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PostPosted: Tue Oct 28, 2014 6:07 am 
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 28, 2014 12:05 pm 
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Good lord that must of been terrifying. One would hope this guy was caught
somewhere down the line.
You were a very brave little girl that night.
Thank you for sharing. If it helped you
then it will help others too. .




Razor....


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PostPosted: Tue Oct 28, 2014 5:55 pm 
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razor55 wrote:
Good lord that must of been terrifying. One would hope this guy was caught
somewhere down the line.
You were a very brave little girl that night.
Thank you for sharing. If it helped you
then it will help others too. .




Razor....


Thank you, Razor. I did not feel very brave at the time but I remember doing my best to act brave at least til I could get my little sister out of there.

Re: Him being caught hopefully: That's what I hope and believe too, because I never heard anything more about it or read about any attacks happening around that time or after around Spokane, Wa, in which the rapist shoved his hand down their throats, so, he was most likely caught, like you said, somewhere down the line, hopefully.

I haven't thought about what happened, (and even though I wasn't actually raped, something still happened and it was terrifying enough on it's own), for a long time, but, now that my sub dose is being lowered I've begun feeling feelings again. You know, not just the "everything's fine, don't worry" almost numb feelings but like, all of a sudden I'll be getting ready for bed and a wave of nausea and fear will wash over me out of the blue and other things.

I've been numbing myself, covering up and just trying to basically force myself to forget about that night, and what could have happened had I not fought back, for over thirty-some years and, yeah, sometimes it's popped up in my memory and quickly shoved down, out of sight and helped with a pill, of course, to stay there, but, now that I'm on my way to being completely clean of suboxone I've been coming to the realization that if I don't talk about this and get a handle on it or find some type of closure, it's just going to end up a cycle again of trying to bury it and numb myself and I don't want that because I know that once you get through all the crap emotions you'll find the better ones waiting.

I hope my story can help others who went through similar situations as a child and which affected how they became addicted to drugs, too. I'm going to finally tell my rehab counselor about it at our monthly one-on-one this Thursday. So, it's a step in the right direction. The place I go to treats opiate addiction and PTSD together.

Thank you for listening.

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PostPosted: Tue Oct 28, 2014 7:21 pm 
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Skayda! What a horrifying experience! And you didn't have anyone who believed you??? Sucky parenting for sure!

I'm not surprised in the least that you have PTSD from that experience. Good for you for working on the source of your trauma. Please be good to that 11 Year old inside you. You're an adult now, but that doesn't mean that you don't have to take care of the young girl who was assaulted.

I know it took a lot of bravery to tell your story! I'm very proud of you!

Amy

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PostPosted: Tue Oct 28, 2014 10:23 pm 
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Amy-Work In Progress wrote:
Skayda! What a horrifying experience! And you didn't have anyone who believed you??? Sucky parenting for sure!

I'm not surprised in the least that you have PTSD from that experience. Good for you for working on the source of your trauma. Please be good to that 11 Year old inside you. You're an adult now, but that doesn't mean that you don't have to take care of the young girl who was assaulted.

I know it took a lot of bravery to tell your story! I'm very proud of you!

