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PostPosted: Sun Jan 29, 2012 11:43 pm 
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Hi everyone,

I found this site because I am currently struggling with an addiction to painkillers - oxycodone which I take 3 times a week about 15-20 mg per use. This constant use started roughly 6 months ago and I realize that I am becoming more dependent to the painkillers and that my tolerance has gone off. I have tried stopping cold turkey and have gotten to 4-5 days while dealing with withdrawls such as depression and anxiety and though the cravings seem to get managable by the 4th day or so I always just end up taking one regardless just because I like the high and how it relieves my stress. I am 23 and currently work full time and am studying to earn my CPA which has caused a lot of stress over the past 6 months. I have been suffering from alot of anxiety over the past two years with bouts of depression which started as I began to start my transition from college into the real world. On the side I have been also battling a porn addiction which I have now been successfully clean with for 2 months but has also contributed to my use of PKs as a way to get my release and not look at porn. The tradeoff is obviously an unhealthy one, but porn has been consuming my life for years and I was determined to stop that addication even if it meant that I would have to substitute that high from porn with something else short term and pks were a way to do this. I I used to take pks occasionally and then started to use them more often on the weekends as a way to deal with hangovers from drinking the night before. I have had several knee surgeries in the past 4 years which introduced me to painkillers. I am finding that my depression has started to be present more and more as I use the pks and then I go through withdrawals for 2-3 days per use during the work week and then I repeat the cycle again the next week. The first day without taking them is okay but then on the 2nd or 3rd day during the week, I find my anxiety and depression come up very strongly and I go on an emotional roller coaster. I hate the way I feel when I am down and want to get off of this slippery slope before I get in too deep and it ends up causing serious problems. I currently still have some PKs left and have considered trying to taper off, but I don't know how to appropriately do this and I am concerned that I will just relapse and go by more if I end up feeling depressed or stressed due to work and studying. I have read that Suboxone has helped alot of people quit this addiction and avoid the very miserable withdrawal symptoms that come from trying to stop. I am hoping that people on this forum could help provide me some guidance as how I can successfully quit my opiate addiction. I have started seeing a therapist for my anxiety and depression and talking with them about my problems has helped. However with the dependence I have started to form to the pks, I don't think that therapy alone will help me stop. I want to get back to the normal me and not be dependent on drugs to make me feel good. I currently take adderall for my ADD and 150mg effexor xr for my anxiety and depression. Could Suboxone be a possible way for me to help quit this addition? Many thanks for the help.


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 1:21 am 
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Can someone give me some advice on suboxone please?


young&confused wrote:
Hi everyone,

I found this site because I am currently struggling with an addiction to painkillers - oxycodone which I take 3 times a week about 15-20 mg per use. This constant use started roughly 6 months ago and I realize that I am becoming more dependent to the painkillers and that my tolerance has gone off. I have tried stopping cold turkey and have gotten to 4-5 days while dealing with withdrawls such as depression and anxiety and though the cravings seem to get managable by the 4th day or so I always just end up taking one regardless just because I like the high and how it relieves my stress. I am 23 and currently work full time and am studying to earn my CPA which has caused a lot of stress over the past 6 months. I have been suffering from alot of anxiety over the past two years with bouts of depression which started as I began to start my transition from college into the real world. On the side I have been also battling a porn addiction which I have now been successfully clean with for 2 months but has also contributed to my use of PKs as a way to get my release and not look at porn. The tradeoff is obviously an unhealthy one, but porn has been consuming my life for years and I was determined to stop that addication even if it meant that I would have to substitute that high from porn with something else short term and pks were a way to do this. I I used to take pks occasionally and then started to use them more often on the weekends as a way to deal with hangovers from drinking the night before. I have had several knee surgeries in the past 4 years which introduced me to painkillers. I am finding that my depression has started to be present more and more as I use the pks and then I go through withdrawals for 2-3 days per use during the work week and then I repeat the cycle again the next week. The first day without taking them is okay but then on the 2nd or 3rd day during the week, I find my anxiety and depression come up very strongly and I go on an emotional roller coaster. I hate the way I feel when I am down and want to get off of this slippery slope before I get in too deep and it ends up causing serious problems. I currently still have some PKs left and have considered trying to taper off, but I don't know how to appropriately do this and I am concerned that I will just relapse and go by more if I end up feeling depressed or stressed due to work and studying. I have read that Suboxone has helped alot of people quit this addiction and avoid the very miserable withdrawal symptoms that come from trying to stop. I am hoping that people on this forum could help provide me some guidance as how I can successfully quit my opiate addiction. I have started seeing a therapist for my anxiety and depression and talking with them about my problems has helped. However with the dependence I have started to form to the pks, I don't think that therapy alone will help me stop. I want to get back to the normal me and not be dependent on drugs to make me feel good. I currently take adderall for my ADD and 150mg effexor xr for my anxiety and depression. Could Suboxone be a possible way for me to help quit this addition? Many thanks for the help.


