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PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2012 2:08 am 
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my brothers and sisters are all i have and hate me more on suboxone. why? i only got a little more bossy , lost wait health'r
got better with my music. my brother insults me all the time now he insulted me again tonight with very harsh words and now he says for a cop out that he going to kill him self and all this. my family is winning out on me for i'm not that fucking strong GOD.

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2012 2:14 am 
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the only thing i'm saying is". i'm am not going to let this evil in my family destroy me any further if i get the fuck a way!!
i don't mean to swear but god hel-p me JESUS.

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2012 6:05 am 
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[font=Comic Sans MS]Oh Johnboy...I am so sorry to hear that things are going so terribly right now for you. Family can be tough. We love them, but sometimes they can just be down right impossible to deal with. What your brother is saying and doing to you is unacceptable. You do not deserve to be treated that way, noone does. I saw on ladders thread where you said that you were drunk. Is there anyone that is close to you that you can talk to? Is there anyone that you see, like a therapist or a doctor, that you can talk with about this. I don't know but I can almost feel the desperation in your words. I'm worried about you.

Is there anyone on this forum even, that you have connected with, and maybe can call or email??? Johnboy, I just want you to
know that we are here for you, and I hope that you are ok. You know you can always post what is bothering you here too.
Kind of like a journal.....just get it out. Noone here minds. And if they do, they don't have to read it or respond, right? LOL!

Good Luck Johnboy..again..I hope that you are ok....Take Care~[/font]

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2012 6:10 am 
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Johnboy,

First off, let me say I'm sorry you have such a fucked up family. But please believe me when I tell you that you are NOT alone. I used to believe that only my family was that messed up. Then as I got older I learned there were some others; then later, I realized again, there were more than I thought; now, years later, I've again learned that actually MOST families are truly dysfunctional and many completely fractured.

I've never talked much (if at all) about my family dynamics here before, but I'll share some of it with you now.

I have 3 siblings, so there are 4 of us (3 girls and the youngest a boy). Our parents divorced when I was 16. All 4 of us were abused physically, mentally, and emotionally by both parents. (Both parents, but especially mom were mentally ill, but untreated.)

You would think that 4 siblings surviving that would make them closer, right? NOPE! It made our relationships worse! I stayed in therapy and my siblings didn't. I honestly don't know how they dealt with things, but I've the sneaking suspicion that they simply pushed it down. BTW, they, like me, have substance abuse issues, too. (Big surprise, right.)

In a roundabout way I'm trying to lead up to the fact that apparently because I faced my demons in therapy (and other things) and my siblings didn't, they have all, one by one, extricated themselves from my life (or vice versa). My brother went so far as to say that the very existence of me reminds him of all his failures. He's 5 years younger than me, my baby brother, and we haven't spoken in about 5 years. All because - apparently - I did what I could to help myself after having been victimized.

I won't go into details, but my two sisters also "hate" me. My younger sister and I haven't spoken since shortly after my dad died in 2006 and after years of threatening to not let me see my niece and nephew, she finally made good on that threat and they are out of my life as well.

Do you believe me now that you are not alone in having a messed up, dysfunctional family? So many of us are in similar situations. What I want to stress to you is this is THEIR problem, NOT YOURS. Let them feel how they want about you, but whatever you do, don't let it soak into you....let it roll off your back. We can't choose our family and there's no guarantee that the family we're born with will be healthy or even "normal".

Keep your own needs in mind and TAKE CARE OF YOU. I've learned to rely on the people in my family who truly accept me for who I am and don't use me to project their own unhealthy issues.

Johnboy, do you go to therapy/counseling? If not, have you ever considered it? When it comes to family dynamics like that, therapy can be extremely beneficial in learning to cope, especially if you are in a position where you MUST deal with them, like it sounds like you do.

