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PostPosted: Tue Dec 11, 2012 3:58 am 
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Hello to everyone on these forums, or should I say my fellow Suboxone takers.

I first took suboxone 2 years ago after trying (I did it for others, not myself) to get clean. I continued to sneak around and inject heroin along with its buddy cocaine. A lot of horrible shit happened to me and the people that used with me. Life was aimless and I was being influenced by another addict, my mother.

My mom used to give me methadone when I barely knew what it was, I just knew it made me feel great. Then when she ran out I started buying oxycodone 30's and I would snort them. She found out I was buying them and she asked me to get her some, she said she would support my opioid addiction and buy them for me as long as I bought her some, daily.

My mom was able to give me so much money because we lived with her husband who was a rich doctor and we lived in Florida (the doctor shopping capitol). She would get methadone prescribed and lie and say I stole it when she ran out, sick shot like that. My step-dad would drug test me and say I was a druggie loser blah blah. Yet he would prescribe my mother methadone like 3 times a month.

I then started buying cocaine along with heroin (much cheaper and more potent, better rush IMO) and I would come home after a drug run and hand my mom her pills then shoot up for hours in my room, I didn't care if I died. My mom would lie, verbally abuse me and be nasty as hell. This was a normal occurrence for 2 more years. Things became progressively worse and I hated being set up by my mom, plus I hated being an addict, going nowhere in life.

2 months ago from today I gave my father a call and told him I needed help. He bought me a ticket to Washington state. I had been saving suboxone for a few months because I knew something bad would happen at my moms, I was prepared.

So now I'm here in WA state and I'm taking 1 8mg sub daily. My dad brought me to a doctor and I have a prescription going. I still want heroin but I know it will kill me, it's fucking depressing it's unbelievable.

Anyway that's my story. I'm scared to wean of off suboxone and life seems hopelessl at times.


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 11, 2012 5:20 pm 
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I'm not a doctor but it is my opinion that you should not be considering weaning off of sub yet. You need time to heal and build a life that supports staying clean. Once you are off street drugs long enough you will start working, start making friends that are normal, start re-building relationships that are worth it.. slowly things fall into place and that should give you a good foundation for when you;re ready to quit suboxone. You'll have enough positive things in your life to keep you from falling back into the endless merry-go-round. That is the idea anyway, and that is what happened for me and my husband. Both IV users (H&C) along with anything else.

I would avoid toxic people like your mom for as long as possible. Sorry, life is harsh but you don't need that in your life right now. Stick to people who truly want to see you survive and doing well.

Good luck, I truly feel for you.


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 11, 2012 5:21 pm 
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How old are you? If you don't mind me asking..


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 11, 2012 11:11 pm 
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tinydancer pretty much said it all.

If anything, I would add that maybe you need to be on a higer dose of Suboxone due to your still craving heroin?

Getting yourself to a Suboxone doctor would probably be the best thing for you right now.

Good luck and welcome to the forum NoPain.

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 12, 2012 5:59 am 
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tinydancer wrote:
How old are you? If you don't mind me asking..


I'm 21 years old. I went to a doctor and he seems like a good one, he's not an ass. I know how doctors can be but he seems ok.


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 12, 2012 9:40 am 
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Welcome. You should be proud of yourself for the steps you have already taken to get your life together. Early recovery does suck, there's no sugar coating it. I agree with Romeo. 16mg Sub covers around 94% of your opiate receptors. You might need that if you're still craving. And don't even stress yourself thinking about weaning off. You have been through a hell of a lot, so just give yourself a break for awhile and use the Subs as a tool while you decide where you need to go from here. Hope you keep posting and good luck,
Lilly


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2012 7:49 pm 
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It IS depressing giving up the "only" thing that made US feel BETTER for so long...
your definitely right on that one!!!

I hope you are feeling a bit better by now....

I do agree that you may need a higher dose of suboxone,but If you are trying to keep it down,,
I guess I can understand THAT , too...

your in WA state,,, so Im just a lil south of ya!!! :wink: :wink: :wink:
Hope you like the rain, if your anywhere near the ocean!!!!

Anyways,,, here's a video that MAY have some information you don't know already.....

It doesn't hurt to learn as much as you can about suboxone.....


GOOD JOB getting outta the madness man.... I too, hope you stick around :wink:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Ls1F6vNhYw&list=PLpuZa7tV77KabkF5VmZ3KeLJq1C80V1Ky&index=5[/youtube]

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anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2012 10:56 pm 
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I'm feeling much better that I don't have to figure out how how obtain my next fix daily. I have things going for me and I have purpose in my life. I even went to an NA meeting yesterday.


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 14, 2012 12:48 am 
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GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

seriously,,, that IS great.... your off to a teriffic start :wink:

I remember being SO RELIEVED,, ,not having to "hustle" a plan each morning, for how I was
gonna "make it'' thru the day......
uggghhhh dont miss that shit, AT ALL!!!

just keep in mind, recovery is sometimes your bright new shiny "thing"
at first. and a few months down the line, just being clean and sober, whatever you wana say, well,
it can get old/boring/not as exciting/relieving anymore....

that's what happened to ME< anyways,,,, and I would think all the time,, I can NEVER ever do drugs again???
and I'd get sad/upset/deppressed

so just have a "plan" in case that happens,,,,
new hobbies are good,

don't forget to "reward" yourself,,,, I for instance would buy something under $25 for myself,with each paycheck,
so every two weeks..... I needed clothes, becuz everything had cigarette burns in it,,, so I'd buy a new hoodie or
jeans or something to kind of reward myself, for not doing drugs,,,,
and as time went on, the REWARDS got a lil better.......
yesterday I bought myself a new MP3 player,,,,,,,, it was on sale of course, so I didn't go nuts, but Im just
saying theres
NOTHING WRONG with rewarding yourself,,,
you are making a HUGE, positive change, and YOU DESERVE IT!!!!