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 Post subject: Hi
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 2:07 am 
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sent you a PM.
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 9:51 pm 
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Youngandconfused

Wow I wish at 23 I would have figured out what I was doing or what I was getting myself into. I too was introduced to PK due to illness mine was kidney stones Chronic I would get them about every six months and have to be on PK for months at a time. Today when I get them I get them removed immediately to avoid being on PK for any length of time. If you sat back and read your own post you would see what is called the progression of the disease in it's earlier stages. Oh we get away with it in the beginning but eventually (and before you even know it) it's not like being able to go a day or two without....it's more like within hours of not having a pain pill you will be acute withdrawals. At the end of my using, I had to set my alarm clock so I could wake up in the middle of the night to take something so as I did not wake up in severe withdrawals not able to get to my pain pill bottle. I have laid in my bed waiting for my husband to get to me to get my pocketbook (where my pain pills were) out of the living room because I have woke up too sick to get it myself. And you get to a point that not a pill will work but more like 5 or 6 pills is what works at one time. In fact I could be sick in bed and someone bring me "a pill" (and not to seem ungrateful but) they should not have even wasted their time bringing me that one pill because that ain't gonna to get it.

I am not bragging her by no means I am qualifying to you what the end is like. One pill is too many for the sober addict and a thousands not enough for the active addict. Well that is the way it gets. While anxiety and depression on days 4 and 5 seem rough to you now well it get's where anxiety and depression stays with you and just breaking down to take a pill because you want to just get high as you say well that is no longer just because you want to it is because you have to. And more like hour 4 and 5 not day 4 and 5. And the Porn replacement well soon enough the pain pills and porn addiction will be your problem because the pain pills is only a temporary fix when they no longer work like you want them to you more than likely will be even more depressed and uptight with your new found chronic pain pill addiction and you will be using the porn to deal with the ill effects you get from the progression of the pain pill addiction.

I could go on and on about what to expect on this roller coaster you speak about but thank god it is still a roller coaster and not all downhill yet. You still have school which you more than likely will not have if you keep going because your tuition money or grant money etc...will be your expected check to pay back everybody you owe money to and a heap load of pills that won't last you very long at all. OK OK, I was suppose to shut up about it three sentences ago and I will except to say.... Get help now. Not later but NOW. Stay in therapy and get on ORT (opiate replacement therapy) ASAP.

Some posters may come behind me and say that your habit is relatively small and really it is compared to a lot, but given your admission of your propensity to replace one addiction for another and depression and anxiety etc...I am not so sure just detoxing would be the answer for you right now. Now that's just my opinion because I relate so much to your post (about thirty years ago). Just would like to be proactive here then to see another 23 year old college student bite the dust. Good Luck and we are here for you no matter what you choose. And the next post I have to you I will be easier on you. lol.

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 Post subject: Thank you
PostPosted: Tue Jan 31, 2012 12:58 am 
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I appreciate your insight and sharing your experience. This does help me put things into perspective about where I am in my life with my vices and beginning stages of addiction with pks. I realize that my habit could be viewed by some as still just a recreational use that I should just be able to stop if I know whats good for me. While I'm not yet up to taking multiple pills to get high or taking them just so I can function, not feel pain, and just get back to a somewhat normal state, I wanted to come here for advice with how to deal with my issue. I know that I may be taking for granted the things I have going for me and I definitely dont want to destroy those opportunities. I have just recognized that my dependence is gradually progressing into a more frequently using state of just being able to cope with stress on a daily basis. If I don't stop now it will eventually progress into the very difficult situations that I have read about others being in. I want to quit my pk addiction and I know as you mention the 4-5 days dealing with withdrawals are nothing compared to what others go through. I may not be feeling like death, but there are times when I just want to break down and cry for no reason out of sadness, frustration and confusion with my life. I am struggling to cope with entering the real world and working a very demanding job while studying as well and being responsible for my well being. Given I have been on my own for the past year and was so in college as well, this transition is just another big change for me and while they may be considered small to some, my problems and emotional issues that I deal with are eating away at my emotional health. If any one has advice on how to successfully taper off of pks I would greatly appreciate it. Suboxone lead me here because I am concerned that I am addicted whether its still just recreational or just enjoyment and not the more serious stages of the disease. I do not want to continue feeding myself these pills or relying on them to solve my problems.


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 31, 2012 1:59 am 
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Young&Confused,

Wow I just realized I threw all that at you but failed to help you with any solution except I did say ORT (opiate replacement therapy) could apply and benefit you. I think it would and I will tell you why. Well everyone is different but lets talk about you.....and then you throw in the Co-Occurring disorder of mental illnesses and wow it becomes much more than you, a college student, who suffers from depression and anxiety, who has been out on her own for a year, who semi self medicates at the early years of 23, who is a bit afraid of entering the big world of a career and the stressors that come with all that well all that is why you are here sitting on a fence trying to figure out where to go and how to get there.

