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PostPosted: Fri Oct 07, 2011 9:30 am 
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Last night was day 8 for me. I got home from work and was getting mentally prepared again for a night of no sleep. I had my ups and down during the day but they were very brief.

Then it happened, 8:00pm I was out cold ! I woke up at 3:00am and felt something that I haven't felt in a very very long time ! NORMAL !!! My thoughts were controllable, my body was strong, and I felt great !!! I started to do things that " I couldn't do unless I was HIGH " and it was amazing !!!

IT IS FINALLY OVER !!! 5 years as a slave to opiates ! I have tried many time to stop but always fell right back into it after a few days of withdrawal ! NOT THIS TIME MO FO !!!

Since it has came full circle, I now know what is at risk and will not ever slip again !

During my withdrawal, I drew up a tattoo to always remember what I have to lose.

It is a full sleeve tattoo for my right arm. At the top of my arm are going to be beautiful colored poppy plants ( for you that don't know thats where opiates come from ) they are all going to have bright colors and green vines wrapped around my arm. As the vines go down my arm they will start to crack and turn black and have sharp thornes. This tattoo will represent the start of my addiction (the top) where I thought it was sooooo great ( bright, colorful ) but was too distracted to know that it already had ahold me of ( green vines wrapped around my arm ) but over time, it turns into a ugly black crown of thornes that I will forever have to wear. I feel this reflects Life And Death, Good And Bad, Addiction And Sobriety.

I will post a pic when it is all completed ( It will take a few sessions to get this done ! )

I will still be here for support and will forever be greatful for the wise words from everybody. I still know that I am not 100% out of the woods yet and probably never will be ! I am an addict and will always have to watch myself !

For those just getting off of Suboxone, or anyother drug for that matter, it will be over soon ! TRUST ME ! Like I said before, if you wanna play, you gotta PAY !!! And 9 days of hell for 5 years of drug abuse, I will take that deal anyday of the week !!!

Everyone that is on Day 10 + . Tell yourself its over tomorrow, jump that mental hurdle and you will cross that finish line !
Everyone that is just coming off and wants to know what is in store feel free to contact me ! Its not that bad ! It might seem like it at times but it really isn't ( a huge percent of this is MENTAL ) !

I love and respect everyone of you,

keep it up and we all can help more people overcome this !


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 07, 2011 9:45 am 
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I am so glad that you got some sleep and that you are feeling so good today!

That tattoo sounds lovely. I really, really love the idea of the poppy plants wrapping their vines around your arm and turning to death. Because that's what it is. Opiates steal your soul, and take away all your feelings. Now that I'm getting used to the idea of getting off of subs, I'm actually looking forward to finding out how I will feel drug free.

Congrats to you, and thanks for the inspiration!


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 07, 2011 10:53 am 
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YAY!!! I'm so happy for you. Ain't it funny how a decent sleep changes your entire perspective?

Wow.....the tattoo.....VERY COOL!! I love sleeves (trying to convince my husband to get one!) and you're design sounds amazing and unique. Honestly, that's one of the coolest ideas I've heard. I figure either go big or go home. :D Please, please, do post pics. You can't forget what you've been through when you have it illustrated on your arm. And if you ever went back to that old life, you'd see your arm and feel like such a bleep-head. You never, ever have to go back. Isn't that a huge relief??

laddertipper

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First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you. ~F. Scott Fitzgerald


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 07, 2011 11:03 am 
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That's great news RyKat82!! I'm glad you're feeling so much better.

I love the tattoo idea.....I got one after I quit Suboxone too!! It was my first EVER tattoo and I LOVE it!!! Everytime I see it, it reminds me of the hell I survived and it also reminds me that I have to always be strong against this addiction of mine.

Can I ask you what plans you have to ensure your continued recovery?? Are you considering meetings?? Have you given your continued recovery much thought??

I was like you when I first quit Suboxone. I swore I would NEVER use opiates again. Well, I made it 10 months and fell flat on my face. Shortly after that, I got into NA and really got serious about my recovery.

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 07, 2011 11:47 am 
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THANKS EVERYONE !

