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PostPosted: Wed Dec 26, 2012 11:59 pm 
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It's going to be OK. If you are feeling like using or taking more sub but you don't want to try distracting yourself. Call a supportive person and talk it through, watch a movie, go for a walk, go grocery shopping. Try anything that will take your mind off how you feel.

If you went ahead and took sub, it's not the end of the world. This is a learning process for you. If you make a mistake it's not the end of the world. Taking a sliver of sub is a far better alternative than using.

Hang in there!

Amy

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 Post subject: I messed up
PostPosted: Sat Dec 29, 2012 2:03 pm 
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I took some sub yesterday. It called my name and I wont explain what happened but I was losing my relationship and everything. I took a piece of a film. Now Im wondering do I have to start all over? I keep reading about this wdease stuff online and all this other crazy stuff. I dunno Im scared I dont want to start all over. I am on my last cataress patch too. So my blood pressure is going to sky rocket in a couple of days. I took the seroquel and couldnt sleep hardly(before i took a piece of the film).I slept fine last night, Im really scared right now. I want off this stuff but Im beginning to doubt how possible it is. I really need to kick subs ass this time.


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 29, 2012 11:14 pm 
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I really hate that you feel so much pressure to be off sub when it doesn't seem like you're stable enough to handle withdrawing from it. I don't really know how to advise you, but could you at least see if your doctor will prescribe you some clonidine to control your blood pressure?

I really feel like your fiance needs to educate herself on the realities of addiction and the potential benefits of suboxone. Why does she want you off of it? Is it for your needs or for hers? Does she just think that if you love her you'll go off the sub? Does she not want people to know that she's in love with an addict? If so, those are not good signs of a mature relationship!

I'm worried about you! Your life is in a certain amount of upheaval right now and maybe you don't know what your next move should be. I would definitely try to get in to see your counselor early next week. A good therapist can help you figure out what your next steps should be.

Amy

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 Post subject: I want off it too
PostPosted: Sun Dec 30, 2012 12:43 am 
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I just have never had the intestinal fortitude to get off of it. I didnt have the belief in myself. I feel like a man again. I know I can do this. I got it for 2 and a half hrs tonight. I just need to get out of my own head sometimes. I see what you are saying and I thank you for reading my response. Its just hard for me to articulate right now. Coming off the sub is really messing with me. I keep waking up with nightmares or night tremors. Muscle spasms I had like 5 days in before I screwed up. It felt like angina or tightness around my rib cage and chest. I was so afraid to even lie down or if i could doze off for a few minutes so i went and sat in front of the tv.

Im going to try and get some sleep tonight. Im still curious am i going to be starting over or will my stacking have worn off and all the sub be out of my system even though i took some sub it shouldnt be enough to saturate my receptors. i just have to be strong and fight thru the mental game. Just get mad at the sub and never go back....i want my life back. i want to not shake and stammer and feel like i am on a different plane of reality like some type of astral projection. I feel cocoo for cooa puffs tonight and i did until i took a piece of the film yesterday the tiny piece to drive to my mothers before that. Now all the sub is gone so there is no going back....No hiding a strip no more to be found. All my cards are on the table and I am all in.

S


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 30, 2012 12:53 am 
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Well then you go for it!! I'm behind you 100%! You're right, you can do this. You can get past the discomfort. All the side effects are annoying, but not life threatening!

I don't think you would have a ton of sub in your system from what you took last night, but I do know that it will take 3 or 4 days to completely clear out. Do you have a best bud or cousin or someone who could help you occupy your time while you're going through this? Distraction is your friend at this point. Exercise is also your friend.

You will make it through the yucky part if you stay strong. I really think you should try to get a hold of some clonidine. I would think that your sub doc would prescribe that for you.

Keep us posted.

Amy

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 Post subject: yeah
PostPosted: Sun Dec 30, 2012 9:26 am 
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i have my patch on. I am going to try to get some more from the dr but tomorrow is new years eve. I will call but i dunno how much luck i am going to have. I dont have insurance so I cant goto the ER....my patch is good thru monday....thani will try to get some more its so cold and i think i caught something from being out in the weather packing my stuff the other nite. everything is all messed up but at least i got some sleep 4 hrs last night i was amazed.

