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PostPosted: Fri May 15, 2009 2:32 am 
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pretty much just as it reads. I slipped up the last 2 days and did opiates again after almost 2 months of sobriety. To be honest it really wasnt worth the guilt that I feel right now about it. What led me down this road was that my wife whom I thought had been clean revelaed to me she had been using. This really angered me considering it was our goal to get clean and get our old life back. She is also on suboxone but has a longer history of opiate abuse than me. She used to be a heroine addict about 12 years ago and had managed to get clean for 9yrs through rehab multipple times prior to us meeting. Well we both started using about 2 yrs ago (OXY) and it got bad. She is having a harder time on the subs than me but since she slipped up I thought it would be ok for me to play for a few days.

Im worried going forward because I dont have the cravings anymore and found the switch to subs pretty easy. She however is having a hard time with the mental aspect of it. She suffers from depression (pretty severe) and our situation isnt good. Ive been layed off for 5 month now and were in danger of losing the house and ther things which she doesnt handle well and self medicates.

I feel as though Im partially to blame for her relapse after all of those years as Im the one that brought painkillers in to the house knowing her history; however I cant be around her if she isnt going to be serious about recovery.

What do I do... If there are any other addicted couples please chime in.

PostPosted: Fri May 15, 2009 12:36 pm 
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I can sympathize with you. My husband and myself are both addicts/sober thru the wonders of Suboxone. We went from scripts to herion back to scripts (to get off of herion) to Suboxone. He had a problem LOOOOONG before I was even aware of it. I knew that he was using but I was under the impression that it was purely recreational. By the time I was aware of how bad it really was it was far too late to just "stop". It had him by the balls. It was my jealousy of him being lifted all of the time that led to my own opaite dependence. Of course, it's a little more complicated than that but that's the jist of it.

Anyhoo, I cannot tell you what to do because I am basically in the same boat as you. I am far more serious about my recovery than my husband is. He has a tendency to use when opiates are around and go back to Suboxone to keep w/d's at bay. It's a never ending cycle with him. It makes my recovery damn near impossible. All of this has taken our near perfect relationship down a road that I never knew existed.

I think that if I weren't an addict and he were to slip, I may be angry but I would be able to see that it is his "disease", if you will, that is controlling him. Instead, because I am an addict, too, I find myself FURIOUS and beyond jealous. I have no urge to use AT ALL until I KNOW that my husband has opiates and/or I see him in that state of euphoria that only an opiate can bring on. The addict in me rears its' ugly head and I become like the Incredible Hulk.

To make a long story short, I have no insight to offer. I just want you to know that you're not alone. There are a few of us in the same situation.

This is what I do know but really don't want to admitt even to myself:
-Chances are if one half of the couple is using and the other is serious about their recovery, either the relationship or the recovery is doomed.
-The using partner has to want to get clean themselves, they can make a million promises but unless they want it for themselves, more than likely it is just going to lead to more deceitful, addict-like behavior. Therefore, damaging the relationship further.
-As much as you want to be there (in that house, that relationship) for that person because SOMEDAY they may change and "see the light" it is probably not in your (my) sobriety's best interest.

Only you know what is right for you. Do what is best for you.

My apologies for getting sidetracked and speaking only of myself. I feel your pain. My husband and I just went through something like what you mentioned this past week. I had wanted to post about that but didn't know how to go about it. Seeing your post was like a sign from above.

Keep me posted. Let me know how things are going for you and what decisions you've made or actions you've taken. Again, I wish that I had some advice for you but I am right there with you.

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