!

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 11, 2013 9:11 pm 
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My ASS! My ASS!

Ahaha

Romeo what times during the day are you free. I'm going to log into the chat tomorrow while at work, you should come entertain and be entertained tomorrow.

Work is for fools anyhow ;).


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2013 12:59 am 
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Tomorrow is gonna be tough, Bud. I have a meeting in the morning at 9am....no telling how long that bore-fest is gonna be, then I have another meeting right after lunch and I KNOW that meeting is gonna put me sound asleep. I'll probably wake up from that one right about quitting time. I'll wipe the drool off my face and head home. Probably best to catch me in the evening tomorrow.

BTW, a few of us were in the chat room tonight. You shoulda been there, we had a blast making fun of you!!! JUST KIDDING!!!

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