S


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 Post subject: hey im still here
PostPosted: Wed Jan 09, 2013 6:35 pm 
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i have slipped and taken sub several times i took .25 saturday morning at 430 cos i couldnt sleep and was so stressed about the new job i was supposed to start. Than I had to get reayd and I couldnt put off starting anymore so I took another .5mgs....that wa sa dumb move I had gone nearly 6 days with out any sub before that. I took .5mg on NYE and than nothing until last saturday...needles to say i backed out of the job. I had to call them and explain I couldnt accept it and I got bitched out for that because they really wanted me. But they didnt want me. They wanted the man who was on methadone for 7 and a half years and than sub for 54 months who was able to hold it all togather i cant hold anything together right now and i am supposed to start school for the esmedter on Monday. I got an email from one of my instructors about starting the readinfg already and i freaked because i cant focus i cant sleep for more than 2 hrs at a time and i am just really heavy and feel weighed downi feel like a zombie. the first 7-10 days after December 17th the day i quit cold turkey were the worst but since my slip up last weekend this week had been pretty bad but nowhere near as bad as when i first quit aroun day 4-7 were the worst. I know by taking sliver of sub I am screwing everything up. But it seems like after 3-4 days something happens and i will take .25mg or so. I took some today.....I know I shpouldnt have but I have to do that reading for the assignment that starts on the 14th.....i am so worried after reaidng some more posts today. I disppeared for about a week to try and get out of my head. I have been taking lyrics every 2nd or 3rd night and that helps immensely with the sleeping....I just hope it is not setting me back but it is not an opiate so I am hopefulk there....Im just such a basket case. When I do get out I feel good and I have been praying but I dont know how i am going to handle school and than I screwed up 2day...I found some roxies laying around and i took 30mg. I shouldnt have but I need to read and buy the rest of my books so I justified it to myself. I rationalized my way into a slip.....I dont know how much ore of this I can take. The silver lining I guess is that my tolerance has gone from 2-3 mgs a day to when I do take some sub which has been probably 6 times since the 17th of december...well .2mg or a .25mg sliver keeps me join all day....so my tolerance is way down like over 90% I have been trying to only take it every 3-4 days if I can manage it because I am so afraid of starting over with the detox. But once school starts Monday I really have no idea what I am going to do......But there is no way I can get out of school I am supposed to graduate in the fall.....So i am really worried. If necessary I will take .1 mg on the days I have school 3 days a week but Im afraid of going thru that 1st week all over again....and I cant believe i took those roxies today I had purposely gotten rid of my prescription....taking a full agonist like that was dumb i should have just taken a .25 mg sliver and flushed them when i found them....i am just so afraid that this will never end....I have not been having craving for anything other than sub until the past couple of days.....

God Bless you all
Scorp


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 25, 2013 9:21 pm 
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I went to the Sub Dr. today a new dr not my pain management specialist because she doesnt deal with dependency addiction issues. Anyway story is the Dr. said that I never should have quit taking the sub in December cold turkey and that I needed to take 24mg a day. I had been on between 2=4mg or so day from my pain management dr trying to get all of the methadone out of my system. Anyway I am really confused and feel something s very off. He said that I wasnt sick because of suboxone withdrawal. He said the reason I was so sick was because of the years I spent on methadone and other opiates prior to getting on suboxone this past august. for those that dont know I went cold turkey off December17th a monday. This new Sub Dr. said I need to be on sub for 60 percent of the time I was on other opiates to allow my brain to heal. He also said that I wasnt on enough of a sub dose. I got along fine for the most part on 4mg a day for several months. He is saying that my opiate receptors he said there were 4 MU receptor a mu-a a mu-b etc. anyways he kept me there for over 2 hours and said Igot sick from methadone and everything else that if I had just stayed on suboxone and allowed my brain to heal i would be fine....i mean this is not what i have learned from reading the boards and this forum. I was off of sub for almost a month and had no drive. I was so afraid to take suboxone because i didnt sleep for almost 12 days that i started taking 20mg of hydrocodone a day...i was so afraid to take sub again. I am freaking out now. I havent filled my script. I am going to call my pain management dr monday and ask for a referrall. There is no way in my head why i should be on anymore than2-4mg of sub a day. he wanted me to take 8mg it seemed like right there if he had lhis way. I took 3mg yesterday and 4mg of sub today 2mg in the morning and 2mg after the appointment I was shaking so bad. I want my life back and I want to taper slowly off the sub.....But he would only write me a scrip for 8mg strips and wants me to take them 3 times a day. I have never taken more than4-5mg of sub in a day.....I feel like I was buying a used car or a bill of goods but with my life....I am not a Dr. I know he is....but I think I need to see a new Dr. This Dr. was so insistent and pushy and basically told me I would have to be on subs for at least 4 years. Than they gave me a drug test and said that if I couldnt afford it which I cant right now because it will cost $175 not to pay it and they will mark it down to $99 and than if i dont pay it they will send me 2 bills but that it wont go on my credit report or goto collections....I mean everything was very odd..Im so confused but by taking 4mg of sub today after taking 2mg yesterday and taking 20mg of norco the past week....I am so upset if I got my tolerance down so low and worked so hard i just couldnt handle the depression and pain and lack of motivation...honestly i wouldnt have been able to go back to school.....Im sorry i am rambling i am so upset....i need to find a DR who will listen to me and help me rather than just write me script.


