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PostPosted: Sun Jan 27, 2013 11:28 am 
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Talk to him Salem. Don't hide in a bathroom. Force yourself to get up, walk down stairs and be seen with your family. You won't lose your husband if you keep an open communication. It's a very hard process on both parties. It was very hard on my wife. I started to build up an excuse in my head that this to much for my relationship...I need to hop back on subs to be functional and save it...yadda yadda. All I really needed to do was get my ass up and assist with the little things.

It's hard. I know it is. Laying in bed the entire time was my goal also. Get up and be active. You need to keep communication open with your hubby. Do not be embarrassed about the situation. It's very hard for your significant other to understand. They've got no idea how debilitating withdrawals really are. But they won't kill you. Pain is temporary remember.

Fight for the life you want to have. Fight with everything you've got.

Congrats on sleeping! Congrats on three days! Even with the longer intense withdrawals you're already 1/3 of the way done.

Keep it up Salem!


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 27, 2013 12:23 pm 
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You're completely right! (I assume it's bc you're a fellow Fla-ridian ;-) )
After he left w the kids I got up and just started cleaniing and doing laundry...everything I could do..still cleaning now but I had to take a break bc some scary shit happened!!!! I swear I feel like I am 90 yrs old saying this shit but here goes. .
First of all just for info purposes I am not a big person. . Overweight wise I mean...but as I have highlighted previously I am out of shape. Out of shape er not this shit aint righttttt!!!!! So I was going around picking up toys all over the damn floor and every time I would bend down and come back up I felt my heart RACING and my eyes went black. .dizzy as hell!!! Of course I kept pushing bc I want for him to come home and have this place spotless like it used to be!!!! Well while vaccuming I had to switch the plug and all hell broke loose! I came back up from plugging in the vaccum and BAM hit the damn floor! My pulse was 86 which is a tad high for me but nothing crazy...usually its 68. I wish I woulda kept my BP cuff from nursing school) I know this could be from clonidine and low BP but I only took .02 at 4:30am and this happened at 11am! Anyone experience this? Then when I sorta "came to" on the floor I screamed bc I thought something was on my arm....yeah DUH my entire arm is a tattoo sleeve and has been for a lonnnng time!!!!!!!! What a odd thing!!!!! Am I losing my shit!?
Btw thanks to all who recommended listening to music. I haven't listened to my music is AGES!!! I have had no desire. And holy crap....I feel like im discovering it for the first time! !!! :) Thanks again WTFBF ..you hit it right on the head!!!!! I cant give up and I wont!!!!


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 27, 2013 1:45 pm 
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And could I be ANY more emotional!??? One of my told favorite bands has a song called "Soul Doubt" which I have literally heard a million plus times and for some reason this one lyric just reached out and knocked me on my ass....sitting here folding laundry and crying like a child!!!
"A shameless display, wearing a smile full of pain
A frameless Erte, a painting without a signature
She's waiting for someone to save her
As I pass her by I see Cinderella
She doesn't fit into the slipper
Like she fits in a bottle of liquor
There's no one to take her away" -nofx

:-'( Sheesh. These emotions are rough!!!!!


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 27, 2013 4:37 pm 
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Emotional rollercoaster for sure. Absolutely experienced that as well. Your brain is like WHAT THE FUCK NEED OPIATES!!

You're doing an awesome job Salem. It brings back memories that feel like months ago, even though it was merely 2 weeks since my most intense symptoms. Keep it up girl. A few more days and its all uphill.

You're going to beat this, I absolutely believe it. Keep listening to music, also Google some motivational videos or use the one on the first page of my thread by Romeo. It's where I've been giving you that quote about pain is temporary.

I'm on dad duty atm but I'll check in later. Keep it up! Clonidine can indeed make you faint like. Try to use .01 at a time, don't go up to .02 unless absolutely needed. Don't go to .03 at all.

You've got this! Keep truckin' Salem!


