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PostPosted: Sat Feb 25, 2017 4:27 pm 
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So, normally I am prescribed 11 tablets for 15 days = 6mg a day. We don't get our meds called in to the pharmacy until the day after our scheduled appointments, so that means at my clinic we are usually one day short on our meds. Anyway, I had my last dose on Thursday looking forward to refilling them on Friday like normal. It's usually every two weeks first dose on a Friday last on Thursday due to getting 14 day supply for 15 days. To make a long story short I messed up when I came down with a bad flu bug and absentmindedly took half a xanax to sleep not remembering that they're in the benzo class since benzos were never my thing. I just found half a bottle left over from my boyfriend's father still in the medicine cabinet after he passed away and we moved into his house and took over the deed. Anyway, getting off course here. So, I took the half a xanax .5 and of course my urine sample was dirty with it, as I knew it would be after realizing what I'd taken. So, at first I tired the typical addict approach which basically involves outright lying and denying having taken any illicit drugs; hand to god, doctor! But, then, as I was just about to leave I got a pinch of the old conscience and also knew if I wasn't completely honest it would go worse on me. I went back in and spoke with the nurses at the front desk, (well, I think they're actually but still), and asked them to give the doctor a message about yes there was xanax in my urine, I knew it all along and I only lied out of fear. The doctor took me back to his office, spoke with me for awhile, told me that he was more worried about the xanax than if I had taken hydros or oxy or another opiate, and that he could tell I wasn't being honest by my non-verbal replies and he said he hadn't even closed out my chart cause he knew I'd be back. So, anyway, he left me feeling like we could get everything back on track, said no judgement and that he would just like to see me again on Monday. This was on Thursday. I joked about what a pain it was having to come all the back that way to the pharmacy for my Suboxone the next day while also dealing with a bad flu and he just said "Yeah, that's a pain huh?" There was no mention of him not refilling my suboxone. I waited until Friday, yesterday, to call the pharmacy because we aren't supposed to call until the next day, and they hadn't gotten any scripts called in for me from that doctor, so, then I called the clinic and of course it was closed as it usually is from Friday to Sunday. They have an automated system that calls in all the perscriptions the day after the doctors put them into the computer. There was a woman manning the answering system and I spoke with her and she basically told me that the doctor decided that I had a relapse so he was stopping my Suboxone until he could speak with me on Monday. So, now, I have to go the entire weekend without my Suboxone and I know they say you don't start feeling withdrawal symptoms from it until about three days, let me tell you, it all depends on on the person, their metabolism and even their dose. For me I start feeling bad after about a day and a half. Ugh! So, here I am. I am counting the hours until Monday. Actually Tuesday. :(


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 25, 2017 5:54 pm 
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No skayda. This is not your fault. I shouldn't judge a man I don't know, but he sounds heartless. Why in the world would he want to put you at risk for relapse.

Nothing now to do but wait until you can see him and hope you can square things away, unless of course you can make alternate arrangements.

Again...and I think this is so whether you realized the xanax was a benzo or not....I think your doctor is mistreating you.

What's the line in the Hippocratic Oath? I can't quite remember..Oh yes, now I've got it :D

"First, do no harm,"

P.S. I just looked it up out of curiosity. The line...in Latin is actually: noxamvero et maleficium propulsabo ...

Meaning: I will utterly reject harm and mischief...

Same deal as I see it.


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 25, 2017 9:59 pm 
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good luck getting through the weekend and at your appointment
i'd stress you only took one to sleep while you were sick, the cold meds were keeping you awake and suchforth
bring up that you've (hopefully) never had a dirty test before etc
that this one mistake shouldn't derail your recovery etc

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PostPosted: Sat Feb 25, 2017 11:26 pm 
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Thank you guys for the replies. I did end up going to the ER because I read they will sometimes be able to administer a one day's dose of Suboxone in an emergency, but the doctor I saw said all he could do was give me something for nausea and when I asked about possibly Clonidine to get through the weekend until my appointment he said that's only for people wanting to get completely off opiates and it sounded like I wasn't ready so no Clonidine. He also asked if I'm on such a low dose of the Suboxone why aren't I off it by now? All in all it was a waste of time and everything he said he could give me I already had at home as in benedryl, otc meds, etc.

