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PostPosted: Fri May 03, 2013 3:56 am 
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Hello again fellow sub users, I'm LuLu and this is not my first time on this long train ride. I quit a 7 year, $300/day love affair with heroin once with sub and then after 2 years I was able to successfully quit sub. I gained so much weight afterwards but other than that I did ok. That is until a friend had a bright idea to make some quick money by acquiring roxy then flipping them to make money. It was an appealing proposition considering I spent the past 2 year working my ass off in a restaurant for shit money trying to keep a roof over my head while going to school. BUT! Being the drug dumpster that I am (really the only thing I have ever excelled at) I couldn't have them in my possession without doing all my profit. Hence the long train ride again. I stayed hooked on roxies, morphine, opana, heroin, fentanyl, oxy etc. for 3 more years and in the meantime I lost all the weight I had gained while clean and everyone commented on great I looked and how healthy I was, not knowing I was STRUNG OUT again. I decided to go on methadone in a last ditch effort to save face before I was found out.
Long story short, I am now living in FL with my patents because they had to rescue me from myself because of a suicidal flip out/went off the deep end after losing my bestfriend due to a lethal addiction related asthma attack, she was 27.
Now I'm hundreds of miles from my husband and cats and home, dealing with loss and depression. I can't remember what its like to be normal....not sober....normal. If someone had told me that kicking a rockstar heroin habit would be the easy part but learning how to b human again lies the true test, I would have said "good day!" to the prick who introduced me to it. I'm behind in life...over 10 years of it wasted and I truly believe my development is stunted and my personality is altered, and my soul damaged and tainted. I'm 32 and I have the social skills of a 17 year old kid.
Anyway, the train ride. I'm now living in FL, being cared for by my parents but now my mothers health is failing and the roles have switched. I am now caring for my parents. F*@ked up, right? Here's some insult to injury, my mom is now on oxycontin and roxies for her pain from the cancer. And I know....I can't be trusted. I KNOW! They r locked up (which doesn't mean they r safe). After I fracked up once, I decided to go back on subs after 5 months of being relatively clean down here.
I just finished Phlebotomy school and I'm completing a 100 hour internship at a plasma donation center. It's my way of turning lemons into lemonade. Gotta use something I have learned after 12 year of IV drug use.
So that's where I am. I know I can quit sub again when I'm ready cuz I've done it once. But this weight I gained after 6 months of methadone and returning to the world of the eating. AND THE SWEATING!
anyway, wonder if anyone will read this long sober mental vomit. In case someone does: thoughts on weight gain, excessive sweating, and puffy hand syndrome
Thanks


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PostPosted: Fri May 03, 2013 9:27 am 
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Hi, I am sorry you went thru such a hard time. I am glad that you decided to go back to Suboxone and be on some good medication to treat your addiction. The weight gain is something I experienced after I first got on Suboxone. I couldn't lose weight . But I had to give myself some time. I think your body gets all confused with all the different chemicals that it gets so it just stops metabolizing food . But I waited a year after being on Suboxone to go on a diet. I just needed the first year to worry about treating my addiction first before I could even think about losing weight on top of that.

So, DON'T be so hard on yourself. Give yourself some time being on the medicine. Once you feel like you are doing well and stable, go on a diet or just start exercising a little. I started walking my dog everyday. Because I don't like to exercise, walking my dog didn't feel like I was. As far as the sweating goes. I just started wearing lighter clothes so I wasn't as hot. And swelling is only really reduced by taking in more water so your body can purge out the water.

Keep up the good work with your meds and you have found the right place here!


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PostPosted: Fri May 03, 2013 12:17 pm 
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Raudy has already given you a great reply, so I won't repeat any of it.

I did want to add this, though. Something you said really resonated with me and I wanted to let you know you're not alone. I started drugs at 17 years old, didn't quit until I was 40 and I too felt like I had/have the emotional maturity of a 17 year old. I've been off Suboxone and all drugs for almost 3 years now and I still feel like my maturity or adultness or whatever the fuck it's called still isn't quite where it should be, but it is getting better.

Yes, learning how to be human again IS the true test, but it as attainable....if you work at it. Like I said, I'm not quite where I want to be, but with the help of my family and friends, I'm getting there!!

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Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


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