It is currently Tue Aug 22, 2017 11:08 am



All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Our Sponsors





Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 10 posts ] 
Author Message
PostPosted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 7:20 pm 
Offline
Super Poster
Super Poster
User avatar

Joined: Sun Oct 21, 2012 5:33 pm
Posts: 147
I am taking Suboxone for cp. I still crave drugs after 3 weeks of of opiates! I know they will go away over time. Wrong....been there done that,,,,I have an addictive personality obviously, I grew up w. them and everyone about it around here did, I worked for 24 years and a stupid drunk hit me....talking about a change of pace!

I was an advocate for Suboxone for pain during my first week or so on it.

Not so sure about that now. In my experience I feel that I am metabolizing sub very fast, or something. I have even tried taking more of it than prxd, yep abused it even, knowing good and well it has a ceiling effect.......LOL

There isn't much to do in the extremely rural area I live in and everyone I Know that is still alive is abusing drugs.

I have found that I am on the www a whole lot lately looking for something that isn't there, a "feel good" pill that doesn't make me want more and more of.......and morrrreeee and moorrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeee of!

I need to get out of here ! I need to go to an AA, NA meeting or somewhere besides this computer chair. Was for many years a church going man, then and lost my daughter, and Dad died this summer, I feel like when I go to church anymore that I have been a member of for about 50 years, (since I was a little thing) I feel like I have the word Addict in neon lights as my halo, even the Chief of Police goes there....he rem. me when I was a real wild child too, always in trouble, he told my Mother that if anyone was going to get caught out of 50 people running, I would be the one of the ones to get tackled........

To sum it up, the road is icy as helk right now for me, and I guess I'll just take off walking to where I don't know.....

I hope all the junkies that were my friends, have a bing bang tonight...cause I see how worthless they are now and I could fill a leaf trash beag w/ the money they have borrowed from me over the years! But yet, if I need a ride, or someone to hang out with, well, I am not fitting the bill for fixings they have in mind, so I guess it might be a long winter looks like.

Yeh, yeh, I'm btchn', but I hurt like helk and am so disappointed and has really put me in a bad mood to say the least, this sub isn't doing it's job for me and maybe when I reach a "bridge" that is frozen hopefully I can rest w/ less pain there than on this icy road I have been on for years, and just sx that my doc , a pain doc at that said that sub would work for the cp......For some w/ a sore back or mild pain, but not for pain above a 5 of 10 IMO. :(

I figure it will not be long b4 my insurance stops covering the sub too! This sh is high as helk, and it would be my luck for them to write me and say, "you have received assitance for sub... for you last 30 day supply" "We suggest talking to your doctor about less exensive alternatives....." They have already done this to one of my exp. meds that was extending my life expectancy 3 years ago, so I know it is likely this time as well. My pmd will still be able to prx my sub, but I won't be able to $$$ them. As for an alternative, IDK.....there are many, but then I am back to square one.

If that happens I guess seeing as difficult it is to find a doc prx ANYTHING for cp or nerves in this area is almost non-existant!

I feel confident that to get by the wd's from sub if that happens, I guess I may have to hit the icy roads, and hope I don't wreck!

-----------------------------------
I acn't spell very good anymore....but I , welllll idk.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Thu Nov 08, 2012 11:21 pm 
Offline
6 Months or More
6 Months or More
User avatar

