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PostPosted: Sun Sep 16, 2012 10:04 am 
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I am currently 40w5d pregnant and can expect an induction if I don't go naturally some time this week. My husband and I are so excited as well as our families and friends being this is our first. Only problem is I'm surrounded by guilt, sleepless tear filled nights, what ifs and a total cloud has been over the whole experience all because of my actions through out my pregnancy. I am so thankfull for finding this sight and have been on here for hours reading women's stories and just seeing how non judgmental women are and how helpful everyone is i thought I'd throw my story out here to find some peace of mind since I've told no one (only my husband knows to an extent) being my story is a little different then most on here I can't find sound advice. Before I got pregnant my husband and I were both addicts addicted to percs. The past two years however They have not had a huge hold on my life and I was only doing them 3-4 times a weeks (still bad I know) so I wasn't going through the horrible wd to begin with. Then I got preg and stopped opiates all together. My husband is prescribed to subs and I would find myself having horrible cravings to get high so I would take 1-2 8mg here and there. Never for weeks or months at a time I would always stop for a week or two then take one or two when I had the urge and so on. I already know that's bad n it shuouldnt be done but it was. It was better in my mind then getting high while pregnant. But there Were times where I would take one for like a week straight. I kept telling myself I was going to stop them and have them Out of my system by the time she was born but it was so hard to just stop. I took 8mg two days ago then 4mg a day ago. Does anyone know if my baby girl will be affected by my actions? I myself feel fine no major wd symptoms just that icky tired feeling I always have. Also to add to the story why I'm freaking out is because before I found out I was prego I smoked pot for my nerves and to help me sleep so naturally it came up in my test at the obgyn my doc told me at my next apt that when I go into labor and delivery they will test me again to make sure I'm clean. I'm freaking out that the sub won't be out by then and that they will test her and take my baby away. Do they test for subs? I'm pretty sure if they sent it to a lab it will show everything in ur system. I've done a lot of reading and have decided not to tell the doc about it in case of over reaction the idea of having my baby girl pumped with morphine is too much to live with. Does anyone know if they will just be testing for the pot bc that's what I was hot for? Since I already tested positive for pot does that mean they will test her As well? Just a lot on my mind, thank you to anyone who took the time to read my story and if u may have any advice for me it'a very much appreciated


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 17, 2012 1:20 am 
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I'm so sorry you're going through this! Addiction is so insidious and people who have not experienced it have no idea how it can take over your life. Because you would think that any caring and rational person would not take a powerful opiate when they are going to be giving birth at any time. Any addicted person knows that how much you care about your baby, which I'm sure you do, has nothing to do with the need to use.

I don't think you should give up hope, however, for a couple of reasons. First, it is possible that none of the medication reached your baby. You have to hold on until the baby is born and don't take anymore!!!! Make your husband put them out of your reach! Try to put off being induced for as long as you can. I know they make it seem so very dire if you don't give birth within a week of your due date, but people used to wait for their labor to start for 2 to 3 weeks passed their date in previous generations. Don't let them bully you into starting labor right away. When labor is induced it's harder and more painful anyway.

Also, I don't know that they would test for buprenorphine (the main ingredient of suboxone) in a typical drug panel. So if it is still in your system, which it may be, they may not find it. In a perfect world, you wouldn't have to hide your use of suboxone, but I understand why you aren't telling the doctor. If they have no reason to think you've had opiates in your system, they aren't going to subject your baby to the level of scrutiny they would otherwise. On the other hand, you have to be very aware of your baby's health and know the signs of withdrawal in infants. If your baby is experiencing those nasty withdrawal symptoms, you have to put his/her needs ahead of your own and tell the pediatrician.

It seems like you need to start going to a suboxone doctor after the baby is born so that you can get on your own program. You also need to start working on the behaviors that are causing you to continue using. Find a therapist who specializes in addiction, start going to a support group, etc. This is the time, before your baby can remember, to follow a treatment plan and get yourself better.

