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PostPosted: Sat Jan 01, 2011 6:11 pm 
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I'm glad to hear that your doing good on suboxone, then I read what your wife did.....holy smokes, I'm so sorry, man. Here you take a HUGE step forward by getting on suboxone, then she tries to take you a huge step backwards, unbelievable.

You sure sound like you're taking it all in stride, but I'm sure there's plenty you're not saying as well...and that's cool. I guess what I'm trying to say is to stay strong. Don't let her actions casue you to go backwards.

I'm really happy to hear how supportive your parents are, especially the no stress, no tension part. That should be a big help.

I love the thought of that Pocket Rocket, how cool!

Good Luck, Ibanez....keep posting...I know how therapeutic it can be to let those feelings fly.


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 Post subject: Feeling the urge
PostPosted: Sun Jan 02, 2011 12:21 am 
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I'm still doing well on my 4th day of Suboxone, but tonight seems a little different. I haven't really even thought about popping any pills since I started this journey, and the suboxone is obviously helping with the need to take it. But tonight, after a rather stressful phone conversation with my wife, I'm feeling a bit anxious and really WANT to take some opiates. I just have that urge and feeling inside that I could really use some. I can't describe it, but I'm sure you all know what I mean. Not the aching w/d I've had before, just a little gnawing away from the inside. Cooler heads will prevail as 1) I have none, 2) it would be a waste of time since I have 4 days worth of suboxone in me and 3) and most important, I don't want to take a step back so soon.

So my question is this....I'm taking 16 mg a day. Would taking more, say another 4 mg, help with that urge? I'm just going to relax and read a book since it's almost time for bed anyway, but I was just curious if the extra 4 mg would even help at this point after already taking my 16 for the day.


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 02, 2011 4:52 am 
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I don't know if an extra 4mgs would take away your urge to use. It might or it might not. I do know that it's not a good idea to dose your Suboxone based on a craving or an urge to use. Part of what we're trying to do with Suboxone is to "unlearn" the behavior of taking a pill or a shot when we feel physically or emotionally uncomfortable - that's why best practice is to dose only once per day and then forget about it (this is different if you're taking Sub for pain management, then multiple doses are the norm).

I remember that my first two or three weeks on Suboxone I still had cravings once in a while. They would hit like at the end of the work day when I was driving home and tired and cranky, or if I had a fight with my partner, or sometimes after a counseling session if I'd been working on emotionally trying stuff. But I found that if I did something to distract myself (read, watch tv, call a friend, take a walk, whatever) it would pass. And having the Suboxone on board made it easier to resist the urge.

After a couple few weeks, these urges were less and less and they became easier to move beyond as I gained skills and tools to help me resist them. This is a really important part of recovery - developing those tools and practicing them - especially if your goal is to eventually be off of Suboxone.

If you continue to have overwhelming urges to use and you feel like you might relapse, then you should talk to your doctor about adjusting your dose, or course. But at 16mgs a day you are pretty saturated with Suboxone already. It's only been a few days though and it takes a couple of weeks to really even out and figure out where you're at with everything. I would bet that in another week or so you'll be feeling pretty normal.

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 Post subject: Thank You
PostPosted: Sun Jan 02, 2011 10:44 am 
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Thank you for the information. I had a feeling that the extra 4 mg wasn't the answer, and after coming on here and asking, even though I didn't really vent, and poking around at some of the other topics, I chose to just read in bed until I fell asleep. Which, I might add, I'm having no problem at all doing. When I was using, my sleep patterns were all kinds of screwed up. I'd wake up with the sweats or I was cold, and I'd have terribly restless sleep. Now I find myself very sleepy at the end of the day, I'm sleeping very well, and I wake up feeling pretty good compared to how I've felt in the past. I'm also now experiencing mornings, which, if I had the day off, I wouldn't see at all. I always slept right through them.