Joined: Thu Dec 08, 2011 2:41 pm
Posts: 207
My best friend is on suboxone for getting hit by a drunk driver. He is on 16 mg of suboxone every 4-6 hours. That means that every day he takes 80 mg. Perhaps your dose is not high enough? I think the ceiling effect only has to do with the "getting high" feeling. It does not put a cap on the way it treats pain I don't think, or else this doctor would not be prescribing it. I don't like to hear that you are not doing well and although you don't want to be on drugs anymore and fear that your insurance will drop you, and I am much younger than you and you are much wiser, I thought I would at least share that little piece of information just as something to think about for you to maybe try. Perhaps if you had more suboxone you would not have opiate cravings and your other symptoms would also be taken care of that you listen in your other thread. I know how you feel somewhat with the neon sign above your head saying "addict". Although no one knows how sever my addiction is, I have a bad track record and I feel like my family will never like me the same ever again, let alone the rest of the town. I get down very easily and take what people say to me and about me very seriously and I get depressed. But I know that it is wrong. It is wrong to care about what other people think. People like to talk shit about everyone. It doesn't matter who you are. I just remind myself this and thought I would at least remind you of it too. You are a good person no matter what and you have struggles that most people cannot imagine. Whatever you do, don't fall for everyone's hatred. People have lots of hate. But that doesn't mean they are right. And I hope that you still keep your connection with God, because he will be happy that you don't let other people get to you. Well, I hope that you will consider upping your dose of suboxone. Hopefully it will take your pain away. Like I said, my best friend, who is probably your age - he is going to be 51 in December - got hit by a drunk driver 10 years ago but he does not have cp or anything, just lots of pain. If it can help him, I am not saying it will help you, but maybe at least you could think about it. I hope your pain gets relieved soon.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: suboxone and cp
PostPosted: Fri Nov 09, 2012 1:11 pm 
Offline
Super Poster
Super Poster
User avatar

Joined: Sun Oct 21, 2012 5:33 pm
Posts: 147
Invisiblemovement,

From reading your post, it sounds like you know almost exactly what I am going through.

It also sounds like your situation w/ family and the town you live in is similar to mine also. People tend to label us, then we try to make ourself a better person, seems they can not only see the past, but NOT the future.

I hope your family will accept the fact you are who and with time they will see that you are changing. I will pray for you tonight that you get the chance (and unlike me, you have the time to do so) to prove yourself different to them.

I often feel like that neon halo is never going away, but I need to try and get over that [fade]paranoiaaaaaa[/fade] I even feel like I have to watch my every move, I feel like the law even knows ,he;s on suboxone, watch him....he might swerve and Ill get a bust! I am certain that the pharmacist in this very small town probably meets with the police chief and tells him everyone who gets anything that is a drug of any type of abuse.

Yes, I am about your friends age, I with my addictive personality think more is better. I intend to try and stick with the sub for a while and use OTC's to try and live with the pain level I have for now. As you are aware, pain or addicition is different for each person. Hopefully for me I can learn to live w/ this cp w/o harsher narcotics.

After the strips I get got about 3 weeks old they have started to fall apart when I open them, I called and reported to lot number to RB, they only aid we will report it to the lab. I think that them falling into 2-3 pieces could have psychologocally made me think they weren't working as well maybe too, idk.

My ins. is covering them for now, but will not cover more than 3/day. I just hope they don't stop covering them, they have meds b4 that were expensive.

I had a very, very bad day yesterday, and intend to try and be more positive about today.

Did you see friends drop off by the numbers when you stopped abusing drugs like I did?

Thanks for the useful post!

Your Friend,

boxer


Top
 Profile  
 
Our Sponsors
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Nov 09, 2012 6:25 pm 
Offline
6 Months or More
6 Months or More
User avatar

Joined: Thu Dec 08, 2011 2:41 pm
Posts: 207
Ya I don't know if it's like, people are scared of drug users or what. Maybe it's similar to something you brought up. They are paranoid that they will be "guilty of association". So they are scared if they hang out with us, people will think bad of them too. I try to not let it get to me. I am paranoid when I am at work because my co-workers have so many suspicions, and every since suboxone I haven't given them reason to be suspicious, but they will never forget. And everyone talks. You know, I hear gossip from my co-workers about people all the time, about people I don't even know. I know people's darkest secret in my little town of people I don't even know personally. That's why I am extra paranoid -- I don't know who knows what. The sad thing is, sometimes the gossip end up being exaggerate and untrue. So I can only image the kind of gossip going around about me. Sometimes I just think that people talk about people but they don't actually hate other people. They just like to talk about it because it's fun. Drama is fun. So I try to not let it get to me and keep saying that some day I will live in a better town, maybe a big city, and have a good job and show them that they're wrong. Thanks for your kind words, my family is getting a little better as time goes on. Part of it is, now shit is going down with my sister and her husband so it's like people have forgotten about my past as of now. I want their support so bad, so I can get off suboxone, but I dare not open up that can of worms all over and make them worry and blow everything out of proportion.