Last night my sister gave me some weed and had me smoke a little bit and it helped and let me sleep. She was going to give me some to take home but I forgot to ask her before I left her house last night to go home. I walked home cause I never smoke pot and even one toke made me lightheaded. At my clinic they don't care about pot so I'm not worried about that. Especially when I can just tell them the truth; I tried it to ease withdrawals. Right now, I'm just occupying myself with Netflix, the internet, drinking hot tea and making use of a heating pad.

In the future, I think it will be prudent to save some of my Suboxone, even if I have to take 3mg instead of 6mg a day, to have a stash saved just for this type of situation. I should have been doing that to begin with but hindsight is always 20/20.

I doubt I will be in too much trouble at my appointment. The doctor spoke with me on Thursday when I confessed the dirty UA and told him I had heard horror stories of patients messing up and getting kicked to the curb out of their Suboxone program and that was the main reason I was scared to be honest and scared to be dishonest, and he said that they would never just kick me out of the program and that there was no judgement he just wanted me to be honest so he could help and that this wasn't any ending just a roadblock in recovery. He did say he wanted us to start fresh on Monday. I should have realized the main wording there was "start fresh", in other words he wants my system completely clean of everything by Monday and go from there. My sister said she thinks if maybe it's a legal thing that he couldn't prescribe Suboxone if someone had recently taken a benzo. I'm hoping that by Monday morning that half of a .5 xanax will be out of my system and absent from my pee since I took it on Wednesday night. Anyway, I was feeling very angry and irritated and crappy due to withdrawals and bad cold plus on a freaking 12-day menstrual cycle with lots of cramps and bleeding so I just needed a place to vent my frustration and ill-feelings.

Plus, writing is a good distraction from pain and agony I've found. At least I got the week off of work and don't need to worry about going back to work until next Saturday so that takes a load of worry off. Nothing worse than coming down hard and still having to work a ten hour shift changing bedpans, poopy briefs and dealing with other bodily fluids of old people. I called in sick last night for today and my boss said to just take the week off. She doesn't want to risk the paitents getting sick or herself to get sick on top of her allergies. I am lucky to have such a good boss who takes good care of her employees. Also helps that this is the first time I've called in sick since I started two years ago and I'm never late or missed a day.

Anyway, I definitely don't want to have to go to work like this and do a bad job that might cost me the best job I've had in years. Well, today is almost over and there's only one more day until Monday then one more til my Suboxone are filled. If I only think in terms of just handling things by the minute, the hour then the day, time seems to go by a bit faster, instead of focusing on all the way until Tuesday. Ugh. Lol.

Thank you for letting me vent my anger towards my doctor about this. Normally he's very nice and understanding which is why his decision to not refill my meds this time really shocked and knocked me for a loop. But, everything will be okay, nothing stays bad forever, the sun will always come out after the dark and rain. Positive outlook and all that.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2017 8:19 am 
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In the future, I think it will be prudent to save some of my Suboxone


Yes, almost all of us do. I've got 3 months worth, and sock away more with each new prescription.
Do everything you can not to leave yourself at the mercy of arbitrary clinic rules, arbitrary doctor decisions, pharmacy screw ups, temporary shortages, earthquakes, tornadoes and other acts of God.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2017 9:18 am 
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Haha Godfrey, ur funny I swear! Do u realize that in my phone, sometimes after I do a 'lol' my autocorrect pops up Godfrey sometimes for the next word prediction??? That shows how humorous u are to me!


Skyda, don't feel bad, I don't really have much of a stash saved up either but I sure wish I did. My doctor appointment is usually on a Thursday and it's a looooong day of sitting with whoever arrives first gets seen first and so on. So sometimes I don't get seen until after 6pm and my pharmacy closes at 6. And my clinic is closed on Friday like urs is but thankfully I walk out with a script because I don't trust anyone to call my medicine in the next day, too many mistakes can happen. Plus I'm a huge worrier. Anything can happen and an emergency stash would always be good. I really gotta work on that too.