Amy


Thank you, Amy. Yeah, it was pretty awful. I remember my mom's boyfriend telling me that I was having a bad dream and to leave him alone and go back to bed until I yanked the blankets off their bed and screamed at him to get up and call the cops right now! And after that he must have realized I was serious and after he called the cops I called my mom at work. This was, of course, before the use of cell phones and we only had one phone line in our house. The cops and my mom arrived about the same time. It was starting to get light out and everyone was in a rush looking around the house and through the neighborhood, but, no one asked to speak with me in length about what happened. They basically treated it as a break-in, possibly botched robbery, but not as an attempted sexual assault on a minor. So, for years I thought my would-be testimony was worthless and wouldn't help at all and basically just kept the details to myself for years. As I'm experiencing more of my real, albeit buried emotions other memories are starting to resurface as well that really piss me off. Like I can remember calling my best friend who lived across the street at the time and trying to tell her about what happened and she goes, "Oh my god, someone was choking you?" and her cousin, in the background started making choking sounds and going, "Is she calling you while someone's choking her?" all sarcastic and laughing and my friend started laughing and said something about hanging out next weekend, but, I wasn't listening, I was so mad I hung up on her. Also throughout my life the people I've told about it have either acted like I was the one who did something wrong, (who breaks out their own bedroom window? Who only wears underwear and t-shirt to bed?), or they've treated my story like a joke or something from an overactive imagination. Even when I showed people the cuts on the roof of my mouth, they would imply that I must have done it myself somehow. Even the police at the time thought it was just, (just?) a break-in and that he was probably trying to wake me up to get money or valuables, not to try to rape a little girl. I'm on the way to trying to feel less ashamed, embarrassed and guilty about what happened and learning to accept that none of it was my fault, but, it's very hard when you've gone a lifetime believing and feeling one way. I'm doing what I can to care for my inner 11 year old and tell her that what happened may have been in the past a long time ago but until we can work through it the addiction and PTSD will just continue and continue in a horrible spiral of self-destruction which is what I've been struggling to break away from.

Thank you again for letting me write all of this down somewhere.

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 29, 2014 6:17 am 
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Skayda, your bravery in sharing your incredibly frightening experience as a girl, has given me courage to finally share with you guys what happened to me when i was 22. October 8, to be precise. This is the day that anyone who knows me, and some of my family that have stuck by me, say changed me. .. for good. I agree that I've not been the same since, and my addiction(s), kicked into high gear as well. It's a long very detailed account, which is still quite difficult for me to share, but I've been here for almost a year now, and I know that I can trust this awesome bunch of people whom I've come to know as friends now and so... it's time, and if skayda can do it, so can I. I absolutely related to your story, Skayda, and what a brave girl you were/are. I've spent the better part of over 10 years trying to forget it or put it in the back of my mind. ... that never works! I eventually just stopped talking about it. There were so few people who believed me, and that felt worse to me than the actual assault, so I just stopped taking about it, and in an effort to stop thinking about it, buried myself deeper and deeper into my addiction. These things do irrevocably change us, but don't have to define us.
I actually was just checking the forum out before getting ready to make the 2 and a half hour drive to my sub doctor today, but as soon as I return, I'm going to spill my guts. It's hard to tell it... yes, but I've never once not felt better after getting it out, so thank you who have shared. Good topic with the potential to help many.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 29, 2014 6:52 am 
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lizzieshug2013 wrote:
Skayda, your bravery in sharing your incredibly frightening experience as a girl, has given me courage to finally share with you guys what happened to me when i was 22. October 8, to be precise. This is the day that anyone who knows me, and some of my family that have stuck by me, say changed me. .. for good. I agree that I've not been the same since, and my addiction(s), kicked into high gear as well. It's a long very detailed account, which is still quite difficult for me to share, but I've been here for almost a year now, and I know that I can trust this awesome bunch of people whom I've come to know as friends now and so... it's time, and if skayda can do it, so can I. I absolutely related to your story, Skayda, and what a brave girl you were/are. I've spent the better part of over 10 years trying to forget it or put it in the back of my mind. ... that never works! I eventually just stopped talking about it. There were so few people who believed me, and that felt worse to me than the actual assault, so I just stopped taking about it, and in an effort to stop thinking about it, buried myself deeper and deeper into my addiction. These things do irrevocably change us, but don't have to define us.
I actually was just checking the forum out before getting ready to make the 2 and a half hour drive to my sub doctor today, but as soon as I return, I'm going to spill my guts. It's hard to tell it... yes, but I've never once not felt better after getting it out, so thank you who have shared. Good topic with the potential to help many.


Lizzie, I know it's hard. It took me over thirty years to finally gain the strength to tell my entire story in one go instead of bits and pieces and not mentioning him telling me to take off my underwear because I found that part the most embarrassing because I didn't want people to look at me with pity or disgust, like, "Ooh, victim!" You know? I totally understand what you mean by trying to stop thinking about it and end up more in addiction to forget and numb and try to erase. It does change us more than ever.

