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 Post subject: Boyfriend on subs
PostPosted: Tue Aug 12, 2014 12:24 pm 
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Hi people. I'm really hoping someone can just help me understand what is going on. I have been w my boyfriend for four years now and I knew that he would occasionally take a pill but I never knew he had a problem. While cleaning out a closet the other day I stumbled upon multiple bottles of buprenorphine. I didn't know what it was and thought the fact that they were hidden was a little odd so I looked it up. When I asked my hunny he lied and said they were for something else. When I asked why they were in a spare bedroom closet he got defensive. For the past few months he hasn't shown me any attention/affection, stays up all night, sleeps all day, has lost several pounds, irritable, and just kinda self consumed. Is that from the bup? Is he misusing it? Is he on something else? He does drink quote a bit and his family has a history of addiction. I just want to know what is going on so I can help....


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 Post subject: Re: Boyfriend on subs
PostPosted: Tue Aug 12, 2014 8:11 pm 
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It does sound like perhaps your bf is on buprenorphine for addiction. Some people do buy buprenorphine off the street, but if he has multiple bottles it sounds like he is prescribed it. Is his name on the bottles?

I'm not sure how much research you did about buprenorphine, but it is prescribed for opiate addiction. Stuff like hydrocodone, oxycodone, heroin, etc. Is it possible that he had an addiction in his past that you don't know about? He may be trying to hide the fact that he ever had an addiction from you. I would try to approach the subject openly sometime... don't be accusing, just ask questions... He may not want to answer though.

As far as the way he is acting, some of that could be caused by buprenorphine. Buprenorphine (like any opiate) can make you lose your sex drive, and it does make it hard to sleep at night for some.

Is it possible that your bf was addicted to opiates while you were dating and recently got on buprenorphine? That's the only thing that makes sense to me if you were seeing him for 4 years...


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 Post subject: Re: Boyfriend on subs
PostPosted: Tue Aug 12, 2014 9:05 pm 
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Thank you for your input. His father passed away 2 years ago, his mother went to rehab for an alcohol addiction not long after, we moved and he got a new job so there has been a lot going on in our world and I wouldn't be surprised if he did turn to pills. I'm very greatful that he is taking the right steps to recovery but I don't want him facing any of this alone. I wish he would talk to me about it and help me understand what is going on? I feel so out of the loop and a little bit like a fool for being so naive....


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 Post subject: Re: Boyfriend on subs
PostPosted: Tue Aug 12, 2014 9:09 pm 
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And yes the Bupernorphine is in his name....


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 Post subject: Re: Boyfriend on subs
PostPosted: Tue Aug 12, 2014 10:39 pm 
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Steph, please don't feel like a fool. Addicts can lie like a rug and often do.

Yes, he could be taking bupe for opiate addiction. Let me ask a question. Were the prescription bottles empty or full of medication? If your boyfriend is taking bupe as part of a recovery from opiate addiction the bottles should be empty. If they are full of medication there could be a couple of things going on. One, your boyfriend is being treated for an opiate addiction but is being prescribed too much bupe. (Buprenorphine is a powerful medication. Sometimes doctors prescribe too much with good intentions, but have been badly informed by the pharmaceutical company that makes it.) Your boyfriend may have decided that he doesn't need the full amount he is prescribed. It's also common practice for bupe patients to set aside a certain amount of bupe in case of emergency (doctor stops practicing, WWIII, etc.).

The third alternative is not very pretty. If your boyfriend is not truly in recovery he could be using some of his prescribed bupe in between opiate binges, but isn't using it on a daily basis as he's supposed to.

Something about this picture seems a little bit screwy. If your boyfriend is truly working a program of recovery, he really shouldn't be drinking all of the time. Even if he is taking the bupe like he's supposed to, it's possible for him to switch addictions from opiates to alcohol. The staying up all night and sleeping all day sound more like someone who is in active addiction, although fullycaffeinated is correct. Some folks do experience sleeplessness as a side effect from bupe. But this overall picture concerns me.

People who get on bupe are typically at the end of their rope. They have gotten into some kind of trouble because of their addiction, whether it's legal, personal, financial, etc. Their lives are messy. Getting on bupe is usually preceded by a day or so of withdrawal, and then after induction, the blessed feeling of normality. People on bupe stop obsessing over how they will get opiates and are instead able to focus on getting their life back in order. Bupe patients start doing better, not worse.

