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PostPosted: Fri Feb 01, 2013 8:53 pm 
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You're leaving the house and going to a hockey game with your kids and husband.....WOW!!! Good Job!!!!!

Isn't it crazy how these little things end up being so monumental? OMGosh, I remember so many little things that I decided not to do during my drug use days and when I finally cleaned up, I started doing those little things again and it's just such a wonderful feeling to be participating in life again. When my daughter was very young, I never read her bedtime stories. I was basically too stoned or too into my wants and needs at that time. Even though she's 13, I now read her bedtime stories and she loves it. Of course, being the ding dong that I am, I make up the stories as I go. I'll take parts of Cinderalla and Snow White and Beauty and the Beast and all those kind of bedtime stories, I mix 'em all up and my daughter laughs and giggles all the way through. Actually, we were watching "moonshiners" one night so the bedtime story had the 7 dwarfs drinking moonshine that night. My wife wasn't too impressed with that bedtime story!!! LOL

Anyway, glad to hear you're doing well. Stay strong Bud.

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 Post subject: Yay for salem
PostPosted: Fri Feb 01, 2013 9:18 pm 
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GREAT News glad to hear all is good & ur getting out and about......I actually helped someone move today it was invigorating going up and down the stairs and its like 7 degrees here in indy and I was breaking a sweat it was GREAT!!!!!

Have a good time and enjoy urself u deserve it!!!! :wink:

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PostPosted: Fri Feb 01, 2013 9:25 pm 
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Great news, salem! Keepin' it active. Bravo!


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 03, 2013 2:01 am 
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Jeaner GREAT JOB!!!!! Totally awesome :-)
Romeo I really relate to the bedtime stories!!!! I feel so guilty bc I hear about other parents doing "crafts" with their kids or taking them to the park every couple days..reading stories etc...and i always roll my eyes like "pff! Please!!!!" I just assume that everyone has to force themselves to do things like that with their kids!!!!! I feel bad saying that but...
When I was using I was always wanting to do things of course. ..bc I was pain freeand "happy"!!! I felt good so I wanted to conquer the world! (Or the park lol) Then of course after a while that wears off and u start to be miserable even when you are high! Then subs came along and numbed me of all my feelings.. and I didnt have the desire to do CRAP! So I just. .didnt!
Happy to report...this is getting easier! I find myself enjoying things again! Holy crap! Who knew!?? Lol
Well....tomorrow is day 11!!!!! E-L-E-V-E-N!!!!! Holy shit!!!!!!!!!! I NEVER thought this day would come!!!! I never thought it would come EVER! I can't believe I put this off for so long thinking that I would fail....strictly based on experiences I read about online and not bothering to try this damn thing on my own! Lesson learned for me (yeah...ive said THAT before!!! Lmao)
My lesson has been....you CANNOT ask someone else how you will feel coming off of a drug. Every person is different. I am very glad I was able to taper bc I know that tapering to .5 and skipping days was KEY for me. Once I realized I was actually stable at .5 every other day, I knew I could do it. It is MANAGEABLE. It is in no way even close to heroin/oxy/methadone detox! For anyone who isnt sure and is terrified like I was I reccomend trying to see how long you can go without dosing BEFORE you are out of meds if that is possible. All I needed was to find out that it was OKAY...by day four I said screw it may as well go for it and now i am done. Two full RX's left when I quit.. which I never even had to fill. It felt great to just get it over with and stop panicking! The worry over detox was FAR WORSE than the actual detox. I jumped from 8mg last time and that was hard as hell for me...I ended up throwin in the towel after 30 days and starting back on it....for me personally tapering was key. Either way...this shit IS POSSIBLE! I will keep checking in. So happy to have this support from everyone! You guys rock.
Today I had ZERO symptoms. Hoping tomorrow is the same.
I finally feel safe saying. ...I FREAKIN DID IT!!!!! I got off of subs!
Don't give up if you're struggling out there. Feel free to message me ......anyone who just needs to talk and is going thru this...im no expert that's for sure...but I am almost 11 days sub free and I never thought it would happen....as they say in the program "the only way to keep what you've got is by giving it away"...and all ive got is these 10 days....and a whole lot of hope for many more days ahead. ;-)


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 Post subject: and just to add....
PostPosted: Sun Feb 03, 2013 2:10 am 
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When I say "can't ask someone else how you will feel coming off a medicine" I don't mean it's wrong to ask! I must have googled a read a million posts over the months before I went off subs....it made it way harder is what I meant to say. I was confronted with the stories of horror until I found this site and read WTBF's story! Talk about inspired!!!! Thank you WTBF again for that! And Romeo you have been AWESOME. All of you on this forum got me through the rough days with your positive stories and encouragment!!!! So thank you!