I'll be one of those here to hear your story and as you write it I hope you will believe that with word you are beginning to set yourself free. ~hugs from one survivor to another~

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 29, 2014 7:12 am 
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Thanks skayda:)


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 29, 2014 7:36 am 
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Okay, I just found something out today that I'm still unsure how to get my head around. I got the brilliant idea of trying to look up online if there were any sexual assaults in my town at that time, thinking maybe if there were and any of them sounded like what happened to me and I could possibly find out if he's still out there or locked up, (I'm not going to say I don't know why I never thought of doing an internet search before because I never really wanted to go searching any deeper. I mean, yeah, I wondered, but I wanted to forget it more for the longest time and pretend and go on with my life. Well, I got about a dozen google hits for a man who terrorized women in Spokane from the 1960s to the early 1980s. His name was Kevin Coe, otherwise known as the South Hill Rapist and he had a distinctive 'signature', a gloved fist or fingers rammed in the mouth and throat of his victims. I was reading and thinking, okay, so he went to prison in 1982...and was about to stop reading because I thought yes, it was a weird co-incidence but that's all it was. He was already locked up when I was attacked. Until I read further to find out that in 1984 they overturned all evidence against him and Kevin Coe was released on bail for a whole year before his retrial in 1985. He was actually out of prison and free from October, (I forgot to fix this. It was in the spring/summer, not October that he was released. I got it turned around. It was when he was went back to prison that was near the fall/winter. One website said it was in October and one said it was in February. He was let out in the spring/summer of 1984 and went back a year later in the fall/winter of 1985), still it was within the exact time frame of my attack with the same methods. So, I'm not saying that I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that that's who attacked me that night, but, it all just seems way to coincidental to me. I'm rather freaked out about it but, the good news is if it were really him, he is locked away safe and sound at McNeil Island and if ever does get out he'll be in his late seventies and hopefully just a doddering old man.

Edit: I accidentally mixed up the times of the seasons when he was out and went back. Spring/summer 1984 he was freed, Fall/winter of 1985 he went back to prison. It still fits into the timeframe of my attack though.

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 29, 2014 7:17 pm 
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I wrote my story out on here with the initial hope that it would help me begin to heal and find a way to handle my ptsd issues along with coming off the sub, but, then, when Lizzie said that me speaking out about what happened to me inspired and helped her to want to share her story, which is so hard, I know, that made me feel even more like I did the right thing. We all need to stand with and support each other come what may.

I hope you're doing all right, Lizzie? ~hugs~

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PostPosted: Wed Oct 29, 2014 7:48 pm 
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Ok, well I've been mulling over h how best to share my experience, so that is understandable to whom ever reads it, because sometimes I it's difficult to understand a story without knowing the characters or dynamics of the situation, so I'll do my best. Here goes nothing. ....

