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PostPosted: Sun Jan 15, 2012 8:49 pm 
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When my kids were growing up especially in Jr.High and High School, there seemed to be not enough hours in the day to get everything done...They played football and I can remember frying two chickens with lots of other stuff to go with it and they would WIPE IT OUT! Then they would go back for night practice and come in starving again!! I can remember being up until 12:00 still doing laundry for the next day. I am a nurse, but I was teaching High School during that time and got home early but there still were not enough hours in the day. My husband was a funeral director and came in late and many times had to get up at night (yea people die at 2:00 in the morning!!) and he would get in about 4 and then be up to be at work again by 8. I just didn't feel like he needed to help me as hard as he had to work.

I did all of the above on my doc, of course and had to manage to get that in between all the rest.....

Fast forward to now and I look back on those times as the GOOD OL DAYS. I had lots of friends at school, never had time to be depressed, was interested in my kids activities and so on. Now, I am retired and so is my husband. He is home all the time and I was never used to that. I find i get very little done each day. The sub has helped somewhat..I did join a zumba class and I deliver MEALS ON WHEELS once a week. I have a housekeeper to do the deep cleaning, so all I really have to do is make up our bed in the am and cook dinner.....

I know those of you that are young and have young children will think..."come over to my house"!! ....and I understand that because I was once there. But now I just feel lethargic, lazy,apathetic and bored. I find it very hard to stimulate myself to do things. I lay around the house with me and my own mind...which is NOT GOOD!!

We have moved back to our home town and bought the funeral home there about 20 years ago. For the first time in our lives we are financially stable. We have a beautiful home with a pool and hot tub..just about everything anyone could want.
I am not ungrateful for this because we have been through some hard times. ....but I was never materialistic and things just didn't much matter to me. I have everything and i still feel this way.

I was just wondering if anyone else felt the same...or had been through this? Any comments would be appreciated

Thanks to much..

Slipper


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 15, 2012 11:52 pm 
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although are situations are really nowhere near the same,,,
I do understand the boredom
On the weekdays, I work from early morning,,, I leave by 630am, and get home around 6pm.....
so those days are fairly busy, and since I work construction, Im tired when I get home. My husband is staying home with our three yr old son right now, so he takes care of most of the house hold duties, we clean together for like two hours every saturday morning.....but the boredom does get to me.....
we just got a computer three months ago,,,,,as we did not have ANYTHING when I was using......
so this forum has helped quite a bit.....
since we have basic, very basic cable and netflix (no cable while I was using)
and we live like 10 miles from town,,,since we're on a budget with just me working, we try not to make many trips, unless we have to.....
and I was always running around SEARCHING and LOOKING and of course STEALING whatever I could when I was using. the phone was constantly ringing , and I was NEVER home.
so this is a big change. but its been nine months (yesterday) since on suboxone, so Im finnaly getting used to it, I think.........lol
I do know what you mean.....
I try to keep myself occupied, and play with my kid, he sure enjoys that. other times, im like im just gonna be lazy, and of course I am....
its funny though, our house it alot cleaner than it was lets say, a year ago, and I do feel like we have somewhat of a 'schedule'
all I can say is, maybe you could find a place to volunteer a lil time, like a treatment center or something?
i dont know if that something you would want to do, but thats some thing Ive thought I want to do in the future. like to 'give back' I always hear how much people in recovery say that it helps them......
I dont know if i helped, just know that your not alone!!!!
enjoy that hot tub for me, would ya????????

and I know things will get easier for us financially soon. were getting ready to file bankruptcy, so the garnishments will stop and i can file a tax return....Ive been working since june, and with my husband not working this year, he only worked two months anywya, he doesnt get unemployment, I figure when I can file taxes, we should get a good return... :lol:
and I will be making alot more at work, for a few months anyways, starting in about two weeks....