I totally am paranoid about the cops too. I get paranoid they will pull me over for some little swerve too. They actually did once. They "claimed" I was swerving but I know I wasn't. I denied their request to search the car, even though I didn't have anything on me, and they brought the dogs and everything. Turns out it was good I didn't let them b/c my friend's son had weed on him and he stashed it in the car and I would have gotten charged for it. But anyways, yes it is like, somehow they know something, or else they wouldn't have pulled me over. Unless they were after my friend's son and I just didn't know it. But, yes I get so paranoid because I always have my subs on me and even last night as I left my friends house who gets the subs, I was paranoid every single car behind me was the cops. Because like you said, it's a small town, and the cops talk to everyone.

You are lucky your insurance covers something. My friend went to court after the drunk truck driver incident and they said he could get cash or else insurance for life. He took insurance for life. Ten years later, he gets something in the mail that says his insurance is canceled. This happened a few months ago. His doctor is understanding and lets him get subutex instead because it is half the cost. So I suppose you could try asking your doctor that. I don't think doctors are usually that nice about prescribing subutex, though.

When I stopped using drugs, I am the one that stopped hanging out with them. I chose to delete all of their numbers, move out of my boyfriend's house and away from the environment, and to never call anyone except him ever again. What hurts the most is that I had a lot of friends before I used drugs and when they found out I smoked pot they all stopped talking to me and then now, years later, I have tried to get in contact with them and prove that I don't do that (I haven't even smoked pot in years) and still, they think I'm a bad person. And they don't even know the worst of it. I end up using more suboxone to fight the loneliness. I realize it's wrong so I do try and change my thoughts. A lot of it is learning how to not need anyone. It's hard but I keep faith that I'll be fine being alone some day.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Nov 10, 2012 9:41 am 
Offline
One Month or More
One Month or More

Joined: Sun Sep 23, 2012 4:01 pm
Posts: 34
80mgs???? Thats off the charts!!


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Sat Nov 10, 2012 12:04 pm 
Offline
Super Poster
Super Poster
User avatar

Joined: Sun Oct 21, 2012 5:33 pm
Posts: 147
I wish your friend has taken the cash now, I don't see how they just up and cancelled an insurance policy for life!?

I figure that people are going to say whatever they want and like you said, it may be unbelievable what other things people will add to the rumors. Like the elementray school days when the children would line up and the teacher would tell the forst student "Susan bought a bunch of roses.." the last student will say he was told, "Susie got a bad allergic reaction"

I just hate that I have to live in a small town, but after I got hurt in a MVA, like I said I oved back here because I grew up here. Now I regret it. Nothing has changed...even the years I was gone didn't even barely erase my young wilder days, I could tell when I would meet people that I had not seen and I could just tell that they figured I was just like back then.

It seemed like when I lived in the city, I blended in better, I was working too, and people din'tknow my past there. Oh well, some things never change I guess!

Well as I stay clean, it seems to make my life is even more boring at times. Just like I have this feeling that I am missing something, Whne I know that I am mostly missing the out on the bad habits I once used to have. I am hoping the suboxone will help my pain w/ OTC drugs and I will not have to to go back on tronger opiates for pain. IDK?


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Nov 12, 2012 5:21 am 
Offline
Moderator
Moderator
User avatar

Joined: Thu Feb 23, 2012 4:42 am
Posts: 4137
Wow, Boxer. I had no idea you'd experienced so much loss lately. I know firsthand how hard it is to lose a parent, but I can't imagine losing a child. Beyond terrible and I'm so sorry! Was your daughter sick or in an accident?

Do you realize how extra brave and strong you are to have just gone off your drug of choice when you're grieving such recent and painful losses? You are superman! I know you don't feel like it, but look over the facts:

-You've experienced the death of loved ones.

