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PostPosted: Sun May 26, 2013 11:27 pm 
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This is reassuring. Reading these experiences with anxiety/depression. None of this is simple. I think i was drawn to opiates originally because i had a hard time dealing with large groups of people. Heroin was like a nice warm blanket. I didn't need anyone, never got lonely. Was really creative for a long time using. But then the reality of it all becomes so hollow. Suboxone allowed me to break that routine, and for that i am grateful. I didn't notice the nasty side effects until about a year into my suboxone treatment (or pretended they weren't there). I have always been a little sad, but it was a sadness that i recognized, accepted, and was familiar to me. Before suboxone, i had a social life. Was engaged with the world. Inspired by things. Never short on creative ideas. The suboxone killed all that. I was leveled by a depression that was completely foreign and frightening. And it was unrelenting. Constant. This was saddled with severe anxiety, memory loss and a general fog in my brain. I could no longer see the world in three-dimensional color. Everything was monochrome.
It was this combination of side effects that finally pushed me to wean myself off after 2 years of use, and i have been suboxone free for 4 days now. This rickety boat has a lot of sailing to do before my brain starts to repair itself. Reading all of your positive experiences with time as a healer is giving me hope though. So thank you for that.


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PostPosted: Tue May 28, 2013 3:29 pm 
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with side effects like that, i'm sure staying suboxone-free will work for you. What are ur plans for staying sober after you detox?


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PostPosted: Tue May 28, 2013 11:56 pm 
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raudy1975 wrote:
with side effects like that, i'm sure staying suboxone-free will work for you. What are ur plans for staying sober after you detox?


For me, a large part is sincerely being ready to move forward. Which I have never honestly been able to do. I have bounced back and forth for years with opiates before suboxone. I would stop for a while. Tell myself i was done with the whole tired mess. But that was never really true. I have never been all that interested in trying to fix my broken head and heart before. But something about living in an emotionless cocoon for the last 2 years really catapulted me forward. I got tired of just getting by. No true/natural euphoria in my life. It's no way to live. For sure I have a long way to go before my head starts to heal. I found myself a family doctor for the first time in my life. Holistic as well as regular medicine. Talked to a Nutritionist about eating better. Putting good things into my body. Thinking of going to therapy, but that never really worked for me in the past and am skeptical about going down that road. Keeping my head down and working/creating. I don't know. It could all fall apart for sure. But truthfully, I think I'm going to be okay. I am not a big internet user. Not on facebook or social media at all. And it always feels strange shooting these words out into the void. Not knowing who receives them. Community is important. Looking someone in the eye too. I need more of that in my life. Need to figure out how to break my isolation/hermit tendencies. I have a hard time with that. I find there is a real common thread in a lot of opiate users. A generalization for sure, but a lot of us are extremely sensitive. And for me at least, opiates provided a buffer between me and the world that i needed for a long time. So much of my brokenness comes from family trauma growing up. I hate that i still haul that heavy baggage around. Need to deal with that too somehow. Man. What a ramble. Time to stop.


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 01, 2013 7:21 pm 
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WantToBeFREE wrote:
Close friends didn't realize any difference with me on Suboxone till about 8 months into it. - I got told once I was becoming a shell of the happy, bouncy fun person I use to be. That one hurt a bit.

The change was just abrupt. It's completely lifted 33 days off Suboxone however.

Hopefully that continues.


good lord it felt great to hear that. i have to go to some party thing for my wifes work tomorrow, and its the FIRST social event i'd be going to free of subs (im 18 days off) i've been almost freaking out about it the past couple days, but my WDs weren't that bad (although you wouldnt know it by reading my thread lol) and aside from a little unmotivation and the anxiety, i feel pretty normal. i don't know why it makes me so nervous. its at Mandalay Bay, and i never really liked casinos so that may be why, or its because im not that close to the people attending i'm thinking...