keep your head up

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 Post subject: Reply from slipper
PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2012 12:38 am 
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amber4.14.11 wrote:
although are situations are really nowhere near the same,,,
I do understand the boredom
On the weekdays, I work from early morning,,, I leave by 630am, and get home around 6pm.....
so those days are fairly busy, and since I work construction, Im tired when I get home. My husband is staying home with our three yr old son right now, so he takes care of most of the house hold duties, we clean together for like two hours every saturday morning.....but the boredom does get to me.....
we just got a computer three months ago,,,,,as we did not have ANYTHING when I was using......
so this forum has helped quite a bit.....
since we have basic, very basic cable and netflix (no cable while I was using)
and we live like 10 miles from town,,,since we're on a budget with just me working, we try not to make many trips, unless we have to.....
and I was always running around SEARCHING and LOOKING and of course STEALING whatever I could when I was using. the phone was constantly ringing , and I was NEVER home.
so this is a big change. but its been nine months (yesterday) since on suboxone, so Im finnaly getting used to it, I think.........lol
I do know what you mean.....
I try to keep myself occupied, and play with my kid, he sure enjoys that. other times, im like im just gonna be lazy, and of course I am....
its funny though, our house it alot cleaner than it was lets say, a year ago, and I do feel like we have somewhat of a 'schedule'
all I can say is, maybe you could find a place to volunteer a lil time, like a treatment center or something?
i dont know if that something you would want to do, but thats some thing Ive thought I want to do in the future. like to 'give back' I always hear how much people in recovery say that it helps them......
I dont know if i helped, just know that your not alone!!!!
enjoy that hot tub for me, would ya????????

and I know things will get easier for us financially soon. were getting ready to file bankruptcy, so the garnishments will stop and i can file a tax return....Ive been working since june, and with my husband not working this year, he only worked two months anywya, he doesnt get unemployment, I figure when I can file taxes, we should get a good return... :lol:
and I will be making alot more at work, for a few months anyways, starting in about two weeks....

keep your head up



Thanks for the reply.

Reading your post makes me feel ashamed of myself. You are working so hard to get back on your feet financially and we have been there too. I know how hard it is, really I do. You have to work such long hours and then work when you get home. I am so glad you are on sub., it will change your life as it has mine. At least I don't have to pill chase anymore and never have enough and that awful feeling when you wake up in the morning and you know you are completely out of your doc. I hated those days and I was so long in it..over 25 yrs! When I went to the doctor and he dosed me in about 30 minutes I began to feel wonderful...after 8 mg i felt high. That is the only time I have ever felt high on sub.

Now you can enjoy your son. I'm so glad you found sub while you are still young and have your whole life ahead of you.

Well,i am rambling now. I guess I just needed someone to talk to. Keep up the good work and good luck on your job.

Slipper


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2012 4:33 am 
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Slipper, I hear ya dude. If I don't have something to do, my brain goes into lazy mode right quick. It's something I've been fighting for a good while now. It's kinda hard to explain. It's kinda like if I don't have some project or something going on, then I'm in lazy mode. If you tell me to go build something, I'm all over it like white on rice. If you assign me some kind of task, you better watch out, because I'm gonna knock that sucker out of the park. But when I don't have any project or specific task to do, POW, lazy mode kicks in.

This has certainly been a challenge I've been facing. It got to the point where I had to ask my boss to give me extra work because I was getting so damned bored at work, now work is much better. After work, I got SO into the routine of going to NA, that when I originally tried backing off my NA attendance, I almost went nuts because I didn't know what to do with myself and the new spare time.

I know for a fact that I didn't used to be like this, I clearly remember always being able to keep myself busy and occupied.

Anyway, here's what I've learned so far. I needed to build something into my life that I really looked forward to, beside my wife and daughter. I started exercising about 3 months ago and it has been the BEST thing ever. I race home from work to drink my pre-workout drink, wait 15 minutes and then I'm exercising away!!

You have to find some kind of hobby, something that interests you AND you always have to remind yourself how shitty you feel when you lounge around too much.

I have certainly not perfected my anti-laziness, it still gets me on most weekends (too much spare time on my hands), but I've at least made some progress and I WILL continue to make more progress because I'm just not happy with myself when I'm sitting around too much. Hell, I didn't quit drugs to be a lazy ass, I quit to get more involved with life and I'll be damned if I don't strive to keep improving myself.

Like Mrs. Amber said, you're not alone Slippery (HAHA, I called you slippery!!), you've recognized there's something about your life that you're not cool with, now it's up to you to address it.

I wish I had more ideas to give you about how to stay busy, but as I've said, I'm still not doing all that great with it. If I think of anything awesome you can do, I'll post it here for ya!!

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2012 8:21 am 
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Romeo wrote:
Slipper, I hear ya dude. If I don't have something to do, my brain goes into lazy mode right quick. It's something I've been fighting for a good while now. It's kinda hard to explain. It's kinda like if I don't have some project or something going on, then I'm in lazy mode. If you tell me to go build something, I'm all over it like white on rice. If you assign me some kind of task, you better watch out, because I'm gonna knock that sucker out of the park. But when I don't have any project or specific task to do, POW, lazy mode kicks in.