Well you have already delved into opiates and when we do so even semi recreationally we do damage to our endorphins and brain receptors. Eventually in order not to live life off opiates we have to deal with the reasons we self medicate, deal with the depression and the anxiety and taper off opiates and ORT in hopes that our natural god given endorphin builder will start building endorphins again. With you, I say that although you do not have a lot of the existing factors that totally qualify you for ORT you have enough that ORT might be good as a safeguard until you deal with some of these issues. So you ask for advice that's my advice. If you were not in school and not dealing with the things you mentioned I actually would be telling you to get off opiates period and try 12 step meetings and therapy/counseling etc...but you say you have been on your own which I suspect means you still are on your own and you do have a lot to lose if you dive in any deeper I say try it for 6 months or so or maybe 3 months with a slow taper just to get you bearings and safe guard yourself. Good Luck.

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 31, 2012 5:36 am 
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Young, even if you were able to taper down off the oxys you still may have acute withdrawal symptoms as well as post acute withdrawal symptoms (PAWS). Opioid dependence eventually turns into hell in pill form. As Finally pointed out, you may not be a full-blown addict yet but all you have to do is give it some time and you will come to a place in your life you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy. If you remain isolated and alone in your struggle it is only a matter of time before the addiction, whether it is oxys, porn, or something new, eventually highjacks the brain. After that, life becomes centered on using and finding ways and means to get more until that 15-20 mg/day habit becomes a 400-500mg $200/day nightmare. In addition, as the addiction gains greater control the levels of anxiety and depression grow exponentially, fostering a vicious cycle.
Even if you were able to taper down and not go through withdrawals it seems to me like it would only be a matter of time before you were, in some way, using again. Furthermore, abstinence isn’t recovery, and unless you deal with the underlying issues which are causing this obsessive behavior you will always be susceptible to relapse. The anxiety and depression get exponentially worse as your abuse and dependence worsen.
My advice to you would be to get help, the sooner the better. There are three main areas that a person needs to work on in recovery: physical, psychological, and social. No matter what your level of addiction they play a vital part in staying clean, but the most important piece is having people who support you in your recovery. Friends, family, and loved ones who take a genuine interest in your recovery are irreplaceable and more likely to help you get and stay clean than anything out there. If you find it is difficult to talk to people who you think won’t understand where you are coming come, or what you are going through, go to an NA meeting. Even if you can talk to “normal” people, go to a meeting anyway. They are easy to find and even though it is scary as hell walking in your first time, you’d be surprised at how it makes you feel afterwards. If you go to a meeting and you don’t like it, try another one. You just need to find the right meeting(s), they each seem to have their own vibe, so try to find one that works for you.
I also would suggest that you start getting honest with your psychiatrist, as well as your psychologist. Your current add and depression treatments may be insufficient and if corrected could greatly diminish or eliminate the need to self-medicate. They may also be able to refer you to a good dr if an opioid replacement therapy is deemed necessary. If your current drs are any good they will be understanding of your situation as well as appreciate your honesty and see it as a sign that you are committed to living a life without opioids.


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 31, 2012 11:02 am 
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Hi and welcome! I agree with the above posts, getting help now will save you from a lot of pain and suffering later. You should open up to your psychiatrist and tell them exactly how you are feeling and that you have been self medicating. The amount of meds you are taking doesn't make you any less of an addict but it does give you more options.

If it were me I would first try to taper off the pills you are currently taking with the help of your psychiatrist. Like was mentioned above perhaps your anti-depressant and anti-anxiety meds need to be adjusted. In addition to this I would seek out some sort of support group, whether it be NA, Smart Recovery, etc.

If this does not work for you and you continue to use then I would look into ORT. The reason being is Sub will increase your tolerance level. It is a very potent medication. I think a lot of people look at it as the easy way out but that is not entirely the case. Since sub does not get you high it is much easier to taper off of but you will still have a long taper and withdrawl in your future.

The most important thing is for you to get healthy and get off the pain pills. I am just telling you what I would do in your situation. Neither way is going to be easy but you still have a shot to nip this in the butt without ORT. Whatever you decide to do we will be here to support and help you in anyway we can. Your whole life is waiting for you, you just gotta take that 1st step.