Hang in there, my friend and remember, you aren't the only one with a crazy family! For me, once I accepted the fact that these 'people' are out of my life, I now LOVE the quiet and calm I get without having their bullshit dramas and crises in my life. I LOVE IT, in fact. Take care, johnboy. :)

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2012 8:48 am 
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You have to put your recovery first. Your family doesn't like you being on Sub? Too bad. You need it for your recovery right now. Families are notorious for being unsupportive of people in recovery. When we're using they sure as hell want us to stop. But when we start to change they somehow feel threatened. Be selfish. Put yourself first. Find some healthy recovering people to hang around with. Go to a meeting, talk to a therapist - whatever it takes to get YOU better.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2012 8:56 am 
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Lilly is right...and it goes right along with what I was talking about. It's not just the families of addicts who don't like it when we change for the better. Lots of families/friends of people who have made major life changes have issues with the people making those changes. They are so used to dealing with OUR issues that when we get healthy, they are left not knowing how to deal with our healthier selves. Plus there's the fact that perhaps we dealt with our issues and they haven't yet dealt with theirs. The bottom line is often people around us don't like to see us make changes in our lives for the better. It might just be that they don't know what to do with the old dynamics, too.

But bottom line, Lilly is right - think of YOU first....you have to. We ALL have to. If we don't take care of ourselves first and foremost, who the hell will?

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-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 03, 2012 1:08 pm 
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oh' Hatmaker/ goingstrong lillyval/ thankyou/thankyou/thankyou/thankyou. i do see a thearapist every week an d doc every month. but you guys gave it to me just right and no one not no one could have told me better :cry:Hatmaker" i don't no what to say but i'm going to try". your so right and you said in other words to prove to me that i'm not alone.my father died 3 years ago of a horrible heart a tack and we found him lying in bed with blood coming out of his mouth. i hated him for my life wile he was here. he was only hate to me and a very sick man and i believe he had a very bad mental illness my mother i talk to a lot from tenn. and my brothers and sisters hardly don't . i have to tell my mother how every ones doing and i'm getting sick of it.
but any way hat". wow you just helped me more than you think by telling me how to go about it and what you went through with your family.and lillyval i just can't believe a lot of family's think the same way and go through disfunction like mine" no" ours do. :lol: goingstrong". i see a therapist&doc. they don't have the no how to talk like peaple like you with more experience and i love you for that. i just can't give up my family :? but i keep telling my self to stay away from them. oh damit thankyou.

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2012 1:26 am 
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Just like the 'ol saying goes................

You can pick your friends,,,,,,,,, but you sure dont get to pick your family!!!!!!!!!!!

I only have one brother, and we are 7 yrs apart. so we werent very close growing up. we talk now, but not often.
My grandmother is the closest person I have, and she's getting up there in age. ugghh I dont even like to THINK about that!!!!!

but, my POINT is, sometimes we have to kind of,,, "make up our own family"

I have three close friends, we've all been friends since high school,,,,, and we are each other's 'family'
This is always an option ya know. Yes, its HARD. No, its not the same as 'family' but I do honestly believe you can form bonds just as close,,,,,, over time. Becuase with time, comes mistakes/problems/arguements that you learn to get over and love each other anyway!!!!

Its just an idea. But you know, if they are just gonna bring you down, then what good are they???

I still love my family. but I try to only take them in 'small doses'
Like, for instance, my abusive, bullying dad. If I go over to my mom and dad's house, I set a TIME LIMIT for myself, BEFORE going over.
and the ONLY reason I go, is becuase of my son. I feel like its not fair for me, to punish him, becuase of my feelings.
Sticky situation, for sure.

Anyways, these are just ideas.
Please know Johnboy,
that we are here for you, and I know its just a forum on the internet, but I'll listen anytime!!!!!!!!!!!
We care,,,,,,,,,
and I think your doing great.

Keep your head up, and keep fighting for your life.

Feel better soon bro :wink:

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hold it together, when everyone would understand if you fell apart
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PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2012 1:14 pm 
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Amber thankyou". i know it's just the internet, but things people say make you feel right at home!! ah shucks" i am at home :lol:

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PostPosted: Thu Oct 04, 2012 1:16 pm 
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i just had to say this'. EMOTIONS/EMOTIONS/EMOTIONS :lol:

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