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PostPosted: Thu Jul 30, 2015 6:26 pm 
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Hi All:

This is def not my first rodeo. Been on and off sub for almost 10 years, under the same doctors care. Have gotten off of it for medical reasons once (had to get emergency surgery) Next, for a pregnancy and other times because I thought I was good without it. I am in AA and work a program, I consider myself clean & sober for 3 1/2 years. Some in AA would not think so, but that's my business.

Anyway, I have been back on since about feb. after needing a C-section after my pregnancy the cravings were horrible (I needed pain medication after major surgery - csection) Anyway, my live in boyfriend was also taking my drug of choice at the time (and for 2 years prior - Norco - He just got off a month ago)

Anyway, I am on a low maint. dose of 2-4mg. He read my diary a few weeks ago and gave me a 30-day notice. (I also take Klonpin - 0.5mg at night for insomnia and anxiety, along with Cymbalta) it is what works well for me. yes, the sub makes me a little forgetful and scattered, I don't know why... but that beats the alternative.

Anyway, he is appearing to be totally amicable and wanting to do 50/50 and I am fine with that he is an amazing Dad. I am just scared he is going to pull some shit at the last minute and try to get full custody. We were going to try to keep the courts out of this but I am scared to trust.. I am scared he is going to try and say because of the sub I am not a good mother. I already got a letter from my doctor and have that on standby.

So, I am tapering like crazy I want to get as low as I can on the sub (like 1mg) and down to 0.25 of the kpin before I move out (I got a Condo and am signing the lease today)

I guess I am just curious if anyone has any experience with custody stuff.. Also help with tapering... I know its all about going slow especially after 2mg and below and exercise, exercise, exercise!

Thanks Everyone.. Hope you are all GREAT!!

Thanks
NC


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 30, 2015 9:42 pm 
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Oh doll,
I am sorry to hear all that's going on in your life. I was involved in a custody issue last August. It's a long story but I am on sub,Xanax &Zoloft All are legally prescribed. The court clerk called both my regular doctor and my sub doc. I know one question the court was if I was "fit" to take good care of the baby. He was also born in February. Odd coincidence

I don't trust people so if I were in your shoes I would prepare myself just in case he files for full custody. If your sub is legal, imo, you don't have to taper off.

Hope this helped you a little


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 30, 2015 11:01 pm 
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I'm so sorry you're struggling, Norcal! It's incredibly hypocritical of your boyfriend to reject you for participating in medication assisted treatment, when he's only been off his own drug of choice for two months!! :roll: :roll: :roll:

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 31, 2015 9:22 am 
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Hey NorCal,

I have plenty of experience with custody being on suboxone. I live in a small town though and not everyone has the knowledge of sub including judges and attorneys, but I didn't let that keep me from taking the medicine that saves my life. As long as I have my sub Dr and counselor in my corner, I'm confident that's what I need. Sub doesn't make me scattered feeling like u said it did u, but I'm sure the alternative of using ur drug of choice is much worse. If for some reason ur ex decides to go to court for full custody, I'd just keep on taking the sub. U wouldn't be on it if u didn't need it. Plus since he's an addict himself, who's he to try to bring anyone down in court? Unless he can prove neglect or danger, don't be worried.

Custody issues suck and it's so unnecessary when you've already agreed on 50/50. Maybe ur ex will do the right thing and stick to the agreement. I don't see any child benefiting from more time away from the mother. Hang in there and good luck!!

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 31, 2015 1:26 pm 
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Hi Tiki:

I have the letter from my Sub (who is my PCP too) stating that I am totally fit to be a great mother and he would go to court for me.

You said not to worry, you didn't really mention the reason the courts were involved and the outcome? I assume it went well?

Was the other party saying you were an "unfit mother" or going for more custody.

It is just so funny that he waits until right after he gets off his medication to pull this, but even if he wanted to get medical records involved the courts would see that he was just on Norco for over 2 years so I don't really think he has a leg to stand on there.. it would be pretty transparent what he is doing..

I just don't know. I am so torn apart that I have to even be away from him 50% of the time. I wonder if he thinks that he is going to get full custody.. I don't think so though because just the other day he was asking if I would be able to pay half of day care still (I pay half the bills currently)..

I just signed my lease though for my new place yesterday so that's good! I am scared but I can do it..


Thanks!


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 31, 2015 9:02 pm 
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I will pm you more info on my case


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 01, 2015 9:05 am 
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NorCal

Sent a pm. How many children do you have?


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 08, 2015 5:15 pm 
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Tiki wrote:
NorCal

Sent a pm. How many children do you have?


I responded.. Thanks!


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 08, 2015 11:55 pm 
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Being a parent on suboxone is much more responsible than being a junkie parent. Kudos to u for doing it the right way. The kids will never know unless they see it and want to kmow what it is. When I was on subs my girls knew I took medication but were completely oblivious to what kind. Do what you need to do to have a productive normal life and they will look up to u for doing so.


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 10, 2015 2:45 pm 
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qom wrote:
Being a parent on suboxone is much more responsible than being a junkie parent. Kudos to u for doing it the right way. The kids will never know unless they see it and want to kmow what it is. When I was on subs my girls knew I took medication but were completely oblivious to what kind. Do what you need to do to have a productive normal life and they will look up to u for doing so.


Thank you so much! :)

Was it easy when you got off? How did you do it? How low did you taper?