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 01, 2013 12:54 pm 
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I am not saying you NEED to stay on suboxone for any preset amount of time. Everyone is different. This is not a debatable fact. Some people can do a week taper and be good, others need to stay on it for 6+months in order to get their ducks in a row.

It sounds to me like you are really not ready to get off of the suboxone. I say this because you clearly still have a lot of guilt and negative emotions swirling around from your time using. These should be addressed before you jump off, otherwise you run a big risk there.

The fact that you have slipped already and taken sub is another key indicator. While slipping and taking sub is probably the best "slip" you could have (and I even question if it would qualify as a slip), it clearly indicates you are still in the mindset of "addict behaviors". What I mean is this: your response to these stresses is to "take a pill/strip/med". Things going tough this week? No problem I'll take some 'suboxone'. This however could easily become another drug if you get off of the suboxone. That behavior of taking something in response to life/emotions is precisely a behavior that should be addressed before you stop taking suboxone.

One of the most difficult parts, if not the most difficult altogether, is to reserve judgement on yourself. This is probably the most critical aspect, as well as the most difficult. What this means is no dumping on yourself. Don't say "I wish I were a better man...", don't say "I really am a POS" don't say "I am guilty and always will be..." etc etc etc. Do not dump on yourself, ever. There are already enough people out in the world who wanna dump on you and bring you down, do NOT BE ONE OF THEM. If you feel bad about yourself and who you are, that really NEEDS to be addressed. Needs, not should. If you dont, then relapse is not too far off the horizon. I won't sit here and lie: this is crazy hard. Do not get that twisted for a second. This is probably the hardest part of recovery, yet it is critical.

Also I'm no relationship expert, but the corollary to that: if your girl is dumping on you, maybe shes not the girl for you...A relationship should be about support you and making things easier, not bringing you down and making this insanely important decision more difficult.

Further, you are overthinking things. This was the hardest part for me. I had to learn that not only can my brain not be trusted 100% of the time, but sometimes over thinking puts me a few steps back instead of forwards. Example: you are all worried about school, about missing classes or whatever, etc. These are the exact things I was worried about as well. So as a result, I rushed things. I spent time obsessing over things off in the future instead of dealing with the issues that had to be dealt with. What difference did it make that I "quit" fast in time for school, when I relapsed that semester? What did it matter I was worried about a possibly job or health care implications as a result of getting on subuxone that would be 10 years in the future?

My personal example: My brain has been my biggest asset: it got me into a great university, with a great scholarship, and other great places. Yet let us examine the flip side: it got me hooked on opioids; it also ruined my life. It made me THINK that I'd be OK to use again once in awhile; it made me THINK that those future concerns were justifications for poor decisions in the present. So, don't over think things. Don't worry about future repercussions because you will NEVER make it to that point if you don't escape opioids. All you should be worrying about (at this point) is how you feel and whether or not YOU are ready to stop taking suboxone (you, not anyone else).

The future is not something you should not be thinking too deeply about yet if you're still worrying about relapsing, and still hesitant about stopping. Feel me?


You are definitely right about the xanax: do NOT try and cut that out simultaneously. One thing at a time. Quitting one addiction is hard enough, but two? One of which you have been on for A DECADE?!?! Yeah, you really need to put that on hold until this is dealt with. OR you need to deal with that FIRST. Either way, one at a time. Exactly the reason they tell people starting suboxone to keep smoking if they smoke: one addiction at a time. I quit smoking like 8 months after I started suboxone, but there was NO WAY I could've quit smoking at the same time as starting. Just one mans anecdotal reports, but its also preached by many addiction specialists (and even some help groups). One thing at a time.

Just remember: it is a marathon, not a sprint. What difference does it make if you get off the suboxone next week if you relapse the week after?

Really hope you take that last part to heart. Best of luck.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 03, 2013 1:06 am 
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I completely agree with almost_done! It is premature for you think of quitting sub right now! I feel for you because I know how much you've struggled with this, but it doesn't sound like your support systems are in place. I would stay on the same dose until you feel stable, then think about tapering a little more, etc. There is no rush other than your own impatience! Please slow it down, calm it down. I think you'll be a lot better off.

Amy

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 Post subject: Im trying to stockpile
PostPosted: Thu Feb 07, 2013 11:34 am 
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because the sub Dr. I met with him again and he said I cant be on the xanax he wants me off ASAP or he wont see me anymore....So I guess its good he is writing me copious amounts of sub because he said if i dont get off in the next month before he sees me he will not see me anymore for opoid addiction....great....i am so depressed i have been precribed benzoes for over a decade and i have been on prescribed opiates for over a decade but i cant be on both at the same time even though sub and benzoes are not respiratory depressant when used together the way other opiates are.....Im freaking this morning....thank you for your advice i will re read it and take it to heart.


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