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PostPosted: Tue Aug 06, 2013 10:46 pm 
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I have recently become very interested in getting sober and not having to depend on something to get me up and thru the workday. Over the past couple days I have seen some seemingly helpful advice on this website and a few others. But I'm still really nervous for when I am actually going to do it.
Back story: it was the guy who manipulated and took control of my life. He had ways of twisting and manipulating I can't even explain. Anyway, about a year of getting into perc 30s. Started as weekend and got bad to if I had money that's where it went. By this point I couldn't escape it. He got a sub script so the days we couldnt get anything we had those. Then heroine started coming into the pic cuz it was cheaper. I have finally recently moved out on my own to get out of the black hole I felt my life had become with him controlling it. But I'm still dependent on him for the subs and he will sometimes threaten to not give me any if I don't do something for him and things like that. I don't have time to get my own script cuz I'm working two jobs just to barely pay the bills and at this point I just want to be done. I'm taking about 1.5mg twice a day and sometimes starting to feel withdrawal kicking in waiting to take the next piece.
I have happened upon about a 6 day vacation I can get away from both jobs and 2 days after that only working 3 hours in evening. I'm planning on trying to keep semi busy with books, movies, and some craft stuff. Go on walks a couple times a day and play with my cat around the house for exercise. Have Imodium, ibuprofen, vitamins, water, Gatorade, crackers, watermelon. Might see if I can get in to see the doc to see if there's anything I can get for chills and aches (those kill me now and it's only a taste of what I'm in for) but I feel like I can't just walk in and start asking for pills ha.
Does anyone have advice for seeing a pcp when I don't really have any documented history about all this? Also just tips for how to deal or if anything has helped you or a friend. I'm really nervous but like I said I just want to be done with this stuff. I'm a little nervous I won't have the power to overcome and for some reason it will be so bad Ill give in to the subs or something. Just any advice please.
Oh and I plan on figuring out how to stopper my tub so I can take hot baths I heard helps and maybe some green.


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 07, 2013 2:01 am 
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I really honestly don't mean to be the Debbie downer all the time, but what is your plan for once your off suboxone? I mean recovery wise?

You can't say how you will feel or even think once off this stuff. Especially long term. But. It's very important to plan and think about what you are going to have in place... Full time... And just staying busy never works. Sorry.

Finally. You want to not be dependent... I get that.
But. You are going to smoke weed and what not to get off? You are just starting off on a bad note there. Are you already currently partaking in other non opiate drugs? If so... Don't get off suboxone. Absolutely no business off suboxone with a heavy opiate history.

Up to you. Go after recovery full time or don't. Use drugs or don't. But these decisions could be life and death.

Options are always available to opiate addicts to get better... It just usually isn't something we think we need or should do. I've been there. I get it.

Good luck though. Best wishes. Hope you really think about this and just what you are actually getting into.... Aside from just being suboxone free.

I was right where you are right now almost 2 1/2 years ago. Off suboxone for 10 months but because I "didn't need that recovery stuff because I'm too busy to use and I got this" and because I decided to do "other drugs because opiates were my only real problem" I never changed at all and came back full circle but worse. I'm lucky. Truly. This time I've done a lot of things I didn't want to do or was uncomfortable with... But it had changed my life in ways I never thought possible. Honest.

Don't make the same mistakes I made... And many many others still make all the time. Read some of the jumping threads. Read the docs blog/book.

I'm probably wasting my breath, but seriously do yourself a favor.


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 07, 2013 2:02 am 
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Clonidine helps a lot of people and its easy to get from a PCP. Depending on how long you were actually on suboxone I would start tapering now, and stop taking subs 2 days before your break in work. That SHOULD assure that the worst of it is during your time off since for me the really bad stuff didn't happen till after day 3 or so...

It also depends on your PCP. Some are really cool about it, most I would think can give you a UA to see if you're on something and if they're not a tight ass should give you something to help. Starting light cardio now I think will help. I kicked on July 14th and from a really high dose, and it wasn't too terrible. It DOES wear you down mentally so prepare yourself for that. Make sure you have really good music handy as well. I've been listening to pretty much the same song for the past 3+ weeks. The major stuff was over pretty quick for me but there are some lingering effects that are definitely manageable. Check out my thread to kinda see what happened for me. It wasn't nearly as bad as those horror stories you read in other places (although I will warn you I do whine and moan a lot lol)

Also definitely check this forum whenever you feel things are getting too much to handle. Just keeping a log of it here helped so much, and it helped even more to get support from the wonderful people here.

