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 Post subject: Back.....again
PostPosted: Sun Aug 24, 2014 8:32 pm 
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Hey y'all. I was a member here in 2013---and I successfully weaned off of subs with little to no withdrawal. Unfortunately, I relapsed on dope and ended up on Methadone.
THANK GOD the doctor at the methadone clinic was all about me making the transition from meth back to subs. And so I abstained from methadone for 3 horrific days, and began induction.
Now here I am, started at 12mg and now down at 1.5.

Here's the bad part, aside from giving up my 6 month sobriety and being mid divorce....I have also been accepted into nursing school. I have wanted to be an RN my entire life...but I never thought I was good enough because of my past. The school felt differently, and they've accepted me.
The thing is---I have to be OFF of the subs completely by November at the latest and I am in full panic mode. I know I'm only at 1.5 mg...but it scares me because I have a lengthy divorce trial going on...and I cannot go into the court room (in October) looking like I am in withdrawal. I have custody of my two sons and so I also have to be able to care for them, and I am a full time student finishing up my pre-requisite courses to prepare for January.
But deep inside I also know, that if I don't put this FIRST right now and get off of this shit....I will fail in school, fail my kids, and fail myself.
So I am trying to find a good plan, a way to get off of this rather quickly....without failing. I know, y'all are probably going to say that there is no fast way. But right now....any help is appreciated.
I haven't taken a dose at all today and I feel fine. I didn't dose today because I got this overwhelming urge to just be done yesterday! But like I said, I don't want to fail AGAIN. That isn't an option now. I'm not a stay at home mom anymore....I have to work and support my sweet boys.

Thanks for reading this. Glad to be back ....well...kinda! Haha


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 Post subject: Re: Back.....again
PostPosted: Sun Aug 24, 2014 9:32 pm 
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Hi there, Salem.....good to hear from you again!!!

K, do you know for sure you can't be on Suboxone while being a nurse? I don't mean you guessing it's not acceptable, I mean do you know for sure it's not allowed?

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 Post subject: Re: Back.....again
PostPosted: Sun Aug 24, 2014 9:46 pm 
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Hello again! :)
Yes, I am positive it is not allowed and I'll lose my spot because they specifically test for it :(


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 Post subject: Re: Back.....again
PostPosted: Sun Aug 24, 2014 10:18 pm 
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Hi Salem,

If your trial is in October and school starts in Novemer, I would try to get off now if I were you. I know it's easier said than done, but I did recently get off subs after being on them for 3.5 years, and jumped off at 2mg's per day. The wd was lenghty, but it was doable! I only had to call in to work twice. The worst part was not being able to sleep, but I am told that Clonodine works wonders if you are able to get that from your doctor. Also, remember that if your nursing school is testing you for Bupe, that subs stay in your system for an extended period of time even after you stop dosing. I am not 100% how long it takes to be completely out of your system, but I've heard a month before.

Also, if you were able to get off now and just weather the storm- you will feel so strong and good about yourself for when you are going through your trial and school. Since I have gotten off about 50 days ago, I have a new found confidence I never had. Since acomplishing getting off subs was difficult it makes me feel that since I did that, I can do anything!

Anyways, best of luck. You can do it! Keep posting.

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 Post subject: Re: Back.....again
PostPosted: Sun Aug 24, 2014 10:29 pm 
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Thanks so much Breezhy!
Yes, I jumped off at .5mg last time and I was on them for 3 years also. I had next to no withdrawal.
I took none today, and of course...I feel fine because it is only day one. I would be very interested to know exactly how long it takes to clear your system. Congrats on your sobriety! That is AWESOME! I remember being so scared last time I did this....bc I didn't know what to expect. Now, I still scared but in a different way!
I think you're right about just jumping off now. Especially with the stuff staying in my system so long. This time around, I've only been back on the subs 3 months. So that is good! Way better than my 3 years last time! :)
Thanks again for your response!


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 Post subject: Re: Back.....again
PostPosted: Mon Aug 25, 2014 6:05 am 
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Salem13 wrote:
...and I am in full panic mode. I know I'm only at 1.5 mg...but it scares me because I have a lengthy divorce trial going on...and I cannot go into the court room (in October) looking like I am in withdrawal. I have custody of my two sons and so I also have to be able to care for them, and I am a full time student finishing up my pre-requisite courses to prepare for January.......I have to work and support my sweet boys.

Hey there Salem, good job of coming back - welcome!! Now b-r-e-a-t-h! You are going to be ok! It is not fun going through wdls, but it is totally manageable. Don't panic! It is not that bad.

Are you on "day 2" now or are you going to continue to taper? If you are tapering, can you time your jump for a couple days before you have a couple days off, and do you have help with your kids? I am also a mother of 2 (10 and 12 years) and understand that added responsibility and pressure of having little ones you love so much depending on you to remain "mommy"- you just "can't" be sick, right? I like your attitude that you are doing this for them (and for you) and your future! Stay strong!!

