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PostPosted: Tue Jun 04, 2013 9:48 am 
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Hello fellow travelers on this Sub Journey!
I am here for my semi annual checkin...lol.. :)
I joined this site I think 2 years ago, can't figure out how to find my previous posts. Think last time I posted was before my Carpal Tunnel surgery this past December...
Well,I got through the surgery. Had one hand done-pain manageable with lots of drugs. Surgery 2 weeks later not so much...I had a doctor on call who basically told me to "suck it up" when the narcotics weren't working. Of course I took Subs in between the surgeries because..well.. I was married to the stuff and thought I could not survive without it! I did get through the two surgeries with much angst and shame for not being a "normal person" off this drug!

Fast forward 5 months. I was now taking .75 mgs. of Subs a day. If I didn't take it in the morning would feel w/d start by that evening. I decided hey-if it's not broke, don't fix it right? Except of course if I legitimately had to take a narcotic for pain and did not have time to stop for a few days beforehand (ie; sudden situation where you need narcs), I was screwed. Guess what? This happened. What started out as a cold, turned into Pneumonia. Not the "walking" kind. The full out felt like death, in bed, coughing like a Seal Pneumonia. It was the sickest I have ever been. I wasn't admitted to the hospital, but should have been. The doc gave me the choice to do treatment at home or hospital, I chose home. Slowly but surely I am recovering.

OK, now comes the Suboxone part:
My last dose of Suboxone was May 4th. 31 days ago. I wanted to be able to take the Hydrocodone cough syrup so I could stop coughing up my lungs..the first 11 days were hell..I was sick from Pneumonia, withdrawing from Subs (don't think the cough medicine could override the Subs yet) and the cough medicine couldn't do it's job. I swore on the 11th day if I felt this hellacious the next day I would call my Sub doc and beg for his help..I woke up day 12 and the w/d's were gone. The cough medicine started doing it's job. Now I only had the Pneumonia bit to deal with..not an easy task but no more w/d for the time being.

I was on Tussionex for 10 days, then asked the doc to switch to Hydocan (less potent of the 2). I knew I was in for round 2 of some kind of withdrawal from the Hydro after being on it almost a month..I kept taking the syrup way past the cough part just to hold off withdrawals. I saw my Sub doc this past Friday and we came up with a plan. That was the last dose of cough syrup I had. This is Day 4 of no Narcotics in my system. I would like to say its been a breeze but it hasn't. Still can't sleep (been an issue past month), have the w/d jitters, I can't remember s%#t, sneezing, runny nose, skin crawling at times and feel in general fragile. It is definitely no where near as bad as those first 12 days off Subs but can still feel it. The doc gave me 3 days of Ativan and Gabapentin. I've been weaning down for the past 3 days, off of it today..trying to stay busy which is difficult since recovery from the Pneumonia keeps me from running or doing to much activity wise. Yoga is my friend..B-Complex, high Mineral supplement, Lecithin, L-Tyrosine and essential Oils are also part of my repertoire. Some of these supplements I have gotten the ideas from the "Thomas Recipe" online. Some my doctor has suggested. I am drinking "Damiana" Tea and taking Kava drops as needed. I haven't had the runs so very little Lomotil needed. I have muscle relaxers for the leg cramps/kicking. I really haven't had "the kicks" before last night, muscle relaxers didn't work so I took a Clonidine, which I had a bottle of, but hadn't taken. I slept like a baby for 7 hours. I am not one to pray much but have been on my knees for this one. I need all the help I can get! I have a very supportive husband who is I think tired of seeing me sick but understands this is a good kind of sick as opposed to the "bad kind" (Pneumonia). It has an end!

I know this is long, I just wanted to give others hope. I have been a slave to Suboxone for 2years, 9 months. I felt desperate if I ran out of Subs and terrified I would lose them. No more being conscious that if I do not take this little orange pill, I will be sick. I was sick of the shame having to tell yet one more doctor I was on the stuff and feeling judged..Sick of not being in control of my life...I am free.

So 31 days Suboxone free.
4 days Opiate free.

Subs are no longer my Master and are gone out of my house!!
Peace to all today..
.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 04, 2013 3:49 pm 
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Great to hear from you, Bettyboop! I'm sorry you've been so sick! Withdrawal and pneumonia at the same time sounds awful. But you're starting to come out the other side and that's something to celebrate.