When I was 22, I wrecked my car on a Tuesday night, rendering it undrivable. I had4 small children, babies in fact, at the tome and thank goodness they weren't with me at the time.... ok, Anyway, the following day, I was nearly out of diapers, milk, etc with no way to get to the store. It so happened that my sister Brenda's boyfriend Jerry, whom both my husband, myself, and the kids were very close to came by our house after work that evening ti see if we needed anything from town, being that he'd heard we were without a vehicle. Under normal circumstances, Carlos, my husband, would have gone to the store with Jerry, but he wasn't feeling well, so asked if I minded going. I'd been home all day with the kids, and thought ok, I need a little break anyway.
Off I went to the grocery store. Jerry being the redneck that he is had a habit of pulling over every time he saw a deer and shining a spotlight on it to get a better look. He did this twice on the way to the store. I thought it was stupid, but he'd always done it, so I just rolled my eyes as he rolled up his window and talked all the way there about all the big bucks he'd shot, blah blah blah! We arrived at the store, and I did my shopping and we headed home. I should mention that we lived about 25 mins from the nearest grocery store. In the way home he spotted a large field full of deer, I already knew he was gonna pull over and check that out. It was cold outside and the heat in the car didn't work, so by this point I wasa little irritated and cold, and wanted to get home. I spoke up and said okay, I'm cold let's go, I dint wanna leave the kids too long , Carlos is sick. He said ok, and we got going. About 5 minutes later, he pulled off the road again, only this time out of sight of the road. I assumed he was going to take a piss, because he'd been drinking a beer he bought while we were at the store. It was black dark outside by this time, and the next thing I knew he'd opened my car door and pulled me out. I asked him what he was doing, but before I could finish asking, he'd shoved his tongue down my throat and had me pinned against the hood of the car. I told him, "jerry, I think you're drunk,what's wrong with you? get the hell off me now!" He said, "I've been waiting to do that for months, liz, I wish you were my girlfriend, not Brenda, you're so pretty and nice. ..blah blah" I felt sick, and he still hadn't let me goso I told him he was a pig, and that I was going to tell my sister. He didn't let me go and pinned me down on my back to the hood of the car and pulled the lower half of my clothes off, Ali the whole I'm crying, begging him to stop and even saying that if he stops I'll keep my mouth shut. I tried to kick him, but he's 6feet 4, 300 lbs, and he completely over powered me. He raped me, all the while telling me that I knew I wanted it too. I couldn't believe what was happening to me, and was afraid he'd hurt me. This entire thing was so out of character for him, so I wasn't sure if he was under the influence of something or had lost his damn mind, but I was afraid of what else he might do.
A few minutes seemed like forever, and when it was over he got off me and begged me not to be mad at him and not to tell my sister. I was scared to get back in the car and in complete shock at what had just happened. I told him I'd rather walk home. It was pitch dark outside, very cold, and as I was walking, I tripped and fell. We were still about 10 miles from my house, in the middle of nowhere basically, as this isa very rural area. No cell phones in everyone's hand 11 years ago, so no way to call for help either. He made me get back into the car. I was still hysterical, and crying and put my head in my lap and kept repeating, just take me home. He kept saying "I didn't do anything, don't be mad at me, I'm sorry liz" I never said anything except "take me home"
We arrive at the end of my driveway, but he won't pull in. I grab my groceries and ran from the car. He pulled off quickly. I was attempting to make it in the house and tell Carlos what had happened before he could get too far away. he was long gone before Carlos was able to even come out of the house he had no vehicle to even try to chase him down. Carlos called my mother immediately and told her what happened. My mother arrived at my house within an hour and called the police and told them what happened. Police were at my house within 15 minutes taking my statement and asking me if I knew where Jerry was. I told them that he was probably at home with my sister Brenda. Turns out he had not gone back to my sisters house he was hiding somewhere I do not know where. my sister in law showed up, seeing the police cars in my yard and asked what was going on. My mother and Carlos told her what had happened. Rather than letting the police take me to the hospital for my exam, my sister in law gave me a ride. It was the most humiliating experience of my life. A sexual assault exam takes forever, and is invasive, and embarrassing. I couldn't wear my clothes home, as they were now evidence. I went home in hospital issue scrub pants and a top.

Meanwhile the police found jerry at his parents house and arrested him. He claimed that I had made the whole thing up and that nothing had happened. All of my family was furious, and saying what a bastard he was, and they were so sorry for what happened to me, and basically taking care of me and the kids.it seemed they really cared, and were trying to be there for me.