Are you prepared and mentally ready to jump? You CAN do this! Do you have Clonodine? Don't forget about hot baths or showers, uplifting music, excercise and getting outdoors- all this will help get you through more easiy- oh and posting! Keep it up!!
:D BF

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 Post subject: Re: Back.....again
PostPosted: Mon Aug 25, 2014 8:29 am 
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I am on "day 2" right now :)
I started to think about it....and I decided I may as well do this thing now.
The way I did it last time was pretty hilarious actually----I tried to "mind f$&@" myself and it worked! Sad, huh? LOL
But yeah, I kind of said to myself "I'm going to just stop...and see how long I can go without it." And I told myself....only when it gets absolutely unbearable will I take a tiny amount.
Well, it never got unbearable so I never took any!
I'm really hoping I can do that again!
Just so ready to be free!!!! Thanks so much for your response :)


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 Post subject: Re: Back.....again
PostPosted: Mon Aug 25, 2014 11:38 am 
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Just to clear up an earlier comment, Suboxone may stay in the body a good while, but it's only detectable in UA's for 3 or 4 days after stopping. I took Suboxone for years and when I stopped, I had some of the test strips because I wanted to know when the Suboxone has cleared my system.....I got negatives for the presence of Suboxone after 4 days.

I think your plan of skipping days and holding out as long as you can is a good one. The fact that you've only been on Suboxone a short while this time is also in you favor when it comes to wd.

Without trying to sound like an ass, I'm wondering what you're going to do to stay clean this time? You had 6 months of clean time then used. What triggered you, why did you break and use? Did you learn from your slip, grow because of it and use it to strengthen your recovery? I don't necessarily expect you to answer these questions on the forum, they're more for you to answer for yourself. As I think you're aware, early on in my time off Suboxone, I went through several slips and I'm just trying to use what I learned in an effort to help you.

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 Post subject: Re: Back.....again
PostPosted: Mon Aug 25, 2014 11:54 am 
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Hey Salem,

I thought I'd offer my two cents since I am in med school right now and I know what it's like to be newly sober and beginning a career in healthcare. I came off subs in June and began school in August so I was still adjusting to sobriety when I began. The stress of medical school got to me and interfered with my sobriety. I needed to escape and "take a break" so I slipped a few times. Luckily I was still going to 12 step meetings and I was able to stop before it got out of control again. I also began a monthly vivitrol shot to block my ability to get high. If it were not for 12 step and vivitrol, I would have no doubt failed out of school in my first year.

My point is that if you are really going to do this, make a plan beforehand. The withdrawal is just a small part of the process, as I am sure you know. If you are going to begin nursing school soon and want to stay clean, you need to put sobriety before everything else in your life.


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 Post subject: Re: Back.....again
PostPosted: Mon Aug 25, 2014 11:55 am 
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Btw, they don't drug test you in school. They may when you begin working as a nurse, but I've never heard of schools drug testing students.


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 Post subject: Re: Back.....again
PostPosted: Mon Aug 25, 2014 12:14 pm 
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Thanks for all of your comments!
I do go to meetings now, and that is something I haven't voluntarily done since I was into early 20's. I don't dare mention that I am on Subutex.....(yes, I was on Subutex tablets and not the suboxone strips)....because the people around this area in meetings constantly trash sub users. So I just stay quiet and talk to close friends in the program who know my situation. I don't ever announce my "clean date" bc I am not clean yet.
Anyway---unfortunately my school does drug test before I start the nursing program. I have to have a full physical, several vaccines, and a drug test which specifically test for many drugs that don't normally show up, including subs.
Thanks Romeo for the info about how long it is present in the system!!!
ALL of my using and relapses happened because I was hanging out with the same old people...same old places...and my ex husband enabled the hell out of me. He allowed me to do whatever I wanted. THANK GOD...I never really did "whatever I wanted" because of my sweet boys. However, they have mentioned people before that I didn't think they would remember "mom remember your friend who we had to take home and he was talking really fast and then he fell asleep...."
Y'all----my heart BROKE when I heard them say that. You think kids aren't old enough to remember things.....but they are. Absolutely. That was a HUGE wake up call. And now I'm almost divorced and it is my responsibility alone to care for my boys. No one else is going to help me, financially or otherwise. So this is serious shit now. I have this VERY LAST CHANCE to give my boys a good and SAFE life. And if mess up this time, they are plenty old enough to know and to resent me for the rest of their lives. I have been their rock, because their father is an alcoholic and is not around really. So, that is something I take very seriously. I would do anything, absolutely anything, for my children. But most of all, I DESERVE a good life. I never believed I did until now. So much has changed in me in the last year.
I do have a plan this time!
Day 2 is going well, as expected. It usually doesn't start to get noticeable until day 3 or 4 for me....and even then it is nothing too crazy.
Yep,,,,just gonna keep tellin myself that!!!! LOL
Also, I have this week off of school....and I didn't even realize that until today!
Thanks again everyone :)


