Hey ya'll
Thanks for all of the replies! I was on Prozac but it made my anxiety WAY worse and there was no way I was gonna give up my sex drive yet again after I JUST got it back!!! So I stopped that. I have no psych Dr and I am semi afraid to even see one bc I do NOT want to be put on SSRI antidepressants and lose my libido. ..while also having worse insomnia, RLS, and anxiety. I have been on every antidepressant under the sun since age 16 for my MDD and they have not been of any help...quite the contrary.
I wish I could find an antidepressant that is not an SSRI/SNRI and wouldn't give me the creepy crawling feelings and the lack of sex drive. Maybe even a mood stabilizer that doesn't have worse side effects than the symptoms I am trying to treat!
I made the mistake of popping some of my old RX's of Adderall the other day. I was on that for years and used to sell it for drug money. Well I took that (which is a relapse)...and I was so damn happy and cleaning up stuff etc....until I started to realize it was wearing off and my whole body hurt coupled with HELLISH anxiety which I no longer have opiates to help with! THANK GOD I did not take any subs or seek out any opiates . I damn sure felt like I wanted to around 5am! Anyhow...that's it for today's list of shit NOT TO DO! ugh.
Thanks everyone for the support ♥

Ps...Jeaner I think the RLS was from the prozac! Seems to be eased now. I usually have it about 3x a month even if I am not detoxing. Sometimes it is bad and lasts weeks. Sucks! Hope it stays gone! So glad youre doing well!!!

Hey Salem,

Have you ever tried some of the older Tricyclic antidepressants? I wonder if one of those may help?

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Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!

Yeah what Romeo said that's def an option. Doctors might want you on Remeron before TCA's because TCA's are riskier in overdose. But if insomnia and anxiety is one of your things, TCA's & Tetracyclics like Remeron def will knock you out. Remeron I found has no sexual side-effects, TCA's can potentially have them but generally not as bad as SSRI/SNRI's.

I'm on Clomipramine (TCA) now after Remeron stopped working. I wouldn't recommend Clomipramine as a TCA if you have sleeping problems. It actually keeps me up at night. Nortryptaline / Amitryptaline are common TCA's that make you sleepy.

Thanks for your responses I have never been on any of those older drugs...so that gives me some hope that there may still be something that helps! I have the flu currently and I am wondering how many of you have experienced bad cravings during an actual illness like the flu...because it feels so much like detox? I always have wondered if this happens to anyone else! Hoping to feel better soon. This deep depression stuff is rough. ..I'm not used to waking up and having my first thought be "I am miserable" I have started trying to watch "motivational" things rather than my horror flicks I usually watch or my crime shows lol....I am trying to find a dr but in this new county I am in it is a real nightmare for some reason. I just want to feel better...bc this is no way to live. Thanks for your responses

Hey Salem,

There are a few of us who feel like we're in wd when we're sick. A regular run of the mill cold won't trigger those symptoms in me, it pretty much only happens if I get really sick. It happened to me again this past Thanksgiving. I don't know WTH I had, but it was bad and by about day 2, I felt like I was in wd again.

I hope you feel better soon.

_________________
Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!

A friend of mine at work just sent me a link to this song, I thought you might be able to draw some inspiration from it to help get you through the rough patch you're in.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Le-3MIBxQTw

_________________
Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!

Romeo that was an awesome song! Thank you for sharing! I have spent today reading inspirational stories and trying to surround myself with positive things...I can't just lie here and expect things to improve and I cannot use drugs or alcohol to make myself feel better....THAT IS NOT AN OPTION! I have to pull myself up out of this and I thank you, everyone, (especially you Romeo!) for taking the time to respond to me when I need a push. Phase one of operation get off your ass and save yourself starts now...must clean my house!!!! Lol. It sounds so silly but if everything around me is in dissary I cannot expect to feel any peace!!!! Thanks for being here ♥

Romeo- I love me some alabama shakes. I saw them live last summer, good stuff. "You ain't alone" and "I found you" are a couple of my favorites.

Salem - I was sick three times this winter, back to back and it was brutal. There were times I felt my spirit was broken, not gonna lie. It's a special kind of suffering to be going through opiate w/d and being very sick. I've heard some people say that being sick helps take your mind off not feeling well, in general, but it made it worse for me. I feel your pain. My only suggestion is to use OTC cold/ flu meds. I tried to be a hero and tough it out the first couple of bouts of sickness and I realized I wasn't doing myself any favors.

Now I am fully stocked with every kind of cold/ flu remedy, both holistic and drugstore crap. I used it all this last time around and I was able to lay around cozy, watching TV.. I wished I would have done this earlier.

HANG IN THERE.. Like Romeo posted, Hold on. LOL

Hi, my name is Karen. I have only posted a few times on this forum..gotta tell you, I dont get much response (must not be that exciting to be stuck at 1mg). I just wanted to say congratulations. When I read your first paragraph on this thread YOU gave me hope as I am one on 1mg of sub and can't seem to get much lower without feeling bad or for whatever reason, will go for awhile (I think the lowest I came was about .6) but who the hell knows since I can't get my dosing even each time.

When you say you were at .5 every OTHER day???? Are you kidding me. I would be on cloud nine if I could do that. I just recently went from splitting my 1mg from twice a day to 1x a day (1mg). I was recommended to do that to help me taper as the person helping me felt that would help me not be addicted to the dosing so much. Basically take it once, get it over with. That change in schedule alone has felt like I dropped 50%. I started the 1x a day last Tuesday and it is Thursday now (next week). Still trying to get used to this new schedule.

Each morning if I wait till the extended time to take my dose (from 4:00am in morning to now 9:30am) Sneezing, chills, sweats..all because I went to 1x a day. So, for me, I agree with Hopespring's comment on that withdrawal has many compents =mental and routine being one of the more powerful adjustments. I am on the exact same dose as before but 1x a day..I now am cold/sweaty, weak and jittery and depressed where as twice a day I was ok. BUT, alot of it is getting past that old schedule I was on. My mind and body are so addicted to the "way" I dosed this is causing withdrawal when I dont dose to schedule. So I can only imagine as you wean off this drug for good your body will go through similar for how you took this drug in past.

BTW, to Hopesprings comment on withdrawal -
Withdrawal is individual however in terms of experiences, Hope, if you are reading this.. I remember your thread..you seemed to imply you were sailing through those drops due to the "liquid method"..very little adjustment. I think you were almost elated for the fact you discovered a new 'technique" on the dosing that was so powerful it carried you through the drops mentally. Seems every thread I have read on liquid taper the people are almost super positive all the way. I think they may be transferring the fear of withdrawal to the elation of the "new most favorite passion"..getting their dosing right.

Case in point, when you finally stopped, then you slowly started to be more realistic to the aches? Just an observation. Just like years ago when I was trying to stop drinking. I put 54 days together and could swear it was nothing. But during that time I was breaking up with my boyfriend. That entire 54 days was obsessing on dealing with him, communicating, emails..deciding how I was going to address him next conversation... When that "event" was over..alchohol was still the issue. Never could deal with that 54 days again same way. My attention was just diverted. Something to think about.