At first I thought maybe ur doctors office had made a mistake and forgot to call ur med in or maybe only meant for u to get enough medicine til Monday since ur supposed to be bk Monday. But ur right, I bet he didn't call u any in because he's so worried about u taking half of a .5 xanex. That's crazy to me though because there's doctors who do let their patients take benzos (not mine but some do). It wouldn't have hurt u especially since you'd taken it days before. So making u wait like this is unfair imo! And he could have gave u a heads up, why not just tell u straight out? We can't read minds or take hints, that's ridiculous.

Ur attitude seems to be in the right place and u seem to be able to seek out the positive and that will/is help u get through til Monday. Just keep reminding urself that at least u didn't get kicked out..... and never touch another benzo :)

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2017 10:35 am 
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jennjenn wrote:
Haha Godfrey, ur funny I swear! Do u realize that in my phone, sometimes after I do a 'lol' my autocorrect pops up Godfrey sometimes for the next word prediction??? That shows how humorous u are to me!


Skyda, don't feel bad, I don't really have much of a stash saved up either but I sure wish I did. My doctor appointment is usually on a Thursday and it's a looooong day of sitting with whoever arrives first gets seen first and so on. So sometimes I don't get seen until after 6pm and my pharmacy closes at 6. And my clinic is closed on Friday like urs is but thankfully I walk out with a script because I don't trust anyone to call my medicine in the next day, too many mistakes can happen. Plus I'm a huge worrier. Anything can happen and an emergency stash would always be good. I really gotta work on that too.

At first I thought maybe ur doctors office had made a mistake and forgot to call ur med in or maybe only meant for u to get enough medicine til Monday since ur supposed to be bk Monday. But ur right, I bet he didn't call u any in because he's so worried about u taking half of a .5 xanex. That's crazy to me though because there's doctors who do let their patients take benzos (not mine but some do). It wouldn't have hurt u especially since you'd taken it days before. So making u wait like this is unfair imo! And he could have gave u a heads up, why not just tell u straight out? We can't read minds or take hints, that's ridiculous.

Ur attitude seems to be in the right place and u seem to be able to seek out the positive and that will/is help u get through til Monday. Just keep reminding urself that at least u didn't get kicked out..... and never touch another benzo :)


you could just cut 1mg off your strips. even every other day to slowly make a stash.

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 27, 2017 7:46 am 
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Hi Jennifer,

You're too kind. Made me laugh too, to think that I'm popping up in your phone from time to time :D


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PostPosted: Tue Feb 28, 2017 4:57 pm 
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Reading your post just makes me irritated by the way you were treated. one .5 mg Xanax and you are left out for days with not medication. That really seems extreme.

And because of that ...you smoked pot, took off of work and went to the ER. What a nightmare!!

Yes , i would have to agree with the others and say Please save some extra subs for an emergency.

Just my own snafu but I got a refill last month and I went to pick up my meds ,like normal, and they said they need a Prior Auth from my doctor and they would call me when its ready. TEN DAYS LATER i get a call to say its ready. REALLY?! If i hadnt had my "emergency stash" I would be OUT OF Luck.

So I would let this be a Cautionary tale to you and the readers that Shit Happens beyond our control and we must try to save some for when "Life" occurs.

AS i am writing this, I hope things got straightened out and you got your dose. and Yes, take a 1mg or 2mg sliver off your daily dose. You may not even notice or feel a difference. HOpe things are going well for you now


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 04, 2017 6:33 pm 
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I'll post just to keep the thread in the active topic section... Skayda, what happened?

I do not see the sense in discharging people for struggling. Sometimes it becomes clear that buprenorphine treatment is just now working for the patient, and the patient needs something more intensive-- but many people who struggle during the first month or two pulll things together after 4-5 months.

