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 Post subject: Back on Suboxone
PostPosted: Wed Dec 12, 2012 4:34 pm 
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I'm new here and this is the first time I've ever posted in a forum so please bare with me. Okay I have had an addiction to pain pills as far back as I remember. I'm 39 and this addiction started at about 25 yrs old. Prior to this addiction in my young 20's I drank heavily. I did not seem to have a hard time putting the alcohol down when i decided but I'm assuming that was because I replased it with pills. When I got introduced to Oxycontin probably around 8 yrs ago or more, I was hooked instantly. It seemed to remove the depression that I had battled with all my life and there I was seeking pills for years to come. I have back problems so I was always easily accepted into the pain clinic who would write me lots of good pills. I have also battled ovarian cancer so again , not too hard for me to get a hold of pills. In 2005, I got dropped from the pain clinic due to them no longer taking my insurance. I happened to get referred to a Dr. that was real big on prescribing Suboxone and he was a huge believer of Suboxone. So November 2005, I was put on Suboxone. He was my doctor thru 2010 and he never even discussed wanting to take me off Suboxone. My quality of life during those five years was huge. I got hired at an advertising co where I became one of the top sales reps, had an outstanding work ethic and just everything in my life turned around for the better. I had wondered at times if I ever was told that I had to come off of Suboxone , what would happen to me and as much as I see the point of not staying on it, it saved my life and gave me a real life for the first time in over 30 years. I had never held down a job, or stayed out of going into a depressed state for so long. I was not on anti depressants , only Suboxone. The Suboxone just seemed to give me that balance I needed and I never even considered taking other pills. Well in 2010, I ended up moving from Illinois to Mississippi. The company I worked started going under due to the recession and I needed to move near my family. When I got here the first thing I did was find a Suboxone Dr. It wasn't even that difficult and Suboxone wasn't real big here yet. My dr continued me on the same amount that I had been on for the five years previously. My cancer had returned in 2011 and I was referred to a disability doctor from my attorney. This dr wanted me to come off the Suboxone and put me back on pain meds for me to receive disability so I did so. That was where life started to down spiral for me. I was being prescribed 3 loratabs a day and really struggled a lot. I went through five months like this and I remember laying in bed thinking I should've never stopped Suboxone. This dr happened to lose his lisence and I was left high and dry with nothing, not even a referral. Well come to find out he referred to pain mang. Two months prior to this, I called my old Suboxone dr back and they were no longer doing suboxone from their office but had opened a Suboxone clinic here which now that is all there is , Suboxone clinic, cash pay. I had gone back to Suboxone and did a quick turn around for the better and I really wanted to stay on it. Because the pain clinic had accepted me and my family and h usband were really pushing me to go to the pain clinic since it was very difficult to even be accepted by them. I don't think my husband really was understanding that I needed the Suboxone more than for the pain but that I had an addiction problem. I had told him this before but I don't think he really accepted it. So after 2 months of being back on Suboxone, I am in the pain clinic and the pain clinic won't continue Suboxone therapy because it has not been recognized as pain medication even though they admit it works well for pain and especially for those who are opiod tolerant. I got started on 15 mg of Ms Contin 2 X a day and Percocet 10's 3 X a day. Within the first month, I was hitting depression again really bad and I kept being told that it was from coming off the Suboxone and I just needed to give it more time to adjust to the meds. By the 2nd month, I was having social anxiety on top of depression and didn't want to be around anyone or deal with anything. By the 4th month, I had literally became so depressed that I was feeling suicidal. I finally convinced my husband I needed to go back onto Suboxone. It was literally hell even finding a Suboxone Dr now that is taking on a new patient. It took me two months to find one and the one I found is a therapist that deals with addictions. I had my first appointment yesterday and by the time I seeen her I was 24 hrs wo meds. I was sick as hell , and felt like each minute was an eternity. She started me on 16 mg a day. She told me up front though that she only plans on keeping me on Suboxone for 6-8 months. This is already scaring the hell out of me up front. I thought today I would feel a lot better then I do but I'm still feeling weak, confused, tired etc.. I'm having huge anxiety about knowing that this is short term. I don't want to end up back on pills this time. My husband has been hit with now the reality that I do have a problem after realizing that I took 90 percocets in 12 days time. He's very supportive and just tells me to be honest with this doctor and get the help that I need. He feels like I do , that I need Suboxone long term and so now I am not sure how to cope with the fact that I'm only going ot be on it short term this time. It's like I'm already setting myself up that if I get taken off, I'll fail. Also I have been reluctant to go to any meeting or anything like that. We live in a small southern town and my husband is a firefighter. Everyone knows everyone and I don't want it coming back on him about his wife being an addict.


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 13, 2012 4:56 am 
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Holy Cow! What a bumpy ride you've been on! It sounds like you do so well on suboxone and would be a good candidate for long term maintenance. I totally understand your anxiety! I'm sorry that your current sub doctor is so short-sighted! When you find something that works, it's SO frustrating when you are being told that you can't have it long term!

I assume you are already doing this, but are you looking for a new sub doctor? It might be worth traveling a bit if you can get in with an understanding sub doc.

I'm glad your husband finally understands what you're up against with your addiction. It's much easier when you have someone supporting you!

I'm glad you found us; welcome to the forum! I hope that you continue to tell us about your situation. Let us know if you need links to some good search engines for sub doctors.

Amy

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Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

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