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PostPosted: Mon Jan 12, 2015 10:08 pm 
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alwaysthesame wrote:
Visa , wtf are u serious with that advice?? He should just go back to abusing drugs ?? In my opinion and I'm damn sure many others here you should keep comments like that to yourself genius ..Honestly if I didn't care if I got kicked off here I would really tell u what I think bro .Im glad you weren't the first one here to give me advice


The guys are right Visablack. I'm not sure whether or not you were trying to lay down some "tough love" or what, but you didn't help this situation. You've given your opinion and now you should probably move on to a different thread.

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 13, 2015 9:23 am 
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I don't mind the tough love because sometimes it's exactly what a person needs. Long as it's done with real love and respect it could make the difference. But when it crosses the line is when the problem begins. I felt Visa crossed that line.

I NEARLY took the advice of Visa yesterday and purchased some "blues". Thankfully I was strong enough to realize that's NOT what I need at this time....or EVER! Despite many more phone calls no sub doctor was found that's accepting new patients. I'm getting more and more frustrated everyday. I hate that 100-count cap on patients. How many others are being turned away daily that REALLY need the help of bupe???

I took today off work and plan on going in person to a few doctors offices/clinics in hopes after introducing myself and explaining things they may have an opening after all. Might not make a bit of difference, but it will make me think I'm doing everything possible to get in somewhere. I'm not holding my breath though.

I'm calling the same doctors over and over also. Same old thing every time....no new patients at this time. Sorry. I'm sorry too!

I even spent a few hours late last night trying to find some in the usual places. Drove around for several hours real LATE. No luck there either.

Razor....you said you felt you didn't have anymore to say. Does that mean you'll no longer post here? If that's the case I wanted to thank you for your advice and support. It was definitely appreciated. Maybe I misunderstood and hope you continue posting here if you do have anything to add.

All for now and I'll update later. Wish me luck please!

Sub Addict - stumped


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 13, 2015 10:21 am 
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Good God No SubAddict.
Im sorry you read it that way. My heart gos way out to you man. If you knew me i am as frustrated with this system that is in place that lets addicts suffer and wait. Wait? Wait for fn what till there dead! 2014 was a bad one here. I lost 8 people , 3 waiting!!Yes yes, its our choise to use, it is. But any opiate addict will tell you wd is the fear, it was and is with me.
SubAddict , you are doing the best you can man. I think bangin on doors is good idea, puting a face with the request may help you. Keep a good thought, im still prayn for you, really...
I ll be here Sub...


Razor


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PostPosted: Tue Jan 13, 2015 12:46 pm 
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I think going face to face to these places is a great idea sub. It definitely couldn't hurt. Maybe someone will see how determined and in need u are and will at least give u a quick apt or know somewhere to direct u to. I think if u keep on being persistent, good luck will surly find u. I can only imagine how scared and frustrated u are. When u first posted here asking for advice, I bet u didn't know how strong u could actually be. U can do this!! Good luck today!!!

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PostPosted: Tue Jan 13, 2015 1:07 pm 
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Hi SA,

I have been reading along with your progress here, and I have to say I am at a complete loss for words. I'm so upset at what has happened with you, and it really bothers me that someone who is trying as hard as you are to stay sober can't catch a break. I think your decision to go see some docs in person is an excellent idea...I really hope someone can see how hard you are trying and do SOMETHING for you.

The fact is, you are an inspiration. I know it's hard to see it through your eyes, but the fact that you haven't bought anything else is proof of how badly you want to do this right. Your doctor should be ashamed of himself for not seeing that in you.

Keep trying sub, I have to have faith that you will find someone or something to help you out.

Sorry I haven't posted before now, I've been a bit busy and you had already gotten a lot of great advice. I really didn't have anything else to add except my support.

Good luck, dude. Keep us posted.