Fast forward a couple days. My mom shows up at my house in a brand new car. My mom was unemployed at the time and always asking me for money. I asked her whose car she was driving. She said "mine ,liz, we need to talk. Do you needmental help? " I assumed she meant due to trauma from having been assaulted, so I said, "idk, I guess I'm ok for now" she said No Liz, I think you know what I mean. .. only a sick girl would make up a rape story on an innocent man" I was in shock and couldn't believe what she'd just said to me, I asked her where she had been and where she got the car from. It started to dawn on me what was going on after she told me she had been at Jerrys parents house talking about what happened with them and my sister, Brenda since Brenda who didn't believe me had been staying with them. His parents have a lot of money! They bought my mom the car, and she immediately changed her tune about the whole thing. ..I should've known, my mother being the opportunistic woman that she is.... my mom had basically sold her own daughter out for a damn Chevy cavalier! She went on and on about how unstable i was, and how badly I needed professional help, and how wrong it was to make up stories accusing an innocent man, and hurting my sister. I threw her out of my house and lost it. I was distraught, and confused and so hurt. I called my brother and sister in law, and suddenly they didn't want to talk to me, and said they were staying out of it. My family had turned on me like a bunch of snakes! Turns out that Jerrys father had offered my brother a job. .. they all sold me out. ...

Weeks later, DNA evidence proved that jerry was lying, so he changed his entire story, this time saying the encounter was totally consensual, and that I was "crying" rape because we had been having an ongoing affair, and I was upset that he refused to leave my sister! What a fucking liar! Brenda is the ONLY woman I know that would intentionally and willingly have sex with that pig! Before he raped me, I thought of him like a goofy, gross big brother. ... I never thought of him in any sexual way whatsoever! Ewwww!

Several months later, the case eventually went to court, things weren't looking good for Jerry, my family sat on his side of the courtroom, even as testified ti all the disgusting details of what he'd done to me. It was very emotionally taxing for me, and the evening after I testified, my mom and sister came to me begging me to drop the charges against him. Brenda said his lawyer said it was very likely that he was going to lose, and serve a minimum of 10 years in prisonand that she would commit suicide if he went away. My mom was screaming at me saying "look what you're doing to your poor sister, you're tearing the family apart" I was so tired of all of it and afraid my sister would hurt herself, ended up dropping the charges. A week later, I was committed to a mental hospital, where I spent several weeks. I'd had a total break down. That was the most horrible, and devastating time in my life...I truly have never been the same since. After that. ... my addiction took off, worse than ever, until last year, when I began seeing a doctor and taking suboxone. I now see a very good psychiatrist, and am on the way to getting better, but I doubt I'll ever have it within me to forgive the members of my family who turned on me so viciously. Idk. .m one day...I just don't know yet.

So there it is, and that's actually a shortened version. Honestly, though, every time I share something here with you guys, I do feel better somehow. Maybe someone will read it one day and relate? Maybe see that they can move on. .survive......? Thanks anyone who made it through to the end of this novel.


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 29, 2014 9:19 pm 
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Lizzie,
I remember when you first came here to the forum.
You ve been nothing but the most help person to so many here already.
I am floored by your story and how you have made it though so far.

Hugs to you my friend, and know that you have surely helped someone tonight with your honesty.

Money does things to people. Sorry your family made the eroug choises over this.

And for the life of me i just never understood how men can do these things.. then again, there not truely men are they?...

Peace to you Liz....


Razor R......


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PostPosted: Wed Oct 29, 2014 9:32 pm 
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Thank you razor, it's been a tough road for sure, but I see and feel myself getting better and better everyday. I do hope sharing what happened to me will help someone else who may read this, not to feel so alone, and realize that things like this can and do contribute to our addictions, as we try to push the pain away or forget. It's only in the last year, that I've really begun to deal with what happened. After all the drugs are gone. . It's still there.
And no. .. men who perpetrate violence against women aren't men at all. .. they're animals!


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PostPosted: Thu Oct 30, 2014 10:54 pm 
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I would love to send an anonymous letter to your mom and other family members who chose money over their daughter/sister. Are you in touch with any of these people? Because they don't deserve to have you in their lives.

It seriously makes me sick that you went through this horrific experience and he got away with the rape. You totally deserve better family members!! You can just think of me as your sister from now on, Liz! Since your real sister is a steaming pile of dog poo (!!!!!) I would be happy to fill in for her!