Now, to answer the Big Question "What plans do I have to ensure your continued recovery ?"

NA, in my opinion, is not for me ! I do not benefit from people telling me depressing stories about addiction. The only way I beat mine this time was that I was positive. Plus in NA they act like they never had a problem and look down at you like you are nothing because you are just now admitting your problem. Excuse me for not getting my addiction under control at the exact same time and way that the NA people did ! Now, this is just my personal experiance, so if NA works for you, I am very happy and want to tell you to stick with it !

I really have two big plans to stay sober, my son Phoenix and my daughter Athena ! I have been high since they came into this world and that is no way to be a parent ! Knowing that they got their father back (for the first time) is all the motovation I need to never use again !

Also, I have a mind set of WHY would I ever go back ? WHY would I put myself and everyone close to me through this again ? I never made it past day 5 of a withdrawal, so WHY would I throw everything away for a cheap high that has taken so much from me over the years ! Plus, my tattoo is something that I will HAVE TO look at everyday and remind myself what I have to lose and what I have to gain !

one of my favorite quotes of all time is " Those Who Forget The Past Are Condemned To Repeat It ! "

This is very true when it comes to addiction !


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 07, 2011 12:12 pm 
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Congratulations, RyKat, and thank you for your inspiring message. I'll be remembering what you said about 9 days being a small price to pay when I jump on Monday. I feel that my two kids are my greatest inspiration as well, and I probably wouldn't have gotten into recovery if I didn't have the guilt of what a horrible parent I had become.
The thing is, I can't very well tell my kids when I have the urge to use, which I know I will at some point. I'm a little leary of NA right now myself, but I know I have to at least get in touch with some friends in recovery and get a support network in place. I'm also testing the waters of some counseling and looking into a once a week group I can attend. They say an addict alone is in bad company, and due to my circumstances I'm alone a lot these days. So I know I need people, and I would encourage you to think of some people you can rely on when that voice starts lying to you.
I'm really happy that you have come to such a good place. Keep up the good work,
Lilly


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 07, 2011 7:20 pm 
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Hey Ry,
I figure you are going to get a few people that recommend AA or NA, so it's probably OK for me to second your sentiment that they might not be for you. I spent a decade in and out of the rooms with very little success. Taking suboxone proved to me that the problem has nothing to do with all that material they discuss from the big book, nothing to do with a step 4, and talking to other addicts never did a thing to help me stay sober. Obviously there is something wrong in my brain that causes me to crave alcohol or opiates, otherwise suboxone wouldn't eradicate the cravings like it did.

I'm actually not sure how I plan on staying sober once I go off suboxone. I am going to rely on my daughter and family and hope and pray that being sober this long will have made it easier. If not, I guess I'll go back on the subs and deal with the sweating and weight gain because I know for a fact that AA & NA have nothing to offer me.

Total respect and jealousy who are helped by the 12 steps. I wished and prayed for years that they would offer me some relief.


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 08, 2011 12:27 am 
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Oh man .. this is just the beginning...

I quit sub for 15 mo's once... it was horrible.. i ended up relapsing ....

the first 90 days SUCK.... the first 6 mos suck... If you can last that long you might make it.

Use every resource you got


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PostPosted: Sat Oct 08, 2011 1:53 am 
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I don't mean to be a buzz kill man because getting off subs is a huge accomplishment in itself, but like Cire said this is only the beginning. I cringed reading how confident you are and speaking of opiate and sub addiction in the past tense only because it reminded me of myself when I first got off subs.. Well here I am 100+ days off of subs having tapered perfectly after being on subs for 14 months. I have relapsed 3 times, and am fucking miserable from the PAWS to say the least. When I say relapse, each episode only lasted a day so I don't know how far that set me back but I can't imagine much. The PAWS people speak of are no joke. The acute w/d phase was a cakewalk. I hope to God you don't experience PAWS, but be wary and don't have too many expectations of how you expect to feel 30, 60, 90 days out and so forth. You'll have some good days along with the bad so just enjoy and take advantage of em when you got em. I wish you the best. This stuff really does a number on our systems


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