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PostPosted: Thu Jun 09, 2011 6:48 pm 
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127 hours 33 minuets and 29 seconds. That's exactly how long it's been since my last dose of an opiate.

I know I had said I was going to do a daily journal when i finally came off of the sub, but.. well.. we all know how withdrawal is. And... for better or for worse... I took methadone for the last 3 weeks before I jumped.

I got my sub dose down to 1.6mg a day for about a week. I think found a connection to methadone and greedily, the addict wanted "one last high". I also justified that using methadone for a few weeks might clean out the sub and therefore help the withdrawals. Well, whats done is done.

It is officially day 5. Days are manageable; night are hell. God damn hell. Flailing, sweating, kicking, aching. My bones want to jump through my skin.

Now, I'm not CTing this withdrawal. I'm actually quite lucky. I have clonidine (godsend), k-pin, xanax, ambien, and trazadone (which I haven't used). I don't like anti-depressants. I've also used quite a bit of immodium as that helps the WD's. And of course the OTC stuff. IB Profin, Tylenol, etc. And I've smoked a couple joints through this whole thing. Some people say it helps, I don't really know. I think it helps mentally, but makes the aches worse...

I'm making it. I'm not really even craving any opiates, just feeling like shit. But with that said, I'm not bed ridden. At all. I've gone out to hang out with friends and chat, and try to pass the time. It's just the nights, oh god the nights.... I cringe just thinking about them..

Anyways, I will try to post again. I'm going to a NA meeting tonight and made an appointment at the outpatient rehab clinic here in town for next week. Wish me luck. It sucks, but I've definitely been through worse. I just hope this doesn't last WEEKS. I'm thinking by day 7-10 I'll be on the mend and things will slowly get better.

Thank you to everyone who has been here for me and supported me through this ordeal. You guys have no idea how much it has helped me.


Will post again.

-Bubs

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 11:07 am 
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YAY, Bubs!! 5 days is FIVE WHOLE DAYS!!! That's fantastic. I do think you will start feeling noticeably better soon; by Day 10, it should turn around. Therefore, you are well over half the way there.

Who woulda thunk? When I was taking 32 mg, I never would have believe that someone stopping at a relatively low dose, like you, would have any symptoms that warranted comfort meds or were even worth mentioning. Now, hearing you say where you jumped from, I'm thinking "Oh, man...that's high!" :D

Keep updating if you can. I love hearing when people say they've turned that corner. Do your legs really hurt? I know you said you are kicking, but do you have pain going down the back of your legs? As far as the nights go, sheesh, I feel for you, because that must be lonely. Does the Ambien help you get any sleep or does it just make you feel super weird? Are you getting any sleep or have you pretty much been awake for all this time?

I'm thrilled to hear that you are not in bed. The thought of being sick enough to stay in bed all day is not a pleasant thought. If you are up and doing something, you are doing really well, IMO.

Just a thought: when I was detoxing off alcohol and felt like physical and mental poop, I wrote letters to myself, explaining how bad I felt and why I didn't want to go through that again. I still have them. I know Sub isn't like getting loaded, but if you go back onto opiates, they may very well lead back to Sub and back to this feeling. Maybe you can write to your future self, so you don't forget.

laddertipper

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 Post subject: keep going
PostPosted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 11:37 am 
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Hey- im on day 9 off jumping off a exactly the same amount you did, around 1.5/1.7 mg and it does slowly get better after day 6. you will start getting waves of good feelings and other positive things...like yesterday i took benadryl and i actually took a nap wthout ambien! like a 2 hour nap...i didnt even want to get up for my na meeting.....anyway in a couple days old peices of yourself are going to start coming back and it will feel great! stay strong!


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 Post subject: day 6
PostPosted: Fri Jun 10, 2011 3:04 pm 
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Thanks for the support guys. I should be more specific, because I don't want to scare anyone coming off suboxone. Compared to other withdrawals I've had in the past, this is a walk in the park, really. I'm just a baby when it comes to withdrawals, and as we all know, the withdrawal we are currently in is the worst one, because thats what we are feeling.

The past two days, I've been waking up with nearly no symptoms except fatigue. Throughout the day the symptoms come on and get worse and worse until night time and that's when I use the comfort meds to help me get to sleep. The Ambien didn't seem to do much but make my vision blurry.. The xanax and clonidine are what help me sleep.

I've only had 2 REALLY bad nights with the kicking, sweating, aches, groaning, you know the drill.. the other nights are just "uncomfortable". Restless legs, achy body, anxiety. Feeling like you need to get up and run around, but your body is completely dead. So, for anyone who is attempting to, or planning on jumping.. get your dose low and then stay positive and active. Being with friends has helped so much. Talking with people. Anything to pass the time and get some support. Oh, and most of all (atleast for me) MUSIC. MUSIC. MUSIC. Music truly is my drug of choice and it's sad that my addiction took it from me. I'm starting to feel the emotional connection with music again and that is a wonderful thing.

laddertipper.. about my legs, they don't really hurt that badly. Everything is a little achy. I get the RLS at night. My trouble spot is my lower back. That KILLS! But thats how it's always been for me in withdrawal, there where I feel the most physical pain.