I see my addiction counsellor for the first time on Tuesday, then back to the doctor on Wednesday, and I'll talk to both of them about it. I'm looking forward to seeing the counsellor and seeing what he has to say, and I have a few questions specifically for him. Oddly enough, the doctor I'm using was once my brothers doctor, and we had pretty much the same opinion of him after our first experiences.

I'm really happy I found this forum. I find myself kind of using it like a bit of a journal to kind of clear my head and talk about things that I'd otherwise keep inside and not share with people who probably wouldn't understand. I hope it's ok that I just continue to post in my introduction, or should I be using more question specific topics?

Thanks again, and I'll be back this evening.


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 Post subject: New again
PostPosted: Sun Mar 20, 2011 9:36 pm 
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Hello everyone. It's been a long time since I posted and I just wanted to check in. It's been an interesting journey so far, and I had a bit of a setback, but I'm getting back on track.

I was doing very well for a couple of months. Suboxone was a miracle to me. I felt good, I felt normal, I felt like I was in control of my life again. I still had a lot of personal issues to deal with, but Suboxone let me actually deal with them. I was paying my doctor $200 cash for each visit. It wasn't really a big deal, but I'd rather have that money in the bank or my pocket, so I started looking for other options via my insurance company. My doctor was listed, but apparently he did the suboxone treatment through his private practice and I wasn't covered.

So I made some phone calls and found a doctor, fairly local to take me as a new patient. I had an appointment for a Wednesday (about a week and a half ago). On Monday I ran out of Suboxone. It wasn't that big of a deal, i figured I'd be ok until Wednesday. And I was. Until I missed my appointment. I called, and the soonest I could get was over a week away (yesterday). Well, that week and a half was pretty much hell. I'd say after 4 days without suboxone, it was like being in percocet withdrawal all over again, and I'm sorry to say, I had to look elsewhere and started using again so I could function. I tried my doctor who took the cash payments, and he couldn't take me. I tried another doctor my insurance company gave me, and was told I could come in, but then I'd come back a week later for medications. I already had that option, so I chose to wait.

I didn't use heavily, but I did use and I was pretty disappointed in myself for having that kind of a setback, especially since it was really my own fault.

But, the good news is I did have an appointment yesterday and I'm back on my medication. I like my new doctor a lot better than my previous one. The other guy pretty much took my money, gave me my script and sent me on my way. This new guy is much different and talked to me for a while, and will be my counsellor as well as my doctor. He did lower my dose from 16mg a day to 8. So far it seems ok. I'm just happy to have it again. I will never let that happen again.

One of the things that bothered me the most during those 2 weeks, was how hard it was to find a doctor to help me. I was met with a lot of attitude by a few receptionists, and basically made to feel like I was just another addict who fell off the wagon and I'd have to wait. That was rather upsetting.

But, that's all behind me now and I'm back on track and I feel good again. I'm hoping I'll continue to feel this good on the lower dose, but we shall see.

It's good to be back, and I hope you're all doing well.


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PostPosted: Sun Mar 20, 2011 11:13 pm 
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Thanks for the update Ibanez and I'm glad to hear you didn't 'ride it off the rails' so to speak. You used a little bit to get you through to your next appointment and it sounds like your good to go again. Good for you!!

Next time, don't miss that appointment. :D


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PostPosted: Mon Mar 21, 2011 7:39 am 
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Thanks for the update. I think you're smart to put that slip up behind you and focus on now and moving forward. You can't change the past anyway.

You'll probably be fine on 8 mg. It's still comfortably above the ceiling. Once you know you're okay on that dose, if it were me, every now that then you could break up the 8 mg pills (taking only 6 mg) and save 2 mg pieces up so you can build up a small back-stock so something like that won't happen again. That's what I've done as have some others around here. But like I said I'd wait to see how well you do on the 8 mg first. And keep in mind - and I cannot stress this enough - that's just what I would do and I'm no doctor.

Let us know how you do on the 8 mg. Again thanks for the update.

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