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 27, 2013 5:00 pm 
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Thanks!!!!! I am gonna keep on keepin on....and good idea w the videos! Will check them out!!! And very true w the clonidine. Kinda sad when I can't even just take one clonidine for craps sake!!!!! Lol. I am only prescribed .01 but of course I thought back to detox when I was in my damn teens coming off OC's and thought....hmmm I think they gave me .02! I had better up the dose on my own like a jackass!!! Crazy. ...
Thanks for checkin in. Have to go to a Dr appt tmrw w this new psych dr which has me wicked nervous for some reason. Just gotta put one foot in front of the other and not give up I guess. I did this shit...and now I am the only one who can undo it!!!!
:-)


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 27, 2013 5:01 pm 
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Thanks!!!!! I am gonna keep on keepin on....and good idea w the videos! Will check them out!!! And very true w the clonidine. Kinda sad when I can't even just take one clonidine for craps sake!!!!! Lol. I am only prescribed .01 but of course I thought back to detox when I was in my damn teens coming off OC's and thought....hmmm I think they gave me .02! I had better up the dose on my own like a jackass!!! Crazy. ...
Thanks for checkin in. Have to go to a Dr appt tmrw w this new psych dr which has me wicked nervous for some reason. Just gotta put one foot in front of the other and not give up I guess. I did this shit...and now I am the only one who can undo it!!!!
:-)


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 27, 2013 7:45 pm 
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Here's a link to that motivational video I gave to WTBF....turn it up loud and listen carefully!! :D

Eventually, the pain will subside and something else will take its place!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ewqnfufbs9I

BTW, that's a big 10-4 on music being able to bring you to your knees again. I love the lyrics you quoted....got a big lump in my throat while reading them.

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 27, 2013 7:49 pm 
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Woah. That video made me cry!!!! A good cry though! Of course then again what hasn't made me cry today! Its amazing that I am starting to remember things and actually ENJOY things like music and movies. I can't believe how numbed I was. So weird.
Its almost 7pm and I'm still okay! No horors to report! 12 noon tomorrow will be officially 4 days without subs...but hell who's counting ;-)


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 27, 2013 8:03 pm 
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Dude, when I got off Suboxone, watching SpongeBob with my daughter made me cry!! Poor SpongeBob and Patrick got in a fight and there I am bawling!!! :lol:

Crying at every damn thing is perfectly normal.

Have you noticed anything different about "nature" yet? When I got off Sub, I remember looking out the window and being astounded that the trees had leaves....it was like I forgot?

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 27, 2013 8:39 pm 
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I haven't been outside yet but I will be venturing out tomorrow!!! I will have to report back on that but I would imagine that it will definitely be different! I laughed so hard when I read about spoungebob! What made it funnier is that my kids are watching it now! Lol!!! I hate night time during withdrawal bc I get so scared that suddenly I will go full on and start kickin and throwing up and...well you know the drill! I feel like I've gotten off too easy and its gonna turn bad soon!!!! I mean dont get me wrong, it hasn't been awesome....I can feel the achey feeling andanxiety....but its stayed the same since Saturday.
I can't wait to not be waiting anymore!!!!!! I just want it to come and get me already dammit!!!!! We all know how patient us addicts can be! LOL not mention that it will be really nice to enjoy things again like right now I am SO ANNOYED at the noise level of the kids and husband.....I could SNAP! Hope that passes asap!!!!


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 27, 2013 8:51 pm 
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Hey,

Good work Salem,
Welcome to the grind.!!!!!!!!

Keep up the good work buddy, and shine, like the Sun,


Lillyval,

I think somebody grumpy with me, I would also like to say, that despite you respectfully disagreeing with what i said, It really looks like you were agreeing., I am sorry, if what I think and feel upsets you, especially in the post that may have caused this trauma,.


You are not going to escape wd's from .25mg, and they will last up to 2 months, despite, how low you actually go.
But as most of us know, the wd's from bupe, are nothing compared to full agonists.
they're may be slight WD's, they may not include many, or most symtoms. IT may be mental, but come on people, There's encouragement, and then there is just mis-information. The physical wd may be so slight, like mine, but your mind may still be addicted,.

And as long as you have been dosing consisently for at least 6 months at that dose, it is simply unavoidable, and frankly misleading, to tell people otherwise.

Are people forgetting how strong Bupe is, it's like a killer fentanyl with long long legs. People have to get out of this thinking that .2 mg of bupe is a little amount, ITs not, and why, would anyone want to go through more pain, than they have to, especially if they are able to taper. I am so sorry, but it seems like a dangerous case of anxiety and fear, making people lose they're common sence.

Now, that I have gone throgh WD';s and am still going through them, I feel that we all here, don;t exactly tell new members the truth, as we all feel, that it will crush new members,
But that truth , is exactly what is needed,. As mis information, leads to failure.
I am all for the hey, you'll be fine, this is easy, but i am also, a stickler for helping other people.

It is a serious business, detoxing from pleasure, just ask anyone one of the sucess stories, here,.
It is also extremely possible, with patience, and truth, love and support.

As humans, we tend to not want to share our bad times, and usually, in hindsight, can manipulate even bad times, with a silver lining,. Look at facebook, for an analogy of this. We only list the good things. Its just human nature.