It's actually pretty easy to look up your previous posts. Look at your post from today. At the bottom left hand corner is an icon of a computer. Click on the computer. You'll see a lot of information, but in the middle of the page it will list how many posts you have. In your case, I believe it's 28. Just below that in small print it says: Find all posts by Bettyboop. Click on those words and it will bring up all of your past posts. Let me know if I need to explain anything else. Also, I think you can just click on your name and it will bring you to that same page of information. Good to have you back!

Amy

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 06, 2013 6:37 am 
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I am on Day 6 of no opiates, 33 days off Suboxone. Had to differentiate because, well I went through 11 days of w/d switching to hydrocodone cough syrup whilst having Pneumonia. Anyways, I am now on my 6th day Opiate/Sub clean. Yesterday was my worst day yet. The anxiety I felt, the strange loneliness/depression, exhaustion was overwhelming. Skin crawling, not hungry, feeling like a blob. I forced myself to go to the gym, workout with weights then run on treadmill..I finally called my SubDoc/Psychiatrist who called me in a few Ativans just so I can relax. I know this is a slippery deal too but the Clonidine makes me loopy and such dry mouth an throat I can't stand it. Haven't slept much for 3 nights, to be expected.

I was really disappointed yesterday as I thought by Day 5 I would feel much better...guess I will roll with the punches. Driving to a different city with my fam tonight for an outdoor concert. I pray I can hang in and that today will be better day! This has been a long ass 5 weeks of sickness, withdrawal, cancellations of important events..all in all a crappy month. I hope to see light at the end of the tunnel soon..


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 06, 2013 8:22 am 
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I feel your pain. I wanted to punch people when they said this to me, but.....it gets better. Things really started to turn around for me at about 6 weeks off of Sub (the hydrocodone probably isn't playing into this much at all). Its definately a test of endurance, but with TIME your body/mind will heal. In the meantime take a lot of hot baths or showers, listen to good music, have sex, get out in the sun and exercise as much as you can (and give yourself a break). Also, get some support in your recovery. And stay distracted.
I just passed 105 days off of Sub and I feel pretty f'in good. But I wouldn't wish those first 6 weeks on my worst enemy. Just don't pick up opiates or take any Sub no matter what. And try to just use the Ativan at night if at all possible.
Hope some or any of this helps.
(((hugs)))
Lilly


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 Post subject: You're a tough one!
PostPosted: Thu Jun 06, 2013 1:47 pm 
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Hi Bettyboop,

Glad to see you back and posting again. Talk about a lot happening since your last post! Well, Thank God you made it through the illness. People die from that every day and it sounds like you had a very nasty case of it. Did your doctor have any idea what caused it?

Last year I had some surgery and like you, it took just under two weeks for the Hydro to start working. I had weaned down to 1 mg before the event. Unlike you, I went right back on to Sub because I started to abuse my pain meds again. So pat yourself on the back for not doing what I did and now look at where you are. Off all opiate medications! Listen to Lilly and any others who have stopped the bupe train. They know best what you are going through.

R62

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 Post subject: Day 8
PostPosted: Sat Jun 08, 2013 9:54 am 
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Thanks guys!

@Amy- I remember your detox from Subs (I think!). Good to see you're hanging in!! Congratulations.. :lol: I agree with you it seems to be the Subs talking now and not the pretty low dose of hydro I was on. I think the Hydro were basically holding off the worst Sub withdrawal symptoms untili stopped them...I actually LOVE when people tells me it gets better- at this point anyway, maybe a week ago, not so much...lol. Last week my Sub doc said "you will feel better in a week, 2 weeks tops" I said TWO WEEKS?!? Like that was the end of the world. As I am walking through the withdrawal process, it's pretty darn awful at times but honestly once I really made up my mind, I realize the fear of w/d was the biggest anxiety and the only reason I stayed on them so long. I do exercise, although cautiously because of Pneumonia. I am an avid runner/cyclist so can't wait to be back in the game! I work outside on my flowers every morning, that is super healing..Yoga a sanity saver right now. I go 3 times a week at least..

So I am hanging in there. The Pneumonia actually has been a great excuse "not to feel good" probably longer than the Pneumonia itself, at least to other people...I am pretty scared about the Ativan thing, trying to use it sparingly. Have been addicted to Benzos in the past and that w/d was even more awful than this! Ativan- 2.5 MG yesterday total, Clonidine 3 times. Planning to takes less and less or none each day. The skin crawling later in the day is the worst. I will welcome the day I do not have these!!
I finally, finally slept last night!!! Not straight through but each time I awoke, I was able to fall back asleep..Baby steps!