I know that part of the process of healing is to understand that the attack was not your fault in any way, shape, or form. I just want to reinforce that idea. This was NOT your fault! Your disgusting brother-in-law used his size and strength against you because he thought he could get away from it. He is a sick, sick, person. Is your sister still married to him?

Thank you for sharing your personal story with us. Even though it's extremely difficult, it's important that these types of trauma get unburied and held up to the light. Otherwise, they continue to control us. Good for you, Lizzie! Hugs!

Amy

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 31, 2014 3:03 am 
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That means alot to me Amy. I speak to my mother, but find it difficult to be around her for more than a few minutes at a time. Whenever I say this to my other family members about getting nervous or upset when i know she's going to be coming over here for more than an hour or so, I'm told, "oh god, you're still talking about that liz? " can't you just let it go already? ". My brother and sister in law moved to Atlanta, Georgia, owing Steve and I about 8 grand, a few months ago, and I haven't heard from them since, actually. It's funny, actually. It took me years to even start taking to these people again, and all they were in it for was how much money/material possessions they could get out of me. My sister not only remained with that mf'er, they ended up moving in to the house I grew up in...NEXTDOOR To ME, on the same piece of land, after my mother gave that house to my sister and him, and moving into my grandfather's house, after he died. So there we all were, living on the same land, like one big happy family! Pfft! For five more years after what I'd already been through, I looked at my sister living with my rapist next door, every time I looked out the window. I have little to nothing to do with Brenda now. She and Jerry didn't take care of the house my mom GAVE them, and it's condemned now. She and her new husband, Nathan,(WHO DOESN'T EVEN WORK, BTW), are living with my mother now, they make me sick! I only have to deal with them at the holidays. It sucks, but I can pull off a few hours anyway, so it's progress I guess? my mom has this way of getting in her little digs at me, for example, when I say anything about Brenda and Nathan living in her house with her and needing to get their own place, she'll often come back with, "well, at least your sister wasn't a drug addict Liz, People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones" ah, gotta love that motherly wisdom, huh? (Insert SARCASM)but she's all over my fb page saying how much proud of me she is. .. too much!
I hear people saying, that I must forgive all the people in that situation, that hurt me so much, that it will be better for me. ... I'm just not there yet. I can't see how forgiving them will help me? I'd rather watch karma take its time with them. They're losing their homes, cars, jobs etc. While my life slowly but steadily improves! Sure, they'll bring up crap from the past, when they wanna make me feel bad about myself, and better about themselves, but I can choose not to speak to them when I want. I actually haven't seen Brenda in over a year, and that's fine by me. So yes I accept your offer Amy, to be my new big sis:) some of the the friends/family, I've met online, have been kinder and better to me than the real members of my family. Thank you for reading and responding. It does help a lot to share. You guys are the BEST! HUGS!

LIZZIE


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 31, 2014 8:37 am 
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Thanks again skayda, for your example, and giving mea platform to share my experience with others. It is helpful. Hugs to you as well dear:)


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 31, 2014 12:07 pm 
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Skayda, I think you're really onto something there! That signature move of ramming fingers down his victims' throats is exactly what happened to you!

I'm sure people have written books about the rapist. I think you should get in touch with the author of the best book about the South Hill Rapist or a journalist who was writing the story for the newspaper at the time. Ask them if Kevin Coe had any other signatures. Like the smile and wink combo. They might be able to help you confirm who assaulted you.

I guess I have a little bit of the investigator side to me. But it doesn't matter if you report back here. Only do it if it helps you to heal. You are so brave to bring this up! I may be curious about the circumstances and the link to that predator, but first and foremost I care about you and what this assault did to you.