I wish you all the luck in the world! I sincerely hope that your labor and delivery and stay at the hospital goes off without a hitch.

Amy

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 17, 2012 7:02 pm 
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Thank you Amy your words are very kind and reassuring and you def have it spot on when u say how much of a hold addiction has over a person to want to take stuff while preg I just don't understand how I could succumb to it knowing the affects it may have on my little one that's why I have been surrounded by guilt and shame the whole time! It makes me feel like such a horrible person/parent when I know I'm a good person and will be a wonderful mother .. Ugh .. Well I went to the docs today they are inducing this weekend so fingers crossed everything will go smoothly!! :)


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 17, 2012 8:14 pm 
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try not to feel so guilty, i struggle too with the fact that i used when i was pregnant, and that i even put my son in this situation... he is a month old today and he is my world :) i know you will be an awesome mother, we all make mistakes and addiction is a very strong weight pulling us down no matter what our situation is... just the fact that you feel so bad about your circumstances makes you an amazing mother :) i hope ur induction goes well, i was also induced.. i had a vaginal.. so im not sure about the c section and meds although i think they just give u and epidural that numbs you for that dont they? the epi i got didnt have narcotics it made from my waist down completely numb, i didnt even know my water broke lol i couldnt feel anything.. it was a lil annoying not being able to move my legs myself, my bf and the nurse had to pick them up for me lol.. happy birthing to you!! im sure it will work out fine, just make sure to let them know what ur on, unfortunately u will run into people that are uneducated just hope they are like the ones i dealt with, which were awesome.. i thought the hospital i gave birth at would know everything about them cuz my dr is like the only sub/methadone dr around here i think.. but they were only familiar with methadone, some knew about it but i guess most people that go to my dr are on methadone, but they were all great when it came to me being on the meds, i was even able to speak with the nurses about my drug use while pregnant and how horrible i felt, and guilty that it took me so long to finally find help... let us know how it goes :)


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PostPosted: Tue Sep 18, 2012 5:13 pm 
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I know that you don't have a lot of time, but please do some research and find out what your rights are in case you do test positive and the hospital gets CPS involved in your case. Have someone there to advocate for you too, as you might not be in the best state to do it for yourself.

Suboxone doesn't show up on a typical drug screen, they have to test for it specifically. If you haven't taken it for 5 or more days it should be out of your system, but if they order a meconium test for the baby it might show up as that test will show any drugs you took going back to the 2nd trimester. I don't think they usually order that test though unless there is some suspicion that the mom has been abusing drugs.

Different states have different protocols for dealing with these situations but from reading people's stories here it seems like the most likely thing that would happen if you or your baby test positive is that CPS would open a case and then you would have some hoops to jump through to close the case and end their involvement. One mom here recommended that you not let the social worker pressure you into signing anything that you haven't fully read and understood, and that you make sure that you are actually required by law to agree to whatever they are proposing. This is where knowing your rights is important.

I don't know if you've checked out any other forums, but I'm sure there are some out there that have more pregnant mamas. Maybe you can connect with someone in your area who has been through a similar situation. Many methadone clinics also deal with pregnant women on MMT or dealing with opiate addiction - they might be able to direct you to some resources to help you understand what you might be looking at and how to advocate for yourself.

Above all, try to stay calm and if you do get tested and it comes up positive, be honest about what you did and why. If you have a plan in place to see a Sub doctor after you deliever, or some other drug treatment plan, let them know about that. If they want to observe your baby for signs of NAS, ask to be present when they score your baby. Get informed about how that process works as well, the more knowlegeable and respectful you are the better things will go for you.

Hopefully nothing will show on the drug screen and you won't have to employ any of this knowledge but I think it's always better to be prepared. There is a lot of stigma and judgement around addiction, especially in the medical profession, but you can rise above it. I hope you have a safe delivery and a healthy baby and that you are able to find recovery for yourself. Best of luck with motherhood and your recovery.

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