Keep on truckin' your doing GREAT

_________________
anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 16, 2012 6:35 am 
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amber4.14.11 wrote:
GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

seriously,,, that IS great.... your off to a teriffic start :wink:

I remember being SO RELIEVED,, ,not having to "hustle" a plan each morning, for how I was
gonna "make it'' thru the day......
uggghhhh dont miss that shit, AT ALL!!!

just keep in mind, recovery is sometimes your bright new shiny "thing"
at first. and a few months down the line, just being clean and sober, whatever you wana say, well,
it can get old/boring/not as exciting/relieving anymore....

that's what happened to ME< anyways,,,, and I would think all the time,, I can NEVER ever do drugs again???
and I'd get sad/upset/deppressed

so just have a "plan" in case that happens,,,,
new hobbies are good,

don't forget to "reward" yourself,,,, I for instance would buy something under $25 for myself,with each paycheck,
so every two weeks..... I needed clothes, becuz everything had cigarette burns in it,,, so I'd buy a new hoodie or
jeans or something to kind of reward myself, for not doing drugs,,,,
and as time went on, the REWARDS got a lil better.......
yesterday I bought myself a new MP3 player,,,,,,,, it was on sale of course, so I didn't go nuts, but Im just
saying theres
NOTHING WRONG with rewarding yourself,,,
you are making a HUGE, positive change, and YOU DESERVE IT!!!!

Keep on truckin' your doing GREAT

Right now I'm currently unemployed so my dad has been buying things for me (he is 6 months clean from compulsive gambling). 3 days ago my father bought me a Galaxy S3 cell phone as an early Christmas present, the next day he purchased me a 12 week gym membership and a personal trainer for me as well. I'm going to start eating right and excersizing, that's what the trainer is for.

My dad bought me food scale and workout clothing yesterday so come Monday I'll be ready. I can't wait to get back into shape and build some muscle back (when I was using it all turned to fat). My dad bought me the cell phone because he said he was happy that I reached 2 months clean. I'm very lucky to have him in my life or else I'd be screwed.


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 16, 2012 3:55 pm 
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You ARE lucky to have him,,,,,
it's great though, that you realize that......

I had/do have my grandmother, who "sobered up" my grandfather, three times, before it
finally "took"
and her son, my uncle, who went to rehab five times I think, before it "took"

So by the time I came around, she' knew what the deal was, she gets it.....

she's helped me FIX MY TEETH,, after a year on suboxone....

she's not crazy about me STAYING on suboxone, but for now, she seems satisfied.....

seriously,,your doing awesome,
and I cannot tell you how much your doing for your recovery, by working on your health,
your confidence, ETC ETC
it will take you MILES man.....

GOOD LUCK
keep us posted,,, on how your doing!!!!!

_________________
anyone can give up,
its the easiest thing in the world to do, but to
hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
That's TRUE STRENGTH
http://almostoneyearclean.blogspot.com/


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 19, 2012 12:54 am 
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I'm doing much better. Right now I'm very sore from excersize. I had a dream last night that I had a many bags of heroin and some crack, I was getting to inject in the dream. Then I woke up and I was pissed off that it wasn't real, but relieved at the same time.

I'm glad it wasn't. Everything seems so fucking weird. Using feels like it would change things. It would, but for the worst.


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 19, 2012 11:33 am 
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Hey NoPain,

Using dreams are pretty common during early recovery. I remember one of my dreams from my early recovery and I had the same reaction as you, I was miffed that I wasn't really getting high, but at the same time I was glad it wasn't real.

Good job on getting out and exercising!!

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PostPosted: Thu Dec 20, 2012 1:52 am 
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I'm sorry you're sore, but congrats on getting started with the exercise! You are doing so well!

I've definitely had using dreams, but they are a lot fewer and farther between now. I would dream of finding tons of pills, or I'd dream of looking through a stranger's medicine cabinet. I think that part of the thrill for me when I was using was a feeling of excitement when I went to a new person's house and had a chance to look for pills. It made me a terrible friend, but it was pretty thrilling.

I'm glad you're still updating us on your progress. It's no easy thing to start on a path to recovery. Maybe one of your next steps could be to find an addictions therapist. You said that you've been through some terrible stuff and therapy can also be a good way to identify triggers. Just a suggestion.

Keep up the good work!!

Amy

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 21, 2012 1:26 am 
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I'm seeing a psychologist along with the suboxone doctor. We talk about many things that I used to just let slide by, I wouldn't even give them so much as a mention. Going to see him helps tremendously. I get so many things off my chest, and he helps me see things in a different light.

The thing is I still check through medicine cabinets and stuff just like every other junkie. Today I found 3 clonopins and I took 1. I feel like I totally fucked up, but I don't have that "let's take another then another" mindset.

I don't know...


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