Amy

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 31, 2014 4:37 pm 
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Oh, Lizzie, I wish I could wrap you up in long, warm healing and supportive embrace, (with your permission, of course!), in real life! But, a "cyber hug" will just have to suffice. I'm so very sorry you had to go through such utter crap. Life definitely is not fair at all sometimes. No one deserves to go through all of that, not even our worst enemies! I sincerely hope this is the dawn of a new day for you in recovery, healing and putting the pieces of your very sweet and awesome self back together. I'm very proud of you for telling your story even though I know it must have been terribly difficult after all those years to have to dig it back up again and not just bits and pieces like we both know happens, but everything all at once. You've shown that you're an extremely strong woman and I suspect you always have been. I hope that your inner light will only grow brighter as you come to terms with your past traumas and work towards healing, recovery and a healthy future life. Again; Thank you so much for sharing your story. It not only helps you, (I hope!), but it helps others, like me, to know that there are others out there who've gone through trauma as well and we should be a support to each other. If you ever need to talk I check this forum and my messages daily. Thank you! ~hugs~

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 31, 2014 5:34 pm 
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Amy-Work In Progress wrote:
Skayda, I think you're really onto something there! That signature move of ramming fingers down his victims' throats is exactly what happened to you!

I'm sure people have written books about the rapist. I think you should get in touch with the author of the best book about the South Hill Rapist or a journalist who was writing the story for the newspaper at the time. Ask them if Kevin Coe had any other signatures. Like the smile and wink combo. They might be able to help you confirm who assaulted you.

I guess I have a little bit of the investigator side to me. But it doesn't matter if you report back here. Only do it if it helps you to heal. You are so brave to bring this up! I may be curious about the circumstances and the link to that predator, but first and foremost I care about you and what this assault did to you.

Amy


Amy, I, too, have a bit of the investigator in me, too, and I have been scouring the internet for everything I can find on Kevin Coe from the trial transcripts to victim testimonies and police and psych evals done during his trials to try to match up not only the time frame of my attack, which coincides with the time he was released on bail for a year, but, any other distinguishing characteristics and "signatures" apparent during other attacks, what I can remember of any physical features and mannerisms, and how other people who interacted with him observed him to be like. The following is a summary of what I uncovered in my research. I'm sorry if this is a little long. I feel like if I do this and can find out, even if it's just another person assuring me I'm not crazy, who did that to me then I can really move out of the "wondering if he was ever caught or if he's still out there" phase to the acceptance and healing phase. Please tell me what you think. Thank you, Amy, I appreciate your support and everyone else's, too!

"Proving, If Only To Myself, That Kevin Coe, AKA The South Hill Rapist, Was My Attacker That Night Between 1984-1985.
1. Mr. Coe was released from custody for a year before his retrial in the winter of 1985. He was released in the summer 1984.
2. I was attacked some time in between 1984 or 1985. I said before that I wasn't sure if it were in 1984 or 1985 and I'm still not entirely sure, but regardless it still fits within the time frame of when Mr. Coe was free and walking around.
3. Five of Coe’s “signatures” were present in my attack. These are special behavioral or ritualistic markers present in certain sexual predators and, as compiled by law enforcement and doctors from Spokane, Kevin Coe has about seven or eight, they include the following which were present during my attack and two that were not but may have been had the rapist been able to follow through. There probably would have more had I not been able to halt the attack. These are "signatures" of Coe's present during multiple reports linking him to the attacks and making the authorities believe they were the acts of one suspect, Mr. Coe.

Those “signatures” present in my attack were as follows:

3a. “Shoving hand or fingers into victim’s mouth.”
Woke me up by ruthlessly shoving fingers into my mouth, down my throat as per Mr. Coe’s modus operandi.

3b. “Low level of violence.”
Did not strike, kick, bite or otherwise inflict bodily harm on me.

3c. “Requesting victim to remove own clothing.”
Kept telling me to take off my underwear. I remember this vividly because he kept telling me to and yet couldn’t seem to make himself remove them. I recall thinking that was odd because he was bigger than me and had plenty of opportunity even before I was fully awake and aware of what was happening to me.

3d. “Seemed aroused and/or unconcerned with bodily fluids others would find repulsive.
I thought the threat of voiding or other bodily functions would halt the attack. It did not. He wasn’t concerned other than to “allow” me to “go” by telling me to “Go ahead”.