-You're in pain from being hit by a drunk driver.

-You are recognizing the nature of fair weather drug friends.

-You live in a place where you're being judged.

-You've lost the comfort of your church family.

-You're going through all the normal feelings that we have when we can't rely on our drug, loneliness, depression, feeling at loose ends, etc.

Yet, with all of these obstacles, you took the step toward recovery by choosing suboxone. You, sir, are a rock star!!

And invisiblemovement, you are obviously going through rough times too, yet here you are, propping boxer up and making sure he's OK. Awesome job!

You guys epitomize the best parts of this forum.

Amy

_________________
Done is better than perfect!


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject:
PostPosted: Mon Nov 12, 2012 11:02 pm 
Offline
Long Time Member
Long Time Member
User avatar

Joined: Tue Nov 01, 2011 11:48 pm
Posts: 1346
Location: oregon coast
WOW :wink:

I JUST came across this thread, I think when I first saw the title I thought it was one of the WIERD posts
becuz it showed up the same day as the blind child thing, and hotel thing..... :oops:

ANYWAYS,,,,,,
being sober IS LONELY............
I dont care what ANYBODY says!!!
I remember the first few months of me being on suboxone, I had changed my phone number, and I'd sit there and look at my phone, like WTF is the problem???
why aren't you RINIGING!!!!?????

becuz before suboxone, my phone would ring, or ding from texts, all DAY LONG, all hours of the night!!!!

And,,,, I wasn't EVER popular in school,,,,, I was a tomboy, hell I AM A TOMBOY,,, LOL
and you could say, WAY DIFFERENT that "most kids"
but when I started selling pills, man, I felt popular, and like EVERYBODY's friend...........
that came with a HEFTY price, for ME, though.

I still get lonely,,,, and I live in a small town too.....
I see somebody I either DID drugs with or sold drugs to, everytime I go to the grocery store, or the lumber yard.
it does get easier,
but it's still not "easy" if that makes any sense.

a few weeks ago,,, i was on my way to work, and my son fell asleep in the front seat of the car,
I was DAMN near outta smokes, so I pulled up to the lil mini mart, and ran in,,, left my son in the car,
I was standing at the counter, looking out the window, watching him sleep while paying for the cigs......
AND of course,
a cop pulls up.
of course, I run out there, before he's even outta his car. I say, "is there a problem?"
he goes ON AND ON
about how illegal that is, and how mucha shitty parent I am, and how "he KNOWS who I am"
I totally flipped out, saying,
if you want to take him, go AHEAd, if you THINK that's gonna SOLVE everything GO AHEAD,and if you knew
ANYTHING about ME<
you'd KNOW I've been doing GOOD now, for 18months!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OOOOOOO I was MAD!!!!

it just goes to show, that it takes a hell of a long time, to change ANYONE"s mind,,,,,
to that cop, I'll ALWAYS be, who I used to be.
he didnt say much,
after I was done, just told me to "not make a scene"
LOL
a year and half ago, i would have backed down immediately,,,,
but I've slowly gained confidence over the last year or so.

You gotta tell yourself that you ARE WORTH this fight,
and you want BETTER for yourself...............

there's definitely ups and downs,,,,
and Im nowhere near perfect.....
but I've made a TON of progress, and I think you guys have too!!!!
so,
keep it up,
and keep sharing your feelings cuz that helps a whole lot, too.
:wink:

remember, the race is long, and in the end, it's ONLY with yourSELF.......................

_________________
anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: beautiful
PostPosted: Tue Nov 13, 2012 1:42 pm 
Offline
One Month or More
One Month or More
User avatar

Joined: Wed Sep 05, 2012 7:41 pm
Posts: 32
Hey Amber .... that was really heart felt and well done !
You are right in that all of us trying to live a cleaner, better life cling to old self at times.
Takes a ton of courage to change .... gotta try our best to live in the now.
Take deep breaths and thank whatever GODS may be for our unconquerable souls!
be well ... live well


Top
 Profile  
 
   
 Post subject: Icy Road
PostPosted: Tue Nov 13, 2012 2:28 pm 
Offline
Super Poster
Super Poster
User avatar

Joined: Sun Oct 21, 2012 5:33 pm
Posts: 147
First, I would like to thank all of you for your replies. This forum is the last thread of life I am hanging on to.