I would be concerned about the alcohol if I were you. I would be concerned that your boyfriend is not really in recovery. I would not go forward in the relationship unless he became honest with you. He needs to be upfront about his drug history and what he's doing about it. A lot of people on bupe do not go to 12 step meetings, but he does need some kind of support to be successful.

About the lack of affection. All opiates decrease sexual desire and ability. He might be afraid that if he is affectionate then you will expect sex and he's not sure how well he can perform. Anyone who is battling addiction might have issues with intimacy, including alcohol addiction.

I'm sorry if I've raised more questions than answers. I would like to know if each prescription bottle is empty, full, or somewhere in between. That may help me understand the situation more. Also, how much and how often is he drinking? Is he working? Doing OK financially? The answers to these questions could give some clues as to what is wrong.

I hope you get some answers from him soon and I'm sorry you're in this tough situation.

Amy

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 Post subject: Re: Boyfriend on subs
PostPosted: Tue Aug 12, 2014 11:38 pm 
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Oh dear lord Amy I feel like you know exactly what is going on and your concern about him still being an active addict is mine as well....

Most of the bottles are empty but now I find others randomly scattered and even partial pills w a heavy lead thing next to the pieces (I'm guessing for crushing or breaking).

I don't really know where do go from here? He does work and should be getting random drug tests but I know there are ways around that. The drinking is a daily thing....


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 Post subject: Re: Boyfriend on subs
PostPosted: Wed Aug 13, 2014 12:57 am 
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Steph, I want to write you a big long post, but I've got to get some shut eye. I will be back on tomorrow and we'll hash this thing out. I'm not saying you've got an easy road ahead, but just know that you will find support here.

Hugs,
Amy

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 Post subject: Re: Boyfriend on subs
PostPosted: Wed Aug 13, 2014 2:06 am 
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What you described is pretty much exactly what drove my girlfriend and I apart. Like your bf I was up all night and sleeping all day. I lost interest in sex and spending time with her... This was not with just her though. I lost interest in my friends and just about everything else I loved (minus video games). Eventually she had enough and ended things. For me it was right around the 4 year mark on subs that these things started to happen. There is a good chance he has been on it for quite awhile

I would talk to him because chances are things are not going to change unless you make him aware of what he is doing.

Also just to clarify this loss of interest and strange sleeping pattern was caused by suboxone for me. Suboxone did many great things for me and helped me get clean, but the side effects similar to what you describe in your boyfriend are why I decided to finally get off of it.

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 Post subject: Re: Boyfriend on subs
PostPosted: Wed Aug 13, 2014 10:38 am 
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I think your bf is the only one who can really tell you what's really going on.

Like Amy said, there is just too much fishiness about all of this and that usually means active addiction.

Somehow you're going to have to sit down with your bf and have a heart to heart. Be ready for him to get defensive. Assuring him you care for him and only want to help may help tone down his defensiveness?

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 Post subject: Re: Boyfriend on subs
PostPosted: Thu Aug 14, 2014 8:59 am 
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Romeo is absolutely right, Steph!

Now is not the time to let the upset you feel to be communicated to your boyfriend. Tell him you love him no matter what, but you need to know exactly what is going on so you know how to help him. In the meantime, get yourself to some Al-Anon meetings. They can help you differentiate between the truth and the lies of an addict.

Once you find out if your boyfriend is going to be forthcoming with you, you can decide how much effort you want to put into the relationship beyond what you already have. I don't mean to sound so clinical, but you have to make decisions about your future based on the facts. You mentioned little lead weights with your boyfriend's prescription bottles. That means that he's either crushing the pills to snort them or IV them. (I don't know much about shooting stuff up, so I don't know what the whole process would be.) That is addict behavior, not the behavior of someone who is in recovery.

If you are thinking of settling with this man and creating babies you need to determine exactly what's going on. If he is in the grips of addiction an ultimatum probably won't work. I urge you to go to some Al-Anon meetings.

If there is anything we can do please let us know. We will be happy to listen and offer support.

Amy

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 Post subject: Re: Boyfriend on subs
PostPosted: Thu Aug 14, 2014 12:33 pm 
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Thank you guys. I'm going to have a conversation with him tomorrow after work (if things don't go well I don't want to upset him during the work week. He has a pretty dangerous job and I'm already worried about his safety). Wish me luck and I will keep you posted....


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 Post subject: Re: Boyfriend on subs
PostPosted: Thu Aug 14, 2014 3:35 pm 
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Lots of luck, honey! I'm pulling for you!

Amy

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