3f. “Hunter”/”Opportunity” Sexual Predator.
He came upon my house and saw a broken window, crawled in and found me asleep in bed. A perfect opportunity. Coe has entered someone’s home once before, that’s on record, and attacked a sleeping woman. That time the door was unlocked and ajar which is similar to a ground-level broken window as a way to gain uninvited entry into a domicile. He prowled the streets looking for vulnerable women or girls or situations like an open door or broken window and struck when an opportunity presented itself.

The following “signatures” as compiled by Spokane, Wa law enforcement and mental health workers when reviewing Coe’s case files were not present during my attack as the previous five above were. I believe the reason for their absence was due to the attack being stopped. Had it continued I’m positive they would have been present as well.

3g. “Rapist removes own clothing”
3h. “Rapist engages victim in conversation”
Mr. Coe is described as being very charismatic, well-educated and with high opinion of himself and he has never expressed any remorse which leads me believe that he never thought he was doing anything wrong, even going so far as to tell a victim to “pretend he was her boyfriend so she’d enjoy it more,” implying he thought his victims actually liked and wanted the attack to occur. To further prove my point he once mentioned in an interview from his prison cell that, “Most women enjoy rape as long as it’s not too violent” So, the “wink and smile” thing could just be another manifestation of his “yeah, they all wanted it” dysfunctional personality.


“Appearance”

4. Mr. Coe’s appearance in 1985 court photos matches up, if not as a whole but at least as far as his individual features were with how I remember my attacker looking. Though, I can’t remember his face exactly as stated above, his mouth, eye color, hair color and build are pretty similar to my attacker as far as I can remember.

4a. White male.
4b. 35-40 Years of age
4c. Tall, Medium build.
4d. Light brown, shoulder length hair
4e. Blue eyes.
4f. Thin lips.

5. No other sexual assaults presenting Coe’s three main signatures; 3a, 3b and 3c, in the city of Spokane, Wa between 1981 and 1983 while Mr. Coe was in custody were reported. There was only attack, attempted sexual assault, mine, in the spring of 1985, when Mr. Coe was still free, in which the most prominent of his “signatures” was present. Other attacks after 1985 lacked several of his specific markers leading me to believe that if there were other attacks by Mr. Coe in that year they went unreported and that there were no more reports shortly after 1985 because they’d stopped with his re-entry into custody. I don’t mean all sexual assaults stopped in Spokane after 1985, but none of the ones reported showed the most common of Coe’s “signature”.

6. After some restless internet scouring and after staring at his younger courtroom photographs and then placing myself back in my eleven year old body on that night mentally by using relaxation and guided imagery techniques to try and see my attacker’s face again and remember him and compare him to a young Kevin Coe, I was about to give it all up and accept the fact that I will never know for certain if it really was him until I happened upon a video of him on YouTube speaking in an interview. The voice was familiar. I closed my eyes and listened. It was older, of course, but it was definitely the same voice that, years ago, told me to “take off my panties” during an attempted rape assault."

~Skayda


Edited to explain the "signatures" a little better.

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Last edited by skayda on Sat Nov 01, 2014 2:12 am, edited 2 times in total.

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 31, 2014 6:00 pm 
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Cyber ((((((hugs))))))) right back. You're exactly right about it being a lot tougher than I thought it would be to tell basically the whole thing at once rather than just scattered bits and pieces, or just references to the"bad thing" that happened. I think one of the reasons it helps so much is that the more and more I go back and read it. .. the more I realize that it really wasn't my fault, and that my family did me wrong, and not the other way around. I shouldn't be constantly seeking their approval and forgiveness, They should be seeking mine! It's only through this last year, and process of learning how to deal with all these issues and past trauma, that I've realized I can tell my story and not have to beg people to believe me, and I don't have to be sorry for bringing it up. It's better to bring the painful parts of the past to light than to continue to keep it buried, where it can only make us sicker. I hope we can all heal and be better people for having told our stories. Even if we're only helping each other, it's been worth it:)


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