Just started reading "A Million Little Pieces". Intense book so far. Went to an NA meeting lastnight, planning on hitting one tonight.

I hope everyone is well. I feel like I may be very very close to being on the mend. I know the sleep is the last thing to return and I'm patient in that regard. Days seem to already be getting a tad better. But then again, it comes in waves, so ya never know. Love to everyone on here.

Thank you again for the support, you guys have been great.

Regards
-Bubs

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PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2011 12:12 am 
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Happy to read this.- Congratz:)
I remember using my nights on music and tubed comedy (stand up, Failblog w/e).
The bed becomes a dreaded place - almost like the w/d`s first really kicks in the moment you are in the bed. So i waited to i was really, really exhausted, jerked off ( like floating in heaven for a short while after) or took a shower to help me get to that point. Hot showers allso helped on rls. Something i never tryed but ive been wondering if it would help - hot footbaths ?

About the Naloxone - do alot of research before taking that @ day 5. They had that offer at my center and i didnt dared, because i was afraid that it would mess up halftimes of the buprenorphine(methadone in your case) i probally still had left in my body. I believe the idea is that it should flush out those bits you have left, and i can se how it would speed up the proces but allso how it possibly could enhance the w/d`s. Hopefully some one who have tryed it can answer this for you.

I hope the best for you, time will soon speed up for you and hours will start passing by without you noticing it; i think i was counting days instead of minutes/hours after a few weeks.


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2011 7:53 am 
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It will get better. I am on day 17 from a 2mg jump (The worst for me was days 5-8). Sleep is very slow to come back and I still have lack of energy.

As for the Naloxone a friend of mine gets implants in his hip every fews months and told me he recalled that they had all opiates listed on a form and they would not put in if he had subs in the last 20 some days. Be careful with the xanax because like me trading one for another is easy.

CONGRATS AND KEEP STRONG!


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PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2011 10:34 pm 
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Hey BubbleBobble,

Sorry I'm late, I've been on vacation all week.

WOW, YOU DID IT!!! You quit opiates!! Good job bud!!!

It sounds like the worst of it is over?? It's hard to tell with the rollercoaster effect, eh? Just keep hanging in there, it will get better!! I just passed my 1 year mark off of Suboxone and feel really good, it took for fucking ever, but I feel pretty damn good.

Boy, can I ever relate to MUSIC being your drug of choice, ME TOO!! I just got back from listening to a live band and LOVED IT. Man, these guys ROCKED!!! Music is what pulled me through those sleepless nights. I shudder to think what it would have been like with no music??

I'm glad you decided to hit some NA meetings, they've helped me quite a bit.

Man, I'm just so glad to hear from you again AND that you decided to go ahead and quit, YOU ROCK!!!

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 2:16 am 
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Hey bubs!

Have you been dancing??? You know it will make you feel so. much. better! So go shake it :lol: :lol:

Congrats to you! Every day will get a little easier from here on out and one day you will notice that you've stopped counting the days since you last had Suboxone (or whatever) and you'll realize that you feel pretty much normal and that will be the best feeling ever.

Just keep doing the things that you know you need to do to keep moving forward and you will be fine. And always remember that we're here for you!

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 Post subject: day 9
PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 6:08 pm 
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Day 9 and counting.

God damn you guys are the best. Thanks for all the support. It means so much. Really, it's fucking awesome. I hope I can someday support someone like that!

I'm hanging in there. A LOT of the physical has dissapated... it's really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really a mental struggle at this point. I've hit the point of feeling "dead".

The days are okay physically. There are infrequent chills, and sneezing fits, and yes I ache; but it's nothing to bitch about. But as for today and yesterday... ugh. I'm dead. Dead. Wake up, completely fatigued. Not hungry. No interest. No substance. Fatigue. Depression. Sad. anxious a little. But mostly just dead to the world.

I knew this would happen, I've done this shit before, I just hoping my emotions and energy come back quicker then they do for most people ;) & why wouldn't I wish that for myself?

Trying to stay active and stay positive. Been going to meetings and will continue to go. Registered with the outpatient rehab in town, will do orientation next week.

Time, time is what I need now. Time and patients.

"A Million Little Pieces" - Thank christ for that book... I've been glued. If I've ever swapped one addiction for another it's through reading this book. Incredible.

Thanks to everyone for the support. Hope to return it someday. Stay positive. Stay Open and willing. That's what I'm telling myself.

"Hold on. Just Hold on. Hold on."

-Bubs

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PostPosted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 6:25 pm 
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Bubs,

You are SO doing this!! You know what to expect, you're not letting it wreck you, you know it's hard as hell at times, but you are doing it!!!

BTW, my acute wd peaked on day 10 and eased up some from there.

