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 Post subject: back with an aditude!
PostPosted: Thu Dec 23, 2010 11:11 pm 
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Hello, my name is Frank and I’m an addict (haha always found that weird to say) Anyway, im now 30 years old and on my second go with Suboxone. I was originally prescribed 12mg daily almost 1 year ago now. I am now down to 6mg daily. I’m not totally sure I want to get off totally from SUB. I would like to get down to the 4mg ceiling and maintaine from there. Once I am there for a couple months, I may decide to wean even further and possibly stop altogether. I’m just not totally sure I am ready. I can’t say positively that I wouldn’t go back to street drugs if I stopped and that scares me. With that in mind I know its best to not rush things and take every day slowly. One part of me wants nothing to do with any opiates and another part of me would love to grab a couple 80mg oxy’s and have one last binge, but whats the chance that anybody has one last binge? lol

Anyway, been addicted to pain killer for about 5 years now. My favorite was the little blue roxys or the 80mg oxys. The only thing I never touched was H. I always thought I was fine as long as I didn’t touch H, guess what? Haha I was wrooooong.

I can’t say there was anything that got me started, I just started. You know, I read all these stories of people that have real physical pain due to some injury. I feel so bad for them because they do need something. IDK, I feel like they are better than me because they needed pain killers whereas I just started playing around and found myself here lol (which I do like this forum so far, don’t get me wrong)

Anyway, yea second time on Suboxone although this time is much different. I must admit I was getting them on the street the first time around. It was really hard to stay stable on them because I didn’t always have a steady flow. It’s really strange that you can find stuff like this on the street, I guess there is a buyer for just about everything. I will say when I did finally stop taking them the first time, it was not fun. I swear. I don’t mean to scare anyone, but I have had easier times getting off a 3 week oxy binge. Very painful indeed. Anyway, just saying what’s up!


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 23, 2010 11:29 pm 
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hey!!! i read your post and we have a lot in common. First off we have simlair drugs of choice and how we both got started is very simlair. like you i always thought that if i didnt do anything "hard" like heroin or shoot up anything then i was good and i was just taking pills that doctors perscribe to patients everyday. and like you said, "i was so wrooonnggggg". I have been on subs with a doctor for almost a year but its not like quitting was easy for me. i tried to quit approx 7 times and failed each time. I went to detox twice and it wasnt fun. I pretty much fucked alot of my life up and was at my very own rock bottom and up until the last time I quit (which was hwen i got on subs) i never wanted to quit. The last time i quit i actually wanted to quit and could see myself without pills.

I wouldnt rush the sub process if i were you. At first i hit my six month mark and couldnt wait to get off of them. Not becuase i wanted to use but becuase i wanted to live a normal life without a drug i had to rely on. Over the past couple month id say that it is important to get to the point where you feel you are ready to live life without them. As you said you worry that without them you would go back to using your drug of choice. If that is the feeling you have then it is prob best to stay on subs for a while longer. Im not saying that feeling will subside completely and go away forever but you will get to the point where you will feel comfortable without subs in your life and i think that is the point where you will want to quit. I know i feel much more comfortable with the thought of not hadving subs then i did 6 months ago, however i do know that i need prob another 4-6 months on subs and im not rushing myself at this point because i dont want to put my sobriety in jeopardy............and i feel like if its not broken i shouldnt mess with anything just yet. anyways, hope my rambling helped in some way!!


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 24, 2010 8:36 am 
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Substation - you are NO different (and definitely no worse) than those of us who had legitimate pain and were prescribed opiates for that. We are all addicts. Besides, sometimes I feel like a complete idiot because had I not abused my pain meds I might be getting actual pain relief now instead of just hoping for tolerable levels while on the suboxone. We all can find a way to blame ourselves and prolong the shame we feel for getting addicted. Yes, we have personal responsibility for our actions, but you can't forget that we have a disease. Once we take that first opiate it's like a switch has been thrown in our brains. So please, PLEASE forget that idea you have of us pain patients being better or different than you. Okay?

As for sub withdrawals being really, really bad, well, I'd ask you how far down you tapered before you jumped off and quit? There are people on this forum who tapered down low and slow and felt very little to no discomfort at all. So it can be done. I'm not belittling your experience, just letting you know that if tapered down correctly, it can be down without withdrawals.

Good luck to you!