I've come to believe that the people who do NOT do well, over time, are the people who drink heavily. I don't have data to support that opinion, but that's what I have seen.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 03, 2017 5:09 pm 
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Sorry I haven't posted for awhile. My grandmother passed away and I have been dealing with some stuff. Well, I went back and they put me on weekly visits instead of every two weeks and I've been doing okay since. They upped my dose to 8mg a day and that seems to be making a lot of difference. I have never liked or drank alcohol, but that makes sense to me since it is another addictive chemical. To be perfectly honest I think the clinic I go to has gone downhill considerably since I started there a few years ago. For one thing you almost never see the same provider and often you talk to a doctor through a computer screen on a program like Skype instead of face to real life face. I remember once time all the doctors were on vacation, (the nurses/receptionists informed us patients), so everyone had to see a doctor on a laptop in an empty office that day. I don't even remember who my main doctor is because every new script is written by someone new and they've messed it up more than a few times like giving me the strips instead of the generic tablets or forgetting that they don't call in prescriptions until 24 hours after your appointment and only writing for up to the day of your appointment. I was speaking with yet another doctor after coming back from those days without my meds and I told him why I wasn't feeling well and he said "Oh, we would never let you go without your meds!" Um, you guys just did! To make matters worse I am not the only one they do it to. I overheard another patient talking with one of the doctors, (walls are laughably thin there), about how he relapsed but was sorry and wanting to make amends and be honest and do better and the doctor told him that they weren't going to refill his Suboxone for the rest of the week because of his slip-up. So, I guess they take away people's meds for a time as a "punishment" for messing up. At least that's how it seems to me. I would really love to find a new place to go where they are more focused on the patient and you actually see the same doctor more than once! But, them taking away meds for making a mistake is the main thing that irks me.

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PostPosted: Sat Jun 03, 2017 6:14 pm 
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Hi skayda - Thanks for posting about your experience. Reading your story was one of the reasons why I started my own thread about starting a stockpile for emergencies. I give you an amazing amount of credit for keeping your cool as much as you have!! I would try to handle it the same way if I was you, but inside I'm deeply troubled and frustrated by the 'punishment' you received for messing up.

For many of us, I assume access to our medication is one of the most important aspects of staying sober and not relapsing. So I just can't understand why they would put someone in the position of experiencing WD symptoms... the point where we all probably think about taking 'something' to avoid that nightmare.

Granted, you messed up, and you made it worse by lying. But you immediately went back to tell them the truth. Your doctor actually said that they didn't close your record because they knew you would be back. That says a lot about you. It says that your doctor expected you to be honest when given a chance. They have to know you regret your mistake. So why punish you by not filling your medication? Do you know if it's in the patient guidelines or agreement that if you provide a dirty UA you won't receive your Subs?

And I've never heard of a doctor's visit over a laptop... are you serious? That's almost insulting. I mean talk about being made to feel like a number on a chart. OUCH!!

** I would really appreciate one of the doctors to chime in here and maybe enlighten us a little about what happens when a client hasn't been truthful or has provided a dirty UA. Surely there has to be better alternatives than simply denying medication, especially when it involves someone potentially going through WD... a dangerous period of time when even the strongest 'might' be tempted to use again. Isn't that unethical?

Well skayda, I'm so sorry to hear about the passing of your grandmother. Especially if you were close. You and your family will be in my thoughts. Please take care of yourself and let us know what happens when you go back. Please, I'd really like to know. Thank you.

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 04, 2017 2:31 pm 
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From what I am seeing in my general area, a huge concern by prescribing doctors is the possibility of overdose in conjunction with benzo's. There have been a rash of fatalities in our area involving this exact situation (usually doctor shopping, and obtaining medications from several different doctors) and several clinics and doctors have had their licenses pulled, so they are taking that extremely seriously as they rightfully should.