Q

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PostPosted: Wed Jan 14, 2015 7:03 am 
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Hey brother I am totally at a loss for words..Me ?? Nah never lol..I am really pulling for you though..I am totally stoked that you didn't cave and turned those evil blue little shits away man GOOD JOB .. There has got to be a way around this man I wish I knew what it was ..I assume you are at the very least on a few waiting lists and hopefully you will get that call ..Just don't give up brother it will happen think and talk positive like you have been ..As the others have said just know you at the very least are a huge inspiration to us and for sure to me ...Keep your head up and get to office knocking..good Luck


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 14, 2015 8:13 am 
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I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. You're so strong for being so honest and continuing to try to do what's right. I thought an ER visit might help as that was what I was advised to do after flooding here and the roads didn't exist in places to get to my doctor. Was told go to the ER if I start going into withdrawals. Dammit they turn people away there too? What for people to go do heroin and die? Great solution to that problem. I wonder how many people they turn away that then end up coming in overdosing or dead from an overdose. Probably some scary high number. The ER is usually the last resort for people, especially people in similar situations. None of us probably willingly want to show our faces in ERs with our past experiences. I only had to go once since being on Sub and waited days before going because the last time I was in an ER for myself was when I was overdosing. Just going there gave me a panic attack (and it had nothing to do with Sub or being in withdrawal).

I just feel for you so much. Keep pushing and keep praying and yes, maybe banging on some doctors doors will help. This whole scenario you are in pisses me off as someone who legitimately wants help. I'm saying prayers for you buddy. Hang in there.

We're thinking of you. Keep us posted.

Sage
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 14, 2015 5:20 pm 
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You guys are amazing! You sure know to make a guy feel better when he's feeling so rotten. Thank you so much Razor, Jennjenn, Qhorsegal2, Alwaysthesame, and Sage for all the support. You are all without a doubt all that's keeping me going forward and not caving right now. I would have given up and in long before now had it not been for all of you, and all the rest that's been here for me when I REALLY needed you. From the bottom of my heart I thank you ALL!!!

This is day 3 with no subs, taking all I had left last Sunday. I know the long half life should have me feeling "ok", but for whatever reason today has been a brutal one. I'm shaking, hot/cold, headache, gooseflesh, etc, etc, etc. I'm hurting all over. Part of the reason is no sub doctor has been found that's taking new patients. And it's not for lack of trying either. I've called over and over, personally visited many doctors offices and clinics. I'm on 22 different "lists" of those waiting. None will see me on an "emergency" basis as they're all emergencies I've been told. And that's true.

I know the withdrawals are only going to get worse. I also know I can't hold out forever, or even much longer. Problem is I know a pill will make it all go away. But I also know that 1 is too many and a thousand is never enough!!! I can't take another day 1 again. I sound like a pity party huh? Poor me right?

I hate this. Why didn't I SAVE a hundred subs up instead of taking as many mgs as i have? I want to punch my own lights out right now!!!!!

I'm NOT giving up until either. I'm calling another sub doctor now.
Thanks again EVERYONE.

Sub Addict - spinning around in circles.


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 16, 2015 1:14 am 
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Keep going! You've got to catch a break soon!! If the doctors are all really over their 100 patient limit I can understand why they haven't called you. But if I worked in one of these doctor's offices I would make sure that you were bumped up to the head of the line because of your determination and your desperate situation. I know these withdrawal symptoms are awful, but you CAN get through them!!! Everyone here sees the value in the choice you are making to stand tough! Keep up the good work!!

Amy

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PostPosted: Fri Jan 16, 2015 11:04 am 
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Thanks Amy! I appreciate the support. Turns out I have the BEST possible news!!!

I FOUND A NEW SUB DOCTOR!!!!! YAY!!!! EURIKA!!! I'M COMPLETELY THRILLED!!!

I received a call yesterday at work from one of the doctor's I had personally visited. You were absolutely right Amy, it was because of my personal visit and the fact I had my medical records with me at the time. The nurse made a note of that for the doctor and guess he was impressed I was THAT serious. He informed the nurse to move my name to the head of the list!! How about that!!! They had a quick opening and called me right away!!! Talk about LUCK!!!! I was nearly crying I was so happy!!!

It's a looong distance from my home and office, but who cares. It's nearly a 2-hour drive one way. I explained that to the doctor when I went in yesterday to meet him and sign the usual paperwork, and be reinducted. He said we could work something out because I seemed to be a genuine addict in recovery! He told me that if I displayed the ability to follow the rules, no dirty urine tests, no early refills, etc, etc, etc, that he would give me refills to save me some trips to his office. I gave him my word and signed on the dotted line as fast as I possibly could! Lol.