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 11, 2015 12:33 pm 
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Norc,

I did it the worst pssible was there is. I just stopped ct from 16 mg 31 days ago. It still sucks. I have 2 girls 10 and 13, and I'm a single parent. My 13 yo was in detention when I decided to jump, cause I knew with the added stress of her bad behavior would have brought me to borderline suicide or I would have snapped out bad. She came home last week and I already just yesterday had to put her in state custody cause her problem behaviors continued and I can't have that in my home. I'm talking bout destroying property, fighting w her sis and other girls, disrespect. I warned her while she was away I was done with that but I guess she thought I was joking.


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 11, 2015 12:39 pm 
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And an afterthought bout the kpin, some people need it for anxiety or sleep. I was 8 years old when I was first put on it. If you have a legit script and don't abuse it, #$%& him. You are a better parent for seeking help for your issues.


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 11, 2015 1:00 pm 
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Qom,

I'm so sorry you're in such a difficult position with your daughter. Has she always had behavioral problems or have they come on in the last couple years? Has she been diagnosed with any disorder?

How is your younger daughter doing? I'm sure her sister's behavior was upsetting to her. Is she relieved that her sister is out of the house? Sometimes it's necessary to save the sibling who is not causing trouble rather than letting her life be ruined by the behavior of the other. While I'm sure it was a difficult decision in some ways to put your older daughter in state custody, it's probably a relief too. I hope that she gets the services she needs while under the care of the state. Sometimes there's just nothing more that you can do.

NorCal, how is your new place? Good for you for taking some risks!

Amy

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PostPosted: Wed Aug 12, 2015 12:56 pm 
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I had taken my older daughter to therapy weekly and even got the school involved. They seemed to think her behavior was normal for a 13 yo. After I had to call the police 8 times on her and she was sent away to detention, I think (hope) everyone is finally seeing my point. She's always had behavioral issues, they have really come to a head this last year or so. It may be hormonal, cause she started her cycle recently.

The crazy thing is they refused to do a psych eval with oopen charges, which is why we dropped them and she came home last week. But now she's in the highest level of care with the state because she's threatened to burn my house down and starts fires. So hopefully they'll get it done asap.

I'm kinda nervous because I have to go to a meeting with everyone tom or fri to prove my case that I just can't control her anymore, and she will be there too. Its gonna be tough.

My younger daughter is doing okay. I'm sure all this is affecting her more than she's letting on. I think she's really confused. I've asked her if she would go to counseling to talk to someone about everything but she's not on board with that.

I myself am actually seeking therapy and an actual psych because my family doc is currently prescribing me wellbutrin and ambien. My anxiety is through the roof and I need something to help with that. Badly.


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 12, 2015 1:34 pm 
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I'm sure you're incredibly anxious with all of this looming over your head. I hope the meeting tomorrow goes well and the professionals can see that your daughter needs help.

Your younger daughter may benefit from therapy even if she doesn't think she wants it. Perhaps you can make some kind of deal with her that if she will see a therapist and give them a chance for 3 visits, after the third visit she can decided whether or not to go anymore. Do you think a compromise like that might work? It would be awful if she got lost in the cracks and didn't get the attention she needs, only to act out later. Please let us know how the meeting goes!

Amy

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PostPosted: Fri Aug 14, 2015 2:55 pm 
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Hey all. Just wanted to give an update about the meeting this am about my daughter. It was decided not to let her come home at this time, and she will most likely be gone a few mos at least. It was tough to do but I know its the right decision for us all in the long run.
Yest marked five weeks no subs. Still having sneezing, gooseflesh, and bathroom issues. Sleep sucks, dreams are crazy and about things actually happening in my waking life. Can't wait to sleep soundly again. I think that's the hardest cause I work late and rise with the sun everyday. I'm just trying to be patient and ride it out.


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 16, 2015 11:27 pm 
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I'm hoping that your daughter develops the skills she will need to make her life successful when she's older. And you can at least be reasonably sure that she will start to learn that her actions have consequences. Some kids just seem to need a little more life experiences to learn these important lessons.

Amy

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 17, 2015 9:28 am 
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I hope so. It really blows my mind its had to go this far. I compare her to myself I guess and I'm 32 and never been in trouble, locked up, even arrested like she has sooo many times at 13. I don't understand what she doesn't get about it.


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 17, 2015 2:15 pm 
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All I know is that there are some really smart people that have had to learn things the hard way. If your daughter has a mental disorder it makes her life doubly hard. She has to figure out what emotions and feelings are coming from her disorder and what ones are authentic. There are plenty of adults who haven't learned that yet and are still reacting to messed up wiring in their brains. As much as you can let her know that you love her even though she is causing trouble right now, the better.

Amy

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 17, 2015 4:04 pm 
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Hi Qom, You have so much on your plate and dealing with being off sub! I really admire you! It would be so easy to use again! You are amazing! Dealing with a thirteen year old is not easy...throw in behavioral issues and it's close to impossible! If you would allow, just one piece of advice, do whatever you can to squash or downplay the whole fire starting thing. Unless she is completely fascinated with fire and obsessed with what it can do I would not allow that label to stick. No program will take a fire setter. As soon as they hear the word arson or arsonist they will back away. Unless it is a program to specifically address that issue, and I don't know of any, they will only see her as a liability! I hope you understand that I only say this to make things easier for you and her. It is not fair that labels stick and that people get identified by them! Most likely this was a one time thing and she learned from it. Keep up the good work! You are a real role model!


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