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 Post subject: Re: Back.....again
PostPosted: Mon Aug 25, 2014 12:47 pm 
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And by the way....CONGRATS on med school!!!! That is amazingly awesome!! :)


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 Post subject: Re: Back.....again
PostPosted: Mon Aug 25, 2014 2:57 pm 
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Thank you and good luck with nursing school! You're doing the right thing. I am so glad I got sober last June before I began that first year of med school. I would have been miserable had I gone through that school year with sub in my life. It was a dangerous time though because the stress of school and new sobriety was a lot to take on at once. I am glad to hear you have a plan. Look into vivitrol if you can. It saved my life and kept me sober through school until I was able to really focus on my 12 step program.


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 Post subject: Re: Back.....again
PostPosted: Mon Aug 25, 2014 3:11 pm 
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I will definitely so some research on that! Thanks so much :)


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 Post subject: Re: Back.....again
PostPosted: Tue Aug 26, 2014 1:40 pm 
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Day 3 is upon me!
Well, I can DEFINITELY feel that I am achy all over and anxious as hell. I feel like in in a weird dream world. Maybe bc of the insomnia.
Anyhow, I had to get out of the house but didn't want to be around people AT ALL so I drove. I drove miles and miles...just driving and listening to music. Wasting a ton of gas! Ugh.
Anyhow....
Has anyone else noticed after you got off of the subs and during detox music is better? Music used to be SO important to me, and it seems like I lost that when I was on subs both the first and second time. Very odd. Now I'll be sitting at a light and a good song comes on and I feel like leaping from my car and dancing....even though it wouldn't be so easy to "dance" to the kind of music I listen to! Haha. Anyway---I feel like subs dull things. I also have a wicked crazy sense of smell again....which is bad since I've thrown up in my mouth about 18 times from smelling the dog when he comes in from outside! GROSS!
Anyway....y'all have a great day.


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 Post subject: Re: Back.....again
PostPosted: Tue Aug 26, 2014 4:03 pm 
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Yeah, during my wd I took to driving around in the evening because I couldn't sit still. AC/DC full blast on the radio and me just driving. It's funny how so many people detoxing off Suboxone find their love of music again, you're not alone there.

The wicked sense of smell is normal, too. A couple members here a while back took to rubbing cherry chapstick under their noses to fight the smell, I always thought that was clever. :)

K, thanks for telling us about throwing up in your mouth. We appreciate that. :lol:

Oh yeah, do you have any Clonidine? Clonidine will help you a lot.

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 Post subject: Re: Back.....again
PostPosted: Wed Aug 27, 2014 1:42 pm 
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Well....I'm on day 4 and I slept well last night. I felt pretty horrible yesterday but I seem to feel much better today. Hopefully....I continue to feel okay and can once and for all get this over with! I can't wait to be free of this.
:)


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 Post subject: Re: Back.....again
PostPosted: Wed Aug 27, 2014 1:47 pm 
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Oh, Romeo....I don't have any clonidine :(
My dad is prescribed it and so he has this big bottle here which I wouldn't dare ask for some of! That's for sure! Lol. So...no clonidine for me! Also, my BP is always extremely low. I always had such a horrible time in detox bc my BP normally is like 90/40....so during detox it was always 120/80 or 130/75 and they would always say "oh your BP is great! No more meds!"
UGH! So clonidine has often put me in a bad way bc it brings my BP so low that I can't stand up without passing out. So---it's not all bad that I don't have it! I would probably take it anyway----bc after all---I am an addict! LOL


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 Post subject: Re: Back.....again
PostPosted: Wed Aug 27, 2014 8:17 pm 
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Wow, good thing you don't use any Clonidine with BP as low as yours!!

I'm glad you're feeling better today, that's awesome!!! Have you been keeping yourself busy and keeping your mind distracted?

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 Post subject: Re: Back.....again
PostPosted: Wed Aug 27, 2014 8:51 pm 
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I haven't been really busy actually....but then again with a 6 and 8 year old it's hard to truly be bored! Lol
I am experiencing low energy levels this time around...that didn't happen last time. Last time it was mostly horrible anxiety and the feeling of jumping out of my skin!
So I'm happy to have low energy in trade for high anxiety!
I think by tomorrow I will be much better!
No problems tonight with leg pains or anxiety at all. Just feel almost normal!
Not sure why I seem to get off of these things with little issue. I mean, I don't get off with nothing, but it's never too unbearable. Last time after being on them for 3 years...I had little to no problems either. I can't figure it out....but guess I don't need to bc I don't plan to be here again! Anyhow---thanks for checkin in!


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