The GREAT NEWS is I was in SEVERE withdrawals (huh, withdrawals being great? Lol) and it took very little sub to get me stable. I've never felt so good when I had some sub in me!!! He was again impressed I hadn't relapsed. Told him I was so close it was scary. I let him know how many doctors I had called and visited and was on many lists to get in. He actually said he was lucky to get ME!! I couldn't believe he said that!! No way will I EVER let this guy down. He's young too, 37 years old and knows sub/bupe as well as anyone I have ever met except maybe Dr. Junig. (plug for our wonderful doc here Lol). He's a believer in long-term treatment.

He used the Cows score and I was at a 28!!! He began by giving me 2mg doses and had me wait an hour. It only took 2 doses to get me completely stable and feeling wonderful!! Total of 4mg did the trick. He said that may not be quite enough and SUGGESTED I may need another 2-4mgs later that evening (Last night-Thursday) to be feeling my best. He normally only gives out a weeks worth to new patients, and has them come back. Because of my sinceretly, and the long drive to see him he provided me with 30 days WORTH and said, see you next month!!!! YIPPPP-EEEEEE!!!!! Lol. I couldn't believe that either!!! JACKPOT!!!

I got finally got home and RELAXED. I took no more sub!!! Only 4mgs total yesterday so I already have some extra sub. I'm ahead of the game now for once. No more abusing sub. EVER!!!

I WILL NEVER AGAIN TAKE MORE THAN NEEDED!!! I'm going to do my very best to remain at 4 mg per day! Someone, I think it was either Sage or Jennjenn that said this may all turn out for the best and it DID! I did have to pay $400 at the visit because he doesn't accept insurance. And $100 the next visits. I would have paid a $1000 if I had too!!! My insurance still paid for the script. I'm so lucky and know it.

THANKS to EVERYONE here for the understanding and especially the SUPPORT. I never would have lasted as long as I did withouit ALL of your posts! That's a fact! I'm doing GREAT today too. I'm taking 2mgs in the am and another 2mgs in the pm when I get home from work. I've decided to hold the sub myself. I believe I'm really strong enough guys. I proved it to myself by not relapsing when I easily could have several times the past few days.

Have to get back to work, but wanted to tell everyone the GREAT news!!!!
Thanks once again. I'll continue updating and I really would like to post on other threads. I really believe I could help in many ways. We'll see depending on my time.

Sub Addict - ONE HAPPY CAMPER!!!


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 16, 2015 12:39 pm 
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GREAT NEWS TO HEAR SUB ADDICT!!!!!!
WAY TO GO!!!!!

im at work and gota run..but CONGRATS..




Razor


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 16, 2015 1:09 pm 
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Omg!!!!! Yay :)

Awesome news. U know what, I was having a crappy day and when I read this it has made me feel better. I was even sending a hateful txt to my boyfriend and decided to reword it lol so I'm sure he'd thank u for that.

Honestly I am a huge believer in prayer and I think a lot of things happen for a reason. Maybe u were unable to change taking the extra subs urself and had to be showed just how strong u are. U were showed that u do have the will to do this on ur own. And personally getting away from this old Dr of urs is a great thing too. Now u can start fresh and new, with being proud of urself also. It really takes u great places being proud of urself.

Good job sub!! So glad to hear this. Keep up the awesome work :)

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PostPosted: Fri Jan 16, 2015 2:01 pm 
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OMG SA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so proud of you!!!!

I was sitting on the couch reading posts and when I opened yours I said "yay!" out loud and my kiddos looked at me like I was an idiot. :D I couldn't help it, I'm just so darned happy for you.

I knew something would come through for you. But it wouldn't have if you hadn't tried so hard. You deserve this fresh start dude. You have really earned it!

Q

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PostPosted: Fri Jan 16, 2015 2:54 pm 
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Quit it!!! (This is what I say when I am brought to tears and I'm embarrassed about it. Usually it also involves me whacking my husband sitting next to me because we are watching some show on TV.) So I'm all emotional now!!!

I'm so happy for you!!! Most people won't put that amount of effort into finding a sub doc and fighting for their recovery. I KNEW you must have impressed someone with your dedication!!!

And it's not luck! You are benefiting from your own perseverance!

That doctor IS lucky to have you as a patient. I'm sure you absolutely made his day by showing your gratitude and knowing of your dedication.

I have to go grab a kleenex now!

Amy

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PostPosted: Fri Jan 16, 2015 7:43 pm 
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You ladies and gents are PHENOMENAL!! I mean it. I've never seen a more caring group of people!!! Makes a guy proud to be an addict!! Lol. A very special bunch here that's for sure!