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 03, 2013 12:17 pm 
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Day 11 and not looking back....Woo-Hoo!!!!!!!!!!!

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 03, 2013 9:21 pm 
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I was a tad mixed up with my days!!!!! Tmrw is Monday which is day 11 Lmao
I was an entire day behind! !!!! That's actually not such a horrible thing!!!! :-)
Still feeling good and doing well. No desire to even look at a damn picture of subs!!!! Much less take them!!!!
Thankfull this chapter is closed! Hopefully other people will read this and not be so scared. ...hopefully!!!!!!!!! It's worth it that's for damn sure. :-)


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 03, 2013 9:23 pm 
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Actually no I was a day AHEAD! Lol. Either way...its nice to be lost sometimes ;-) as long as it's naturally lost and not due to drugs lol


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 03, 2013 10:15 pm 
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Salem13 wrote:
I was a tad mixed up with my days!!!!! Tmrw is Monday which is day 11 Lmao
I was an entire day behind! !!!! That's actually not such a horrible thing!!!! :-)
Still feeling good and doing well. No desire to even look at a damn picture of subs!!!! Much less take them!!!!
Thankfull this chapter is closed! Hopefully other people will read this and not be so scared. ...hopefully!!!!!!!!! It's worth it that's for damn sure. :-)


Wow, that's amazing. You're have done so well.


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PostPosted: Mon Feb 04, 2013 7:32 pm 
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Holy crap I just realized I missed the whole second page of this thread basically!!!!! I am so sorry to everyone I never responded to!!!! Invisible...YES YES YES!!!!! You are spot on about the side effects! !!!! I am the same way!!!!!! I have always been that way...and once on subs it seemed like my side effects were pretty severe. I never knew this until I finally got off of it! Once off of it I was like..wow that was rough!!!!! Lol. Sorry again for the looooong time it took me to reply!!!!!!


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 Post subject: Just checkin in :-)
PostPosted: Fri Feb 08, 2013 7:13 pm 
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Hey everyone! So Thursday was 2 weeks off Subs!!! Woo hoo! I have had some leg cramps and that literally is the worst of it for me! I can't believe I waited so long out of fear of the detox and then my detox was extremely mild! How is everyone? WTBF how's it goin? Romeo how's things! Just didnt wanna leave ya all hangin! I'm doing really well :-)


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 08, 2013 11:30 pm 
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Hey Salem,

Everything is good.

I'm glad to hear you're doing good. Congratulations on 2 weeks!! Woo-Hoo!!!

I think you have a PM waiting?

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 Post subject: GREAT
PostPosted: Sat Feb 09, 2013 4:44 pm 
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Great to hear that Salem gladd u r doing soooo well.....day 17 here for me and I am feeling really decent to been working....still have the rls & insomnia but other then that all is good here glad u cked in make sure u keep us posted!!!!!! :lol:

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 Post subject: Wheres Salem??
PostPosted: Sun Feb 17, 2013 8:59 pm 
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Hey girl wondering how ur doing havent heard from u in a while pop in and give us an update PLEASE!!!!! :D

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 Post subject: Re: and just to add....
PostPosted: Wed Feb 20, 2013 4:26 pm 
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Salem13 wrote:
When I say "can't ask someone else how you will feel coming off a medicine" I don't mean it's wrong to ask! I must have googled a read a million posts over the months before I went off subs....it made it way harder is what I meant to say. I was confronted with the stories of horror until I found this site and read WTBF's story! Talk about inspired!!!! Thank you WTBF again for that! And Romeo you have been AWESOME. All of you on this forum got me through the rough days with your positive stories and encouragment!!!! So thank you!


Awh, stop it you!

We need an update Salem :) I've been doing great in my recovery. Life on the other hand throws me lots of lemons.

Actually pelts them full force at my head.

I have no lemon goggles :(.

I really appreciated reading that Salem. I'm glad my story helped you along! Your story will also provide encouragement to people that are afraid to take the step of being completely clean.

You're getting high up their in sobertime :)

Keep it up, and update update update!


