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PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2012 9:03 am 
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Well guys. Looks like i am here for thr long haul... even when i quit i eoll remaim on these noards to prpvode suppprt for others and simply talking helps me! Excuse my grammar i am on my phone i will do my best i will be able to get on a sound computer in a week or so to fix this.. man auto correct and the forums not letting me easily select anything sucks...

March 27th 2010... i buy a storage unit in tempe az... i make 4 trips to get all the stuff out... 5th and final trip a bus hits my car... a school bus with 60 kids and parents ... conveniently none of them see the accident....

I have stenosis in my back, it means my spinal canal is smaller than average... so when my l3-4 herniated i started pain management. I had never used drugs before (maybe smoked a couple times)... i didnt drink i didnt use tobacco nothing... straight as a ruler... and the doc prescribed me some absolutely stupid dose of tramadol. The pa tild me when i had come in the nexr time it was 3x what he normally gives out... maybe he saw i was innocent enough and really Welling in pain but eho knows at this point

The tramadol wouldnt let me sleep at night... if i took it adter about 2-3the pm (because i worked at 4a ecery day) then i couldnt get to sleep... i tell them and they switch me to percocet... harmless enough... except when someome who has never had the oleasue of an opiate now had a limitless supply for the next (ended up brinv about 10 months.

I get my back surgery done, and at that point i had quite a tolerance so for days after the discectomy they injected me with dilauded... hour after hour... on the hour the nice nurse would u come in with some happimess im a shot... oh but wait i have muscle spasms... okay heres a benzo for your spasms... and it was never the same..

Shortly after the back surgery when my pain levels were down i tried to stop oxy... and did 100% successfully ..
But one month later i got introduced to this nice blue little pill... someone gave me one for free i took it and had my first "nod" i remember the somg, where, the time... everything... that moment was special... little did i knoe it was going to change my lofe forever... so soon i wasnt nodding from one of them.. so it was suggested to snort it... and i did. And i went from half a 30bit twice a day to about @12-18 snorted a day... life is good. I had some spurts where i made decent amounts of money and had no problema providing myseld with approx 4k/month in pills... but eventually i start to see money dwindle ... and unlike others i buy and sell sports items and collectivles.. so i need cash to work... i i decide one day enough is enough ... i quit myself... no help no support .. oi just quit ... i was bedbound for about 5the days hut it started getting better ..i then heard about hpe and this miracle drug takes away your cravings (man those were killing me) so i start... feel lile a million bux

And i stop just about a month and a half later... relatively no sub w/ds ... but the cravings hit agaim... no relapse but i was weak and went to see the doc again knowing it would make me feel better and let me get on with eveey day life.... except now the suns when i tried to stop months later produce sick w/ds... worse than oxy for me... with oxy i had no motivation i was sick i was on the toilrt all day.. but boy subs... not only do i have no motivation but i have mucus draining down my throat all day ecery time i try to stop and get sicker with nausea than i did on the oxy... and here i am now....


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 13, 2012 12:21 am 
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Joined: Tue Nov 01, 2011 11:48 pm
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Location: oregon coast
Hi jimmy!!! :D :D :D


Thanks for sharing 8)

It takes alot of courage, sometimes, for us to 'share' the real truth with others. it did for me too.
I think your doing just fine man. If staying on a bit more suboxone is what you need to do right now,
thats okay, right? better than snortin (or worse) oxys right???

I can totally relate about getting a 'real nod' for the first time. Nothing was the same after that. I knew what I wanted, LOL

But now, those days seem so very far away, my friend. Im so glad, too.
Sometimes I miss being 'popular' with everybody, or at least when you had a new batch of pills, LOL
and you know the phone ringing/dinging from texts all the time. Nowadays my phone might not ring all day.

Try not to be too hard on yourself.
Thanks agian for sharing. I hope you can continue to help others and find some support yourself.
:D :D :D

_________________
anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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Fond Du Lac Psychiatry
Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

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