I also just today found out i'll be going to the SEMA show here in las vegas this year (even though because of fucking subs, i kind of fell out of contact with a couple teams i used to help out. ) and for some reason, finding out i'd be seeing those guys again made me almost cry (also because the SEMA show is pretty awesome)... its been 18 months sine ive seen or even TALKED to any of them, they all know i've got a 'problem' , but they don't care. makes me think its all in my head, but i've had panic issues before ( over a decade ago) so i dunno if that'd come back...

oh and the moment you guys had where your friends said something that was somewhat shocking/hurtful? i got an intervention in the back of a semi trailer and sent to rehab lol (dont get me wrong im grateful)


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 01, 2013 7:24 pm 
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TeeJay wrote:
I think the main thing about online dating is its convenience, and the lack of effort that needs to go into it. I'll admit I met my current partner online, but that's not much of a glowing endorsement for online dating. I've used this forum to vent about it quite a lot.


truer words have never been spoken lol

i met my wife of 13 years from an online date with one of her friends' friends' lol. A/S/L?


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 06, 2013 4:26 am 
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It's possible the bupe is related bu I know for some, myself included, it's not the bupe, it's the addiction. The chemical changes don't just heal. We go through a lot in active addiction, and some of that stuff continues to affect us, even if we don't notice it always, even after being clean on bupe for some time. I think its important to be sure you talk to your doctor about these feelings and find out if it might be the bupe causing it, or continuing effects from our time in battle, and if it is bupe possibly reducing dose, if you're ready, or finding a way to treat it without doing so. It's a problem if people see a thread like this and have had similar feelings and decide on their own, without medical advice to reduce or quit suboxone. That might be right fir some, but it might not be the cause or some people might not be there quite yet and find themselves back in active addiction shortly after. That isn't to say this isn't a good thread, that it's not important to be able to discuss these feelings in an open, relatively safe environment - it is great to be able to - and this is a good thread. And like I said, for some people it very well may be the bupe. However, it's important to seek medical advice from trained professionals and discuss all possible causes and plans of action to ensure a continued successful recovery. Personally, I've always been an introvert, and shy too, but on drugs I was very social, though I became more recessed in my later addiction. On bupe I was great fir months, with a few ups and downs now and then, but lately I'm in a funk. But in my case, I don't think it is the bupe. I think it is still related to the ongoing recovery within my brain and body, chemical imbalances and the likes, and maybe some external factors, all of which I'll be discussing with my doctor this month. But I know for me, this is not the time to reduce dose. Naturally this varies with each person. And sadly, not everyone is blessed with a good, reliable doctor to discuss this with. I am grateful for mine, and I wish it were the same fir everybody. I hope we all continue our recovery and find happiness. We deserve it. Whatever's going on, just hold on, and seek prifessional help if necessary. I don't know any if you personally, but I love you all. I wish you all the best.


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 06, 2013 1:08 pm 
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Thanks for sharing, Chazwick. I'm sorry that you're in a funk right now.

I think you're being very realistic about what is causing your low period. Many people would just blame the sub, but I think you hit it on the head when you say that you are still dealing with the effects of addiction. How could someone expect to go through major changes in brain chemistry and think that their mood will not be affected?

It's wonderful that you have a doctor you can really talk to! And I'm very glad that you are listening to your body and understand that it's not a good time for you to taper.

Out of everything, however, I'm most happy that you come to this forum for support. We love you back and wish you nothing but the best.

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 05, 2013 11:59 am 
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I'm so fucking glad I reads this i've been feeling crazy. I am a freshman in college and sometimes I just feel drained at party's and just in general. I used to be a wildcard bitches but now I feel like my emotions are numb and I'm more inclined to feel depressed when I wake up and stuff. Not to mention im probably the only h addict in this whole school and have to lie about what i'm taking (subs) Is this normal?


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PostPosted: Tue Nov 05, 2013 9:50 pm 
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Beachboy wrote:
I'm so fucking glad I reads this i've been feeling crazy. I am a freshman in college and sometimes I just feel drained at party's and just in general. I used to be a wildcard bitches but now I feel like my emotions are numb and I'm more inclined to feel depressed when I wake up and stuff. Not to mention im probably the only h addict in this whole school and have to lie about what i'm taking (subs) Is this normal?


It's pretty common to feel like your emotions are dulled a bit. In fact, they were when you were on Heroin too, but you were too loaded to notice. Now you're more alert and can take more stock in what you're going though. You have to weigh the pros and the cons of the situation. Being a bit numbed or dulled can be better than being strung out on heroin, for most people. There are other factors that could be going on, too. You mentioned waking up depressed.. that might mean you need additional help in that area. Whether it's counseling/ therapy, or anti-depressants..?

