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 Post subject: addicted to the needle
PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2010 4:17 am 
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I've been on suboxone for about 10 months now.. I still occasionally do the other stuff.. but I honestly do want to quit. Even when I end up slipping I only enjoy it for about 5-8 seconds.. it's all for the little rush.. and 2-3 hours later I hardly feel any effects from it at all.. I end up beating myself up for even doing it, and wasting the money and having to start all over again. I don't really know of a trigger that's causing it.. i just wake up some mornings and think I'd really like to feel that rush.. and a few hours later i'm making a call. however one of my friends is a trigger.. because everytime he comes in town to visit he always wants to get something.. I know you're suppose to get rid of the drug friends.. but he's actually one of my best friends. he only does stuff when he comes in town about every 3 months. I've talked to him before about not mentioning it to me when he comes in town.. but he still does. but regardless of that, I do it without him sometimes as well so he's not the main trigger. but I'm not gonna end my friendship with him because we've been through a lot.. and he's not a junkie.

anyways.. I'm curious if anyone else has the same problems with relapsing for that 5 second feeling? ..what do you do to try and talk yourself out of it?

one thing I've done to try and help is write down a few reasons why It's not worth it that I wrote about 3 hours after doing something and how I felt.. I have that on my wall. but I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing.. because it puts me on the train of thoughts about dope still.


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PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2010 4:56 am 
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Hi retoons and welcome -

I do believe you're doing the right thing by reminding yourself of the consequences of using again. That's what the professionals recommend. I think 12-step programs call it something like playing the tape through to the end.

If it were me I'd work hard at figuring out what those triggers could be. Maybe it's time to see an addiction counselor? Also, what dose of sub are you on? Depending on that, you might want to speak to your doc (I'd speak to her/him about this anyway) about increasing your dose. Sub should take care of the physiological cravings. I look it this way: What's left are our psychological cravings. In those cases we need to learn new coping skills and again, figure out what the triggers are.

What else besides suboxone are you doing for your recovery? Counselor/therapy? AA/NA? How are your supports systems? Do you have accountability? Now that you're here with us, please lean on us and use this forum as one of your support systems. We can also help with accountability.

You've got to find other ways to deal/cope when you get those feelings/cravings. Distracting yourself can help in the short term. Some people use forms of meditation, as a way to relax.

I hope this helps. Again, welcome to the forum.

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PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2010 10:32 pm 
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LIke hat said you have to find your triggers. once you find these you should be able to beat them but till then you need to figure a way out to cope instead of use.. but you shoulnt have these craveings while on sub so i think your dose may be to low. im not gonna sit hear an tell you when i first got on sub that i didnt think about useing but i didnt cause i had my reasons which were my family and gf! cause while useing i was loseing those thing which mean the most to me an had to to stay clean to keep them which is why i didnt use. you got to find that one thing that made you want to get clean when you first started sub an think if i use then im loseing what i tryed so hard for. i hope this makes sense. an if you are not in any type of couns. 1 on 1 Na what ever it maybe you have to get into something asap cause i also didnt do anything at first and as soon as i didn get into 1 on 1s my whole recovery became that much better.


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 25, 2010 2:13 pm 
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retoons wrote:
I've been on suboxone for about 10 months now.. I still occasionally do the other stuff.. but I honestly do want to quit. Even when I end up slipping I only enjoy it for about 5-8 seconds.. it's all for the little rush.. and 2-3 hours later I hardly feel any effects from it at all.. I end up beating myself up for even doing it, and wasting the money and having to start all over again. I don't really know of a trigger that's causing it.. i just wake up some mornings and think I'd really like to feel that rush.. and a few hours later i'm making a call. however one of my friends is a trigger.. because everytime he comes in town to visit he always wants to get something.. I know you're suppose to get rid of the drug friends.. but he's actually one of my best friends. he only does stuff when he comes in town about every 3 months. I've talked to him before about not mentioning it to me when he comes in town.. but he still does. but regardless of that, I do it without him sometimes as well so he's not the main trigger. but I'm not gonna end my friendship with him because we've been through a lot.. and he's not a junkie.

anyways.. I'm curious if anyone else has the same problems with relapsing for that 5 second feeling? ..what do you do to try and talk yourself out of it?

one thing I've done to try and help is write down a few reasons why It's not worth it that I wrote about 3 hours after doing something and how I felt.. I have that on my wall. but I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing.. because it puts me on the train of thoughts about dope still.


With friends like that, you don't need any enemies. If he knows you have a problem that you're trying to get over, yet he still brings that stuff into your life, then he's not a friend. Period.