Rule 62- I TOTALLY understand what u went through. Had surgery in December, twice and both times went back on Subs. I didn't feel ready to quit yet, ya know? This time I was so sick with the Pneumonia I thought wth-if I'm this sick anyway, may as well be dope sick too! Kind of a strange mental game I play- one day at a time, as they say! I am a true believer you will quit if and when you are ready..I read a lot on the Internet about Sub withdrawal sometimes as we all probably do, for better or not I do learn some stuff sometimes. Mostly it scares me! I did read one guy who said, hey you know how to stop taking drugs?-you just STOP! For some reason that spoke to me. Simple but true. We are really the only ones in charge of our destiny kind of message to me. Good luck in whatever part of your journey you are on!!


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PostPosted: Sun Jun 09, 2013 7:42 am 
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It sounds like you're doing great. I agree about the yoga - I did it in detox and I still think its the best thing for me. Things really started to turn around for me when I started sleeping through the night. So it sounds like you're really close to being on the upswing. Go easy on yourself, and please, please do something to actively work a program of recovery. You may not have thought about using opiates the whole time you were on Sub, but I promise, as soon as you start feeling better those thoughts will be back. Get some support. Hope you continue to feel better every day.
Lilly


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 Post subject: 2 weeks and better
PostPosted: Fri Jun 14, 2013 9:29 am 
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40 days off Suboxone/2 weeks off opiates
Wow, I can't believe I have had no Subs for 40 days...I use to live on the little orange pill everyday, even looked forward to the taste, the energy it gave me and was panicked to think what would happen if I forgot to bring them on trips..
Now, I don't miss them..not even a little bit. The w/d that set in after my last dose of opiates lasted I would say around 11 days. One day this week I woke up and they were basically gone..just like that..the anxiety, the weird shaking, the feeling I would burst. The only residual I have is lack of sleep. I seem to be getting a good night's sleep about every 3 nights, this being only about 5-7 hrs of waking up several times a night but falling back to sleep. The other nights I wake up at 3:00-4:00 in the AM and can't go back to sleep. This is a PIA as those days following bad sleep I feel really tired, I am not a nap taker- never have been, but this is a minor price to pay for the freedom I feel. The lack of manic rapid fire thoughts are gone. My hubby says I seem "so much calmer" off the Subs. I am not sure of the line between "calmer" and "tired/ low energy" but I assume all will iron out eventually..
I do toy with the idea of going to a 12 Step mtg from time to time. I have been very involved at times of my life, so not a foreign concept. Right now I do not feel powerless against drugs but I know addiction is sneaky so will be diligent if I start to have cravings. The last 2.5 years I have enjoyed the freedom of practically no cravings for drugs, alcohol on the Subs. I am aware this could change at the drop of a hat. I have noticed feeling aches and pains or "down days" that the Subs may have been masking. You know those very "normal" ebbs and flows of life that are not so familiar? I will have to relearn how to go with the waves and deal with those feelings again. I feel hopeful. Yesterday I went for a hike and fell into some cactus and spent the next hour pulling cactus needles out of my hands. Now they are sore and it is weird..that sort of thing that maybe the Subs would have taken the edge off in the past?
I am 5 weeks post Pneumonia so my usual coping strategy of running, biking, Yoga are not as available because of lungs and low energy at times so yesterday's hike was a good compromise sans the cacti attack..rest is usually not in my vocabulary but now, I am learning to listen to my body or it will school me, but quick!
I am rambling..wanted to check in. 6 weeks ago, I had no plan to come off Subs, it just kind of happened. I asked my husband to take my Subs up to our cabin 150 miles away a few weeks ago. An emergency stash? Kind of absurd really. i felt like the little orange pills were gold, like I was in a relationship with them and could not just throw them aside..yet...Now is different..Next week we are going up there, where I will dispose of them once and for all!


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PostPosted: Fri Jun 14, 2013 10:48 am 
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Hi Betty,

I loved your last post (except the cactus needles...ouch!!). You sound like you're doing so well, you have a great outlook, but at the same time, you know your addiction and you know that dragon can awake at any time.

Anyhoo, nice post and I'm glad you're doing so well!!!

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