After I looked at the length of many of my post, I figure that people think wtf,.,.,.<>>>... but I have a lot to say w/ few to ask or say it to.

@Amber:
I don't see what you did that was illegal in the cops eyes by leaving your child in the car when went in to get smokes?
Was the car still running, or were you parked in the wrong place, or...?
I haven't chnaged my phone number like some of you did, but it sure does not ring like it used to. I have even had people when I would call them, say I tried to call you and left a message, I have an answering machine and voice mail, and CID, they didn't call here!
It sounds like the cop harassing you could be reported for just that?
The cops here follow me like a pit bull, the Post Master here is also the Chief of police, his brother is the Mayor, his brother-in law runs the only garage here, His wife is the librarian. wow hungh?
@Amy
Thnaks for undestanding and the words you said. I still play music and palyed in bands for many years,but no rock start in that regards, but thanks for refering to me as that in my situation.
I found my daughter in bed dead as a door nail one morning, and the autopsy showed nothing, cause of death, well they said sids, but I tend to differ, my x-wife was drunk and her and her cousin was pushing the stroller w/ Heather in it toward the bedroom, and there was a 3 inch step up going from living room to kitchen, when they paushed the stoller the front legs boke and my daughter went flying into the kitchen! They put her to bed, I had been asleep and didn't know anything about the stroller until the next day after coming home from the hospital, my Mother pointed out the broken stroller, I was even questioned by the police about it, I exp. my sory like above to them. I was a heavy drug user back them too, and they knew it and I had been under their eye for maufacturing hemp and selling LSB and powder for many years, helk, there were no jobs here then and few now. So I grew hemp and traded goods for a living, I had to feed my family somehow. They just could never catch me and never did. They even had the gaul to ask me if I had given my child any drugs...thanks cops for the good timing, I was all to helk!
I am due many losses this year w/ family, my Mother is prob living her last year, as well as her sister, and my first cousin, w/ in-operable brain cancer, my other Aunt has bad diabtetes to the point where they cannt control it, and Uncle with Luekemia, stage 4 I think. So I am soon to be the elder of my family. I am not ready for this.
My other daughter is a real bad crack addict in Tennessee and calls for money regularly. She never madeit thru HS, but was put in boot camp to get her GED, she went to jail instead after failing UDT there.
@invisiblemovement
I hate that your situation is how it is too, and like I said is very similar to mine in many ways. I hope that you can stay clean and find new friends and the loneliness will fade with time as well as you reputation, with new friends things will be better I feel like for you.

I fight to keep on the road since it is so icy, and I see that I still am looking for that bridge (to something better) will come within sight soon for me and all of us. I feel like I am sometimes doing donuts on this raod like I hit the brakes to hard on the ice, and have nearly hit the median many times already.

Soon I hope the sun will melt the ice and I can drive the rest of my life withut having to keep both hands on the steering wheel, and can take the truck out of 4 wheel drive for a change and I will not be on the look out for the next bridge. Maybe I should take another road?

@Amy
I can use the suboxone to get off of drugs, but that leaves me on cp even worse, and the only other resort I have is opies. This is true on my road because fyi I am on the sub, for cp, prx'd by my pain doctor. He wants me to take it forever...what next, freezing rain and sleet and even more poor visibility?

_________________
BUPRENORPHINE



Synonyms:

UM-952;Lepetan;rx6029m;Subutex;Temgesi;Buprenex;NIH-8805;Temgesic;CL-112302;Buprenorfin


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 10 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Our Sponsors
Suboxone Forum latest topics RSS feed Subscribe to the entire forum
 

 

 
Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

  • Board Certified Psychiatrist
  • Asst Clinical Professor, Medical College of Wisconsin

Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group