This has certainly been a challenge I've been facing. It got to the point where I had to ask my boss to give me extra work because I was getting so damned bored at work, now work is much better. After work, I got SO into the routine of going to NA, that when I originally tried backing off my NA attendance, I almost went nuts because I didn't know what to do with myself and the new spare time.

I know for a fact that I didn't used to be like this, I clearly remember always being able to keep myself busy and occupied.

Anyway, here's what I've learned so far. I needed to build something into my life that I really looked forward to, beside my wife and daughter. I started exercising about 3 months ago and it has been the BEST thing ever. I race home from work to drink my pre-workout drink, wait 15 minutes and then I'm exercising away!!

You have to find some kind of hobby, something that interests you AND you always have to remind yourself how shitty you feel when you lounge around too much.

I have certainly not perfected my anti-laziness, it still gets me on most weekends (too much spare time on my hands), but I've at least made some progress and I WILL continue to make more progress because I'm just not happy with myself when I'm sitting around too much. Hell, I didn't quit drugs to be a lazy ass, I quit to get more involved with life and I'll be damned if I don't strive to keep improving myself.

Like Mrs. Amber said, you're not alone Slippery (HAHA, I called you slippery!!), you've recognized there's something about your life that you're not cool with, now it's up to you to address it.

I wish I had more ideas to give you about how to stay busy, but as I've said, I'm still not doing all that great with it. If I think of anything awesome you can do, I'll post it here for ya!!








Thanks Romeo.

You said some good stuff, and you are right..like when I go to my zumba class I feel sooo much better.
Another thing you said got to me ...like you didn't get sober to sit around and be a lazy ass all day...well I don't want to do that either. I guess I am just going through a "lull" or something but I get so tired of my mind and me all day long!!

I do need to find a hobby like both of you said..something outside this house and my husband. Oh yea...and you can call me slippery cause I slipping all over the place (not drug wise) just old age setting in! It seems like yesterday I was in my thirties, cute, and full of energy. I still don't think I look old but I sure do feel old!

I guess all of us addicts have things we have to work on during our recovery...and even with bup or not or meth or whatever it is still hard to change behaviors that we have had years at least it is for me. I realize, however, that I haven't tried very hard so far...just letting bup do its thing. I am going to try harder to improve myself while I am sober.

'
Thank you so much for the input, Romeo...
Slipper


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2012 8:22 am 
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Oh, yeah- I have been experiencing quite a bit of apathy lately-
esp. since the damn holidays.

Maybe I'll go into it more- later; but that's all I have for now.

-ex-


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2012 8:43 am 
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I'm a stay-home dad, and we're in that lull after the holidays..so it's not as much boredom as it is "wow, why did we spend that much on our kids."

Maybe more of the shock-and-awe effect...dunno...

I been at home for nearly 3 years, but I have a computer repair service that I do and that does have it's busy times..especially for a business owner who's hired me to do his tax computers (he does that rapid return stuff and it's a HUGE business opportunity)...

I don't sit home all the time, but a good bit of it...and most of the time I find something to stay occupied.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2012 10:09 am 
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I think this is an issue that affects everyone - addict or not. I also think Romeo hit the nail right on the head. HOBBY, HOBBY, HOBBY!!!

I'm 46 years old and it was only two years ago that I finally found a hobby that I love. There was never anything in my life that I enjoyed doing for more than 5 minutes. And believe me, I tried.

Probably not coincidentally, this happened after I started suboxone. For me, my hobby is genealogy. I've talked about it before and how important in become in my life. Finding the right hobby has the propensity to tip the scales in you/your life from negative to positive. I really believe that. At least for me it gave me something that made me feel there was something I was really good at and that I enjoyed doing. It helped to me feel unique. Nothing ever made me feel that way before. It's a little difficult to explain. All I know is it made a really positive change in my life when I finally had a hobby that I loved and was really good at.

You may have to go through few local classes or otherwise try different things out, but it's worth it to find something you love. I'm talking about the kind of thing that when you start doing, the next time you look up at the clock it's 4 hours later. Or when your spouse comes in, s/he stands there watching you, happy to see you so content, focused, excited, and smiling to yourself. That's the kind of hobby that will enhance your life!

That's what I hope you can find for YOU.

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2012 10:46 am 
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Something strange that I noticed, when I was taking suboxone, I was back to my old energized self. When I switched to generic subutex is when the lazies set in.?


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2012 11:16 am 
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Slipper said, "and even with bup or not or meth or whatever it is still hard to change behaviors that we have had years at least it is for me. I realize, however, that I haven't tried very hard so far...just letting bup do its thing."