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 Post subject: Yes, Dear
PostPosted: Tue Jan 31, 2012 3:36 pm 
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Suboxone will help you. Because it's that CRAVING that keeps you coming back for more, right? You want 'THAT Feeling', because it feels good! Of course we want more! Suboxone took away 100% of my cravings, and i was hooked BAD. Went thru 4 Rehabs...which didn't work for me because the next tooth extraction, earache or whatever, I was back on them. Could NOT stop..for 20+ years. I was also positive Suboxone 'wouldn't work for ME' because I was a "special" case...LOL. But at the END OF MY ROPE I tried Suboxone, and it's been over two years and I could not be less interested in painkillers. In fact I have to give them to my elderly Mother every day and I don't even get a blip on the screen. NO INTEREST. I don't know how it works, but it does. I'm with the other poster who said "God I wish I had this figured out at 23!" If you don't stop I PROMISE you nothing but misery. Trust me, if this were hard? I wouldn't be doing it because I was lazy (still am) and loved pills. The Suboxone just stops that craving, for me anyway, and I suspect a lot of others here. Don't worry at this point how long you will be on it or any of that stuff. Just give yourself a break, remember baby steps, and YES Suboxone will work for you. Good Luck, dear.


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 Post subject: Re: Yes, Dear
PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2012 5:02 am 
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bdonahueweedman wrote:
Suboxone will help you. Because it's that CRAVING that keeps you coming back for more, right? You want 'THAT Feeling', because it feels good! Of course we want more! Suboxone took away 100% of my cravings, and i was hooked BAD. Went thru 4 Rehabs...which didn't work for me because the next tooth extraction, earache or whatever, I was back on them. Could NOT stop..for 20+ years. I was also positive Suboxone 'wouldn't work for ME' because I was a "special" case...LOL. But at the END OF MY ROPE I tried Suboxone, and it's been over two years and I could not be less interested in painkillers. In fact I have to give them to my elderly Mother every day and I don't even get a blip on the screen. NO INTEREST. I don't know how it works, but it does. I'm with the other poster who said "God I wish I had this figured out at 23!" If you don't stop I PROMISE you nothing but misery. Trust me, if this were hard? I wouldn't be doing it because I was lazy (still am) and loved pills. The Suboxone just stops that craving, for me anyway, and I suspect a lot of others here. Don't worry at this point how long you will be on it or any of that stuff. Just give yourself a break, remember baby steps, and YES Suboxone will work for you. Good Luck, dear.


I posted in another post on this site something similar to this....the part you said about Suboxone not working for me...

In fact, I was talking, face to face, with someone yesterday and discussing my pill habits -- way back when. I told the guy that i had hard of Suboxone, but i thought to myself "there's no way that ONE pill can work that way..and that ONE pill a day can make me feel OK when I'm eating this much Oxycontin"...

I was teetering on the edge..and was about to fall off..if things hadn't gone the way they did for me, I would be a statistic that only the doctor performing my autopsy would've found (since under age 42 autopsy is required)...so I would've just gone down on paper as another number when they performed that last "study" on me...

But I found my footing..I found my hope, my saving grace. I stepped away from an AWFUL oxycontin addiction -- one that started with me cutting the Oxycontin into 1/4's and taking them orally...up to cutting them in 1/2 and taking that orally...then up to scraping off the coating, chopping up a 1/4, and snorting it. Then snorting a 1/2...you get the idea. Before I knew it, I was probably snorting 2 or 3 80mg oxy's a day...and wanted MORE..Never had enough. This happened all within a 7 month period. I went from eating 10-15 lortab 10mg a day, to snorting 80mg oxycontins...and it was QUICK progression into that world. I was basically doing heroin, because the energy and "ahhhh" feeling that I got...I could clean all kinds of shit and do all sorts of work around the house when I was high....It was powder energy, better than ANY 5-hour Energy drink!!!!

But I told this guy yesterday that I found Suboxone and it worked, like a dream come true.

Granted, I don't go to the meetings and therapy as suggested by my doctor...it's not a requirement, as much as it is a suggestion -- they don't check to make sure you're going to those meetings once/month...he would just "like" for me to do it..
I have a great support system in place and a great mentality toward NOT using ...for any reason. If I have something medically wrong that causes pain, I don't look toward getting pills, I take more suboxone to cover it. I don't self medicate, as he's prescribed me enough to cover me for the unlikely event that I have pain that requires me to take more than needed daily...so I can up and down my dose on my own...as needed.

I would recommend that the OP get into a program like this ASAP. Don't wait until you're looking back and wishing you would've done something sooner...


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PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2012 9:38 pm 
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12step2-24 wrote:
go to an NA meeting. Even if you can talk to “normal” people, go to a meeting anyway. They are easy to find and even though it is scary as hell walking in your first time, you’d be surprised at how it makes you feel afterwards. If you go to a meeting and you don’t like it, try another one. You just need to find the right meeting(s), they each seem to have their own vibe, so try to find one that works for you.


http://www.intherooms.com/livemeetingsbeta/list

I live in a small country town where meetings are limited. So...I do the online meetings I love them(link Above). I never talk or anything. You can sign up or just be a guest and you need a webcam if u wanna talk otherwise you don't.

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