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 24, 2010 9:38 am 
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Hi S.S.
Welcome to the Site. I just wanted to say Congrats on your decision to give Recovery a try (with Professional help) and get out of that suicide cycle of active using!! I hope you have better luck now that you are under a Dr's. care and will have a steady script for your medication.... Your Dr. will also probably recommend some Counseling or Therapy. I find that that's what helps me most. Going to AA meetings (I'm an Alcoholic also) and coming out here helps me greatly! This site has become a Big part of my Recovery. I hope that it becomes a Big part of yours!!! I'm sure that you will find alot of support here on the Forum. There are some great people in the same boat as you are and are willing to share their story in hopes it will help someone like you & Me!! We are glad you found us and please keep coming back and let us know how you're doing. Happy Holidays!!!

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 27, 2010 9:13 am 
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Hi Substation!

I don't think you are any different than anyone who got hooked due to pain issues. I got hooked due to pain issues and I don't feel any different than you so I would think it should be the same the other way around. I was still using an opiate to escape my problems whether it be pain or other issues. That is why I got addicted. In my opinion, we all share that same chemistry that goes "ahhhhhhhh" when you feed it an opiate.

I'm glad you found this site and that you found sub legally. It makes a big difference in my opinion. Taking it off the street makes it far more difficult to take seriously and you continue all of your using connections. It prohibits you from having medical monitoring which I think is necessary in the beginning especially.

This is a great forum and I hope you grow to appreciate it as much as I do. Best of luck with your remission!

Cherie

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 28, 2010 6:12 pm 
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Thanks everyone I truly appreciate your comments. I understand what everyone is saying about us being the same. I guess I just feel a little more guilty because I was NEVER prescribed pain killers, a friend gave them to me one day and soon found that I cannot live without them (until I found suboxone and counseling) I will try and work on my thinking. I guess like the old saying goes “it doesn’t matter how you got here” or something like that lol can’t remember word for word.

I am currently going to counseling, but I have for many years. He is not an addiction counselor which sometimes makes me wonder if I should be going to a drug counselor instead. He does help me on a lot of things in life, but doesn’t really know much about opiate addiction. Do you think I should maybe switch?

As far as my last experience with SUB withdraw, yes PLEASE take that with a grain of salt. I was getting them from the streets and NEVER had a steady supply. I was taking them for about 3 months, about 8mgs a day and jumped off from there. It was horrible, but again yea I didn’t do it right because I wasn’t getting them via script. This time (when and if I am ready) should be much easier.

I will say this though. I recently jumped back up to 8mgs a day from 6mgs. I have been on them legit for about a year now. I was originally prescribed 12mgs. I went down to 8mgs over the past couple of months with no problem. Well on 12/20/10 I went from 8mgs to 6mgs. I felt fine until Christmas Eve (12/24/10) I felt absolutely HORRIBLE. Now I see how that half life comes into play, it took about 4 days until I felt the withdrawals. So I went back up to 8mgs because I didn’t want to feel like crap around the holidays. I am going to stay @8mgs a day for a while now. Weird because I felt fine with the other tapers, but going from 8 to 6 was hell for me.

Anyway that’s my story and I’m sticking to it lol thanks for the warm welcome!

PS: O one last thing. I have been reading this forum and it looks like some people are using SUBS for alcoholism. Is this true? I am only asking because I have never had a problem with alcohol but since I have been taking SUBS I never drink. I simple have no desire at all. I mean no desire. Really strange, was wondering if SUB is also used for that?


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 28, 2010 6:27 pm 
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Hey substation,

I just wanted to throw out a quick comment on the counselor question. I'm not saying to switch counselors, but my counselor was a certified Drug counselor. He saw right through my bullcrap regarding addiction and called me on it. He also taught me a lot about addiction...the triggers, ways to counter them, how to give myself the best shot at long term recovery, etc.

It helped me a lot to have someone who had been where I was. He was a heavy heroin user, so right away I knew that he knew his stuff. I knew he could identify with me and my crappy thinking and I immediately had a lot of respect for him.

Just my two cents.


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 28, 2010 8:26 pm 
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Thanks Romeo, I will keep that in mind. I like how your DR has firsthand experience. Would you say most do? I always thought of them as people that have not really been through the ringer, they just kinda go from the textbook. Either way, sounds like you got someone good there.


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PostPosted: Tue Dec 28, 2010 11:38 pm 
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Sorry substation, it wasn't my doctor with firsthand experience, it was my counselor with firsthand experience.