I agree with that too. When I finally quit doing drugs, I thought the world would be all love and roses, boy, was I wrong. I had become SO dependant on drugs to live my life that when the drugs were taken out of the equation, I was lost as to how to live. Those old behaviors were no longer appropriate, but they were so entrenched into who I was that I had/am having a whale of a time replacing them with healthy behaviors. AND, like you, I just let my recovery "come to me", I didn't work very hard at pursuing a truly healthy life and it shows in the relapses I've had.

For me, it takes a certain amount of pain in my life before I really commit to a change. My last relapse caused me a significant amount of pain and I have finally come to the understanding that if I want things to change, I have to do things differently. I know that sounds pretty much DUH, like obviously, if you want things to change, you've gotta change some shit, but it honestly took me too long to really accept that. (translation---I'm a stubborn ass!!)

Bottom line, for SOOOO many years, we taught ourselves the drug using lifestyle, we got good at it, we got comfortable with it, we used drugs as a "pick me up" and now it's all out the window and it's like we're children again, learning how to live life all over again.....it kinda sucks, but I'll take it over the alternative of going back to using drugs. Sobriety absolutely SUCKS sometimes, but again, it beats the hell out of the alternative.

I'm so glad you posted on this subject. It's been on my mind for a while, but I just haven't had the gumption to post about it. Thanks for breaking the ice on this one Mrs. Slippery!!

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PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2012 2:32 pm 
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Wow Slipper, you almost described my life as you know it. I was never as busy as you but did do a good job of always having someone or something depending on me, which I liked. It is satisfying knowing others need you.

This is one of the reasons we moved to Las Vegas. Lots to do. But I still find myself not doing stuff and just poking around the house. I do tend to keep busy but there isn't much work to do on a new house.

I have just landed a part time job when I got sick and I've been in recovery mode ever since Sept. My next plan is to start my own business by being a limited handy man. We live in an over 55 gated community and I've noticed most of the residents are much older than me. (I'm 57) The a/c filters are way up high so my thought was to let the whole place know I'm available to change them, check the watering system, trim plants, and windows if they so desire. Just basic work but too much for someone in their 80's or 90's. And having done physical work all my life it's no big deal and I'd enjoy it.

Like Romeo said, a hobby is fantastic. But for the life of me I can't seem to find one that will keep me busy day in and day out. I do fish and ride motorcycles but that is not everyday. So we are in the same boat for now.

I hope you can find something enjoyable and rewarding to do. We do love your input here though! You'll find something.

Rule

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 Post subject: re;Apathy
PostPosted: Mon Jan 16, 2012 11:16 pm 
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Apathy suck's literally, it builds a frame work of itself around your mind that makes daily life a long slow grind, regardless of the surrounding's. The age factor doesn't help, when it's coupled with known drug dependance,either.You get fobbed off all the time. It's the process of becoming invisible, fading away into the realm of irrelavence. Slipper your not alone, and maybe thats why reality TV is so popular.
I'm looking at the same deal too, part time work, own property etc, but doing nothing is hard on the spirit, thats for sure. I wanna sell up and hit the road for the rest of my days, but my partener ain't to adventerous.


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 17, 2012 6:40 am 
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I guess I should mention that we have a new baby on the way, to be born sometime in March...so my days of 'do nothing' are going to soon end...I'll be tending the new little one full-time when wife goes back to her job at the power plant....and once the baby starts school, likely by then I'll start some sort of part-time work just to get a paycheck/something to keep me busy.


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 Post subject: Jonathan Congrats
PostPosted: Tue Jan 17, 2012 2:45 pm 
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Oh wow congrats Jonathan. No more Apathy and General Boredom for you after March lol. I love to hear about new beginnings nothing like a new arrival. Good Luck Mr. Mom?

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 17, 2012 7:21 pm 
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finallyachance wrote:
Oh wow congrats Jonathan. No more Apathy and General Boredom for you after March lol. I love to hear about new beginnings nothing like a new arrival. Good Luck Mr. Mom?







Thank you all for your replies...you have no idea how much it helps...Rule , you and I have been sick..hell maybe that it it? and you have really been through the ringer with all your surgeries, etc. I like your idea about doing handywork and i think when they all get to know you ...you will have more work than you want!!!

someone said they would like to sell out and travel the world during the time they have left...I have thought of that too!!!
The only thing is Iwould miss my grandchildren too much...but if my husband was game...I would go in a minute.
Yall are right about hobbies. I need to find something I liketo do. I am going to work on all of your ideas and see if I can't come up with something. ( I also take subutex??)