We are eminently capable of boasting, especially when things are good, or slightly good, as this is a social construct, to seperate ourselves from the crowd, It is perfectly human, and acceptable.
Don't get me wrong, there is truth here, it hides in between, the elation, and sucess stories. It hides a terrible pain and experience, that we all would like to forget about,.

So lets just say, those who do this, I mean beat bupe, are the real warriors,. And I mean beat bupe for good.


HS


Last edited by hopespring on Sun Jan 27, 2013 9:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 27, 2013 9:21 pm 
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HEY, some of those SpongeBob episodes are real tearjerkers!!! LOL

I don't think your wd will all of sudden creep up and smack you. Suboxone wd isn't quite like regular pain med wd. Regular pain med wd comes on quick and is pretty brutal, Suboxone wd is more gradual and it does not have the intensity to it that pain med wd does.

Try not to worry yourself about it.....I know, easier said than done, eh? :wink:

HopeSprings, I respectfully disagree with your last post. I know two people from this very forum, who happen to both be friends of mine, who jumped from .5mg and for all intents and purposes, felt no wd. I was as amazed as anyone. Not only did they not get wd, PAWS never materialized either!!

I've also seen people on here who jumped off 2mg and went to work the whole time. One guy was a lumberjack. He said he could feel wd, but it wasn't enough to stop him from doing his job.

Fact is, we're all different when it comes to wd. There is no real standard, so we give advice based on our experiences and based on what we've read here.

Cheers dudes!! :D

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 27, 2013 9:42 pm 
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Hi Romeo,

Be careful, were doing it again.......disguising truth, with rare examples.,

I am glad you wrote, that, because, it is exactly my point.
Unless we know the full back story, length of dosing, and all the rest, it just makes this too confusing for the new members.
Will I be lucky enough to not have any symptoms, from you say, it seems, to be a lucky dip.


Respectfully, I think exceptions to the rule, are not exactly the norm, and again can mislead, most of us.
Yes, yes, we are all different, BUT , just remember what A COURT would say about your friends story.
It's here say unless we get more proof. people lie, especially men, when it comes to appraisal of pain.

Unfortunately, there is no magic bullet, and it is unfare, to tell others that, this can be easy, without alot more information.

Lets just try and help people, no one here ha alzeihmers, so there is no leed to morally mislead people,.

these words, may seem harsh, and may warrant moderation, if the status quo of this site, is to continue.

If that does happen, and I cannot share, what really important, then this whole forum, caould verge on the redundant.

something, I dearly hope never happens. but am always prepared for the worst.

Please, respect, my thoughts, and words, as this is how i feel.
I have to be very careful, to think only of people that want to quit subs, and I have to put in to the back of my mind, the group social pressure, of this forum, wanting me, not to say, how it really is.

HS

Lumberjack eh?
Excercise while detoxing, sounds pretty good to me,. maybe office jobs are a little worse.
No one is saying the wd are not manegable, what i am saying is simply length of duration.

Is anyone, still willing to respectully disagree, with what i actully said. Duration, duration, duration.
Symptoms are manageable, I reapeat, manegable.

I challenge all posters who have quit, to state the length of their compete wd, here now.and then we may actually get somewhere.
IE. from when you jumped, till when you returned without any symptoms.


Last edited by hopespring on Sun Jan 27, 2013 9:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 27, 2013 9:52 pm 
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Hopespring- I am not upset in the least. I was only saying that I jumped off of 0.5mg and my WD lasted 3-4 weeks, so I was disagreeing with the opinion that Salem would have WD for a couple of months if she jumped at 0.25. Not sure why that sounded "grumpy" :)


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 27, 2013 10:04 pm 
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Hi Lillyval,


Trust me, it will be at least 2 months,.

Why is hopespring saying all these things?

It is because now, I know.,I actually know,how this thing goes.
It all depends on how you define WD's. So i won;t bother arguing anymore, I have hit a brick wall....lol

Medium wd's may last 4 weeks, but unperceptable, and extremely subltle wd, go on for months.
We must tell people this, its just not fair.
There is a cascade of neurochemical reactions that need to take place in order, to get to a complete cure.

It takes at least 2 months, so allow 6 months, just to be safe.
HS


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 27, 2013 10:11 pm 
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It sounds grumpy because of that hedgehog.

The most recent post about the guy who jumped and felt nothing made me want to grab a 357 and aim towards my head. And magically hopped right back onto Suboxone afterwards.

I've worked a physical job throughout mine. Unloading trucks and moving. Exercise or not it fucking sucks.