This being the case, honesty is always the best policy, and I agree, that stockpiling a backup supply will help you get through any downtime periods, if something happens, especially out of your control. I've had to wait a week for a prescription to be filled, simply because of the new pre-authorization requirements being demanded by health insurance, and the fact that doctors offices are being overwhelmed by these new restrictions and requirements that cause tons of extra paperwork and time so there are lots of reasons why you could end up having to wait and being aware that it can happen and pre-planning is vital!

Its obvious that insurance carriers don't want to pay for these medications and so are doing everything possible to discourage medical practitioners from offering these types of care options and support. It can virtually put a practitioner out of business, just by the skyrocketing costs they're incurring to even offer this type of care! My doctor is pushing through this but the programs care load has tripled (due to other providers dropping their program and patients on the program, due to the rocketing costs) along with their expenses. Remember its not just as simple as "writing" a prescription. There are lots and lots of hoops your practitioners office must jump through in order to get our prescription filled and that takes manpower and hours, plain and simple! Its really disappointing to see what should have been huge advances in the treatment of addiction, falling behind simply because of the red-tape due to greed on the part of the insurance industry.

Our country is unfortunately massively controlled by the insurance industry, which has managed to infiltrate tentacles into every single aspect of our functional society! I deal with this on a professional level as well, and see if negatively affecting my industry which is first response emergency services. While the insurance industry massively profits from emergency response and mitigation, it certainly fights tooth and nail when asked to contribute funding toward emergency services response (and seemingly all other commitment to cover the costs we pay them to cover as well). Don't get me wrong, I'm all for free enterprise however, who is paying and who is not and when do "we the people" get to have a say in regard to ending the run of corruption that's being allowed to continue literally "unchecked" affecting each and every one of us on a real life daily basis?

The public is steadily fed a line of crap by the insurance industry, with propaganda being weaved into all sorts of media in clever and insidious ways, all designed to mislead and misinform. The only way to counter this is to publicly call out the lies exposing them for what they are, while providing the truth. I feel confident that we are all capable of making informed, intelligent and compassionate decisions but we need the facts to do so. Don't just buy into the readily available rhetoric that's being fed to the masses without question. Question everything, and make your own decisions about what is right and what is wrong!

Sorry for my rant, but I see the suffering day in and day out, and because I know we have the tools already available to help so many poor souls who are struggling to become free and live a life of purpose, "but for" the greed of an industry that cares for nothing but profit, I feel its important to "share" and provide this information to other intelligent and capable change makers. The only way to change the status quo is to share knowledge and information and expose the corruption for what it is and because the majority of us here on this site, are no doubt highly capable of taking on extreme change and seemingly insurmountable challenges, we have a lot of what it takes to make a difference in the world around us! (by the way, it may sound cliche, but focusing on something "other" then your own personal struggle is the best way to get "outside" your head and onto a path of direction and self worth. Self worth in my opinion, isn't about how much you think you are worth to yourself, its really about how much you think you're worth to others and that can only be influenced and decided by your own actions and the consequences of those actions. )

Addicts are so self involved, and their actions are typically geared toward immediate benefit and satisfaction for themselves (even if the long-term result is negative") so stepping outside of that "internally focused struggle and cycle" is a really hard thing to do or even to conceive of when your in the peak of your addiction. What I have experienced with suboxone treatment is the ability to become released from that "need" for immediate satisfaction, and the more you are free from internal focus and need, the more clearly the outside world comes into focus. Once you can begin to look "outside" your own needs and immediate desires, the result is the ability to discover that there's an entire world out there that isn't centered around "you" at all! Next if you discover there's something more out there to care about and focus on, beyond just your own personal battle, it enables you to begin working toward becoming someone you can actually like, value and respect and life becomes an adventure that's worth living and experiencing for what you can offer and contribute, not what the world can or should offer you. Nothing is promised, and nothing is "owed".

That's what this treatment has given me, the freedom to make a choice to live a real life, and not be a slave. What you chose to do with that freedom is completely on you, but key to staying free of this curse of self involvement, is embarking on a path that has meaning, not just to you but to the world around you and those you love and care for! You've been given a gift, use it wisely!


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