I am just so tired of having nothing to do and feeling so down. I also know this is not helping me to grow up and get rid og my addict behaviors... subutex works great for me and I should be using this time to improve myself!
The factis I never grew up...I remember when I was 36 I stated in an AA meeting that I had a 13 year old son who was more mature than I was. I think when we start drugs we cease to grow into the adult we were meant to be. Now we have to start from where we began.

Thanks again, everybody
Judy


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 17, 2012 11:58 pm 
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YOUR exactly RIGHT about the maturity thing!!!

Its kinda funny,,,,, but I even heard it from my therapist a few weeks ago,,,
our brain just 'shuts off' the maturing/growing inteluctually when we start abusing drugs.....

no wonder I tell people I dont feel a minute over 16...... IM NOT!!! :wink: :wink: :wink:

oh well......

AND you'll get this figured out Judy,,,,keep working at it, and YOU WILL SUCEED...... thats what I tell myself all the time anyways.... :)

and Jonathan,,,,, CONGRATS
YOU ARE RIGHT TOO<<<<
let me tell you! I remember people telling me, I was gonna get NO sleep and have NO time for myself when I had my son. I remember being SO pregnant, and was like GET THIS KID OUTTA ME NOW......probly so I could go back to using too,,
LOL,,,,
anyways,,,,take advantage of the time you do have left.....seriously, if you dont, you'll wish you had.
someone told me that before my son came, so I took lots a naps, and long hot baths, then when things were
'too much' while he was a newborn, I thought back to those lazy afternoons and long baths....It gives you something to smile about!!!

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 18, 2012 12:05 am 
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Quote:
I think when we start drugs we cease to grow into the adult we were meant to be. Now we have to start from where we began.


I think this is true. I also think that when we are using, we stop knowing ourselves. Or maybe we never even got the chance to know ourselves.

We don't know (as people in recovery) what we like. What do we like to do? What kind of people do we like to be around? What books? Which music? Food? Sports? Art?

Now you have all the time and resources that you never had, and you can do whatever you want to do...but what DO you want to do?

I have been going through this myself to an extent. I am still working and have a 9 year old at home, so I don't have tons of time to myself, but the time that I do have I want to spend it well. But doing what? Hmmm....

I'm trying to look at it like I'm making friends with myself. Getting to know who I really am at this stage in my life. I'm trying to see it as fun, but sometimes it's kind of scary. Like when I push myself to do things by myself that I haven't done before.

Mostly what I've found out is that I just have to do something. I look in the paper and online for things to do. Lectures to go to (because I am a huge dork!), book readings, plays, free concerts, political events, whatever. Then I pick something and I do it. Sometimes I go alone, sometimes I drag a friend along.

The hardest part is just doing it. Getting out of the house. Some of the things I've done are awesome, some not so much. But I can always leave if it sucks...and usually I get a funny story out of it. I've been trying to say yes more. Yes to life.

One of the best things I've found is so simple - I like to take a walk and go get coffee by myself. Sometimes I write, or read, or sometimes I just people watch. It's not something I would really have done before, but now I go once a week at least. I like my own company it seems.

Just try stuff. If it doesn't work out, it's not the end of the world and at the very least you end up knowing yourself a little better.

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 18, 2012 5:25 am 
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I'd love to be able to do the recommended ...but my wife and I have 3 kids already...so this isn't our first rodeo...


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 18, 2012 9:57 am 
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I second everything Diary said. It's also a matter of getting comfortable being in one's own company - being alone. I love spending time alone - it doesn't have to be lonely.

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 18, 2012 12:11 pm 
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Slipper, you seem to have touched on a subject that affects many of us in recovery, thanks again for bringing it up.

I agree with everyting Dairy Queen said too, when I was in active addiction, my hobby was chasing down drugs or doing drugs and trying like hell not to get caught. Now that I'm not doing drugs and don't have all that activity in my life, I don't know what the hell to do with myself?? Not only do I not know what to do (because I don't know WTH I like or dislike), but I have a bitch of a time with my interpersonal skills. Communicating with people on the forum is easy, I can take as long as I like to formulate a reply. Communicating in real life is a lot harder, it's like I'm always afraid something completely stupid is gonna come flying out of my mouth and then the person I'm talking to will know just how weird I really am? BUT, like DQ basically said, the only way to get better is go through it....don't go around it, don't go under it.....go through it. Get up and do something, it feels uncomfortable as hell at first, but it's how we get better.

I still suck at doing most of that stuff, but I'm at least trying it. I have faith I'll get better at it one day. Like so many people say, this recovery shit is a process, not a destination. I'm really beginning to despise processes!!! :D

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Dr. Jeffrey Junig, M.D., Ph.D.

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