I'm on somewhere close to day 25 now. I've still got residual effects. Nothing like the insanity in the beginning. We should probably stop debating on Salems thread however.


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 27, 2013 10:34 pm 
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Amen

day 26 for me, not even close to beating insomnia yet.

I am basically relearning how to sleep, something I would not push on anyone., Well, maybe some...lol


I also, don;t want to hijack this thread,

HS

p.s. your a bloody legend wtbf, excellent post, daring....I like the cut of your Jib.


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 27, 2013 10:38 pm 
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Well damn. Ummmm....not sure what to say here. Hoping to get some sleep. I haven't experienced pure hell yet with this...mild aches and pains but absolutely nothing even CLOSE to coming off of heroin...methadone or pills. I mean last time I went to detox they confronted me with paperwork and said "so you do realize you have been through detox here 43 times in 15 years?" They were basically asking me when was it going to be enough. ..and I didnt know what to say. So yeah....I have been through this shit so many times in my life. ...my REAL issue is not the pain of detox...it is STAYING CLEAN! Oh how quickly we forget...I am 30 years old and for 15 years of my life I have been on and off of opiates. Wow.
I kicked subs once before from 8mg and I did not have fun or anything but compared to my past detox experiences it was mild. The issue I had was I didnt stay clean and rather than go back to damn detox. ...I got back on subs and said F it I will deal w it later. Coming off opiates will never be fun but the part that is scarier to me than this physical pain is the mental anguish of living as an addict who is not in recovery. I know what I need to do...but knowing it and doing it are two different things. I am sure my detox will get worse...that is why I come here to talk to those who understand. I am just thankful to be at home and not locked away with strangers away from my kids. I will never forget that horrible feeling of not seeing my children. ....but guess what? I went and stuck another needle in my damn arm 2 weeks later. It's scary and sad this disease of addiction...this medicine I am attempting to say goodbye to kept me clean for a year and a half from other opiates....and the realization that I will no longer have that protection....that daily opiate...it's scary as shit. I don't want to live this way anymore. I want my kids to have ALL of me...not just whatever is left of me when the drugs are done with me. I have to do this or I will die. I know that. I have buried most of my friends and two fiances over this disease...I cannot do that to my babies.
Ok I'm gonna try to relax now. Have a good night everyone. ♥


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 Post subject: update
PostPosted: Tue Jan 29, 2013 2:45 pm 
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What's up!!!!!!!!!!
Okay sooooooo
What the actual F#&@ IS GOING ON WITH ME!????? Have I been ripped off by pharmacies for a year and a half with fake subutex!???? I am on day 5 and the worst I have experienced so far is anxiety and even that was not too bad considering I always have anxiety, insomnia, RLS as is... like daily. So today I woke up after almost EIGHT FULL HOURS SLEEP after a.GLORIOUS evening of sex (sorry TMI) with my husband (whom I am quite sure thinks he is in friggin heaven right now!!!) I feel BETTER than I felt when I took the damn subutex. Don't get me wrong...mentally I am 100% a junkie!!!! Even tho I feel better I STILL think of taking the stupid crap!!!! Like REALLY!!!!???? But I will NOT do that..hell no...no way...not a damn chance in hell!!!! So I just wanted to update everyone. I almost feel bad reporting this..like im letting everyone down by not writhing in pain dying...or like I'm going to start a riot on my thread now "oh well you may feel fine now but will wake up at 3:02am and your right arm will fall off and your hair will burst into flames" !!!!!
Either way....I feel okay. I don't feel spectacular. I don't feel grand. I feel better though. ..and as I am always happy as long as it gets better and not worse :-)
In other news...for all of u familiar with NA/AA and who like to laugh. ..go like the page "13th step memes" on Facebook....holy crap!!!!!! It is to funny to even describe!!!!


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 Post subject: A wee bit late
PostPosted: Tue Jan 29, 2013 3:31 pm 
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Salem13,

It has been such a pleasure watching you in recovery mode. I apologize for not posting earlier with my support but for some reason my eyes have just not seen your thread so far. (a white lie)

All that has been posted by you and all the others has been a really good learning experience. Another reason I haven't posted is because I'm one of those who have never even attempted to jump from Sub yet. Got close, but no seegar. It is threads like yours that help so many others who come here with the hope of getting off of Bup. At least I sure learned a lot from you and all the others. I keep telling myself that I'll be on it for life, and then a thread like yours comes up and I start to doubt my own statement. Thanks for the shake up. I needed it.

BTW, your husband is really happy right now!

You Rock!

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