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PostPosted: Sat Jan 21, 2017 5:28 pm 
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Hi folks!
Some of you might remember me from waaaaay back when. I was on suboxone from 2008 until I weaned myself off 6 1/2 years later. I did fine throughout my sub treatment and for the last 2 1/2 years....until my chronic pain worsened. And I do mean it really worsened. During this same period, I got really sick with sinusitis and bronchitis. My PCP gave me a hydrocodone cough syrup and I accepted it. It was the first opiate I'd taken since 2008 (other than prescribed for surgical procedures). That was where my mistake was. I used it responsibly, but it let that addict "beast" out of where it had been locked away for 9 years.

Now as I said, my chronic pain was worsening. I started slipping and using one day here or one day there. This happened twice. At that point, I realized I was in trouble. I had nothing for my pain and I was a textbook addict in recovery at risk of relapse, due to said untreated pain.

That's where suboxone came into the picture. I thought about it and realized it was the best - really the ONLY option for me. It would treat my pain and keep me from going down that hellish path of active addiction again (which scares the shit out of me).

I found a doctor through a friend and was put on 2mg, as I was/am basically opiate naive. This was this past Monday, so I've only been back on Suboxone less than a week.

It's definitely helping my pain, no doubt about that! Otherwise, I'm just slowly getting used to having an opiate in my system again.

I'm glad I made this decision. It was proactive and a choice I made for myself - the best one, I believe.

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PostPosted: Sat Jan 21, 2017 6:16 pm 
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Hi. I've always wondered when you've been. I have read soooo many posts with you commenting or staring the thread. I'm glad you realized what would have happened before it was too late and it is a major plus that your pain is finally being handled


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 21, 2017 7:02 pm 
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Well hello Hat! Good to hear from you. Been a loug time.
You were smart to get back on Buprenorphine, glad it is working for your pain. Your post goes to show
that No One is truely safe even after a few years of being off medication. Ya never know when the beast will awaken.
Just wanted to welcome you back...


Razor.


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2017 2:49 am 
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I dislike the reason that you're back here Hat, but I feel very fortunate that you will be posting again. I feel like there has been a hole here since you left. Anyone who remembers you from a few years ago knows that you always have thoughtful and intelligent things to say.

I am sorry that your pain has gotten worse. That sucks. You made the best decision you can make, however, by going back on the correct level of buprenorphine. I have chronic neck pain and head pain that never fully goes away. I have some days that are better than others, so I take anywhere from 2 to 3 mg per day.

I would like everyone to welcome Hatmaker back to active status here on the forum. We are lucky to have her!

Amy

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2017 10:43 am 
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Hi Hatmaker, Welcome back! You made the absolute best decision for yourself and I think you should be very proud! You could have easily gone down that other road again! You realized that you did not want that for yourself! I can only pray that I would be as smart as you have been if I were to be in your shoes! Happy to have your insight and wisdom back here!


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2017 11:35 am 
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Welcome back!!!!

I have been a member here since 2014 I think (I honestly don't know that for sure lol I'll have to check) u were already gone from the forum by that time, so I didn't have the pleasure of interacting with u. So happy u made it bk safely and I think very wisely too :)

So happy to hear ur bk on buprenorphine also, I could very well be a lifelong patient, it's definitely a wonderful medication in my book and saves lives every day. There's not much else to add because I do believe u know everything about this medication anyhow lol :)

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 22, 2017 12:49 pm 
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Hatmaker!!!

Sooooo thrilled to have you back!

I'm so very proud you realized what was happening and took control. I honestly think you made the very best decision.

My mom has suffered from Lupus, Gulf War Syndrome, and an array of other subsequent illnesses due to her compromised immune system since I was about 13.. She's been on heavy duty pain meds
for over 25 yrs....so, obviously her body is dependent. But, I also think she's addicted. I know struggles managing a crazy high amount of pain. But, Ive often fantasized about being able to encourage her to switch to Sub.

I can't remember the exact right timeframe. But, I took a long break from the forum around the time you left. This July will make 8yrs I've been on Sub. I've accomplished so much during this time
period, and grown & flourished in ways I would've never imagined possible. I owe lots of that success to
YOU Hat and the other marvelous members of this site. Especially in the first couple yrs of maintenance
(when I felt so lost and had little support from my husband).


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 23, 2017 7:36 am 
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Thank you all so very much for the kind words and warm welcome (back). It means a lot to me.

The sub definitely helps a chunk of my fibro pain. That alone has improved my quality of life. I do, however, still have some pretty bad foot, neck, and back issues that nothing seems to help. I may end up back at a physical medicine and rehab doctor for shots and whatnot in those areas. Those shots helped me for awhile until my doctor left her practice and left me hanging with no treatment.

Thanks again, everyone. It's good to be back.

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-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 23, 2017 10:26 am 
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Great decision to go back on sub.
:D

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 23, 2017 2:48 pm 
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Hey Hatmaker!!

I've read TONS of your prior mod threads/posts and am so grateful for all your life saving and life changing help for me and for many.
I tell the current mods here, its heroic work, bc its often tough and painful but lifesaving and lifechanging for the many that come here to listen and learn, including me.
Happy for you that you made the early decision to get back on before active addiction restarted. With your pain needs, it puts you back in contact w full opiates or to restart bup.
I've written in several posts that restarting bup needs to be an acceptable option for all. I can only imagine a readers surprise when reading this, bc all some want to do is stop and stay stopped. But if it needs to be restarted to stop active addiction, then that's the healthy and critically important step to take.
Wishing you my best, Pelican

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Stopping went well -- its the staying stopped -- where the real work begins.
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 23, 2017 6:49 pm 
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Welcome back, Mel. Glad you made the decision to treat your pain and keep yourself safe. :)


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 24, 2017 1:37 am 
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Hat, I don't have the best memory when it comes to people's details, but I think I remember that you were in a serious car accident that caused the pain in addition to the fibro. Do I have that right? If it was an accident how long ago was it?