Yeah, I would have to completely agree, the mental struggle is a bitch, but again, you already know what you have to do to address that.

It gets better man, it honestly gets better, just takes time.....as you've already said!!

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PostPosted: Tue Jun 14, 2011 9:38 am 
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Romeo, I just read on bub's other thread you said the bupe strips were negative from day 3 on, but I think your levels were just too low to detect. The rule of thumb is that it takes 6 half lives for a drug to leave the body, so for Sub that's about 9 days. So it would make sense that your worst day was day 10.

So, Bubs, I think you made the right decision not to take the naltrexone. It would just rip what tiny bit is left off your receptors, and probably make you feel like crap, and you are so close anyway, it wouldn't be worth it. Hang in there, I know how you feel.


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 14, 2011 11:52 am 
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Hey Lilly,

That makes sense, I think the strips were testing at a level of 20 nanograms/mL, so once I crossed that threshold, the test showed negative, but I still had 19 ng/mL in my body and had to work down to zero. This is going to make me sound pretty silly, but that has always confused me as to why I could pee clean by day 3 or 4, but still felt like twice baked dog crap until day 10.

Thanks Lilly.

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 16, 2011 8:30 am 
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I think you jumped a bit high. I mean you're taking xanax, klonopin, weed and some OTC stuff and still suffering like hat at night? THat's why I want to jump at well under 1 mg. I'm at 1-1.5 but under 1 the piece is so small it just dissapears. I have to snort it. ( I only have 8's)


This drug has really ruined my life and I want off but I don't have another hard detox in me, I want to get to as low a level as possible and then do some every other day dosing before my final jump. If xanax, risperdal, trazadone and the like wont put me to sleep I'll keep going down until they do.


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 Post subject: day 217
PostPosted: Fri Mar 02, 2012 2:05 pm 
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Well, since that last post there was one slip with opiates. 55 days after coming off suboxone a "social" function had me anxious and I found some sub, and took 2mg. Didn't do much of anything as far as a high was concerned. But did make me feel crumby for the next week (didn't sleep well at all!). Weird how we can re-instantiate withdrawals so quickly like that.

Since that slip, it has been 5,201 hours (217 days) without any opiates. It's sometimes hard to realize how long it's been. School has been extremely stressful. Working two jobs has kept me busy. It's very seldom, but from time to time I do think about opiates. I'll get a "flash craving" if you will. The strong and sudden impluse to use. Luckily they don't last long. They normally subside in 1-2 min.

I have been smoking marijuana, and having the occasional glass of wine. The alcohol isn't a concern for me, as I really don't enjoy the feeling alcohol gives. And that in turn keeps me from drinking too much. I do love the taste of wine (and beer/cocktails/etc) though. The marijuana I need to cut back on, I got in the habit of having a nightly smoke before bed time. For the past few months this became all too routine and habitual. So I've recently been making a conscious effort to limit my smoking.

Something made me come to this site today and read through the old threads. It seems like so long ago, but it's good to read those posts and keep fresh how miserable the whole addiction cycle can be.

Thanks again to everyone who lent an ear (eye) and gave advice or support. It helped greatly. Hope all is well.

-Bubs

PS I relapsed at the 55 day mark, which was almost exactly the time that I began to feel physically/mentally recovered from the withdrawals. If anyone is coming off long term use of sub, by 2 months you should feel like yourself again (most everything is mental after the first 2 weeks).

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PostPosted: Fri Mar 02, 2012 9:53 pm 
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Dude, I was just thinking about you the other day. A new member had the same avatar as you, I thought it was you, until I looked at the screen name.

Anyway, so good to hear from you again!! Congratulations on 5201 hours off of Suboxone!!

So, you got to feeling pretty normal at the 55 day mark and slipped.....I did the same thing. Mine wasn't at 55 days, but that's beside the point. Right when we get to feeling normal again is a dangerous period for us, I'm glad you brought that up so others can hopefully learn from it.

Yeah, it's strange how one little slip can push us so far backwards, isn't it? I had a slip that was only 2 days long and I could feel the nasty after-effects for several days, all the more reason to stay clean, man.

Stay strong Bub's.

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 Post subject: Day 405
PostPosted: Fri Sep 07, 2012 11:53 am 
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It's been a while. 9735 hours since my last dose of suboxone. Been thinking about suboxone (and opiates) quite a bit lately. Can't believe it's been as long as it has. Hope all is well here. Getting off suboxone is possible, its staying off that proves to be the real challenge.

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 07, 2012 8:20 pm 
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Awesome news bub. How u feeling?

I'm glad ur posting this. Many people seems to think once u stop sub addiction is over.

Also ur another great success of the forum. Over 1 year off sub, woohoo!

Thanks,
-glen b


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PostPosted: Fri Sep 07, 2012 11:24 pm 
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Wow! It seems like we've had so many people coming back to update us on their progress lately, it's great. It's really nice to see people who've sucessfully tapered and are still doing well.

Here's your cake:

Image

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