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 Post subject: Anxiety
PostPosted: Sun Mar 27, 2011 8:05 pm 
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So, Im 40wks preggo now....with no signs that my Son is gonna check out of "Hotel Uterus" anytime soon. And though Im BEYOND physically uncomfortable (due to lack of space/everything else that goes along w/being term)....Im really anxious and nervous about all of the extra responsibility Im about to have.
Im not a new mom. I have a wonderful 7yr old little girl. I just find myself becoming increasingly worried about adjusting to life with a newborn again. I've battled addiction for many years. After in-patient, out-patient, working w/a therapist, and much soul searching, I was finally able to put together a lil over two yrs CLEAN by the time my daughter was born in 04'.
I had taken pain pills before, but they were never my DOC. And so the story goes-given Percs post-op for C-Section (and then for months afterwards for pain due to uterun cysts), immediately after..broke my foot, MORE PAIN PILLS, and then finally had Double Jaw Surgery for my TMJ in 05', MORE PAIN PILLS. Needless to say, it didn't take me long to build up a tolerance and to develop what would become my new DOC. Though I fooled myself into believing that the opiates were enabling me to effectively juggle taking c/o a colicky baby, manage a destructive relationship, AND work...I soon became very depressed and disappointed in myself. And everything in which I had fought so hard for (while in recovery) came crashing down. Seven yrs later-Im in a much healthier relationship, I have an exciting career, and Im definitely alot wiser. But, Im still SCARED SHITLESS! I've been on the Sub for 18months now. And I feel like I've learned alot about myself/put many tools N the bag since beginning Sub treatment. But, what if I fail again?!! What if this new change in my life/shift of priorities is too much for me? Don't get me wrong. Im already in-love w/my baby. And, Im excited for his much awaited arrival!! I guess Im just scared & need some reassurance. Thanks Guys!


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 28, 2011 9:18 am 
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Hi Marie, the only thing I remember about being 40 weeks pregnant was just bawling my eyes out, so it sounds like you're doing pretty well by comparison! To be honest I think it would be abnormal to NOT feel anxiety at this point, new mother or not. You know what a huge challenge it's going to be. But don't forget things are going to be different this time. Instead of being the start of a new addiction, you are going to stay on your Sub and continue in your recovery. Also, wait until you experience what an asset a 7 year old will be. My son was 6 when I had my second, and he was truly a big help. You're going to be OK! I wish you all the best, and keep posting to let us know how it's going.
Lilly


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 28, 2011 10:53 am 
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If I understand you correctly you're nervous about receiving post birth pain meds leading to a relapse? Remember, even opiate addicts deserve pain control. And studies show that receiving adequate pain management does not put us at risk of relapse, but instead NOT receiving pain control is what puts us at risk of relapse. And from what I've heard about people taking pain meds for acute pain after being on subs awhile, the full agonists helps the pain but there's no high whatsoever.

(I really hope this was your concern! If it wasn't, just disregard my blather!) I hope you deliver soon and to a healthy baby! Looking forward to hearing your great news soon! Take care.

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-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 28, 2011 11:11 pm 
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Thanks Lilly and Hat!

The support I've recieved on this forum is so important to me. It helps so much just to know that someone has taken the time to not only read your post, but to show how much they care (about a fellow addict) by posting a reply. I've been trying to keep that in mind after I read other's posts. Even if we don't have any suggestions or advice for the OP...I feel it's so important to @ least let that person know that THEY'RE NOT ALONE.

Lilly- Thank you so much for the encouragement! It does help to know that my little girl will be here to help. And Im definitely counting on the Sub to maintain me and to hopefully even help w/any post-birth discomfort.

