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PostPosted: Thu Sep 26, 2013 12:06 am 
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Hey guys, I just created this account on this forum because I've been reading posts for the past hour or so and have found this forum to be really insightful and helpful. Many posts have almost brought me to tears, as I myself want to get clean and have been trying to for a long time now. I'm a 6 year opiate addict with the last 2 being IV heroin use. The reason I created this account is for advice, and motivation really. I want to quit, I have the suboxone to quit, but I just can't do it. My problem is the waiting period from the last drug dose, to withdrawal period as I do not want to enter PW. Simply put, I'm just scared and am a coward. As soon as I start to jones, or feel any kind of sickness at all I'll give in and score. I'm tired of living this lifestyle. I want to continue my life and don't want to end up dead or in prison which I know will happen if I don't do something soon. I've induced before but that required taking a 2 week trip out of the country which forced me to induce. I used up until the minute I got on the plane. Over seas as I started to withdraw I took one 8mg strip of suboxone. It didn't make me feel better so an hour and a half later I took another 4mg. I can't say that it really made me feel much better, all day I had no energy, I could barely walk, I was still puking, and my bones felt like bursting. Although that day was hell, the next day I woke up I was okay. And it gradually got better from there. As soon as I got home though I made the mistake of scoring and am again in this vicious cycle. I guess I'm worried about that, why didn't I feel better right away? Is it because I'm a heroin user? When I was addicted to pills I could take sub the next day and feel completely fine. I just need help guys and any kind words would really help, I'm just lost and need some guidance and maybe some words of motivation for that extra push. Thank you.


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 26, 2013 12:55 am 
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Aww, you poor thing. I feel you. I could have written your whole post 10 years ago, even the part about using up until the plane ride out of town. Heroin to Suboxone is pretty tricky for most people, especially when using intravenously. I couldn't tell you exactly why that is, perhaps because the high is so intense and the frequency of use is so great..? I've done the long wait into severe withdrawals, only to take sub and still feel crappy. For some reason it's not an easy transition. But like you said, the days following were better. Still not great, but better and I imagine would have kept getting better. I'm not going to pretend that I did it perfectly. I ended up need methadone first, but trust that is not the route you probably want to take. If you can go straight to Suboxone, it's much better.

I also understand not being able to make the commitment to subs. The slightest bit of withdrawal will send an IV heroin addict into an unstoppable, one man mission for another fix. You just have to be at that place where you're ready to end it.. the vicious cycle. Every day that you put it off, it can turn into weeks and months. I know how that goes.

It's not a pain free transition but its well worth it. I think you know that, and I think you know how to do it already. You have to hold out as long as you can without going for another load. You won't feel immediately better, but you know relief is down the road, so hang on. Fight for this. Everything worth it in life, is worth the fight, right?

You can use the COWs scale to see how you're doing withdrawal wise, if you don't already.


(Another option is to switch to oxy to put some distance between the heroin and Suboxone but I know how hard that would be in reality.. Just a thought if you think you could do it)


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 26, 2013 11:12 am 
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Hi Yeti,

I don't have any advice to add here. Tiny said everything perfectly, and she is the one to listen to on this subject.

I just wanted to add my compassion and support for your situation. I can imagine the desperation and anger you feel at this cycle you are stuck in. It'd so hard to get free of it, you are going to have to fight for it like nothing before in your life. But I have faith that you can. You know in your heart you can do it, it's scary, but you CAN!

Let us know when you get ready to induce and we will be here to encourage you. Good luck Yeti, and welcome to the forum!

Q

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 26, 2013 12:49 pm 
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Hi Yeti, and welcome to the forum!

Tiny has given you excellent advice and suggestions. I'm here along with QHorse to support you as you go through this transition. I just want to encourage you along the way.

We can offer you advice, suggestions, and all the support you need, but the one thing we can't give you here is the desire to get free of the drugs, and cycle. You have to have that yourself. You have to WANT IT more than anything you have ever wanted before. You have to put getting off the drugs ahead of everything else.

That "WANT TO" is the part you have to have in order to be successful. If you want it, and I mean REALLY WANT IT then you can achieve your goal. That's the extra push you are seeking as you said in your post. You have to fight for your life. You know the drugs will fight so you have to fight them right back with all you have inside you.

Just like Q said, "fight for it like nothing before in your life".

YOU are so worth it Yeti!!! :D

Karen xoxo


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 26, 2013 4:54 pm 
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I don't think you're a coward, not at all. I'm pretty sure most of us have been in your shoes about starting Suboxone and we were all scared shitless, you're not alone there.

Like these fine women above me have already stated, you have to want this like never before. When you reach the conclusion that you're on a dead end road and you decide enough is enough, you'll get on Suboxone.

BTW, you mentioned getting on Suboxone before, but not feeling well right away. I'm guessing you didn't wait until you were far enough into wd from the heroin. I'm really not that well versed with heroin to suboxone induction, so I'll leave my comments at that.

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 26, 2013 5:56 pm 
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Wow thank you guys so much...those replies really meant a lot to me. I haven't been able to share with anyone about my problems and I've just been trying to handle it on my own. It feels really good to be able to talk to people that have been down the same road too. As for the desire, I have it. I definitely have it. I have such a loving family that have helped me with my addiction for years and the pain I put them through is just outrageous. I don't want to put them or me through anymore of the heartache. Thank you so much for being here for me it really means the world. I will let you know when I do start my induction. I try to find a day that I don't have much going on. It's just I work, go to school, and am always helping family with something it's hard to find a perfect day to. But maybe I just have to do it. I just keep postponing it. You guys are right I just have to fight back. Thanks again for the kind words and I'll post again when I do start my induction.


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PostPosted: Thu Sep 26, 2013 10:26 pm 
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Yeti-

I can certainly tell you've got the desire, the thing to do now is take action. That can be a hard move to make, because the easy route (falsely) appears to get high one (or 50) more times. The thing is, you're actually taking the harder road by putting it off. I'm sure you'll get to it soon, but I just want to tell you that you need to just make it happen. There will always be an excuse for putting it off, but you owe it to yourself and your loved ones, to carve out a few days to induce properly. Plan ahead, take 2-3 days off and just do it. Ideally, you shouldn't have anything to do that day and hopefully the next but I understand everyone has different obligations.

Good luck, we're here if you need anything.


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 27, 2013 10:46 am 
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Yeti,

I completely understand how hard it is to get started. You feel as if you have all these obligations to fill, and can't do everything while you are sick. But think of how much better you will be able to be there for your family and your responsibilities if you can get sober!

Try to remember that you can't take care of anyone else if you don't take care of you first! You can help your family more by giving them the best you, you can be!

You mentioned being on a plane WDing before. Do you remember what they say to the mothers and fathers or caretakers of children in case of emergency? If that little oxygen mask falls down, you are supposed to put it on YOURSELF first, THEN take care of the children. Because if you pass out due to lack of oxygen, how in the heck are you going to be able to take care of the child next to you?

It's kind of like that. Take care of you, so that you can take care of everyone else.

It's not selfish to put off your responsibilities for a few days in order to make yourself better!

Good luck!

Q

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