Best of luck, as it IS doable. I've only used supplements to help make things quicker. I was prescribed benzos but they didn't work for me (they never worked on me for some reason) but if weed works for you I say go for it. Seems to help a lot of people from what I've seen.


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 07, 2013 2:10 am 
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^great advice above my post. That's another thing. Movie is right. If you don't have a plan for after its kinda thin ice to be on. Kicking sub or ANYthing definitely isn't a fun thing to do, and there's no need to do it twice, or in my case, too many times to count lol. I wish I found this forum sooner. There's tons of good info and support here, and I feel like if I found this place sooner I would've had better luck with earlier kicks :p

Just make sure you're mentally prepared for everything, especially lack of sleep and anxiety (for me anyway that wore me down the most). It helps more than you can imagine


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 07, 2013 7:11 am 
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Can you guys be a little more specific, a plan for after? I know it's not all going to be done and over during my break, I was just thinking the worst physical part would be then.
I don't usually do any other drugs, the only reason I was gonna try smoking was to help with the WD.
After my break I will have to be working 13 hr days again between jobs. I know I'm going to still be dragging ass.
I only ever got drugs or subs thru that one guy so I have no other "connect" and he knows I plan on getting off so he won't let me go back.
Thanks you guys for posting here for me. It's really helpful. Also when I do this I hope to have my computer fixed to log everything cuz right now I'm on an iPod and it SUCKS to type on lol


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PostPosted: Wed Aug 07, 2013 12:33 pm 
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Hi SimpleWishes,

Welcome to the forum!!

As was already said, Clonidine (not to be confused with Klonopin) will help ease your wd symptoms. Clonidine is a blood pressure medication that's prescribed off label for opiate wd. Clonidine calms the Sympathetic Nervous System and this eases wd symptoms. Also, Clonidine in not addictive.

I walked into my PCP, told him I was quitting opiates and asked for Clonidine. He had no issues at all prescribing it to me.

It looks like you're on 3mg per day of Suboxone. When is your quit date? Like fiveseven said, the more you can taper now and get that dose down, the better off you'll be. Suboxone wd, for the dose you're on, usually peaks around day 3 thru 5, so quitting a day or two early, as fiveseven said, is great advice.

Other than the Clonidine, Imodium was about the next best thing I had for wd's. You already have Imodium, so that's great. Exercise (even though you're not going to want to do it) will help, hot showers or baths will help, your favorite music will help a lot, watch funny movies, too. Keeping your mind and body busy during your wd is probably the best thing you can do for yourself. If you sit around thinking about how shitty you feel, it just makes ya feel shittier.

Good Luck and post as often as you want.

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Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 08, 2013 8:42 am 
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I'm having a really hard time trying to taper at all where I'm at. I keep reading posts of people getting down to 0.25, even 0.5 seems out of reach and that seems to be the most acceptable jumping point. When I'm reading these its like reading fairy tales, how out of reach it feels for me. Right now being at about 3mg/day I'm hurting during my workday and counting the minutes to my next piece of sub.
I have about 3 weeks until I was going to try the jump. Should I force myself on smaller and smaller doses and try to deal with the aches and chills and fatigue for the next 3 weeks while working very full days usually 13 hours long. Or should I be mostly ache free and more easily functioning and just take a larger jump.
I'm feeling like taking the jump on my days off at home and not having obligations thru that worst, and then knowing where I'm at and being able to work my way back into life would be better.
Any suggestions?


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 08, 2013 9:43 am 
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SimpleWishes wrote:
I have recently become very interested in getting sober and not having to depend on something to get me up and thru the workday... He got a sub script so the days we couldnt get anything we had those... But I'm still dependent on him for the subs and he will sometimes threaten to not give me any if I don't do something for him and things like that. I don't have time to get my own script cuz I'm working two jobs just to barely pay the bills and at this point I just want to be done.


Hey, Wishes (doesn't seem right to shorten your name to "Simple") I've been back lurking for a bit. I was on Sub for 2.5 years and tapered off and haven't been able to get past 9 months "relatively" clean. So, from my own experience, I wanted to warn you that coming off opiates (full or partial agonists) is not easy under the best of circumstances. And, you, I fear don't sound like your coming from a particularly good situation let alone the best, though desperation to get one's life in order can be sufficient motivation.

The question that came to my mind while reading your posts was....

If the only thing keeping you from getting your own Suboxone script is time off work, why not use the days that you have planned to detox as legitimate induction (and vacation) days? Call some doctors. Get on Sub. Use the time on Sub to find ways that are going to help you STAY OFF opiates (some people use NA or a host of other recovery programs). Once you've established a relatively solid foundation (which you don't appear to have at this time in your life), then start working with your doctor to taper off (if you still feel that is in your best interest).