Hat- Thanks Again! Speaking of discomfort....I am worried about having to take any kind of opiate post-birth. In fact, my O.B. and I have gone (and are still going) to great lengths to try to avoid a C-Section for this very reason. Sadly, the more overdue I become w/out any cervical change...the less likely I am to get to have a VBAC. Going thru another surgery and then having to deal w/taking care of a newborn while possibly being IN PAIN AND IN WITHDRAWL at the same time scares me to death. But, right now Im so nervous, I don't know what scares me more....pain/withdrawl or just the weight of uncertainty and future responsibility.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 29, 2011 9:12 pm 
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Marie,

You're not alone!! I'm not a woman, obviously, and I can't give you any womanly (sp?) advice, but I know you are not alone!!

I remember feeling like you do now, but I was detoxing from opiates, the loneliness and fear were awful. I had a lot of trouble for weeks and weeks with not being able to sleep at night. Being up all night all alone is a weird, lonely, scary feeling. I just remember continually reminding myself that these feelings would go away in time. That alone sustained me.

Ugh, I wish I had something more for ya. All I can do now is tell you that I'll keep you in my prayers.

Take care!!


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PostPosted: Wed Mar 30, 2011 11:05 am 
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Please don't psych yourself out by imagining you're going to be in pain and withdrawal! No wonder you are anxious. Going by the experience of those on this site who have been through accidents, surgery or childbirth, the consensus is that even if the pain meds don't work all that well after being on Sub, they WILL keep you out of withdrawal. You might want to share with your OB the article on surgery and Sub patients, which I believe is in the links section. Make sure your OB knows that Sub maintenance is roughly equal to a tolerance of 60mg of oxy a day.
Many Sub patients have been given less than adequate doses of pain meds. But by doubling up on your dosage if necessary, combining pain meds with ibuprofen or alleve, and going back on your Sub sooner, you will be able to cope very well. Don't forget Sub itself is a moderate pain reliever. Several people here, myself included, were anxious to get back on our Sub after being on pain meds, and felt more normal once it was back in our systems. If you do have to use pain meds, it's a good idea to have someone else help you manage your dosing, so you don't slip into misusing it.
Hopefully you will have a VBAC and not have a lot of pain! Let us know how it goes. It sounds like it should be any day now.
Breathe!
Lilly


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 Post subject: Breathe!
PostPosted: Wed Mar 30, 2011 11:30 am 
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Hi Marie,
Congrats on your soon to be new baby boy. How awesome for you.

It IS scary....the unknowns of another labor, possible pain med issues...bringing up another child...but it really sounds like you have it together. Just stop and take a breath! And take it one thing at a time...trite and simple suggestions, I know...but when people remind me of those very simple things it does help me to put it in perspective.

You DO have a lot going on and coming up....but remember how far you've come and that you've done it before....first, had a baby, and second been clean and sober....If you need pain meds then you need pain meds...you sound like you have help for if that is the case. Hopefully vbac will be what happens, but if not then you WILL be able to manage through a C/S. Sometimes just hearing someone say YES you will do this...it will be ok....helps...

Hold onto your past successes and know you will be just fine. Breathe. One thing at a time....that's all you can do anyway!!

You're doing great.


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PostPosted: Thu Mar 31, 2011 12:46 am 
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Thanks Guys!

Went to see my O.B. this afternoon for a Laminara induction. This is (a mechanical cervix dialation). Started having some fairly consistent contractions about an hr1/2 ago. If things keep progressing, I may be going to the hospital tonight!! Gonna finish getting things ready for my TO-GO bag. My husband is already pacing like a mad man.....poor thing. I'll keep you guys updated. Im gonna bring my lap top with me to the hospital. Thanks again for everyone's support. This forum means so much to me!


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 Post subject: Stubborn Baby!!
PostPosted: Fri Apr 01, 2011 3:12 am 
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Well, I didn't think I'd be posting again until I'd "HATCHED". We went to my O.B's office today with our bags packed, hoping that our next stop would be the hospital. Unfortunately, after the Laminara was removed, we learned that my cervix still isn't dialated enough to even break my water. If it were up to me... I'd just as-soon wait, and let our baby come when he's ready. But, my O.B leaves to go outta town for a week beginning Monday. I guess we could just have another O.B deliver our baby. Sadly, alot of doctors are opposed to VBAC's AND our O.B isn't charging us a proffesional fee (as a special favor, since we don't have health insurance).