I'm not sure if most of them have first hand experience....I just always figured they did. I wouldn't have been able to tolerate a person just reading from a book...my bullshit meter would have went off and I would have just sat there being a smart ass to them the whole time. Believe me, I tried my little song and dance with my counselor, but, as I said, he nailed me right up front. Told me we can bullshit around and play games all F&*^ing day long or I can get serious about getting better. It was exactly what I needed to hear and how I needed to hear it.

He had shot Heroin in every way possible, robbed a pharmacy...fell through the roof, broke his ass and got detained by an old guy....ended up going to jail and the whole nine yards. He had definitely been there and done that all by the age of 27. He came out of jail and completely turned his life around. He got certified as a Drug Counselor and has been clean since he was 27 years old...he's maybe 50 now. He's one of my heroes...I thought if he can do it then I can too.


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 29, 2010 6:04 pm 
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Romeo wrote:
Sorry substation, it wasn't my doctor with firsthand experience, it was my counselor with firsthand experience.

I'm not sure if most of them have first hand experience....I just always figured they did. I wouldn't have been able to tolerate a person just reading from a book...my bullshit meter would have went off and I would have just sat there being a smart ass to them the whole time. Believe me, I tried my little song and dance with my counselor, but, as I said, he nailed me right up front. Told me we can bullshit around and play games all F&*^ing day long or I can get serious about getting better. It was exactly what I needed to hear and how I needed to hear it.

He had shot Heroin in every way possible, robbed a pharmacy...fell through the roof, broke his ass and got detained by an old guy....ended up going to jail and the whole nine yards. He had definitely been there and done that all by the age of 27. He came out of jail and completely turned his life around. He got certified as a Drug Counselor and has been clean since he was 27 years old...he's maybe 50 now. He's one of my heroes...I thought if he can do it then I can too.


Yea we were on the same page. I guess I said DR because my counselor has his DR…….again, that’s awesome that you have someone like that. Maybe I just need to alternate between my regular guy that’s great with life’s everyday problems, and a drug counselor.


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 30, 2010 5:22 pm 
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substation wrote:
Thanks everyone I truly appreciate your comments. I understand what everyone is saying about us being the same. I guess I just feel a little more guilty because I was NEVER prescribed pain killers, a friend gave them to me one day and soon found that I cannot live without them (until I found suboxone and counseling) I will try and work on my thinking. I guess like the old saying goes “it doesn’t matter how you got here” or something like that lol can’t remember word for word.

There is no shame in being an addict, there is only shame in knowing you are an addict and not doing anything about it. YOU are doing something about it. Take yourself off the whipping post.

substation wrote:
I will say this though. I recently jumped back up to 8mgs a day from 6mgs. I have been on them legit for about a year now. I was originally prescribed 12mgs. I went down to 8mgs over the past couple of months with no problem. Well on 12/20/10 I went from 8mgs to 6mgs. I felt fine until Christmas Eve (12/24/10) I felt absolutely HORRIBLE. Now I see how that half life comes into play, it took about 4 days until I felt the withdrawals. So I went back up to 8mgs because I didn’t want to feel like crap around the holidays. I am going to stay @8mgs a day for a while now. Weird because I felt fine with the other tapers, but going from 8 to 6 was hell for me.


The less you are taking, the smaller your reductions should be. It's not too surprising that you didn't feel so great when you reduced your dose by 25% - you should try going from 8mg to 7mg first. Or do what I did and take 8mg one day, then 7mg the next, then 8, then 7, like that....back and forth for a few weeks, then you start increasing the days where you are taking 7, so you take 8 then 7 then 7 then 8 then 7, 7, 7, then 8 then 7,7,7,7.....see what I mean? You won't even notice the reduction that way.


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 04, 2011 11:46 pm 
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substation wrote:
PS: O one last thing. I have been reading this forum and it looks like some people are using SUBS for alcoholism. Is this true? I am only asking because I have never had a problem with alcohol but since I have been taking SUBS I never drink. I simple have no desire at all. I mean no desire. Really strange, was wondering if SUB is also used for that?


Hi Substation. I started suboxone last month and have found the same thing. No desire to drink. I was a binge drinker up until last month, looked forward to it each week. I didnt think much of it (the percocet problem being much more impairing), have never been treated for alcoholism, and only mentioned it as an afterthought to my sub doctor. Since starting suboxone I havent even thought about drinking.


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