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 Post subject: Bad Day
PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2010 11:59 am 
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Since I have been on subs I have pretty much forgotten about the effects and feelings that the pain killers gave me. But I have been having a bad few days and for some reason I am really craving today. Don't know why but I hope I can overcome this because I really don't want to hurt all that I have worked for. I checked the chat room but no one is around to talk...


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2010 5:49 pm 
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Sorry to hear you're having some bad days. Cravings do happen, you're not alone in that. When stressors happen, our old, unhealthy coping skills kick in and we want to use. That's why learning new, healthy coping skills is so important after we stop using. I think they call it learning to accept life on life's terms, something like that. I'm sorry, I don't recall - do you attend therapy or counseling? If not, maybe it's time to consider it.

I hope you get to feeling better soon.

_________________
-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2010 6:32 pm 
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Hey HatMaker...I just started seeing a psychiatrist and I see a social worker about once a month. However, I am not really sure how much this is helping me. I had a chat earlier today with ReRaise and that did help me somewhat. But I did tell him that while I have never been suicidal, nor would I ever kill myself, the fact is I really don't enjoy living. And that in itself scares me real bad.


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:39 pm 
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Hey Outof the woods,

It seems like were in the same place lately :cry: I hoping we can find the light at the end of the tunnel soon!! If you ever want to meet in chat let me know Queenie and a few others meet there at different times during the week just let us know whens good for you? there are also meeting at 9pm on Mondays. I am praying for you :)


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2010 7:39 pm 
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Therapy and psychiatry are long term fixes. It can take a long time to get to the bottom of our problems, sometime months or even years so please be patient. Even 12 step groups, aside from the initial "belonging to" feeling, are a long process to really get into and rectify our issues. You did the right thing by talking to someone about it, someone who has been there and done that, even if that someone was Reraise, (just kidding, obviously). I've been through some severe depressions and, like you, I couldn't find any reason for getting out of bed in the morning. I know exactly what you mean by "not suicidal by not enjoying being alive". It is a scary frame of mind to be in and, like most things, there aren't too many quick fixes. I know it's easier said than done but just try to find something that gives you any kind of pleasure, aside from harmful things obviously. Movies, books, puzzles, video games, long walks, fishing, golfing, tennis, or even playing with play-dough. My point is just something simple to loose yourself in for a short time. Sometimes, for me anyway, the big picture can be too much to comprehend and the little things are what get me through the day sane. Good luck and keep talking about it with people you can trust.

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"Why can't I worship the Lord like most people, by praying like hell on my death bed"
-Homer Simpson-


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2010 9:14 pm 
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The worst part of this situation is that it takes a big toll on work. I have a very stressful job, one that I shouldn't be in. However, it is the only one that pays me well and gives me great benefits. So unfortunately I must suffer through it.

But when I feel this way I find it very difficult to get out of bed and go to work. I have already had the "attendance" talk twice. If they fire me, I am so f**ked it isn't funny. I won't be able to pay rent, bills, and child support. I could always get a less stressful job, but the money is a big issue. This is the exact time that my physical pain flares up and pain killers would come in handy.

Medication isn't helping me and I have been going to therapy for ages with no results. I really feel like I am slipping off the safety rope and it looks as if the knot at the end is undone. I am afraid to get in to bed tonight because I may not want to get up and go tomorrow, and that could have tragic consequences for me....


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2010 9:38 pm 
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No bullshit, I know exactly where your coming from. I've been there before, everyday is worse than the last, zero light at the end of the tunnel. But believe me, it will get better. I probably talk out my ass 90% of the time but this time I am certain that you will get better. Just one foot in front of the other, one small task at a time, one minute at a time and one day, hopefully soon, you will realize you don't feel so bad. Just don't give up. I remember the last depression I went through I had to break my day into hundreds of little tasks. I would say to myself "I'm up, now brush your teeth" I would some how will the energy to do that. Then it was "now take a shower and get dressed" and again I would some how get the strength to do that, and so on and so on.... I don't know if any of that makes sense but I could some how get through the day if I just focused on the task at hand, like in AA when they say "just do the next right thing". I don't know what else to say, I hope either I or someone on here is helping you a little. It kills me to see anyone go through what your going through. Keep it simple, don't let your mind race all over the place and do what's in front of you. Promise us if you do get to that dark place, where you want to give up, reach out to someone. Good luck tomorrow.

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"Why can't I worship the Lord like most people, by praying like hell on my death bed"
-Homer Simpson-


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PostPosted: Sun Sep 12, 2010 10:05 pm 
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When I used to get like this......my sposnser taught me to scream out loud "Jim.....stop it" It really helped.......tonight....take a hot bath........and kiss that 2 1/2 yr old good nite...........say your prayers...thanking god for keeping you sober and then go to sleep if you can...if you have to take the ambien....do it......let this day go away.......and then let that little one come and wake daddy up......that is what I live for.....I will add you to my prayers.....

Jim


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 14, 2010 7:38 am 
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You may want to talk to your doctor about FMLA. If the company you work for is large enough and your doctor is willing to certify it, you can have absences without being fired. You won't get paid for them, but they have to allow you the extra time off. I am not certain of how much medical information you would have to disclose but I am pretty sure it would be limited. You can even say "due to a medical condition" if I understand it correctly (which I may not as I never had to deal with FMLA before). At least you might be able to decrease some of the pressure so you can take care of yourself right now and not worry about being fired.

Cherie

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Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.

- Winston Churchill


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 14, 2010 7:51 am 
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Jackcrack has a really great idea about taking some time off via FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act). I did that several years ago (more than once actually) when I was working, although I do not recall how much I had to tell my employer. You can always say it's due to depression and not mention addiction at all, after all that really is the case, isn't it? Like she said, the company you work for just has to be large enough (more than 50 employees, I think?). Your doctor could just write a script writing you out of work and give that to your personnel office. Again, I think it's a good idea. That's exactly what the FMLA is for - taking medical time off without risking your job. Good luck and I hope you get to feeling better very soon.

_________________
-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Tue Sep 14, 2010 1:11 pm 
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My wife took off a few weeks when my son needed surgery last year and she filed FMLA. She was paid for those two weeks but I know at a certain time limit you don't. I think, could be wrong, your aloud 3 months and they have to hold your possition. OK here's the deal, I just got off the phone with my wife in the middle of guessing about FMLA, she's an HR person at work. You can get 90 consecutive days off (not paid of cours) or you can use the time intermitently. I know that's not how you spell that but you know what I meant. For example, when my son had surgery she took off the 2 weeks for recovery and the all the follow ups and pt appointments she filed under FMLA. She has also used it for her migranes, so if she wakes up and feels a migrane coming on she can call in and it does not count against her or deplete sick time. Companies are not required to pay you ( my wife gets paid due to sick bank or something) but they have to hold your possition or a comprable possition for you. There is some leg work though. You have to get the forms from your hr department and have your doctor fill them out. I'm not sure about confidentiality of your condition, that's something you would have to ask about. I would pursue this if I were you. It would be one less thing to worry about. Good luck. Pm me if you have any questions regarding FMLA, I will have my wife respond.

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"Why can't I worship the Lord like most people, by praying like hell on my death bed"
-Homer Simpson-


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