So...tomorrow morning we're scheduled to go back to his office to see if there's been any cervical change. My doctor sais he may try to do a Foley-Cath induction or start me on Pitocin, but it's looking more and more like Im facing a C-Section. Aside from all the fear I have based around another surgery, I had also really hoped to be able to experience the incredible bonding that occurs between mom/baby after a vaginal birth.

We did discuss worst case scenario, (C-Section) details. We've laid out a pretty good pain management plan....of course Epidural for the surgery,and then I.V. Toradol and a Q-Pump for post-op pain.....that and hopefully continuing w/my Subutex. Im thinking those things combined might just work?? Since we've put most of our energy into having a VBAC, I haven't prepared for a surgery by stopping my Sub though. I know the Sub will interfere with regular opiates working post-operatively, but do I have to discontinue my Subutex for an epidural to be effective? Im sure I've read the answer to this somewhere else on the forum, but can't remember. What do you guys think....is it ok to take my Subutex tomorrow (just epidural wise) if I may be looking at a C-Section in the next day or two? Trying to be patient and stay relaxed, but it's so hard with all of the variables involved, AND my dreams for a vaginal delivery on the line. Im sure you guys are probably getting tired of me complaining and worrying about it, but does anyone have any other thoughts or ideas about my overdue bundle of joy?


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 01, 2011 9:25 am 
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Marie, I don't have an answer to your question about Subutex interfering with the epidural, I just wanted you to know that we're with ya though!

BTW, what dose of Sub are you on? I would imagine, if there is going to be any interference, the dose of Sub you are on would play a role?

Oh yeah, I was born 3 weeks late. Dang, it was just so comfortable in my mommies belly that I didn't want to come out!! :lol:


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 01, 2011 9:33 am 
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From everything I've learned, suboxone/subutex shouldn't/won't interfere with an epidural. However, I'm sure others with personal experience on the subject will come along and give you a more specific answer.

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-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Fri Apr 01, 2011 7:46 pm 
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:D I wish you all the best of luck for the birth of your baby! I totally understand your fears. I've had 3 children, and all 3 of them were just as happy to stay in there little womb and not come out on there own! I had to have all 3 induced with Pitocin. I guess my body just doesn't feel it necessary to go into labor! I know how frustrating it can be. Especially those trips back HOME after the dr. when you so badly want to hear "You're 6 cms dilated lets go have a baby"! Oh how I understand! I also understand your anxiety. I have had anxiety my entire life, teenaged, and adult. It's not fun! But I know when you look into those beautiful baby eyes, all of your fears will melt with the love you have for that precious one! I felt so much anxiety before every birth, and 2 of them I was at 42 and a half weeks gestation, which by teh way, is the longest the drs here would let you go. They say after that the baby does not get enough of what it needs from your placents. Anyway, I hope that it all goes really well hun, and don't beat yourself up if you are in pain, or if you need something. You'll have a valid reason to talk to your dr and get help. It's ok to admit we need it when we do! I know as an addict it's not easy to admit that things are scary, and I might need alittle extra help. I have a very hard time with that!
I don't know about the epidural, but I have heard, that it is not effected by the subs. So I think you should be ok there. Good luck!! And congratulations!! You'll soon have a beautiful gift of joy and love in your arms!!!

_________________
We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned,
so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.
- Joseph Campbell


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: Sat Apr 02, 2011 2:40 am 
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Hi Marie, I hope all the best for you and your baby. It seems you've been through a lot just like me, which in a way I can relate into certain situations you've been through. I definitely understand how to be scared sometimes despite we believe in ourselves that we're stronger than before. I believe that fear is normal, the best thing is we have the courage and we're brave enough to face any circumstances that comes along our way. I wish all the best for you and you're baby. :)

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