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 21, 2013 12:10 pm 
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Hey everyone!!!!! Sorry I have been off the radar...today makes one month off of subs. It has not been fun! The physical part isn't what got me..it is the mental part. I find myself spending all night flailing my legs around still...but that happened sometimes even when I was ON subs! It sounds SO DUMB but this restless leg and body crap and severe depression sends me back out every time. I do have major depressive disorder aka clinical depression which I was disgnosed with at age 12....and then misdiagnosed as bipolar for years though I kept telling them that wasn't me! I am never"manic" not eeven close! Anyway...I always feel like it sounds like such a cop out to say "I have depression" or "I have anxiety" ...but my depression is severe enough now that I am becoming scared. If I'm left to take the kids to school I end up not going and keeping them home bc I don't want to be alone. I haven't worked in 5 years bc I was a stay at home mom...but now they are 5 and 6 and I find myself wanting another baby so that I won't have to face my fears of leaving the house. HOW SICK IS THAT!!!!!!!!!! Yeah great idea junkie! Have MORE kids so you can ruin their lives too! Ugh. I'm sorry for the dramatics!!! I just have to get this out and be honest....
My husband has always wanted a big family so that doesn't help! He remembers how I stayed clean for years after the boys were born and maybe he thinks that will happen again? Either way....I am not right in the head. I am clean but I am a hermit who hasn't left the house in 6 months without my husband. When I do leave I immediately want to go back home! I want to be the mom and wife I was before. I lie in bed all day with the exception of running up and down the stairs for exercise a few times a day hoping my RLS will stop. I want to stress that my detox was not bad....but the mental shit and cravings that have started now....are killing me! I don't eat or sleep...I wake up if I even sleep...and I immediately think "I don't want to do this anymore" or some other positive affirmation like "f*ck this shit" Lovely way to live! I have not even considered subs again nor will I ever....but short acting opiates I constantly crave. I am a negative nellie....I knowwww!!!! Man I just cannot shake this! 15 years of opiate abuse and now im 30 years old and have a battered and broken body and spirit....I just want to smile and meant it...to truly laugh...to be able to play and laugh with my kids and to give my husband his life back with a functional wife!!! My kids are 5 and 6 now and I am missing out on them. They are my life....god I love these kids so much so why can't I just get out of bed!??? :'( sorry guys. Hope you are all well. Miss ya!!!!!! <3


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 21, 2013 2:11 pm 
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Hey Salem. Thanks for checking in. I'm sorry you're having a hard time. But please know, what you're going through is very normal at this stage. You've made it a whole month off sub and all other opiates...that's huge! I'm really impressed and proud of you. Everything you said made me instantly remember all the feelings I had when I was a month clean from opiates some years ago. Even though the worst of the physical part was over and what was left I could cope with, it was the mental aspects that were so debilitating. I didn't believe it would ever, ever get better. Unfortunately, because of that, I relapsed. Please don't make that mistake! I firmly believe that the only cure here is time....and probably quite a long time. There are things you can do to speed up the process and I encourage you to force yourself to pursue those things. Exercise, forcing yourself to get out and about, using music as therapy, getting into counseling, etc are going to expedite your recovery. I know... You don't feel like doing any of that, but you really must. Especially given the fact that you have underlying psychiatric diagnoses to deal with as well. You're got to get a good therapist or psychiatrist to help you with that stuff. As long as those issues go unaddressed, your likelihood of relapse to self medicate your symptoms is sky high and I don't want that for you and I know you don't either. So please get help with that.
As I said, I've been in a similar spot. Unfortunately, I'm the poster child for what NOT to do! I've been bouncing from pills to Sub to sober for so long I've lost track! I'll gain some good ground only to throw it away by giving up on ever feeling better, never giving it enough time to truly get better. So don't do as I've done! Know that every day you add to your "clean time" is another day closer to healing...another day closer to feeling good again, without drugs.
It's not a cop out to attribute many of your issues to depression or anxiety or whatever. Those are legitimate diagnoses which need treated. I can't remember if you said you're on meds for those issues or not. If not, it's probably going to be necessary to get on some meds....and there's no shame in that...at all! You deserve to give yourself the very best chance at recovery..the best chance at having the life you want....happy and peaceful and enjoying your family.
As I said, your preexisting depression, etc plays a role, but what you describe also sounds like classic "post acute withdrawal syndrome." It's totally normal and it sucks....big time!! In my opinion, it leads to relapse way, way more than the symptoms of acute physical withdrawal. It's critical that you address it so that you don't have to do this all over again!
Anyway, I don't know if I've helped at all. I hope I haven't made you feel worse! I just want you to know that you're not alone and what you're feeling is normal for the timeframe you're in. Don't give up. Keep reaching out here and to your loved ones. When I've been in your shoes, I've made the mistake of pretending to be doing okay when in fact I was swirling the drain...a relapse waiting to happen, when I should've been telling the truth...that I desperately needed more help and was NOT doing well at all. So please take care of yourself and get whatever additional help you need and deserve. You've come a long way, but you can only white-knuckle it for so long. You know?
Glad you checked back in. I'll be praying for you.