But yes, in general, parties aren't as fun when you're not high and smashed. It's just the way it is. As for having to hide your addiction and recovery, that is pretty normal for a lot of us. It's important to find an outlet where you CAN be honest, though. Whether that is meetings, private counseling, or an online forum, it helps to balance the secrets out.

Good luck!


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 05, 2014 8:42 pm 
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I'm bipolar, or at least I was before I started taking suboxone in Jan 2013. I used to have extreme highs and lows, but do not now that I'm on subs. I have however developed slight depression and yes, social anxiety too. I used to really enjoy running and exercising, now, I've gained 25 lbs and have to force myself to get on the treadmill.

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 06, 2014 8:30 pm 
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Looks like you're not the only one having those issues.. Didn't read every reply word-for-word but I hit the points and agree/relate with some of them.. I've been on Suboxone a little over 12 months and have been noticeably changed/affected by the Subs.. I stopped going out 6 times a week, blowing $50 at the bar everynight, playing golf everyday, etc, etc.. I justified staying home/blowing off friends with the fact that I was saving money, getting healthier and studying harder, but in reality I was just laid up in my room watching Lifetime movies and not answering texts/calls - I finally got tired of people thinking I was using drugs again (it sucks being accused or looked-at like a drug addict when you're not using a damn thing!!!)... That's when I started Googling and reading hundreds of posts like this - Long story short, I got bloodwork done and verified my thoughts... That I was clean, healthy, but suffering from symptoms of Low Testosterone.. Bingo.. Just talking with an Endocrinologist (hormone doctor... Aka specialist) made me feel 20x better.. Knowing that all of my symptoms were symptoms of Low T, and how common it is... And how common it is for opiates to suppress your T... And how many options to raise your T there are... It's definitely worth a look (google is a click a way)!!


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 01, 2014 10:30 pm 
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This thread is fascinating for me.

The social anxiety? Not being able to relate to others, laughing at the wrong time or not at all? Contact is a chore or even terrifying, something that must be anticipated, worried about, avoided if possible? Unable to understand what's going on in the heads you're forced to speak and listen to? The eye contact like lasers are going to shoot out of them? Who wouldn't be depressed if the other billions of people on the planet all made you feel this way?

I've lived with those problems my whole life. They're a big part of what drove me to opiates, because they disappear when I'm on them. Thankfully, even the bupe is working well for that, though not quite as well as the harder stuff.

For me it's incredibly interesting to hear about people who were previously the life of the party to see the other side of the coin. It's also heartbreaking. I can relate, strongly. Worse, the cure for your serious illness is causing these problems for you. I just hope you can all find a balance and a taper that gets you back with the people you like without also getting you back with your addiction.

I'm rooting for you. Be well.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 02, 2014 9:40 pm 
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I've been suffering from depression for about 5 weeks now.In fact I posted asking if any anti-depressants work well with suboxone a few weeks ago.

I do get depressed about the same time of each year.Birthdays or certain ages have added to depressed feelings.

I do feel Suboxone has it pros and cons.It cost money,it's highly addictive,etc...
I do not like being so dependent or powerless on anything.


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 27, 2014 5:34 pm 
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I can totally relate to everything that's being said here! I have been on subutex for a little over a year and it's been great up to now... actually this started around Christmas where I started feeling down, sad, depressed,started isolating myself, feeling social anxiety etc. Seems like it wasn't there one minute and was the next almost like a switch had been flipped. I was a little suspicious it might be from subutex so I increased my dose. I'm prescribed one and a half 8mg pills a day but only ever really took one a day. So I started taking the other half but really couldn't tell a difference..So im to taking 8mg a day and planning on slowly tapering more to see if that gets me outta this "funk" I'm just glad to know that I'm not alone and gives me all the more reason to taper. I'm also new to this forum so greetings everyone!


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 27, 2014 5:55 pm 
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Hey truckhouse-

Your post sounds pretty familiar to my own experience. I'm a huge bupe advocate, based on how it helped me personally, but I dealt with the anxiety and isolation as well. And it absolutely seemed to come out of nowhere about a year in. I was on sub for 6 years, so I dealt with it for quite a while. I know a lot of people like to say that it could be your real personality shining through and/ or "how do you know this isn't how you've always been because you've always been medicated or high?" But my issues went away almost immediately after stopping suboxone, so I know it's not my "true normal", if you will. I am naturally outgoing whether I was high or not (in the past) and while on suboxone, it was the exact opposite. If I had dinner plans, I'd be trying to figure out the best way to cancel, days in advance! It became a running joke amongst friends. Hanging out with people -other thna my husband- was downright uncomfortable for me during my maintenance. Now, I'm fine.. Go figure.