I've found that we're much stronger than we think we are. I discovered more strength than I ever thought possible. We can push ourselves beyond any limits holding us back at any time. We can do much more than we ever thought possible when we set our minds to it.

I put just as much time and energy into finding a new sub doctor as I did chasing those darn pills. I would have done ANYTHING to get what I wanted most of the time so why not do the same searching for a doctor. I once drove from Michigan to Florida to buy a bunch of pills (250 blues) from a guy I knew had them. He was afraid to put them in the mail and I really wanted them bad enough like the good addict I am. Nuts huh driving that far.

Jennjenn....I want to read the FIRST text you were going to send your BF without the editing!!!! HA! Bet is would have raised my eyebrows!!! Lol. Tell him he owes me big time now! Kidding of course. Glad I could brighten YOUR day seeing as you have brightened mine several times already! You're awesome Jenn!!!

Razor...nice to hear from you as always. You were instrumental in helping me continue going forward when I wanted to bag it all and swallow some pills. You made a big difference.

Qhorsegal....I got a big laugh out of your kiddies wondering if you had lost it!!! Lol. Thank you for all the support. You have also made a huge difference.

Amy....Sorry to make you hunt down that kleenex! At least you didn't need to whack your hubby this time in the process!!! Lol. We haven't chatted much, but I've read LOTS of your posts to the others here. You're extremely intelligent (as is everyone here) and provide great insight. Thank you for being in my corner.

Everyone that's responded....THANK YOU! You collectively held me accountable here and THAT made the difference. Theres ZERO doubt in my mind that had I not joined this forum I would be spinning in circles with a big fat relapse to look forward to. You guys ROCK!!!!

Sub Addict - on cloud 9


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 16, 2015 9:58 pm 
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They say in recovery to look for the positive even when things look there darkest.
You did just that SubAddict. Your a great example of how Not to give up ! Plus the new found strength too.
What a gift you have received too. Most do not get a second chance to do it right. Some do. Glad you did.


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 18, 2015 5:49 am 
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Hey brother THAT IS HELLA GOOD NEWS MAN...I was really hoping and praying for you and that's the best news ever ...Im really happy for you ..sorry just now saw your post I have been having a couple bad days and haven't really felt like doing anything on the computer bit anyways that's great stay strong bro


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 18, 2015 12:30 pm 
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alwaysthesame wrote:
Hey brother THAT IS HELLA GOOD NEWS MAN...I was really hoping and praying for you and that's the best news ever ...Im really happy for you ..sorry just now saw your post I have been having a couple bad days and haven't really felt like doing anything on the computer bit anyways that's great stay strong bro


Thanks very much! I'm doing excellent this time around. I've only taking 4mgs per day and not a single bit more. I've definitely learned my lesson well. I'm having no symptoms, no cravings, and sleeping great. Couldn't be much better than it is!

Sorry to hear you're having some problems. How can I help YOU. You've been here for me so it's only fair I help in any way I'm able. I'll look for a thread if you have one. If not post here and let me know how I may be able to offer any help.

Thanks again, and thank you too Razor! Definitely the very best forum!

Sub Addict - smooth sailing!


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 18, 2015 6:54 pm 
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That's great brother 4mg is awesome...I am gonna make a new thread later today under misc issues because I just really having a hard time trying to figure out how to explain what's going on with me but I dam sure ain't doin good and its just really hard to figure out but thanks for the care


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 30, 2015 3:35 pm 
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Wonderful! Wonderful! Wonderful!!! YES!! I am so so happy for you!! This news brought tears to my eyes too!! I'm so happy for you!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D (and 5000 more smiley faces)

Now that you've gone through this this whole experience (beginning with being honest on here and with your doctor and everything that happened thereafter), maybe this was what you needed to never take more than prescribed, yeah, an extremely hard way to get to this point, but I believe everything happens for a reason. You shined the light on this issue and brought it to the surface. Now maybe this is a major major turning point in your life and because of this, your quality of life will be even greater than before. What comes up first when we plant a seed? Not the sprout, the dirt comes up first. You planted the seed by getting honest, all the dirt came up in what you went through and now you can reap the rewards of further growth, maybe beyond what you thought possible before. (I hope the way I wrote this makes sense, or you at least catch my drift anyway.)

I'm so so so happy for you!! Rock on!!

Sage
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(sorry for the delay in responding, I've been on vacation)


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