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PostPosted: Sat Jan 16, 2016 8:22 pm 
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Hello all, i have talked a little about this in a different thread. I recently just had a friend pass away due to a overdose. I just went to his funeral today.

I am VERY UNEASY with myself, reason being is many months ago my friend had asked me for my dealer's number and ever since I have been trying to get myself on the right path I have been thinking a lot more than just acting. I was put in a position where he really wanted the number and i sat there thinking to myself and questioning the act of giving him it, because psychologically he had some issues but in a way he could stop all together cold turkey but when he picked it up again he would be ALOT. I ended up giving him the number at that time. I believe he passed away from that person's shit.

So please be honest with me here, i've had some people say he would of found it his way one way or the other. But I beg to differ I think he would of done maybe something else.

Our last interaction with each other was him trying to get me to spend the night as his house begging me to spend the night, he was always very lonely. I had to run out of his house from the back thats how desperate he was.... this was my childhood friend. 4 months had passed of no interaction and this happend. I am in a very bad position, I have not been at peace and have nightmares.

Some comments please?


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 17, 2016 6:01 am 
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Hello sub,
Its awful to hear that you have lost someone old and dear to you. I can only imagine what You may be feeling.
Can I just say that if I were in your situation, I would have without question hooked up my friend and dealer. I'm sure some of us have used with other ppl, so this to me is not so far from your situation.
I have done this before and of course we would never agree if we thought it would end in tragedy.
You should be able to grieve without feeling like you played a hand in what happened, because you haven't.
You have your own recovery to focus on, just try not to let the "what ifs" consume you.
We are here for you!


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 17, 2016 10:36 am 
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Hey SuBeGone, I'm sorry about ur friend. A lot of addicts have had this horrible situation happen. I understand the emotions ur feeling but please know this is absolutely not ur fault. I'm also pretty confident in saying that the majority of us have been introduced to a dealer by a friend (those of us who bought through a dealer). That in no way makes u responsible for ur friends death. I totally understand why u feel that way but all in all, u aren't to blame.

I know that no matter what anyone else says, ur still going to have guilt. Find someone to talk to about all this and get it out, don't hold it in. It will get easier.

Again I'm so sorry to hear about your buddy. I just wanted to tell u that this was addictions fault, not urs.

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 17, 2016 12:56 pm 
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No one is responsible for another person's life. As ill-equipped or best equipped as they may be, one choice that you make that involves them is not going to make the difference. This person had 4 months to make decisions after he made the decision to ask you for your dealer's number. I know that addiction can make you feel trapped and I know that addicts can be shoved in a corner and feel that they have no choices, but that is not your fault. That is the fault of society and the fault of the treatment industry for not offering better choices to addicts. And ultimately, your friend is at fault.

It is important for you to accept that your friend is ultimately responsible for his death with many many other factors at play. Why is that? Because you are in early recovery and it is important for you to understand that in order to manage a life of addiction, you have to be in charge of your own choices. You need to recognize for your own self-efficacy that despite the challenges of addiction the buck stops with you. So keep choosing the medication that puts your addiction into remission. Keep making the choices that keep you away from relapse and overdose. Only you can do it.

I'm very sorry that your friend died. So sorry. However, it was not your responsibility to make his choices for him. You need to focus on your own recovery, to the extent that if it is harming your recovery to think too hard about your friend, you put those feelings in a box to deal with when you're stronger. I wish I could be the warm fuzzy feelings person and just make you feel better, but that is not typically my role on this forum. I'm the tough love giver. :)

I started this post last night and then our power went out from 6:30 pm to 5:00 am! I'm grateful that others stepped up to answer you in your time of need!

Amy

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 17, 2016 4:33 pm 
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I'm really sorry for the loss of you friend, and the way your relationship ended. That must be very painful. I have to agree with the other poster's comments. We're powerless over other people's decisions and actions. It sounds like he had issues, and it was his decision to use and keep using. I know in my active addiction if I couldn't get hooked up one way, I'd find another way. So I have to agree with your friends..if he didn't get the # from you he would have found somebody else.

I feel bad about the people I've hooked up with drugs or supplied drugs to over the years, so I can only imagine how you feel. However, unless you literally drug someone, it's their decision to put a substance into their body.

I hope you can talk to someone about your grief, and continue to work on your own recovery. The best amends we can make to friends and family is to stay clean ourselves. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Lilly


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 18, 2016 12:32 pm 
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I can't offer anything better than what was already posted. But wanted to send you my condolence! It has got to be hard to lose such a good friend in that way and under those circumstances! I know I would go straight to beating myself up about it too...if the same had happened to me! We are great at taking the blame for everything! But the truth is....we aren't that powerful. :mrgreen: The only people we have power over is ourselves.

This was no way your fault!!! No more than the snow that fell last night was your fault!


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