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PostPosted: Thu Feb 21, 2013 5:14 pm 
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Salem,

Thanks for checking in and letting us know how things are going.

To the best of my knowledge, you're not on any anti-depressants, but I think you need to take a hard look at getting on some kind of AD. For many, Suboxone acts as an anti-depressant, but once it's discontinued all hell breaks loose.

Please address your depression needs, OK?

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PostPosted: Thu Feb 21, 2013 5:25 pm 
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Salem please remember u are a strong person u have just made it 30 days with no subs or opiates thats really hard to do but ur doing it

I def think u need to have ur depression looked at and possibly treated u mayb surprised on how u feel!!!
I am sorry that ur having emotional distress the anxiety is killer and the rls is enough to drive u mad mine seems to b better i am surprised urs is not????
Try to hang in there and remember if u need anything PM me!!!!!!

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PostPosted: Thu Feb 21, 2013 6:42 pm 
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Salem13 wrote:
Hey everyone!!!!! Sorry I have been off the radar...today makes one month off of subs. It has not been fun! The physical part isn't what got me..it is the mental part. I find myself spending all night flailing my legs around still...but that happened sometimes even when I was ON subs! It sounds SO DUMB but this restless leg and body crap and severe depression sends me back out every time. I do have major depressive disorder aka clinical depression which I was disgnosed with at age 12....and then misdiagnosed as bipolar for years though I kept telling them that wasn't me! I am never"manic" not eeven close! Anyway...I always feel like it sounds like such a cop out to say "I have depression" or "I have anxiety" ...but my depression is severe enough now that I am becoming scared. If I'm left to take the kids to school I end up not going and keeping them home bc I don't want to be alone. I haven't worked in 5 years bc I was a stay at home mom...but now they are 5 and 6 and I find myself wanting another baby so that I won't have to face my fears of leaving the house. HOW SICK IS THAT!!!!!!!!!! Yeah great idea junkie! Have MORE kids so you can ruin their lives too! Ugh. I'm sorry for the dramatics!!! I just have to get this out and be honest....
My husband has always wanted a big family so that doesn't help! He remembers how I stayed clean for years after the boys were born and maybe he thinks that will happen again? Either way....I am not right in the head. I am clean but I am a hermit who hasn't left the house in 6 months without my husband. When I do leave I immediately want to go back home! I want to be the mom and wife I was before. I lie in bed all day with the exception of running up and down the stairs for exercise a few times a day hoping my RLS will stop. I want to stress that my detox was not bad....but the mental shit and cravings that have started now....are killing me! I don't eat or sleep...I wake up if I even sleep...and I immediately think "I don't want to do this anymore" or some other positive affirmation like "f*ck this shit" Lovely way to live! I have not even considered subs again nor will I ever....but short acting opiates I constantly crave. I am a negative nellie....I knowwww!!!! Man I just cannot shake this! 15 years of opiate abuse and now im 30 years old and have a battered and broken body and spirit....I just want to smile and meant it...to truly laugh...to be able to play and laugh with my kids and to give my husband his life back with a functional wife!!! My kids are 5 and 6 now and I am missing out on them. They are my life....god I love these kids so much so why can't I just get out of bed!??? :'( sorry guys. Hope you are all well. Miss ya!!!!!! <3



This is what concerns me too, the mental issue and depression, and paws. It seems a pattern that once people stop sub they feel fine for 3 weeks to a month but after that bang the mental part sets it and its paws which seem to last for a year and over to many people from what I have read. Maybe the taper to the low doses was not sufficient enough? maybe you should have stayed on low dose sub for couple of months to eliminate much of the sub as possible and gone even lower then 0.5 and 0.25 for couple of months? but even with a slow taper people still seem to complain. It doesn't give me much encouragement when people say methadone is less of the 2 long half life opioids.


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