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PostPosted: Mon Oct 25, 2010 3:12 pm 
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junkie781 wrote:
retoons wrote:
I've been on suboxone for about 10 months now.. I still occasionally do the other stuff.. but I honestly do want to quit. Even when I end up slipping I only enjoy it for about 5-8 seconds.. it's all for the little rush.. and 2-3 hours later I hardly feel any effects from it at all.. I end up beating myself up for even doing it, and wasting the money and having to start all over again. I don't really know of a trigger that's causing it.. i just wake up some mornings and think I'd really like to feel that rush.. and a few hours later i'm making a call. however one of my friends is a trigger.. because everytime he comes in town to visit he always wants to get something.. I know you're suppose to get rid of the drug friends.. but he's actually one of my best friends. he only does stuff when he comes in town about every 3 months. I've talked to him before about not mentioning it to me when he comes in town.. but he still does. but regardless of that, I do it without him sometimes as well so he's not the main trigger. but I'm not gonna end my friendship with him because we've been through a lot.. and he's not a junkie.

anyways.. I'm curious if anyone else has the same problems with relapsing for that 5 second feeling? ..what do you do to try and talk yourself out of it?

one thing I've done to try and help is write down a few reasons why It's not worth it that I wrote about 3 hours after doing something and how I felt.. I have that on my wall. but I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing.. because it puts me on the train of thoughts about dope still.


With friends like that, you don't need any enemies. If he knows you have a problem that you're trying to get over, yet he still brings that stuff into your life, then he's not a friend. Period.


I also agree with this post i for got to touch on this subject was more focused on you.

anyways if he truely is your best friend, THEN HE WOULD UNDERSTAND YOU WANTING TO BE CLEAN! an not bother you with that shit. Let me ask you this, is your friendship in any way connected to the drug use???? for ex if you told him no would he still come to town an hangout with out the drugs. CAUSE THATS A TRUE FRIEND. I def lost alot of good friends who im my eyes were best friends but once i got clean it wasnt the same. almost like this quote i like "THey only seem concerned when they need me to do shit". but once i stopped dealing they were never around or the buddys i used with would only come around to ask me for drugs.

In a sense it seems like your his drug connect? he only comes to town every 3 months i think you said so he doesnt live in your area besides yourself can he get drugs from anyone else in your town???? if he cant then you got to see it from my point of view that he only comes cause your his only connect? Im not saying this is true in anyway just giving you a example!


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 26, 2010 3:44 pm 
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thanks for the responses.

i've been going to group counseling.. I've been to NA before and didn't really like it, they look down on suboxone there.. so I didn't return. the group counseling is for everyone that is on suboxone. He also does 1on1 and I've went to a few of those.. I need to start going to more.. but i'm really lazy.. need to get over that. I've been going to group ever since I started the program for about 10 months.. and it doesn't seem to really help anymore because it's the same thing over and over. when I first started it was good though. One of the things I noticed is i don't get as depressed if I leave my lights on in my room when I'm wake. I work a night shift, so when I'm off I'm always up at night and sleep during the day. So I'd have my lights off in my room watching tv, or messing around on the computer. I actually noticed a difference when I started leaving my lights on, and didn't feel as bad. I've heard that chocolate helps some as well, but not sure. I was curious what other things you can take vitamins, etc.. that could help?

I'm currently on 1 8mg sub a day.. I dunno if its because i've been on it for so long or what.. but I still end up craving it randomly.. I know I need to figure out the triggers. I got one of the 8mg strips from a friend the other day.. and it seemed to work tremendously better then the tab. I felt super and didn't think about using all day.. I've been trying to get onto the strip the past 2 times i've went to the doctor but the pharmacies haven't started carrying it here yet. they keep making up excuses and saying it will be in next week but next week never comes.

as for my friend.. I went to school with him before either of us did anything.. and he can find it without me. We both went to school with the dealer too.. he lives 5 hours a way so that's why we don't get to see each other that much. but we still talk every other day on the phone, and play ps3 online. so he's not just one of those drug friends. I did have friends that were just drug friends and would only call when they needed something.. so I do know what you are talking about. but that's not him. I'll try and have a more serious conversation with him before he comes to visit again and let him know that's important because I don't want to relapse again.


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 26, 2010 3:53 pm 
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Are you taking any kind of antidepressant? If you're not there's always St. John's Wart and something I believe is called 5Htp. Don't take it if you are already on an SSRI though, only if you're not on one. They are both supposed to help with depression.

Do you get more depressed in the winter? There's what's called SAD - Seasonal Affective Disorder. It has to do with there being less sunlight in the winter. Some people actually treat it by going tanning regularly. Or there's always antidepressants.
Maybe it's time to speak to your doctor about your mood issues?

Good luck getting the film!

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-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.


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