I've often wondered if it was a direct effect of the medication itself or perhaps a secondary symptom from guilt and stress of being dependent on a medication. It could be either, IMO. All I know is that I was like that because I was taking suboxone.

I will end this post by saying that the pros of suboxone maintenance far outweighed any negative symptoms I had. I needed those 6 years to get my life turned around and I did. So I missed some dinners and didn't like to hang out, I am alive and healthy today. I really have only suboxone to thank for it so far.. It was the biggest tool in my recovery, other than continuously putting one foot in front of the other, in the right direction. Work, healthy living, holding myself accountable, changing bad behavior, etc.

I saw your other thread, which I'll respond to as well.


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 24, 2014 6:26 am 
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Hi everyone!

It has been interesting to read your experiences on how buprenorfine has affected your personality. I live in a small European country and I haven`t been able to find any good web forums in my own language.

I`ve been off Suboxone for 8 days now and I feel like shit. I was on Suboxone for almost five years. First my dose was as high as 20 mg/day, then during the years I was able to slowly drop to 10 mg and then 6 mg and so on. I think I was on 6 mg when I had my baby (who suffered very bad withdrawal symptoms and had to be hospitalized and on morphine for 3 weeks :( :() For the past year I have been on 2-4 mg/day and the lower my dose was, the better I felt. During the years on Suboxone I didn`t feel any real joy or happines. I always felt like I had to fake all the feelings from joy to sorrow. I`M pretty sure that I haven`t truly cried in many years. I have been totally numb for all the years that I was on buprenorfine. Also I think that I have been more aggressive and I`ve lost my temper more easily, especially with my son.

I have felt very bad withdrawal symptoms during the last week but I`ve made up my mind; I will get rid of the medication because I wanna feel like human again! I wanna be able to laugh and cry and enjoy my family and friends. I wanna be interested on things, on my schoolwork etc. Buprenorfine gave me my life back but It also took something very important away. And now It`s time for me to fight and get my medicine-free life back :)


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 24, 2014 6:37 am 
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tinydancer wrote:
I've often wondered if it was a direct effect of the medication itself or perhaps a secondary symptom from guilt and stress of being dependent on a medication. It could be either, IMO. All I know is that I was like that because I was taking suboxone.



This is something for me to think about :) I have also struggled a lot with the fact that I was so dependent on a medication. It might have affected my mood and lower my self-esteem along. But this was a new point of view. Maybe It wasn`t only the medication that was bringing me down, it was also the shame and quilt that came from the fact that I was dependent on buprenorphine.


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 16, 2014 1:10 pm 
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I myself notice the "BLAH'S" while on low dose Suboxone. I'm currently weaned down to 4 mg and doc plans to lower me to 3 mg next month. It took me WEEKS to adjust going down from 6 mg to 4 mg. I told the doc about my extreme irritability, no motivation, and unsociable symptoms a few weeks ago and he says it's not the Suboxone, but rather my addict mind. I think this is total B.S. though. I know for a fact during my maintenance starting at 12 mg and sticking at 8 mg for 6 months that I felt "normal", as they say. Only when I dipped below 8 mg did I start experiencing anti-social like behavior with more anxiety. I have a feeling that the anxiety part of the PAWS when I stop Suboxone will probably be ten fold what it was with full agonist short acting opiates.

The worst part of feeling this low dose sub depression crap is it being hard to find a job. It's an endless loop I get in where I get anxious because I need work, but when I think of the "process" of finding a job I get overwhelmed, depressed and finally unmotivated. This is the hell I've been in for going on 2 months now. The taper process is so damn slow and agonizing that I wonder if jumping off at 4 mg would be worth the insane anxiety, insomnia, depression I'd feel for 30-45 days.


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PostPosted: Mon Jun 16, 2014 2:42 pm 
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For most, jumping from 4mg is a brutal assault on the senses. I would not recommend it. If you're getting serious depression while still at 4mg, you may need to look into an antidepressant. It's not uncommon at all for addicts to have underlying mental health issues.

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