My neck and head pain are from an accident in 2001, in which I was T-boned by a couple of dumb teens. It can be frustrating that something from so long ago can still cause decreased quality of life.

You deserve a warm and wonderful welcome back! You've helped so many here and that will never be forgotten.

Amy

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:05 am 
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Amy - thanks for the kind words. No, I didn't have any kind of injury or accident. I have, unfortunately, advanced arthritis (they don't know why it's so bad at my age) in both my neck and back. Next to nothing helps that kind of pain, I've found. The sub helps my fibro pain more than the back pain.
In any way or from anything, chronic pain is a shitty way to live and we have to do anything we can to manage it so as to keep it from really having a negative effect on everything in our lives. Before I went back on bupe, the depression from the pain alone was so severe. That, too, had a hand in my decision to go back on it.

Thanks again to everyone for the warm welcome.

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-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 31, 2017 3:09 pm 
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Welcome back! I'm so glad suboxone helps your pain somewhat. I suffer from SEVERE migraines and suboxone does nothing for them :(

I have been on subs going on 3 years (august 2014), and in the past was on methadone for about a year as well. lately I have been thinking back to when I was on methadone and I don't remember my migraines being THIS bad while I was on it. I think if anything the methadone might've helped mask the pain. The highest dose I was on was 70mg I believe but I didn't stay there long and remember being around 40mg/day for awhile. I didn't want to be on a high dose. But I was also still smoking weed every day while I was on methadone so I don't consider that time on methadone in recovery for me.
I had to get my wisdom teeth extracted because I was having extremely bad pain & they were growing in crooked and after surgery I was in so much pain cuz right before I had tapered off methadone slowly & to a very low dose and was still in bad withdrawal at the time I had the surgery & that's what led to my last relapse. my body had no natural pain killers & the pain from surgery was 100x more than it should've been. it took me over a month to recover. couldn't even open my mouth for a week!!

I've had migraines since I was a kid and they've never been as bad as they are now. I feel you about the depression, when pain controls your life, every single day, its pretty much impossible NOT to be depressed. I cant go anywhere or make plans because I'm always in pain. I cant even go grocery shopping most of the time. I feel so bad for my boyfriend, always taking care of me. But most of the time I am useless.

I was actually thinking about considering going back to methadone, if only to help my pain, because this is becoming so unbearable and it affects every aspect of my life. I don't even consider this living. I just hated having to go to the clinic every morning @5am and wait in an hour line to dose, then drive a half hour back home. that was terrible.

I wish I could be one of those people that says suboxone helps their pain, but really it does not even touch mine :( Although its probably better for me personally to be on suboxone for a couple different reasons, Just something I have been thinking about. by the way I'm on 6mg a day but sometimes only take 4mg if I forget about my afternoon dose. I know you're not supposed to but I split doses but I have the 4mg strips and my tongue is really small so the strip is basically the size of my tongue and I read you're not supposed to stack the strips in your mouth. so I just take the other half strip later in the day.

I was wondering, how or why does methadone work better for pain management than suboxone, is it because suboxone is so much stronger that our tolerance is so high? or because of the ceiling effect? just curious.

Anywho, I'm not even sure why I posted this lol Just wanted to welcome you back, I have seen a lot of posts by you and glad you are back! I hope your pain gets better. I may not have what you have in terms of pain but living in pain constantly, I sure know what that's like!!!

-Jess

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PostPosted: Sat Mar 18, 2017 8:02 pm 
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Hi hatmaker510! I remember you from a couple years ago on one of my old accounts. You helped me induct on subs and I have a lot respect for you. I hope all is well! Glad to see that you're back on the subs instead of back in active addiction (:


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 19, 2017 2:56 am 
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Thanks for the welcomes, Jess & sleepy!

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-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 19, 2017 5:07 am 
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Welcome back Hat maker. I hope that suboxone continues to help you with your pain. Jess 1208 Methadone is a full agonist and suboxone is a partial agonist so Methadone is a truer fit for your opiate receptors and providers better pain control and more apt to cause a high feeling. It is very common for those of us that have pain issues as well as a history of opiate abuse to split their suboxone dose. I have never been on methadone so don't know much about it. If suboxone would not have been available when I needed help, I probably would have gone that route.


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 19, 2017 5:27 am 
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I'm currently only taking 1/3 of an 8 mg film daily. I'm still paying cash (trying to work it out with Medicare), so even though my sub doc wants to raise my dose to somewhere like 8 or 16 mg, I don't want him to- for 2 reasons. 1 - I simply can't afford it, and 2 - I personally, for myself, don't want to be on that high of a dose. Currently this dose is managing my pain. I don't expect anything to erase it - I expect to manage it. Any kind of pain treatment is really about pain "management" anyway, when you think about it or talk to a doctor about it.
Because my dose is so low, I only take it once a day, about late morning. I get some pain in the morning and shortly thereafter I take it.
I'm happy with my set up and personally respect and am happy for anyone who gets benefits for pain and/or addiction from any bupe product, whatever your dose/dosing. I've been all over the board, from 24 mg down to completely off successfully for 2.5 years. Now I'm rambling....Shutting up now.
Happy Sunday everyone!

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-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 20, 2017 6:59 pm 
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Ya I remember you! I've been wondering about you. You helped me a lot when I first signed up, 2011. I'm glad you chose the right path and started treatment again.

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