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PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2012 9:03 am 
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Joined: Thu Sep 06, 2012 1:06 pm
Posts: 12
Well guys. Looks like i am here for thr long haul... even when i quit i eoll remaim on these noards to prpvode suppprt for others and simply talking helps me! Excuse my grammar i am on my phone i will do my best i will be able to get on a sound computer in a week or so to fix this.. man auto correct and the forums not letting me easily select anything sucks...

March 27th 2010... i buy a storage unit in tempe az... i make 4 trips to get all the stuff out... 5th and final trip a bus hits my car... a school bus with 60 kids and parents ... conveniently none of them see the accident....

I have stenosis in my back, it means my spinal canal is smaller than average... so when my l3-4 herniated i started pain management. I had never used drugs before (maybe smoked a couple times)... i didnt drink i didnt use tobacco nothing... straight as a ruler... and the doc prescribed me some absolutely stupid dose of tramadol. The pa tild me when i had come in the nexr time it was 3x what he normally gives out... maybe he saw i was innocent enough and really Welling in pain but eho knows at this point

The tramadol wouldnt let me sleep at night... if i took it adter about 2-3the pm (because i worked at 4a ecery day) then i couldnt get to sleep... i tell them and they switch me to percocet... harmless enough... except when someome who has never had the oleasue of an opiate now had a limitless supply for the next (ended up brinv about 10 months.

I get my back surgery done, and at that point i had quite a tolerance so for days after the discectomy they injected me with dilauded... hour after hour... on the hour the nice nurse would u come in with some happimess im a shot... oh but wait i have muscle spasms... okay heres a benzo for your spasms... and it was never the same..

Shortly after the back surgery when my pain levels were down i tried to stop oxy... and did 100% successfully ..
But one month later i got introduced to this nice blue little pill... someone gave me one for free i took it and had my first "nod" i remember the somg, where, the time... everything... that moment was special... little did i knoe it was going to change my lofe forever... so soon i wasnt nodding from one of them.. so it was suggested to snort it... and i did. And i went from half a 30bit twice a day to about @12-18 snorted a day... life is good. I had some spurts where i made decent amounts of money and had no problema providing myseld with approx 4k/month in pills... but eventually i start to see money dwindle ... and unlike others i buy and sell sports items and collectivles.. so i need cash to work... i i decide one day enough is enough ... i quit myself... no help no support .. oi just quit ... i was bedbound for about 5the days hut it started getting better ..i then heard about hpe and this miracle drug takes away your cravings (man those were killing me) so i start... feel lile a million bux

And i stop just about a month and a half later... relatively no sub w/ds ... but the cravings hit agaim... no relapse but i was weak and went to see the doc again knowing it would make me feel better and let me get on with eveey day life.... except now the suns when i tried to stop months later produce sick w/ds... worse than oxy for me... with oxy i had no motivation i was sick i was on the toilrt all day.. but boy subs... not only do i have no motivation but i have mucus draining down my throat all day ecery time i try to stop and get sicker with nausea than i did on the oxy... and here i am now....

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 13, 2012 12:21 am 
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Joined: Tue Nov 01, 2011 11:48 pm
Posts: 1292
Location: oregon coast
Hi jimmy!!! :D :D :D

Thanks for sharing 8)

It takes alot of courage, sometimes, for us to 'share' the real truth with others. it did for me too.
I think your doing just fine man. If staying on a bit more suboxone is what you need to do right now,
thats okay, right? better than snortin (or worse) oxys right???

I can totally relate about getting a 'real nod' for the first time. Nothing was the same after that. I knew what I wanted, LOL

But now, those days seem so very far away, my friend. Im so glad, too.
Sometimes I miss being 'popular' with everybody, or at least when you had a new batch of pills, LOL
and you know the phone ringing/dinging from texts all the time. Nowadays my phone might not ring all day.

Try not to be too hard on yourself.
Thanks agian for sharing. I hope you can continue to help others and find some support yourself.
:D :D :D

anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart

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