The advice on Clonidine is spot-on (as is the Immodium)! I also found Neurontin to be helpful during wd (but I already had a prescription for it). If you present to the ER in withdrawal, they should prescribe the Clonidine (or a Catapres patch, same thing), that is if you have no success getting a script from your PCP.

Finally, you wanted suggestions on lowering your dose or jumping from a higher amount. For me, it was difficult to pre-determine when the worst of my Sub lowering would kick in. It usually started 3 or 4 days after the taper. But, I'd start feeling fine and then, bam, a day or two later, I'd be at work, in the bathroom, praying that I wouldn't puke... and THAT was while doing a relatively slow taper! That being said, I've had people try to tell me that under 4mg there's no wd symptoms. :roll: Sub seems to be a drug that works differently in different people(??)

So... any chance that you can schedule an appointment with a Suboxone doctor and try to go about getting clean in a more manageable way?

If not and you are determined to get off now, my suggestion would be ...
Hmmm... if I had to do it all over again (which it appears I will because no doctors around here do maintenance), I don't know what I'd do. I've done it both ways (taper and jump) and, frankly, both sucked in their own way. With your work schedule, though, I think that I'd jump -- just don't jump on the first day that you are off. Stop the Sub for 3 days before your "vacation".

I wish you the best!


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 08, 2013 11:01 am 
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Thank you so much for your input.
Time: where I do have some from my full time job, it's the fact I would have an appt every two weeks and it just seems like a lot to be gone from a job where I'm supposed to be devoting myself. I know this would be for my overall health but just saying that's why I'm a little weary of that. For some reason I get such a guilty conscience and have the most difficult time even calling out of work sick even when I feel I'm going to vomit all day.
Money: I failed to mention this before. It's not just the time off work but the copay for each visit. $45 may not seem like a lot every two weeks, especially when I said I work two jobs, but I'm working them just to make ends meet. The guy I was with and got my life so off track really put me in a hole money wise so I'm trying to just stand on my own two feet right now and not drown in the deb he was so kind enough to sneak in my name.
Dependence: I know this drug is a great tool for many to get away from their habits. I really just hate the fact that I have to depend on this to make me normal. And while I know the answer, the thought still arises in my head "how did I get here".
I want my life back. Where I don't have to go search thru my purse for medicine before I can start my day. I don't have cravings for the drugs and for the most part I would have been fine without them until it got to the point of I was having physical WD. The biggest impact on my use was my boyfriend at the time throwing fits if I had extra money and didn't wanna buy for him or use with him. He would leave and call me threatening if I didn't give in he was gonna crash his car and his suicide would be my fault. So it was either live with this devil man or give in. And it usually ended up in the latter cuz I didn't know what else to do to make my life somewhat okay and no be in constant fear of what he would do to himself or me.
I just want this black hole chapter of my life gone. I was so great before I met him and he took my life and flushed it. I know it was my fault too for not stopping it. But by the time I realized all hos manipulation I was in too deep and had no money to get out and away.
I'm finally out on my own and getting my sanity back but just want to close that chapter for good so wanted to get off the subs and get my body back to normal. I don't fear I would be tempted with drugs once clean cuz I had no real desire for them in the first place and it was usually just to avoid a fight/scene and not have to deal with craziness all night. Since I got my own place a couple months ago there has been no drugs, just the subs because my body now hates me ha.
And I am nervous and know its going to be so hard but I just want it to be done.


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 09, 2013 12:07 pm 
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Two things I noticed when going through this recently (07/14 was my D-Day) leading UP to it is scary as hell, wd is a PITA, but now on day 28, it wasn't as bad as fear led me to believe. Really it was like a week of stomach issues and several nights of really bad RLS ( whole body) the other stuff is manageable and at this point I can't even think of what the other stuff WAS.

One thing I've been told quite a few times from quite a few sources: there is always ONE symptom that breaks people when they do kick. Take care of that and makes things much MUCH easier.

Granted be prepared for lingering sleep issues and I still have some weird skin flushing symptoms, like feeling sunburned, but its so mild now that I am starting to wonder if I just DID get a sunburn lol (I live in the desert)

Tbh I don't have much of a plan either, but I also put myself in a position where I literally have no way to access anything even if I wanted, BUT I do have a great support system I can talk to whenever I need to talk. I know it sounds cliche but really talking about how YOU feel to someone you know cares helps keep me on the level and the goal in my sights.

Just keeping a diary here helped me IMMENSELY. Lot of great caring people here to push you along when you lose focus. I plan to keep posting daily until I feel back at 110% which may be a whole since I don't remember what 'normal' feels like anymore lol


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